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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 1, 2016 18:47:58 GMT -5
At first Lyra thought his question was insinuating that she didn't really love Julian, that she could easily move on if something happened to him. Merlin forbid! She felt her heart sinking at the mere thought of any harm coming to him or of Julian being gone from her life, from the world. Angrily she threw her half eaten macaroon at him. "I would never get over it! Don't even say that!"
But the second the cookie left her fingers she realized what Nicolas was actually trying to say. She felt her chest constrict. Julian would never get over Belle. Lyra would always share his heart with a ghost. But so what? She had long ago resigned herself to that fate. She loved him enough to share him, if that was what he needed. It was Julian that didn't want Lyra to have to share his love. Lyra had more than accepted it.
So why was she finding it hard to breath? She couldn't tell Nicolas that he was wrong, as the darkness was closing in one her at that very moment. She needed to escape.
"Leave me alone," she shouted as she attempted to push him away and clamber off the bed. Damn Samantha for always being so busy, she never should have left them alone together.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 2, 2016 0:43:24 GMT -5
He moved easily. He wouldn't corner her, and he wasn't being malicious. But Lyra had a hard time if not impossible time accepting the truth. She wanted to paint the world in rose colored glasses and ignore the hardships to come.
Turning to face her but keeping his distance he asked, "Does he know you cut yourself?"
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 2, 2016 0:56:35 GMT -5
His words made her stop in her tracks, just before she reached the door to leave. "Don't," she said angrily, then turned slowly to face him. "Don't you dare tell him, Nicolas! If you so much as hint at it, so help me Godric I will hex you into next month!" Her tiny body had moved closer to him as she made threats she fully intended to keep.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 2, 2016 1:19:48 GMT -5
He gave her a dead panned look, one that said her threats were about as intimidating as a fly to a spider.
"I won't interfere with your 'relationship'" he said making his words dripping sarcastic disdain, "I won't have to. It'll fall apart all on it's own, because you won't face your issues and you can't accept his."
He sat on the bed and leaned against the wall crossing his arms over his chest - a deceptively calm position.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 2, 2016 1:35:40 GMT -5
"Would you rather he be shut up in his studio again? That is the alternative, is it not? At least with me he can be happy. He can love the amazingly perfect Belle," her voice turned bitter as she spoke of Julian's ex, "but he also loves me! I can give him what he needs. A dead woman cannot!" She didn't care that Belle had been Nik's friend or that she was speaking of Belle in such a careless manner. The girl was gone, what would it matter so long as she was respectful when Julian was around.
"And as for my issues, my biggest problem is having you think you know anything about me!"
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 2, 2016 2:04:16 GMT -5
"Are you that delusional Lyra?" he asked suddenly surprised by the depth of her willful ignorance.
"Belle was far from perfect, but at least she put Julian first. She gave him what he needed, and you don't even know what that is."
He rolled his eyes at her, " Clearly your biggest issue is that you deal with your pain, insecurities, anxiety, loneliness, and fears by cutting into your thigh and then pretending that everything in life is perfect no matter the million signs showing you otherwise. The fact that I refuse to buy into your little illusion is also a problem for you because you can't handle the truth. But whether or not you think I know anything about you, you can't say the same about Julian. And you're terrified that I'm right about him and your relationship so you make silly threats and disdain a dead woman who had more class than you would even be able to recognize."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 2, 2016 2:29:14 GMT -5
She grew angrier as he lectured her. She was angry for his assumptions into her coping mechanism and the reason why she needed to disfigure herself in the first place. Even she didn't understand it, so how could he possibly presume know. But Lyra was also angry because he might have been right about Lyra not understanding what Julian needed. Her cutting hadn't stopped since their perfect date, so it stood to reason that there was a chance his anxieties over their relationship hadn't disappeared either. But hell if she was going to admit that to Nicolas!
"And I suppose you know what Julian needs now? Well go on then, enlighten me, oh wise one." Her words were laced with sarcasm but secretly hoped for something that could give them both peace.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 2, 2016 2:49:15 GMT -5
His answer was a surprising one.
"Other than a mountain load of therapy, he needs you." Nik said honestly getting to his feet.
