Good Cop/Bad Cop

[Riley Neves]

((I was gonna wait until you got further with Ama, but I fail at having patience.))



Even after ending things on a better note with Geoffrey after she visited him, Riley still felt like the bearer of bad news. She wished things could be better for Geoffrey, that he never would have been cursed. She would have rather died than let him suffer the way he was. And yes, she should have gone to see him sooner, but she was scared. She would regret that for the rest of her life, but she couldn't do anything to change it now.

But she didn't think it was fair that she had to feel guilty about getting engaged to Roland. And even though he said yes, she knew he didn't want to be there, much less be in the wedding party. That was a blow, and she didn't know how to go through the biggest day of her life without her best friend. Was that too selfish?

She made it home before Roland did, thankful that at least Phoenix was there. Even still, she sat at the end of the couch, pulling her knees to her chest.... and she just waited. She was shutting down, not having the energy anymore to be angry and argue things. Besides, she couldn't be angry with Geoffrey.

[Roland Ferrera]

Roland had no idea what was waiting for him at home. Things had gone well with Amandine; she was happy and excited for him, as he knew she would be. And it did him good to spend time with her. He had missed his family terribly while he had been pretending to be dead, and now that he knew just how rough things had been for them during that time, he was anxious to do whatever he could to make up for it. Ama, at least, seemed to be bouncing back very quickly.

His mind was still on Riley, however. She was seldom far from his thoughts, and he knew that, while telling Amandine would be easy, Geoffrey would be another story entirely.

Roland had been so desperate to protect his family that he had been willing to hurt them. He had known that it would hurt them to think he was dead, although he had not known just how much. But he felt it was an acceptable risk if it would keep them safe. He never figured on anyone getting caught in the crossfire. It was his fault that Geoffrey had been put under the Imperius Curse, and Roland knew perfectly well that this was not something that his cousin could easily forgive. He just hoped that he wouldn’t take it out on Riley.

After escorting Ama back to the school, Roland walked back to the border of the school, then apparated back to the apartment. Phoenix heard him coming as he walked down the hall and let out a short bark.

“Hey, boy,” Roland said, opening the door. He bent down to pet the dog for a moment. “Good boy… where’s Riley?”

He straightened up then and saw her there, curled up on the sofa. His heart broke at the sight of her… she looked so lost. He quickly closed the door and walked over to her. “Hey, I’m here. What happened?”

[Riley Neves]

Riley jumped at the bark, but otherwise didn't make much of a reaction. She had maybe thirty seconds to pull herself together... but then Roland was in the door and by her, and where did her thirty seconds go?

She took a deep breath, her eyes locking onto Roland. She wanted to pull him into her arms and tell him how glad she was that he was there. She'd been almost convinced, yet again, that she was just dreaming him up. This all had to stop, or she was going to just burst at the seams from the stress. It was like her brain needed a couple minutes to just register him and switch gears. Whatever she said, she was not okay.

"Hey," she said, forcing a smile. "Nothing happened. I'm just so tired for some reason. We can probably blame the baby for that. I think she's starting to show a little now." It was true... it was difficult to see, but Riley swore there was a bump beginning.

She needed to just not think about Geoffrey right now, and it was clear that she was taking her mind off him and their interactions for right now. "How did it go with Ama? Was she happy?"

[Roland Ferrera]

But Roland knew her too well now to be fooled by fake smiles. He sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Ama's fine. Of course she's happy and excited and she can't wait to meet Phoenix."

He didn't say anything else for a couple of minutes. Somehow he knew instinctively that she needed him to just hold her, and he was happy to do so.

Finally, he pulled back and looked at her, brushing his fingers across her cheek. "I take it Geoffrey was less than thrilled?"

[Riley Neves]

Riley sighed as he gathered her in his arms. She was glad that Ama was happy and excited, and she didn't want to take that happy feeling from Roland. She wanted him to be happy and excited, too.

But she also knew that as soon as she said anything about her meeting with Geoffrey, she was just going to lose it. She was close to crying anyway. In fact, she recognized this feeling very much as the same one she had when she just spilled everything to Geoffrey. It was dangerous territory.

