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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 3, 2016 2:27:17 GMT -5
"I'm fine," she told herself repeatedly as she stumbled toward Samantha's vanity. She pushed things around looking for something sharp to heal her, knocking to the floor the box of pastries that she had brought back when she had been happy about Julian. She hardly noticed the upturned cookies as she found a nail file. She held it up, wiping away the still falling tears as she tried to look at it, the tip just pointed enough to get the job done if she really tried.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 3, 2016 2:31:31 GMT -5
Lyra had spiraled so quickly Nik didn't understand what was happening even after she picked up the file. He watched her curiously until she tested the sharpness of the file and his eyes widened picking up her intentions.
"Lyra..." he said with warning.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 3, 2016 2:37:50 GMT -5
"Leave me alone, Nicolas," she said, turning to face him. Her face was red and wet, twisted in pain. Her episodes came suddenly but she could usually stop them quick enough. He was interfering, making things more difficult. He was good at interfering.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 3, 2016 2:40:07 GMT -5
"Put down the file." he ordered her. For the moment he stayed put, but he was poised like a snake ready to strike if need be. Lyra needed help, that much was obvious, Nik wasn't the right person to give it to her.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 3, 2016 2:48:21 GMT -5
His warning tone and strong demands fell on deaf ears. She knew what he was saying but she didn't really hear him. Everything was hurting and blocked out nearly everything else.
She said nothing as she brushed past him with the nail file in hand, her breath still shallow and ragged as she headed for the bathroom.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 3, 2016 2:55:08 GMT -5
He wasn't letting her out of his sight, but at the same time he didn't want to crowd her. She was rather unpredictable at the moment and he didn't fancy getting himself stabbed to save her.
Instead he used his wand to shut Sam's bathroom door and lock it, he repeated the action with the closet and the exit to the rest of the castle.
"Stop Lyra. Think about this. You just told me you were fine, but now you're wanting to hurt yourself. You need help."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 3, 2016 3:11:58 GMT -5
She whirled around as he blocked her exits. The look she gave him was not of anger or hatred. She was in pain. Her eyes pleaded with him to let her go. "It hurts," she cried. "It hurts and it doesn't stop. I have to make it stop."
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 3, 2016 3:17:52 GMT -5
"It won't make the pain stop, it will only delay it for a little while until the pain comes back. You need to deal with this. You have to acknowledge the pain, the fear, whatever else is driving you to this point. It's real, and there's a cause for it. You have to accept that you're going through something and that you need help. Real help. There's no shame in that."
He didn't know the right thing to say, he just wanted her to regain her senses and put the file down.
"Please put the file down Lyra."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 3, 2016 3:56:31 GMT -5
But there was shame in asking for help. Newburys didn't ask for help; if you needed help it meant you were weak. Lyra couldn't ask for help with Rystain, Sam forced it on her. She didn't seek support when she had lost her money, Julian saved her. And she couldn't ask for help with the darkness that was eating at her now. She would first have to admit that there was anything wrong in the first place and as she continued to mutter to herself, she was fine.
She looked at the file again as Nik asked her to put it down. She could do it right here, she didn't need a bathroom to get the pain out. He flesh would tear just as easily here on the plush carpet as it would on the cool tile of the bathroom. She looked back to Nicolas. It hurt more than he could understand, that fact evident by the look on his face. He wasn't equipped to deal with Lyra. She needed someone who actually cared for her.
Reasoning with Lyra hadn't worked when she had her full mental faculties, but in the middle of an anxiety attack logic and reason played no role whatsoever. She cried harder as her knees began to buckle. She gasped, sucking in as much air as possible though it wasn't enough. She was drowning.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 3, 2016 18:28:09 GMT -5
He did care. While it was primarily for Sam's benefit that he looked out for Lyra, he had grown to care about her on her own. She got dealt a bad hand and was dealing with it as best she could. She was also funny and he enjoyed the occasional battle of wits.
He moved toward her, still cautious, but reached for her as she began to fall.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 3, 2016 19:01:28 GMT -5
If this was Lyra dealing as best she could, she would stand no chance in life. Lyra had only the best intentions for herself and her friends but she had very little ability, if any, to handle a situation when it didn't go how she had expected. She made horrible decisions for herself and even when she thought before she acted, which wasn't too often, she still ended up mucking things up worse than anyone could imagine. Although she was 18 and a legal adult, Lyra was very much a child still and needed the direction of someone who knew better. Her willful spirit, however, wouldn't make it easy.
It felt as though she was moving in slow motion as her legs lost the ability to hold her and she sunk toward the floor. Nicolas and the rest of the room grew dark, everything was covered in a thick shadow. She could hear her heart beating rapidly in her chest, it was the only sign that she wasn't dying, though she felt as though her moment had come.
She dropped the nail file and clung to Nicolas as he reached for her. Later she would hate that she had twice now fallen apart in front of him but her anxiety knew nothing of decorum or timing.
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Samantha Montgomery
 
Sixth Year[M:10]
We do not choose love. It claims each man as it will.