"Lyra, you are passionate, beautiful, loyal, honest, and kind..." he gave her a look, "to people who aren't me." he clarified.
"You love strongly and fiercely, and Julian needs all those things."
He was now standing in front of her, still keeping a small distance between them, "He needs you, and he would be lucky to have you. But not like this. Not while you're both hanging on to such heavy baggage and pain. Right now you're no good to him and he's no good to you. And the more you push without fixing whatever it is that cause you to cope by harming yourself, the further away you are from the relationship you want. He's broken Lyra, he has to want to fix himself and do it before he's any good to you, and you can help him heal, but not while you're so broken yourself. Not unless you're honest with each other and with yourselves."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 2, 2016 3:22:31 GMT -5
Her arms were folded across her chest almost immediately. It was just like Nicolas to tell her off for being with Julian only to turn around and tell her Julian needed her. He was insufferable.
"No sh*t," she muttered to herself, rolling her eyes as he complimented her and placed the final caveat that none of those things pertained to Nicolas's interpretation of her.
"How am I supposed to fix it, then Nicolas?!" Her tone was still snotty, she would seek no advice from him sincerely. "Having Julian was supposed to fix it but I haven't stopped. I only started after he..." Lyra risked further losing her foothold in this argument by taking a much needed moment of consideration. Lyra had thought the overwhelming feelings that led to her cutting her otherwise perfect skin had been a result of Julian's refusal to be with her. But that wasn't the case. Now that she actually thought about it, it had started after her run-in with the serial killer who had mistaken her for Samantha. The situation with Julian seemed more important to her so she had pushed down any thoughts of the first time Nicolas had saved her life, but that had been the turning point in her depression. It wasn't Julian.
Stubbornness won out, however, as she refused to tell Nicolas of her silent revelation. Instead, she resorted to an old favorite. Insulting him. "You want me to be honest, Nik? Fine, I'll start being honest. You are a pompous ass who thinks a few years in age has granted you some sort of wisdom the rest of us are too daft to pick up. You get off on telling people what to do and it irks you that I don't do as you say."
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 2, 2016 3:35:01 GMT -5
He got to her, he could see it in her eyes, but as she back pedaled he cursed himself for even trying.
"Hopeless. Utterly hopeless." he sighed, "Will you stop deflecting already? I don't give a bloody damn whether you do as I say or not. You place too much importance on your own inflated self-worth where I'm concerned, and not enough about how you affect Julian or Sam."
It wasn't entirely true. He had come to care for Lyra slightly. It was hard when the girl was such a disaster. But as much as he worried about her hurting herself, he also knew he had no control over her. She had to want help and then he could help her or find her help. He truly worried about Julian, who would sacrifice any chance of fixing his own broken heart in favor of keeping Lyra happy.
"And not everyone is too daft to understand my 'wisdom' or common sense, I believe that honor is strictly yours."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 2, 2016 3:48:45 GMT -5
There would be no reasoning with her now. No civil conversations. The chances had been slim before, but Lyra was digging her heels in now and she would not admit to any faults of hers today.
"Was it wisdom that led you to think an 18 year old girl was a master manipulator hellbent on climbing the social ladder by seducing all of the wealthy bachelors and befriending the wealthy heiresses? Even an idiot like you can see that I'm a complete mess and yet when you put two and two together you still managed to come up with seven."
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 2, 2016 4:22:08 GMT -5
"Have you met Samantha?" he asked in response to her disbelief that an 18 year old girl was a master manipulator. Samantha had been a master manipulator by the time she was seven. She had been seducing wealthy bachelors from the time she was fourteen, and befriending wealthy connections since birth basically. And Samantha was not the only socialite within his wide scope to have similar talents.
"I know you were acquainted with Charlotte Monroe."
It was just little over a year ago that the girl had committed diabolical acts in an attempt to ruin Samantha over her jealousy.