"No, it's okay. We ended on a better note. I think he's doing better from the attack." She was trying to talk about everything but how the news went over, and she knew it wouldn't fool Roland. But she had to try.

((She's making him work for it... sorry)).

[Roland Ferrera]

He knew the signs of when she was holding something back, and it still bothered him. He wished she understood that he could handle whatever it was that was weighing on her. He just wanted her to open up and let him in.

Kissing her softly, he sighed against her lips. “I’m glad to hear that he’s doing better,” he answered. “I’ve been worried about him. But that isn’t what I asked you. Look, whatever happened… you can tell me.”

[Riley Neves]

Riley sighed deeply. She wished he understood just what a can of worms he was opening up by pressing her for this. Why couldn't he just take what she said and leave it at that? Clearly, he already knew it hadn't gone well.

But she pulled back, anyway, her eyes meeting Roland's before she could feel the tears welling up. She hated crying in front of him, and she only wanted to be strong for him. "It's so unfair, Roland. I shouldn't have to feel guilty for telling my best friend that I'm getting married. I shouldn't feel like I'm delivering bad news to him. And he asks me these questions and I can tell he's upset when he knows you're the answer. He said yes, but I don't think he wants any part of the wedding. How do I deal with that, Roland? My own best friend doesn't even want to come to my wedding, and he's making me choose between you. He says he's not and that he'll stop, but how am I supposed to not talk about you or anything? I don't... I'm so... angry."

[Roland Ferrera]

Roland sighed. He hated when she cried, but he hated it even more when she held things back from him. So, as awful as he felt seeing her in pain, at least she was letting him help her.

"You said it yourself, Geoffrey's been through a lot. He's angry and he's hurt, and he may even be a little bit jealous right now. It's going to take him a little time to get used to all of this. He needs to deal with his own problems, and he's having trouble right now. Once he's had time to heal, it'll be easier."

[Riley Neves]

Riley shook her head at his response. If he wanted her to talk, she was going to let it all off of her chest.

"No. And even that's not fair. I've been nothing but supportive of him and Allison, and it's the same thing! Besides, he... he was like this before he was targeted, Roland. The only time he seemed even remotely push me towards you was that Christmas dinner. Since then, it's like every time I even think about saying your name, he gets this angry look on his face, and I don't get it. I know I shouldn't be telling you all of this, Roland. I know that it can't be making you feel wonderful, but I'm just done. I'm not going to pretend like you and our child don't exist anytime I talk to him. I have a hard enough time with that concept as it is."

She didn't mean to say that last part. It kind of just slipped out with the rest of what she was saying, and she took a breath, holding it when she looked up to meet his eyes. Had he even caught it, wondered what it meant? Because she couldn't do it anymore. The only person who knew she was having trouble knowing what was real would probably rather Roland not be real for reasons she couldn't understand, and she just couldn't do it.

[Roland Ferrera]

Roland most certainly had his theories about the reason why Geoffrey got angry every time Riley mentioned him. He had been when Geoffrey was before. Not the curse or the nightmares or the confusion, but the jealousy. Riley hadn't questioned his use of the word earlier, but Roland was pretty sure that was the very root of all of Geoffreys issues with him. He knew, because on Christmas, Roland had been caught watching Riley with Geoffrey with a very similar look on his face. He didn't know if Geoffrey realized it, and he was quite certain that Riley didn't, but he was completely convinced that Geoffrey was in love with Riley. And to some extent, Roland actually sympathized with him. He had been exactly wher Geoffrey was.

If he told Riley this, would she believe him? Would she just get angry with him for making accusations?

He decided not to risk it, and was about to try and comfort her by reminding her that Geoffrey had never really liked him, but the last part of her outburst suddenly caught his attention.

"What do you mean?" he said, his brow furrowing as he lifted her chin to face him. "You have trouble.... believing that I exist?"

