|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Feb 1, 2012 0:09:49 GMT -5
He made it look so easy... just, everything. The way he smiled when she said certain things, just the way he lived and loved. She didn't understand it.
"I don't know why we can't do both," she reasoned, her tone a little stiffer than she intended as she retreated to the safety of having a distraction in her hands by picking up her wine again. "Five days in Venice, five in Santorini. Either way, it's ten days away from dull, colorless London." And ten days with no one in the world but him. If there were a spell to do it, she'd make them 17 forever. Things were so much easier then.
Another breath, another sigh, and she glanced towards the clock. The food should be here soon. She was starting to get restless and uncomfortable with the air between them.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Feb 1, 2012 1:23:51 GMT -5
He should have been happy. She was offering a compromise, and it was more than fair. But her tone suddenly sounded disinterested, and he sensed the restlessness in her. He didn't understand it, and it hurt him.
He watched her as took a sip from his wine, which he had barely even touched until then. The drink steadied him a little, kept him from getting upset. He'd always known he needed to be patient with her, but Merlin, sometimes it was just so hard. Sometimes he just wanted to beg her to let him in.
"We can do that, if you want," he said, but he wasn't as enthusiastic as he should have been.
The doorbell rang at that moment, and Jordan set down his wine glass. "I'll get it," he said, getting to his feet.
He paid the deliveryman and returned a minute later with a bag of food.
"Should I get the plates, and we can eat out here?" he asked her.
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Feb 1, 2012 18:11:56 GMT -5
That seemed like a fair trade to Caroline, and she figured this was a sweet thing from her. See, she was trying. "Let's do that then. It'll be good to see both places."
The food arrived, breaking up the tension that seemed to fall between them then. She sighed, getting up from the couch to get napkins and silverware if he was grabbing plates. She didn't understand why he seemed so.... Annoyed right now. She was trying to be good, and his reaction sort of annoyed her. The problem with distancing yourself from someone was that it became harder to read them, too.
"Yeah, that sounds good. You know I'd rather eat out here." She hated the formality of eating in the dining room- it reminded her too much of stuffy, angry dinners with her parents.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Feb 2, 2012 1:11:57 GMT -5
"I'd like that," he said, trying to sound cheerful. "I'll talk to Lindsay and see when it'll be best for me to take off."
He could tell that she was trying, and yet there was still that distance. It always started with a little thing--a change in tone or a break in eye contact or a lack of response to a tender touch--and it would build from there. And he didn't want that to happen again. Not tonight. He was tired and he just wanted to be with her, to see her smile and to hold her in his arms. Why did that seem so difficult?
Jordan took a little extra time getting out the plates, just to try and dispel a little of the tension before it grew. He even picked out the nice china--the ones she had picked out for the wedding. They rarely used them anymore.
When he came out of the kitchen with the plates, he was feeling a little more positive. After all, they were going to spend tomorrow in the park, having a picnic and feeding the ducks, just like they used to do. Maybe he'd even bring his guitar. It had been ages since he'd played it, and he wondered if he even remembered how.
"I got the bread with the dipping oil you like," he said, opening the bag.
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Feb 3, 2012 12:54:01 GMT -5
Caroline looked up up Jordan when he returned, pulling the food out of the bag. She smiled softly, knowing he'd remember to ask for the bread. "Thank you," she murmured. There were times when she could just look at him and remember why she said yes ten years ago when he asked her to be his wife. He got her, understood her, knew where she came from. Or he used to. Now it seemed that the marriage that used to be fluid like the ebb and flow of the tides was becoming rather tumultuous. When did the forget how to read each other?
"You're going rather fancy tonight. Are you sure you don't want to sit in the dining room?" She did notice that he pulled out the good china, and wondered briefly why. She didn't give himuch time to answer. "Why was work so hectic today? I like when you used to have more set hours, but I guess this means you're getting more patients, and that's a good thing. "
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Feb 4, 2012 1:36:30 GMT -5
"No, I like it better out here," he answered easily. He wasn't a big fan of formal dinners, either, and if they were sitting on opposite sides of the dining room table, the distance would grow. It would be easier to keep the gap from increasing if they were right next to each other.
"I just thought we hadn't used the nice china in a while." And he'd wanted to celebrate the closeness they used to share, but he didn't add that part. He didn't want to push the issue... he just kept hoping that if they did the things they always used to do, it would bring them closer together again.
"Anyway, I did have a lot of patients today... But I also got roped into helping in the emergency department for a while. There was some sort of incident downtown... something about an explosion... no major injuries, but a lot of patients, so I had to help out for a little while."
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Feb 6, 2012 20:01:01 GMT -5
All Caroline could see when she looked at the damn plate was their wedding night. It had been beautiful, really. Fairytail, even. She remembered looking across te room and swing him watch her with total adoration in his eyes. She remembered the smile that this brought to her lips very time. He still looked at her that way, but it didn't make her smile like it used to.
