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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 26, 2012 17:00:12 GMT -5
Caroline may have grown up te definition of a wealthy, spoiled child, but with material possessions only. For a long time, she thought that things made her happy. Diamonds, shoes, dresses, things that made her pretty. Even now she tried to fill the void in her life with these things. It was only recently that she began to learn that maybe it was human affection that could make her happy, but it was such a foreign concept to her that she wasn't able to realize that Jordan, above all people, gave her such unconditional attention. In typical fashion for her, she fought it, as she fought the aching realization that she was, in fact, quite unhappy.
She sighed, stretching in the sun from the back porch of their house, her index finger stuck lazily in the pages of a book she had stopped reading more than an hour ago- roughly when Jordan was supposed to be home from work at the hospital. Now, she was watching a couple of finches in the yard, flying from the little bird feeder they had to one of the trees and back. Sighing, she rolled her icey blue eyes and dropped her head back before pulling herself out of her seat and heading back inside.
It seemed she was just in time to hear the front door open, and she paused in her tracks, watching as Jordan stepped inside. He looked... Tired. Not that she woul tell him she noticed these things.
"I almost gave up on you for dinner."
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 26, 2012 23:42:55 GMT -5
It had been a fairly busy day at the hospital. When he'd finished with his patients, he'd gone to help out in the emergency department for a while, and ended up staying longer than his scheduled shift while he worked with a patient. He wouldn't even admit it to himself, but he might have been stalling just a little. Sometimes he wondered whether Caroline would even notice if he didn't come home.
But it wasn't fair for him to think that way. He loved Caroline, more than he knew how to say. Instead he tried to show it to her in every way he could. He gave her everything she asked for, did whatever she wanted, but he still felt like there was a wall around her that he just couldn't break.
As he walked in the door at last, he was almost surprised to see her standing there. Merlin, she was gorgeous, and it hit him every time he looked at her. He just wished she looked happy to see him.
"Sorry I'm late," he said, smiling slightly. "Work was a little hectic. How was your day?"
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 27, 2012 0:12:28 GMT -5
Caroline's hands moved almost automatically to her hips, and her head cocked to the side slightly. She wanted to ask what was possibly hectic about physical therapy, but then, she didn't want to sound ignorant. A large part of her wanted to be as intelligent and perfect as he thought she was. It was like she had something to prove. Maybe it was more to herself than him, in the end.
She shrugged at his question. "Boring without you." It was her way of saying she missed him, and she even matched his smile with a tiny one of her own. Her goal wasn't to make him miserable, but in her own charade of pretending to keep happy, she didn't quite realize that she was, in turn, making him unhappy.
"There's nothing to do all day. You could take tomorrow off, you know."
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 27, 2012 0:23:28 GMT -5
If he was tired, it wasn't exactly from his job, and Jordan knew it. Most of the time, the work day passed pretty quickly. What tired him out was dealing with her moods, which were all over the place and impossible to predict. He just wanted to make her happy, but she didn't seem to want to let him.
But she seemed to be in a relatively good mood tonight, and Jordan felt some of the tension ease from his shoulders. He went over to her and put his arms around her. "I'm sorry you're bored. Have you thought about what I said? About getting a hobby or something? Maybe meeting some people?"
He was tempted, actually, to take her up on her suggestion of taking the day off. From the looks of things, he had a fairly light schedule tomorrow. And maybe if he spent the day with her, it would make her happy. If she pushed the issue, he already knew he'd give in.
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 27, 2012 0:44:38 GMT -5
She shifted slightly so that her back was pressed to his chest, and her head leaned back on his shoulder, and she laughed airily.
"Who do you want me to meet? Lots of pretty boys, like you?" It had been a long time since she called him Pretty Boy, actually, though it had been her nickname for him in school. Many people called him that, though.
She sighed, shrugging again. "I don't know what kind of hobby you think I'd even be good at. And, don't think I didn't notice, you didn't answer my question about tomorrow." She turned again, tucking her arms to her chest and her head under his chin. She always felt safe when he held her, like it was the one place in the world where nothing actually mattered. It was a foolish notion though, because the real world still mattered just as much.