It felt weird to even say it. It also strangely hurt. He was very much immersed in the present, in his love for her and his hopes for the future, and the idea that she might not believe he was even real was kind of a strange feeling. It was like realizing that he was the subject of a fairy tale.

[Riley Neves]

Riley suddenly wanted to take it back. She wished she hadn't said it, and her body stiffened as she kept herself from pulling away from him. What would it hurt to tell him? Why was she fighting so hard not to? He could help her, reassure her that he did, in fact, exist, and that she wouldn't wake up one day to realize this was all a dream.

The tears came out harder. "Sometimes," she breathed. "Because the nightmares... they're always about you or the baby, and I thought that the confusion would go away when you came back, but it's... it's worse. I'll wake up and you'll be in the shower or the kitchen, and I'll just be terrified that you really died that night. I'm so sorry."

She pressed her palms into her eyes, trying to stop the tears. "It's like, if I close my eyes, you won't be there when I open them again."

[Roland Ferrera]

It would have been a lie to say that it didn't hurt just a little bit. It was like she had just told him that she thought he was Santa Claus, and that she didn't entirely believe in him. She was going to marry him, she was carrying his baby, and yet there was a part of her that wasn't sure she believed in him?

But this was the mess he had made. It was his own fault for allowing the situation with Blake to get so far out of hand that he'd had no choice but to fake his death. And had he really had no other choice? He'd come up with the idea, and then promptly ruled out even thinking of another option. There had to be another option. All he'd managed to do was hurt everyone he cared about, including Riley.

He began to wipe the tears away from her eyes. He was going to focus on her, and put his own feelings aside for now. And didn't he deserve them anyway? "Shhhh," he said, kissing her. "Look at me. I'm right here. I'm not gone, and I'm not going anywhere. I didn't die."

[Riley Neves]

Riley shook her head again. "I know that. And I know that every time I look at you that you're here and alive, but when you're not here..."

She trailed off, the implications clear. It was harder to convince herself of him of he wasn't around to help assure her. Merlin, why were things so messed up?

"I'm not even entirely sure I'm pregnant sometimes... like I've just made that up too to help convince me that you're here. And I know, right now, that you're real, but next time you go somewhere..."

She couldn't explain it, and she could only sum up by saying, "I'm just not so sure of what's going on around me sometimes."

[Roland Ferrera]

What could he say to that? He couldn't stay with her every minute of every day, as much as he wanted to sometimes. But how else was he supposed to reassure her?

He had never told her this, but there had been a period of time when he was staying at the safe house and she hadn't been able to come when he had also wondered whether it was all real. It hadn't lasted, and he was usually able to pull himself out of it, thanks in no small part to the presence of Phoenix. The dog had been invaluable to him, had kept him grounded, kept him from going insane. He needed to find something for Riley that she could cling to, so that she would know she wasn't dreaming it all.

He began rubbing her back comfortingly. "I can't stay with you all the time. Everything has just been so confusing, and it all happened so fast... you just need to get used to everything. The baby will be showing soon.... and you have your engagement ring. When you start to think maybe I'm not really here, look at your ring. Do you think that will help?"

[Riley Neves]

"Roland, I look at the ring all the time."

There was more she wanted to say to that effect, but she cut herself off, her temper flairing a little. And it wasn't his fault. He was trying to help, trying to make it right. She just felt suddenly like he was talking to a child, and that was the last thing she could handle right now.

"I'm sorry I mentioned it. It's stupid, and I'm not dependent. I mean, you're right, the evidence is all there for me."

She didn't move, only because she knew that if she got up to walk away, Roland wouldn't let her. But still, she wasn't going to try and explain things to him if he was going to assume she didn't try looking at the fact that she was wearing the ring, that she was pregnant, that other people were interacting with him now. She did look at all of that. It just didn't feel real to her.

"Forget I said anything, okay?"

[Roland Ferrera]

“No no no, don’t do that,” Roland said quickly, realizing that he wasn’t handling this well. For once he had absolutely no idea what to say or do that could fix this. “Don’t pull away from me again.”