She nodded, taking a breath and sighing as she handed him a napkin, dropping eye contact and reaching for the bag of food to start opening the cartons. Suddenly, she didn't feel good anymore. Emotionally, any way. If he only knew certain things about her, he wouldn't look at her like that still.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Feb 6, 2012 23:50:58 GMT -5
If only she understood how much he loved her. He told her all the time, and he showed her in a thousand little ways that she probably didn't even notice. But it was almost like she didn't believe him... or didn't think herself worthy of it. Maybe it was a little of both. But Jordan had loved her more than half his life at this point, and he wasn't sure he would ever be able to stop. She was a part of him. He just wished he was as sure that she felt the same way about him.
He heard the sigh, and noticed the way she broke eye contact. When she did that, he could have sworn that the temperature in the room dropped ten degrees. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to warm things up again. He just didn't understand what he had done wrong, and it frustrated him.
"I was talking to Chase today," he spoke up as he started to put some food on his plate. "He invited us to dinner with him and Maia. I told him I would talk to you first."
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Feb 7, 2012 15:30:25 GMT -5
"Oh?" Caroline murmured, showing that she was listening. She knew Chase and Maia. Chase was mentioned often, being a coworker of Jordan's, and by default, Caroline knew Maia well.
"You don't have to check with me," she said airily. "It'll be nice to get out anyway."
She began to fill her plate as well, leaving the containers open for him to access. She felt conversation come to a halt again, and she wanted to fill the silence so badly. Truthfully, she desperately wanted to open up and beg him to forgive her for how shed been lately, to tell him what the muggle doctor she went to said. She couldn't risk going to St mungos, because she was sure word would get back to Jordan. She couldn't do anybody this though. She was so afraid he would turn away when he couldn't get what he wanted from her.
So instead, she let the silence hang.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Feb 8, 2012 0:25:22 GMT -5
He could feel her pulling away and the silence settling in. Merlin, he hated the silence. It used to be that the silence was comfortable, companionable. He wasn't sure when it had changed, but now it stretched out like a rubber band that had been pulled too far, and he was always wondering when it would snap back and hit him in the face. Usually, when it got like this, he would get desperate to fill the silence, and would end up saying something that would trigger an argument. Or he would just give up and turn on the muggle television set that his mother had purchased for him.
He didn't want to do either of those things tonight. He wanted it to be different tonight.
"OK, great," he said, keeping his voice light. "I'll find out what night would be good for Chase."
Once he had enough food on his plate, he looked back over at her almost longingly. What he really wanted to do was forget about dinner and take her up to bed. When they were first married, they would never manage to finish dinner.
"Have you heard from your brother lately?" he asked, hoping to get her talking.
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Feb 13, 2012 18:15:16 GMT -5
She nodded at the mention of Chase. Obviously, any night would be good for her. There wasn't much else she thought needed to be said on the subject.
She took a couple bites of the bread, the stretching silence eating away at her appetite. Though she didn't show him just how much, she was grateful when you brought up another subject- though not necessarily what subject it was. Her eyes came back to his, and she sighed, answering simply, "No." It troubled her, and Merlin, she wished he would reach out to her again, but his wife was a wicked prude of a woman. "How's your mother?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Feb 15, 2012 1:31:58 GMT -5
Jordan suppressed a sigh. Had it come to this already? The evening had started out so promising, and now here they were again, talking like they were two acquaintances who had just run into each other at the bank and were struggling to make small talk. What was next? Would they talk about the weather? They used to laugh for hours about nothing at all, and now he couldn't remember what had been so funny.
He didn't want to let things slip into that horrible, uncomfortable silence again. It used to be that when the conversation lapsed, it was a comfortable silence, but somehow it wasn't that way anymore. The silence weighed heavily on them, dragged them down.
"Mom's fine. Amy's fine, too, according to her last letter," he replied. He looked over at her, trying to come up with something else to talk about, something that she would respond to. How was it possible that they had nothing to talk about?
"Oh... did I tell you about the incident that happened the other night at the hospital?" he asked at last, finally seizing on something that they could at least discuss for a few minutes. "I wasn't there, obviously, but Chase told me about it. There was some attack at the school with a couple of aurors fighting off a vampire. One of the aurors was hurt, and a MLE officer was bitten, but it wasn't serious. And they brought the vampire in, too. Chase and Kieran treated it for injuries... and it's still there in the hospital while they figure out what to do with it."
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Feb 18, 2012 2:59:40 GMT -5
"Good." Jordan hadn't given her much of a response about his mother or his sister, so Caroline didn't have much more of an answer to give him than that. And she wasn't going to offer any more about her brother, or the fact that while she hadn't heard from him, she did receive word from his slag wife. Unless she was lying, it sounded like they'd be having a child, soon, and that was the last thing she wanted to bring up with Jordan, considering his current obsession with the thought of having their own.
Her eyes were on him while he talked about the vampire attack, and they grew wider- she was at least listening. "Well, that's ridiculous. Why is it still at the hospital? That seems unreasonably dangerous. I'm glad you weren't there... have you seen it?" She was worried, suddenly, for him. Maybe it was a good thing he wanted to take time off. What if he was hurt?