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 27, 2012 1:07:17 GMT -5
Jordan rolled his eyes at the "Pretty Boy" comment, but there was a slight smile there, too. yeah, he'd heard it a lot when he was younger. He still heard it sometimes. But somehow when she had called him that, it always made him smile. Maybe it was just because any compliment at all, even a teasing one, from her made him feel warm inside. Like he wasn't just a piece of furniture to her.
"No, I mean, maybe you need some girl friends. Someone to spend time with and talk about your handsome husband," he added teasingly. "Maybe you could try decorating, or gardening. Or... you like fashion, maybe you could learn to make dresses?"
He honestly felt for her, sitting alone in the house all day. He liked to be busy and active, and he knew if he had to spend all day home alone, he'd be going a little crazy, too. He really did want her to find something that made her happy, even if it was something that didn't involve him. Married people were supposed to have their own interests, too, right? If she had a hobby or a job, he'd support her, but she didn't seem too motivated to do much of anything most of the time.
"I probably could take off tomorrow, if you really want me to. Did you have something in mind that you wanted to do?"
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 27, 2012 1:42:51 GMT -5
Caroline rolled her eyes, too, but she didn't comment. Not on how handsome he was, anyway. Which he really was. They made a very good looking couple.
"Make dresses?" She repeated, her nose wrinkling slightly. All she could picture was being a seamstress, much like Chase's wife, and she didn't like the way the image looked in her head. Gardening was equally out of the question, and she fell silent, thinking of the things she could do. She wanted to have a hobby, or something to keep her busy, but truthfully, almost nothing interested her. "I suppose I could try to learn to cook. Ten years and I still don't know how to make you a proper meal." Even that sounded positively dull, though.
The next question was easier to answer, and she pulled away to look up at him. "Remember when we were first married and we'd sleep in late and just.... I don't know. We don't act like that anymore."
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 27, 2012 2:05:55 GMT -5
"I don't mind your cooking," he said with a gentle smile. No, she wasn't a great cook, but his standards weren't particularly high. Most nights it was edible, at least, if somewhat bland. She only had a few things she really knew how to cook, and a lot of times, they ordered out. But he actually liked it when she tried to cook, if only because it meant that she was doing something for him. He was always careful not to insult her cooking for this reason.
"But a cooking class would be a good idea, if you wanted to give it a try. Maybe you'd find that you really enjoy it."
There had to be something that interested her, something that she'd enjoy, and he wanted to encourage her to find it. Maybe if she wasn't bored and lonely all day, she would be happier when he came home.
He found himself smiling at the memory of the early days of their marriage. He missed those days, too, and sometimes he couldn't remember why that had changed. Had the distance between them always been there, and he'd just been too much in love with her to notice it?
But someone had to bridge the gap, and he didn't want to dwell on the bad stuff. Right now, she was in his arms, and she seemed genuinely happy to be there. He just needed to figure out how to keep her happy.
Leaning in for a soft kiss, he lowered his voice to a husky whisper. "I'll stay home tomorrow. We can have breakfast in bed."
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 27, 2012 14:38:15 GMT -5
"We'll see." Maybe she'd try it. Anything had to be better than staying here all day. It didn't used to be like this. He had been working for a long time now, and sure, it wasnt like in the first couple years of their marriage, when they were young and carefree and in love. She had loved him, once, but he didn't make her laugh like he used to.
The distance had been growing since the honeymoon phase was over. She couldn't pinpoint the day, but she knew it was ages ago. In her own way, she tried ignoring it. She could, however, pinpoint the day when the walls went up around her. It wa that day she thought she was pregnant, and she really wanted to be. It just wasn't in the cards, and she never told Jordan. Talk about a fight...
So she closed down, in an effort to keep them both happy.
"Good," she almost purred. "Remember that park we practically lived in? We should go there, too. I hear they've turned the fountains back on. It would be pretty." She was trying to get back to those days, when being married was fun and not so much work.
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 27, 2012 17:56:32 GMT -5
Could they recapture that feeling just by going to the places they used to go and doing the things they used to do? Jordan wanted to believe that was possible, but deep down, he knew better. It was just ignoring the problems, instead of talking about them. But he didn't want another fight, so he'd do whatever it took to just make her happy, even for a little while. If she was happy, he reasoned, he would be happy, too.