He suddenly understood just how hard it had been for her to admit this to him, and why it sometimes seemed like she needed him so desperately. And maybe in that regard, their situations weren’t that different.

“I’m glad you told me…. I just… I don’t know how to fix this. It’s just… we’ve all been under a lot of stress, and it takes its toll on us. You know… sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder if this is going to be the day when you look at me and remember that you can’t stand me. I know… sometimes it all feels too good, too perfect, and maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem real. But I don’t know what to do to fix that.”

[Riley Neves]

The look Riley gave him was almost a dirty look, even if not directed at him necessarily. She left herself wide open by telling him what was going on, and maybe it was unfair of her to expect him to have handled it any differently... but she didn't like the result she got, and she suddenly did want him to try and fix it anymore.

She was losing her sanity, her best friend probably didn't even want to be at[/it] her wedding, and now she didn't even feel like talking to Roland. When did everything just hit rock bottom?

"It's fine, okay?" She said, trying not to sound as frustrated as she felt. He didn't even understand anyway. She didn't doubt all of this because it felt too good or whatever... she doubted it because she was beginning to think there was something very wrong with her that she couldn't differentiate. What was she supposed to do with that?

"I'm just mad at Geoffrey a little, and that's all."

[Roland Ferrera]

He was trying so hard to help her. He didn't for one second think that there was anything wrong with her. It was just stress; it had to be. Hadn't she said Geoffrey was also having trouble telling what was real and what wasn't? Things had been so crazy that it was hard sometimes for the brain to make sense of it all and know what to believe in.

He knew that he wasn't quite handling it right, but he couldn't figure out what he was supposed to do or say. After all, this was hurting him, too. He had just found out that what he thought was perfect and wonderful... wasn't. She had doubts. Were the doubts really about whether he was alive? Or was it a subconscious way of pushing him away because she was afraid to rely on him? Did that mean she secretly had doubts about them? These thoughts terrified him, and he wanted some time to think this through. But he also knew that he couldn't allow her to just sweep this aside and pretend it hadn't happened, and that she had never said anything. It was out there now, and they had to deal with it.

"No," he said. "Riley, I'm not going to let you pretend this isn't happening. It's hurting you, and that's going to damage our relationship eventually, if we let it. If you're hurting, I want to help you. I just don't know how. But I do know this, we need to work together on this, like we do with everything else. Just tell me what you need and I'll give it to you."

[Riley Neves]

But Riley was done. Roland was getting a glimpse of the girl she used to be at Hogwarts, where no one got close except Geoffrey, and only because he pushed her. Roland now took that roll, but she was done being pushed for the evening. She was going to let him in on other things that bothered her, but she was done talking about her grip on reality. She heard his words, even knew that he was right about this damaging their relationship, but what did he expect of her? He was trying to tell her to look and her ring and everything would be butterflies and rainbows again. Clearly, that didn't do the trick.

But she'd be fine. She'd keep working through this until everything was normal again.

"I don't know what I'm going to do about the wedding," she murmured, resting her head on his chest. "I don't really have anyone, Roland. You'll have your whole family... and maybe we can have Ama in the party... but there's not going to be a single person on my side. Not even Geoffrey. That's humiliating, isn't it?"

[Roland Ferrera]

"Riley...."

He sighed and bit down on his bottom lip. He felt so... uncertain and confused, and he was not used to the feeling. He found it singularly unpleasant. He was so used to knowing what to do or say... but that wasn't going to work here. He knew that allowing her to push this aside wasn't good for either of them. But he also recognized her breaking point; that moment when she'd just had enough. He remembered it from all the times he had tried to push her to admit how she felt about him, and he knew the signs. If he pushed her too much more, he wasn't sure how she would react.

"Geoffrey will be there. It's not going to be for a while now, right? We haven't even set a date. You've got to give him time. And we'll just have the rest of the auror department sit on your side. Most of them probably think I'm a git anyway."

He kissed her forehead, then tipped her chin up to meet his eyes. "But this isn't over. We'll talk about this again later, OK? It's not healthy for you to bury it."