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Feb 21, 2012 0:52:19 GMT -5
Maybe it was unfair to her, but Jordan felt a flash of... maybe not happiness, but relief at the way her eyes widened and her voice raised a little. It meant that she was worried for him, and that meant she did care. Sometimes he honestly wasn't sure that she did, especially when she pulled away from him. He'd take any little crumb she tossed him, and it still didn't occur to him just how sad that really was.
"I don't know why it's still there. Some sort of Ministry red tape. You know how they are. Chase is not happy at all... and Lindsay's been out the past few days. When she comes in tomorrow, I expect she'll get an earful from him. Anyway, I haven't seen it. I think they're keeping it in an isolation ward in the basement."
He reached over and squeezed her hand, trying to maintain the connection. "I promise I'll stay away from it. I doubt it needs physical therapy, anyway. And I'd hate to see what physical therapy would be like for a vampire." He chuckled lightly, trying to make it into a joke. He wanted to make her laugh, like he used to.
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Feb 21, 2012 11:26:09 GMT -5
Caroline's brow creased. "That's not funny," she told him, missing the point of his joke entirely. In her defense, though, it didn't sound like it was that unfeasable. If they were keeping it alive for some reason, then maybe they would want it in top form. "Merlin, Maia must be beside herself. Did Chase treat it?" She shivered slightly, suddenly very grateful that Jordan wasn't quite like the other doctors. "I'm glad you weren't around it, Jordan."
It was probably the most concern he'd gotten out of her in a while. She cared for him deeply, and it wasn't hi fault that the news about her inability to get pregnant (kept from him) cause that terrified, manipulative little girl to come back with a vengeance. Se didn't even quite see what she was doing.
"I kind if lost my appetite."
She is not let go of his hand through this, however, the warmth of his spreading through her body at jut the simple touch. She sighed deeply, using her free hand to set her plate on the table.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Feb 23, 2012 1:13:48 GMT -5
Jordan felt that old familiar ache inside as he saw how concerned she really was. It was true, he didn't get that from her very often, and he needed it sometimes. If he had been feeling frustrated and hurt a few minutes ago, it had all flown out the window now. In the rare moments like this, Jordan felt validated, like he wasn't all alone in this. They were in it together, and that was what he needed. He had always felt that he could do anything if she was by his side, and that feeling was what he'd been missing lately.
Setting down his own plate, he scooted closer to her on the couch, wrapping his arms around her. "I'll be fine, I promise. Chase is making a lot of noise to get it out of there, and I'm sure Lindsay will take care of it when she gets back tomorrow. It's definitely too dangerous to keep in the hospital, they have to acknowledge that. And until it's gone, I swear I'll stay far away from it."
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Mar 10, 2012 19:16:19 GMT -5
He stole her attention right back when he set his own plate aside and wrapped his arms around her. Truly, the only place she had ever felt at home was inside his embrace. When they were first married, if they ever fought, or if she was ever worried, he would always step up to her, put his arms around her, and she would calm instantly. She wondered why it didn't work like it used to- or if she just pulled away from that embrace before it could center her.
She let out a little breath, nodding into his shoulder. That promise was good enough for her. In a rare, vulnerable moment, Caroline spoke up. It was almost an exhaled thought, and terribly quiet, but it was there. "I don't know what I would do without you. Be careful."
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Mar 11, 2012 22:19:27 GMT -5
She rarely ever said things like that to him. He closed his eyes and just held her, and in that moment, it felt like it used to, back when it had just been the two of them against the world... or at least the school. She used to tell him everything that was on her mind, every worry, every secret fear. And he had tried, with everything that he had, to ease her mind and take away those fears. Somewhere along the line, she had forgotten how to tell him those things, and he had forgotten how to help her.
But right now, this rare moment, it gave him hope. All the doubts and negativity he had been feeling earlier just flew out the window, and he held her closer, kissing her softly.
"I'm not going anywhere," he promised.
|
|
|
|
Post by Caroline Wells on Mar 13, 2012 23:35:39 GMT -5
Caroline knew that was a promise. She nodded into his chest, unsure what else to say. This was a good moment, and they had so few of them lately.
She remembered once, in her seventh year, sitting in the astronomy tower. It was cold, and she was wearing one of Barry's muggle sweaters. She couldn't remember what happened, but she remembered that she felt terribly down that night, and Jordan came up and found her. Without saying a word, he sat behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and then simply promised that he wasn't going anyway.
It was, then and now, the only thing she thought she could really believe in.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jordan Wells on Mar 18, 2012 23:19:39 GMT -5
As frustrated as he was with her sometimes, Jordan still couldn't imagine life without her. He'd loved her so long that he was sure he always would... no matter what happened. And although moments like this one were rare these days, that only made them feel more precious. He could remember what had brought them together in the first place, back in the days when he always seemed to know the right things to day to her to make her smile again.
The more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that this vacation idea was what they needed. They needed to get away from the rest of the world, just the two of them, and forget everything else that was pulling them apart.
"I don't know about you," he said softly, "but I'm not feeling so hungry anymore..."
|
|