"You've proved my point entirely. You don't see the whole picture. You're mind-numbingly naive. And I don't know how you made it out of Hogwarts without learning that everyone is a mess. Most people in the upper echelon of that social ladder are completely f*cked up. And there are precious few who haven't moved up that ladder by lying, scheming, manipulating, f*cking, up to and including murdering someone, just to get there. Depravity and insanity was incentive to the climb, not detriments. You proved to be the exception, and defied the odds not only hitting the jackpot with Samantha, but winning both Julian and Mason. My suspicions were well founded, even though - and I have admitted - they were not substantial."
He leaned back and observed her, "And that's it isn't it?" he said as though figuring something out, "You're hoping that because I was swayed against you initially that everything else I think and say are errors in judgement and therefore you don't care. But the truth is you do care. You know I know Julian better than you do. And as for being wrong about you, I left room for doubt. I was overly cautious, true, but I did not in fact make my mind up about you until later. And some of my disposition toward you was purposeful in an attempt to discover if you were who you said you were. But I don't have reason to do that now. Despite our bickering, which I'm almost positive you enjoy as much as I do, I like you Lyra. I believe you to be genuine. I believe you love Julian. And I believe you will be the one to make him whole again. I am, for all intents and purposes, rooting for that outcome. But, I do not think it is now. I do not think either you or Julian are ready for what you so desperately want. And I will not sugar coat the truth or lie to you about what I know to be the reality of the situation. You indulge in too much fantasy as is."
It was ironic the role he played for Lyra. He was a tether for her. Lyra could make up any reality she liked and Nik would be there to drag her back to earth to keep her from flying away. Meanwhile he was the one who pushed Samantha to fly as she was prone to over analyze and calculate every facet of any emotional feeling and it's influence in her decision making process. Sam was overly cautious, preferring to prepare for the worst.
One girl was damaged by being blind to reality, and the other girl was too damaged by reality to dare close her eyes and dream.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 2, 2016 13:01:09 GMT -5
Lyra rolled her eyes again as Nicolas mentioned Samantha. Yes, Samantha was younger than even Lyra and she was clearly well versed in manipulation and held the social prowess of someone twice her age. But Samantha was an outlier, an anomaly created by a cruel woman who happened to be Sam's mother.
But Nik's examples didn't end with Samantha. He carried on and as he did so Lyra began to realize that Nicolas' earlier assumptions of Lyra's intentions were common place among the near royalty that Lyra franternized with. Sam had warned her of some of the ill-intentioned elite when they had attended the balls, but Lyra somehow pictured the majority of those fiends to be older. Surely the younger socialites weren't so callous and cruel, she had thought.
Lyra's naivety on the matter was evident now as she couldn't fathom anyone wanting to be a part of something all the while knowing it was so treacherous. She really had hit the jackpot with Sam and Julian. And Mason as well. It was a shame they all came with Nicolas in tow, though he was good for a row which Lyra did enjoy from time to time. This turned out to not be one of those times. Their arguing was making Lyra anxious; her throat was closing and her head was spinning. The darkness was closing in on her but the thought of Julian's love seemed to keep the blackness at bay, if only for a little while.
"Of course you know Julian better than I do. I'm not a bloody idiot. You've been friends forever, Nik. But it doesn't make you an expert in all things Julian. You don't know what its like when we're together, you don't see how he looks at me." There was a hint of despair in her voice, though she attempted to cover it up with the anger that she so easily felt when speaking with Nicolas. Most days Julian looked at Lyra like a piece of meat. He came for her when he was hungry or when she dangled herself in front of him. Those were the only times he had come out from under his rock until now. He wouldn't let her close enough to help him before. She had tried. She attempted to talk to him several times and he always shut her down or seduced her into being quiet. It made her sad to think on how broken he was, but she knew that long before Nicolas' well-intentioned, insufferably accurate rant. But Nik didn't seem to realize that Lyra had already been trying to get past Julian's defenses to help him heal. She may have lived in a fantasy land, but there are devils lurking in the shadows of even the most beautiful fairy tales.
"I can help him now, Nik. He wouldn't let me before but things are different. I don't know why, but he doesn't want to hide from me anymore and I'm not going to pass up that opportunity just because you think I have some problems."
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 2, 2016 18:57:01 GMT -5
He sighed. Conversations with Lyra went beyond exasperating. Maybe if he explained things slowly, though he didn't think he could be any clearer.