"That sounds nice," he said, his smile turning just a little sad. He remembered how they used to just sit in the park for hours, eating picnic lunches, feeding the ducks and laughing. They were always laughing. Now it seemed like they didn't laugh anymore. "We could bring a picnic lunch, like we used to."
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 30, 2012 16:38:40 GMT -5
"Yes.... Let's do that."
She really missed those days. Maybe she just hadn't been forced to grow up yet, though it could be argued that she had grown up much to fast at a young age. Was it wrong that she just wanted to be carefree and not worry about things like bills and children and a marriage that was barely holding on?
She sighed, frowning a bit and pulling away from him finally. "Call something in for dinner? I'm going to get a shower really quickly." She flashed him a close lipped smile before turning and slowly walking down the hall. There she went, closing him out again. If only she knew a better way to keep him close, to show him that even if she wasn't in love with him that she did still love him. One day... It would get better one day.
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 30, 2012 23:47:47 GMT -5
He sighed when she turned and walked away. Once he might have tried to suggest joining her, but not tonight. He was pretty sure he knew what she'd say.
"I love you," he called after her. He wished she had said it to him when he came home, or that she'd kissed him, or... even just asked about his day. Instead, he was the one doing everything for her, while she just put the walls back up again.
He already felt most his his enthusiasm for tomorrow fading as he walked slowly over to the drawer with all the menus and picked something out. They were regulars of most of the local takeout places, and Jordan knew all her favorite things to order from each place. He couldn't help but wonder whether she even knew what his favorite dishes were.
He chose their favorite Italian takeout place, and quickly placed their order using the phone that he'd insisted on having, so that he could keep in contact with his mother. She'd never liked owls.
He finished this and sank down onto the sofa, closing his eyes for a few minutes while he waited for Caroline to come back.
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 31, 2012 0:33:47 GMT -5
Caroline had a bad habit of walking away from her husband every time she felt herself falling just a little more for him, or Merlin forbid, getting close to him. He didn't need her, and she refused to get too attached so that it wouldn't hurt when he left her for someone who could give him children. Or worse, someone who knew how to let herself be vulnerable in front of him.
She washed these worries down the drain with a shampoo that she was careful to keep in stock. He'd mentioned once that he liked the way it made her hair smell. Caroline paid attention to details, to little things like that. The problem was, she thought it made her weak and she would never admit it.
A while later, she sauntered back into the living room, passing him and leaning to kiss his temple as she whispered an overdue "I love you, too." She was being really good right now, biting her tongue not to argue with him, even if the fights actually made her feel emotionally safer.
"We need to pick up some bread for the ducks tomorrow. I think we stopped saving the crusts ages ago."
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 31, 2012 1:01:13 GMT -5
He smelled the scent of her shampoo before she even came into the room, and it made him smile softly. He liked to tell himself that she bought it just because he liked the way it made her hair smell, but in reality, she probably just bought it because it made her hair shiny and smooth.
Ah, but he always let those doubts fade away whenever she told him that she loved him. She never said it first, but at least she said it, and that was good enough for him. He just needed to hear it once in a while.
"That's no problem," he said, turning towards her. "The deli on fifth usually has good day-old bread. We can get some when we get the sandwiches for the picnic. Oh... I ordered from Giuseppe's. I hope that's OK."
She looked beautiful right now, with her wet hair and makeup-free face. Even after all this time, she still took his breath away, just like she had when he first saw her. But it wasn't just her looks that he loved. He had always been able to see the scared little girl in her eyes, and he wanted to teach that girl how to smile and laugh and love. The trouble was, the scared girl was still there, and she seemed to be moving further and further away.
"You smell nice," he said softly, reaching out to touch her cheek.
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 31, 2012 13:46:02 GMT -5
"G's is fine," She replied, not even needing to ask if he made sure to order the bread and dipping oil, because she knew he had. She knew, too, that he paid attention to the details about her as much as she did him. It terrified her as much as it made her flush warm.
She was actually quite enthused about this quick decision to go be young and carefree tomorrow. She knew they couldn't do it all the time, and it was a childish fantasy to want it anyway, but she did. When she looked at Jordan, she still saw him as the guy who saved her way back when they were still kids, no matter how much they thought they were adults. If only she could let him in now to do the same.