Posts: 1,542
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Post by Samantha Montgomery on Dec 4, 2016 3:54:52 GMT -5
Nik didn't fancy it either. Why was he the one she broke down in front of all the time? Perhaps because he was the only one who pushed her and made her deal with the ugliness of her situation rather than coddled her or protected her like Sam or Julian, or even Mason.
Everyone else treated Lyra as though she needed protection or help, but Nik challenged her. Sometimes he challenged her too much. But to be fair he was there for her as she fell apart as well. He held her tightly giving her the security she needed, but he would loosen his grip if she fought him at all. He didn't want to crowd her. It was a tough balance.
There huddled in the middle of the room tightly wrapped around one another is how Sam found them.
"W-what's going on?"
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 4, 2016 12:59:32 GMT -5
Lyra was too weak to fight him and though she would never admit this to Nicolas, she needed him to hold her. They stayed there for what felt to Lyra like hours, though in reality it was only minutes. Lyra's hands tightly grasping the back of Nik's shirt as she was unable to release him, she had no control over her body.The pressure of his arms surrounding her helped her to focus on her breathing. Being so near to Nik's heartbeat seemed to slow hers to match his rhythm. Slowly the dark shadow lifted and Lyra felt the torment inside her body dissipate.
It wasn't the strong, almost immediate flood of comfort and euphoria she had grown accustomed to feeling at the end of an episode. Instead of a sense of happiness, she felt cold and tired. Her grip loosened on Nik's shirt. The tears continued to flow. This feeling was better than the anguish she had felt only moments ago but it was nothing to the sensation that would have followed scaring herself. She needed help.
As she heard Samantha's voice Lyra cried further. The depths of her embarrassment knew no end. Without the agony of her mind interfering, Lyra was well aware of the spectacle she had made of herself. She didn't know how to answer Sam's question so she averted her eyes and let the tears fall.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 4, 2016 19:31:44 GMT -5
Nik was only slightly startled by Sam's appearance, but he didn't let it affect the hold he had on the broken girl in his arms. If anything, when she started to cry harder, he merely held her tighter.
"I was a cad as usual." he offered as a lame explanation. Still he gave Sam a look to keep her from pushing.
"Lyra..."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 4, 2016 19:39:35 GMT -5
Lyra let out a strangled laugh amidst her sobs. She quite often felt as though Nicolas was a cad, at least toward her, but today she had been the inappropriate one. She was beyond ashamed of her behavior and wanted to leave immediately so that Sam would stop looking at her in all her glorious shame, but her legs wouldn't quite move her yet.
She forcefully wiped away her tears but they continued to fall as she tried desperately to control herself. "I'm sorry," she said softly to Nicolas, her voice cracking.
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Samantha Montgomery
Sixth Year[M:10]
We do not choose love. It claims each man as it will.
Posts: 1,542
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Post by Samantha Montgomery on Dec 5, 2016 0:16:58 GMT -5
Sam felt a twinge of inappropriate jealousy flow through her. She had always taken Nik's loyalty and protection for granted, but it was hers. He had been there for her since she was a little girl helpless at the hands of a monster. He dried her tears, and held her the way he now held Lyra. She didn't know if she loved him or could marry him, but she knew that he made her feel safe.
Then she felt bad for begrudging her friend the same kind of security. She didn't know what to say.
"Nothing to be sorry over I'm sure."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 5, 2016 0:26:03 GMT -5
Lyra too had no idea what to say to either of them, but especially to Sam. Samantha was more than well aware that they were going to bicker when she left the room, Lyra half thought it may be the reason she left in the first place. Nicolas would say the things Samantha wanted to say but couldn't because she wanted to be a good friend. Nicolas wasn't burdened with such feelings for Lyra, or at least he viewed being a good friend in a different light. Despite knowing she was leaving a simmering pot on the fire when she left Lyra and Nik alone, there could have been no way that Samantha would have expected to come back to this scene.
"I should go." Lyra wiped at her tears again, making no headway in drying her face. She couldn't seem to stop crying but at least she could breath.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 5, 2016 0:42:28 GMT -5
"You stay put." Nik barked, "Sam-" he looked up at the woman he loved and her face made his voice soften considerably.
"I'll arrange for tea." she said with a nod and moved toward the door. She would allow Lyra to compose herself. Though she felt somewhat odd being the odd man out. While she did expect them to bicker, she hadn't expected this result.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 5, 2016 1:12:43 GMT -5
She wanted to argue but thought better of it. She'd done enough arguing today. And besides, she was exhausted. She had no more energy to spend fighting Nik.
Lyra continued to brush away her tears as she pulled back from Nicolas' grasp and rested against the leg of Sam's vanity. Her face was red and tear stained. She tucked her hair behind her ears then placed her hands in her lap.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 5, 2016 1:15:32 GMT -5
Nik gave her a reassuring smile. She wasn't doing as poorly as she thought, she didn't have any charms in place. For a long while Samantha never went anywhere without a charm. If Marrion hadn't died when she did Sam might have continued to wear them forever, although by the time Marrion did die Sam didn't need a charm to appear stoic or in control.
"Here love." he said handing her his handkerchief.
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