Good Cop/Bad Cop

[Riley Neves]

Riley made a face. "Really?" She laughed a little. "I don't know. I've always just told you and Geoffrey everything. I guess it couldn't hurt though. I've been meaning to thank Andromeda for everything she did for me while you were... you know. And I wonder where Lina is in her wedding planning."

Sure, she could get into girly things. Why not? She had their own wedding to plan, even if the date was some elusive thing in the future, after the baby was born.

"How's the pasta coming?"

[Roland Ferrera]

(I swore I had already replied to this!)

He loved that she wasn’t a total girly-girl. She was decidedly feminine, but she was also strong and bold and opinionated, and he felt that she matched him completely. That was what he’d always needed, even if he hadn’t quite realized it before.

“Of course, you can always tell me anything,” he assured her. “But there are some things that maybe it might help to talk to someone who’s been there or is going through the same thing. They might have advice for you on dealing with the hormones or… something. But you know you can always ask me if you need something, and I’ll do it for you.”

As he talked, he was busy working on the pasta—starting the water and stirring the sauce. He felt much more comfortable with this than he had the last time he’d tried it, and he was rather pleased. He had always just been too impatient to learn to cook properly before, but Riley had taught him patience.

“It’ll be ready soon,” he promised her, looking over his shoulder at her.

[Riley Neves]

Riley waved off his little speech. "I know, I know," she murmured. She was just used to telling Roland everything- on her time, but everything, nonetheless. And look what happened when she came clean about her own anxieties? Still, that wasn't something she was just going to share with Andi.

But Geoff had understood.

She shook her head, clearing this thought from her mind. It didn't matter.

"Roland... I know I'm pregnant and moody and an irritable mess right now... but you know it goes both ways, right? I am always here for you, too."

[Roland Ferrera]

Somehow, Roland felt like he had let her down, and he hated that feeling. All he wanted was to make her happy and not to cause her pain. But he had failed her. He had involved her in this whole plan, not even considering what it would do to her to have to essentially live in two separate worlds--one where he was alive and one where he was dead.

The timing really couldn't have been worse. They had really been on the verge of becoming a couple before he faked his death. If not for the plan and Blake's interference, maybe their relationship would have developed naturally anyway. And if he had really died, Riley might never have gotten over it, always wondering what could have been. It was really no surprise that she was having issues with reality. For two months she had been living in two separate realities, and neither one was completely real.

The time they had spent together in the safe house would always be special to him, and he hoped that one day they would be able to tell their grandchildren about it. But it had been wrong and selfish of him to put her through it. To expect her to leave his arms every morning and go back to the world where she had to pretend he was dead... it wasn't fair to her. And now she had asked him to help her deal with the consequences and he had no idea what to tell her. He needed to figure out how to help her. In the meantime, all he could do was make some pasta and hope it was edible.

"I know you are," he said. "You pretty much proved that to me after all that I put you through... I'm still not sure I deserved it. But I love you for it, and I just want to make sure you know I'm ready to return the favor. I want to make it up to you. And I know I don't have to... but I love you and I want us to be a team in every way."

He stopped stirring the sauce and turned around to look at her again. "But love, don't apologize for your behavior. I love you... and I knew what I was getting into when I first started to fall. I'm not always a picnic, either, and you love me anyway, right?"

[Riley Neves]

Riley tilted her head and gave him a little smile. Yes, they were both stubborn and could be pains in the arses, but she loved him deeply. Which was why she would be so lost if all this turned out to be a dream, and she woke up one day, alone and cold and lost.

What if this is what purgatory felt like?

She sighed, sitting back in her chair a bit more, already quite aware that she couldn't voice any of this to Roland. It had bothered him when she did, and she didn't particularly feel like running into that problem again.

"I do love you, Roland. You know that." She shifted her position again, feeling a twinge of restlessness setting in on her. "Let's take Phoenix for a walk after lunch."

[Roland Ferrera]

"I know," he said, turning to her with his crooked grin on his face. "But I still like to hear it. Seriously, every time you say the words, it's like something explodes inside me. I never knew how much power three little words could have over me."

It was probably a good thing that he didn't know what she was thinking about at that moment. Whgile he was glad she had told him the truth about her fears, he needed some time to process it and figure out how he was supposed to help her. But he would have been much more worried if he knew what she was thinking right now.

He nodded. "A walk sounds good. We can use the exercise, and I know Phoenix would like it."

He turned then and added the pasta to the now-boiling water. "I think I'm really starting to get the hang of this," he commented.

[Riley Neves]

Riley smiled at Roland. It was a soft, tired smile, but honest all the same. "You know I mean it, too. I don't say it to just anyone."