She stayed where she was when he reached out to touch her, and for a minute, she allowed them an intimate moment as she tilted her head softly into his touch. "Thank you." She turned her head slightly and kissed his palm. "I'll pour some wine."
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 31, 2012 22:02:05 GMT -5
The sweet moments between them were always too rare, too fleeting. He always found himself waiting for the inevitable moment when she'd pull away from him and leave him out in the cold. She reminded him of a butterfly... beautiful to behold, but impossible to touch. And he knew that if he grabbed on and held too tight, he would crush her.
This time would be different, he tried to tell himself. She wanted to spend time with him, and that was important. Sometimes he wasn't sure she even missed him during the day. But for whatever reason, today she was in a good mood, and he wanted to keep it that way. If she only knew how hard he worked to find ways to keep her happy...
"I was thinking... maybe we could plan a little holiday next month?" he called to her. "I have some time off I can take... I was thinking we could take that trip to Italy you always wanted."
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 31, 2012 22:20:09 GMT -5
Caroline didn't answer him until she emerged from the kitchen, a glass of red wine in each hand. She handed one to Jordan, and then sat on the couch next to him, folding one leg under her body so that she could sit facing him.
He looked exactly as he had at Hogwarts. He still had that boyishly handsome face, and those eyes that looked at her like she was the only woman in the world. Her friends told her she was out of his league, and she probably always agreed with them on some level due to her social status of wealth and all of that. But even then, she always knew he was a better person than she was... so maybe it was the other way around. At least where things really mattered.
And still, for a few moments longer, she said nothing. It was an easy thing to answer. She would love to go to Italy, love the idea of running away with him, if just for a little while. She wasn't answering him because she was trying to figure out what prompted him to suggest it now. Was it the same reason she suggest their picnic tomorrow, or was there something else driving it?
"That sounds splendid," she finally said, smiling to accentuate the sentence. "How much time off were you planning?"
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 31, 2012 23:08:15 GMT -5
The idea had actually occurred to him a while ago, but it hadn't seemed like the right time to mention it. Right now, while she was in a good mood, and seemed happy to be with him, it seemed like a good moment to bring it up. he had lots of reasons for this trip. A change of atmosphere would probably be good for both of them. They could spend some time alone together, just the two of them, and maybe recapture what they used to have. It had actually been a while since they'd gone on an extended holiday together... usually they just took weekend mini-breaks up to the Lake Country or Scotland. And those never seemed to turn out well...
But also, in the back of his mind, there was the hope that maybe a nice romantic atmosphere would help inspire them to work on having the children he wanted so badly. He didn't dare mention this, of course; not while she was being so sweet.
"I was thinking a week... maybe ten days?" he said. "I do have a lot of time owed to me, and I'm sure Lindsay can spare me that long."
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Post by Caroline Wells on Jan 31, 2012 23:44:38 GMT -5
It sounded great, actually. Ten days of not having to worry about anything except getting lost in a strange city- and she rather hoped they did. There was really nothing more liberating.
She nodded. "That sounds perfect. Venice, maybe? Or a wine tasting tour through the north? And there's always Milan..." she trailed off, getting lost in the idea of it all. Italy, fashion capitol of the world, had always fascinated her, but not just for the fashion. There was romance and adventure there, too. "We should find out when the carnivale is in Venice... that would be fun."
She took another sip of her wine and set the glass on the coffee table, her free hand running through her still damp hair. "Or we could go anywhere, Jordan. You've mentioned Greece."
Her eyes flashed towards him. Did she just slip, letting him see that she had a soft, vulnerable side by knowing this about him? She took a deep breath and let it go- no way to take it back now. "Or was it Prague?"
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Post by Jordan Wells on Jan 31, 2012 23:58:13 GMT -5
Yes, he had always wanted to go to Greece. His father had brought back pictures from a trip to Santorini when Jordan was a child, and he'd always wanted to see it. He had originally wanted to go there for his honeymoon with Caroline, but she had wanted to go to Paris, so he had compromised. The first compromise of many, as it turned out. It had been a long time, in fact, since he had mentioned going to Greece, and he felt incredibly pleased that she was mentioning it now. Even if she backed away from it, although he had no idea why.
"It was Greece," he replied with a smile. "Santorini. I'd still love to go there... but if you'd rather go to Venice, that's good, too. I just want to get away with you."
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