"Believe me, I am well aware of how Julian feels about you. Which is why I would urge you to use caution in your relationship. You have a power over him that will either help him or ruin him. He lost the first woman he ever loved. They didn't break up. She died. Now in the past few weeks the second woman he has ever loved has been assaulted by several drunk men and nearly kidnapped by a serial killer. He's terrified of losing you and will do anything to keep you safe. Even date you if he thinks it's a mistake. Show him your scars, he'd probably offer to marry you at that point." Nik said the last with just as much heat as she had in her earlier words.
He reigned himself in.
"The point is, by refusing to get help, you're just manipulating his fear and he will grow to resent you for it. But if you have faith in yourself, and in what you and he share, then letting him go and learning how to stand on your own is the only option you have. Give him the time to truly grieve and find his way to you naturally."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 2, 2016 21:33:52 GMT -5
Lyra clasped her hands together and spoke with sarcasm oozing out of every syllable, mimicking the love-sick idiot Nicolas clearly thought she was. "You really think he'll marry me if I show him?" She threw her arms down and became very serious again. Angry. "I don't want to marry him. I don't want to hurt him. I'm trying to help him!"
Tears welled up in Lyra's eyes as her breathing became shallow. Everything seemed loud and quiet at the same time and she felt the darkness looming over her. A pain began to spread through her body, coursing through her veins and making everything hurt.
"And I don't need any bloody help!" she hollered, gasping for breath. "There's nothing wrong with me. Nothing. I'm fine! I'm fine. I'm fine." Her body was shaking as the tears fell. She needed to get away but her legs wouldn't work. "There's nothing wrong with me," she insisted as she strained for breath.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 3, 2016 0:38:45 GMT -5
Clearly. Nik thought bitterly as she fell apart in front of him. Nik had his issues. He could be a pompous ass as Lyra put it, though she tended to bring that side out of him more often than not. For someone who got off on telling him that he knew nothing about her, she liked to label him as well.
When really this was the second time she had broken down in front of him and he was there for her.
With a deep sigh he pulled her to his chest.
"Come on now, you know I'm an ass." he said rocking slightly, "Though you seem to deliberately provoke me." he teased.
She pushed his buttons, and he was carelessly provocative in return. He didn't want to hurt her, but she needed help. She needed to realize she needed help.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 3, 2016 0:50:02 GMT -5
She continued to strain for breath. It felt as though there was a vise on her heart that was slowly tightening, squeezing the life out of her. Her anxiety was restricting her movements, she felt paralyzed, unable to push away from Nicolas as he pulled her close.
"Leave me alone! I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me," she insisted through her tears as she shook and gasped for air. The pain was everywhere now. It was fire and pressure beneath her skin. She needed to rip it out.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 3, 2016 1:47:34 GMT -5
He began to worry as she still wasn't breathing or taking in air. She was having an anxiety attack or something like it.
"Lyra breath with me. Come on." he said as he began to inhale and exhale slowly using deep, complete breaths.
"You're fine. There's nothing wrong with you." he acquiesced, "Just breathe."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Dec 3, 2016 2:09:23 GMT -5
Her eyes looked frantically around the room for something that would take away the pain. Her wand was in her handbag. Where had she put her handbag? Maybe Sam had scissors; she could cut out the pain. She could gouge it out with a nail file, Sam had to have one. Lyra's tears made it hard to see as she whipped her head around looking for a release. If Nik would let her go she could get it out. She needed the agony out of her body.
"Let me go," she shouted, still shaking. Her breathing had become noisy, she wheezed with each shallow inhale and coughed with each exhale. The room was moving around her, coming closer and pushing away from her. She hadn't gone this long before without the release, not since her first episode when she passed out and cut her leg on a knife she had been using in the kitchen. Lyra didn't know what to do if Nicolas wouldn't release her. The pain threatened to overtake her.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Dec 3, 2016 2:16:14 GMT -5
Nik wasn't holding her tightly by any means, she could have easily gotten out of his arms if she had shown any resistance so he was startled when she yelled at him and immediately let her go.
She was frantic and Nik wasn't sure what to do.
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