She wanted to tease him about how easy it actually was to boil water, but he was so cute about it, and just the fact that he was trying to learn how to cook for her was just very sweet of him.

"The apartment isn't burning down, so I think you're doing all right," she told him, nodding as she got to her feet and came over to him, putting her arms around him from behind so that he could still work. "You know, you're very sexy in the kitchen."

She was trying to put her thoughts behind her, but if Roland couldn't handle what was going on with her, how was she supposed to?

[Roland Ferrera]

Roland smiled and leaned against her for a moment as he was stirring the pasta into the water. Then he set a timer (the only way he knew when the pasta was ready was to set a timer), and then turned back to her so that his arms were around her, too.

"Is that so?" he teased, kissing her. "If I had known that, I would have learned how to cook sooner."

He was not likely to ever be a master chef, but he was glad that he had at least figured out how to make a few basics. When the baby came, there were likely to be times when Riley was too tired to cook, and it wasn't a good idea to fall back into the habit of always getting takeout.

"Mmm, you know, sometimes it feels like we're already married," he commented.

[Riley Neves]

"Well, considering that we've gone through all the stages... the fighting, the passion, the separation anxieties... we may as well have been married already."

She loved Roland deeply, and even if they never got married, the sentiment and the emotions were still there. But the fact that she knew he never saw marriage in his future, and yet wanted to marry her moved her so deeply that she didn't quite know how to handle it. So yes, of course she wanted to marry him as well.

"You may not be as nice to me when I get further along in this pregnancy, you know. I've heard stories. It's ugly."

[Roland Ferrera]

He chuckled lightly and pressed a kiss on her nose. "I think I can handle it," he assured her. "After all we've been through... all those arguments we had... I think we've pretty much seen the worst of each other. At least now we understand each other well enough that I'll know what to do when that happens."

The timer went off, and he kissed her quickly once more before he turned back to turn off the burners. He quickly took the pot of water over to the sink and drained the pasta carefully. In a few minutes, he had two plates of pasta and sauce prepared and brought them both to the table.

"Well, lunch is served, for better or for worse," he said with a crooked grin.

[Riley Neves]

Riley was doubtful about this. All of their fights, while ugly and frequent, weren't quite fueled by the irrational, hormonal mind of a pregnant woman. Riley just decided that she would have to be really careful not to fight with him. She hated fighting with him anymore. Especially when she wasn't sure that she just wouldn't wake up one morning and find him gone.

"I'm sure the pasta's fine," Riley said with a little laugh. She didn't mind being the only one in the house that could cook. It was strangely domestic, and while she never imagined that for herself, she rather liked it. But she didn't mind him trying, either.

She sat back down at the table, waiting for him, just watching as she was quiet.

[Roland Ferrera]

Most of their early arguments had really been his own fault. He had been angry about being assigned a partner, frustrated about being unable to continue working on his previous case, and, he now knew, hopelessly attracted to her. And he had taken things things out on her. Now all those issues were resolved, and he was learning to be more patient and understanding. So, yes, he was sure he could handle her when she got hormonal. Of course, if she cried, he would probably get pretty flustered, but he still thought he could handle it.

He sat down across from her and picked up a fork, but didn't start eating right away. Instead, he just looked at her, and reached a hand across the table to take hers. "Hey," he said. "No matter what happens, never forget that I love you. We got through Blake Malfoy... we can get through a little bit of pregnancy hormones. I'm not going anywhere."

[Riley Neves]

"Pregnancy hormones are more dangerous, I think," Riley replied, joking of course. Her voice was tired, maybe even strained, but there was a smile in her eyes as she said this.

"You know... you and me against the world just sounds like a piece of cake now, doesn't it? We already face and conquered death together."

It was sappy, but Riley was reaching for anything she could. All of his promises that he wasn't going anywhere were helping. A little, but helping nonetheless.

[Roland Ferrera]

"Couples have been dealing with pregnancy and hormones for a very long time, and most of them get through it just fine," he assured her. "I know you're nervous, and I can't blame you for that. But I'm not going to be scared away just because you're a little emotional sometimes. You should know by now that I don't scare that easily. In fact, whenever something does scare me, I usually face it head on. You know that."

He still felt sometimes like she was trying to push him away, or at least warn him. But he was stubborn, at least as stubborn as she was. He could dig in his heels and not move an inch. He was not going to let her scare him away, not now that he had seen just how perfect they were for each other.

"Now, come on, eat something," he said, nodding at her plate. "Remember, you're eating for two and you need to keep your strength up."

[Riley Neves]

"Yeah, I know," Riley said. Roland was just as stubborn as she was, and she could appreciate that in him. She just wished she were easier to deal with for him. She also wished she wasn't so tired all the time. Stupid hormones.

"Oh, stop," Riley said with a little laugh. "You don't have to remind me to eat. I'll be just fine." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "You only have to promise to still tell me I'm pretty when I'm fat and waddling."

[Roland Ferrera]

Roland gave her a look. "I'm just worried about you, and I refuse to feel guilty about that. You were getting really skinny there for a while, back when I was at the safe house. Don't think I didn't notice it. You were stressed and you weren't eating... I want to make sure you're healthy, and not just because of the baby. If you're not well, then neither am I. OK?"

It was supposed to be easier when he came home. The stress was supposed to fade, and they were supposed to be able to just relax and be with each other. But this issue.... he hadn't seen it coming. How could he have suspected that Riley might doubt that he was real? And how was he supposed to fix it?

"But you'll always be beautiful to me," he added. "And I'll make sure to tell you every chance I get."

He tasted a little of his pasta, and was pleased to note that it was pretty good. Sure, it wasn't exactly gourmet Italian food, but it wasn't bad... which, considering he had cooked it, was actually downright impressive.

"Any new thoughts on baby names?" he asked, trying to keep the mood light.

[Riley Neves]

"Relax, Roland," Riley replied, her face serious. "I'm not stressed anymore, and I can already tell you that we're really not going to get along if you start mothering me." The second half of the statement was meant as a joke, but she really wasn't going to handle his worry well. Riley was too used to being independent.

She watched as he tried the pasta, watching his face with a small amount of amusement when he looked genuinely surprised that it wasn't bad. "It's good, Roland," she told him, almost offhandedly, just so he got the assurance from her, too.

Had she thought of baby names? Yes, constantly. But she couldn't settle on any that sounded right. So instead of explaining all of this, she just shrugged. "It might be easier when we can narrow it down between boy and girl names."

[Roland Ferrera]

"I am not mothering you," he said, a little defensively. "I'm just... well, OK, maybe I am. But it goes both ways, you know. You're allowed to mother me, too. That's what we're supposed to do, isn't it? Take care of each other?"

He hadn't really liked when his mother would do it... he was a very independent person and he didn't really need his mother telling him that he needed to eat more. But Riley was different. Roland truly felt as if they were a team in every way, and if he could have, he would have helped her to carry their baby.

And yet, there was a part of him that didn't want her to go back to work. Not now, not after the baby was born, not at all. He would never admit this to her, because he knew she would never allow it. Just as it had always been important to him to be independent, he knew that it was the same for her. She wouldn't want to be a housewife, surrounded in baby toys and dirty diapers forever. He just hated the idea of her getting hurt in the line of duty...

"I really haven't even considered any boy's names," he admitted. "I just keep thinking of girl's names."

[Riley Neves]

Riley didn't say anything else about him mothering her. She agreed with him that they needed to be a team, that they needed to do things together, but unless he found a way to grow a womb and carry the baby for four and a half months, she didn't want him being a mother hen around her. It was going to drive her up a wall... because that's who Riley was. She was as fiercely independent as Roland was, and it kind of bothered her that he thought she wouldn't take care of herself or the baby without his constant guidance. At least, that's how she was taking it. Roland, welcome to the world of hormones.

"So you're pretty set on it being a girl?" she asked, wisely changing the subject. "I keep getting that feeling too, but I don't want us to be set up for disappointment if it's a boy. What names have you thought of?"

[Roland Ferrera]

He didn't mean to be overprotective, but it was something that he did in spite of himself. He had always done it with his younger siblings, cousins, and sometimes even his parents. Maybe a little of it was ego, but that wasn't really his intention. Rather, he was simply used to putting the people that he loved first, and so he was always trying to make sure that they were all right. But he was trying to change that. He had never been in love before Riley, and he intended to see it through... so the last thing he wanted to do was smother her and drive her away.

"I won't be disappointed if it's a boy," he said, shrugging. "Don't most men want sons? I just feel like this one's a girl. But I'll honestly be happy either way."

The truth was, he was always trying to come up with names for the baby. During the quiet moments before he drifted off to sleep, he would try to picture their child... what it would look like, what they would call it. He almost always pictured a girl. Only the names seemed to change.

"At first, I was thinking something cute, like Amy or Jennifer. But those names were just too... ordinary. I feel like our baby should have an extraordinary name. Like Cassandra or Selena. But I feel like it needs to mean something. So I was thinking of Victoria or Anastasia."