Good Cop/Bad Cop

[Riley Neves]

"I don't want them to sit there out of pity, Roland."

She would have given anything to ask him to run away and elope with her. Right then. Just like Andi and Ted. It was romantic, she wouldn't have to worry about anything... but she knew, almost without a doubt, that he would say no if she asked. His family would want to be a part of it, of course, and his mother might slay her if she missed Roland's wedding.

"Listen, can you please just stop trying to fix this? Just let me complain. That's all I really need." His attempts at fixing everything just weren't working and they weren't making her feel any better. She was insanely jealous that he got to spend the afternoon having fun with his little sister while she was fighting to keep her friendship with Geoffrey afloat, despite his lack of effort. But she wasn't mad at Roland, even though she realized she was taking it out on him. Why was she being like this?

[Roland Ferrera]

“It wouldn’t be pity…” he sighed. “I’m pretty sure most people were on your side back when we were arguing all the time. And you’re prettier than I am.”

He tried to smile, but it felt hollow. She didn’t understand this, but if she was hurting, then so was he. Even though he knew that everything couldn’t be perfect all the time and there would be ups and downs… it still ripped at him to see her upset and be powerless to fix it.

“You can complain all you want,” he promised at last. Pulling her closer to him, he buried his face in her hair, just breathing in the scent of her. “I love you. Please don’t ever forget that.”

[Riley Neves]

Riley couldn't even fake the hollow smile, and she just sighed, leaning against Roland. Nothing about today had gone like she wanted it to, like she wished it could have. And now, she even felt bad for bringing Roland down after he had a good meeting with his sister.

She had practically no friends, and the one she did have was upset about her marriage. She didn't want people to sit on her side out of pity, and they would, no matter what he said.

"We should just run away and get married. Forget everyone else."

She was testing him, though she was certain he would try to talk her out of it. She just wanted to see.

[Roland Ferrera]

Roland was fully aware that she was testing him. And he wanted to play along with her; to promise her anything she wanted. It wasn't as if the actual wedding ceremony was all that big of a deal to him, anyway. He wanted to be married to her, but the pomp and circumstance of the wedding--the dress, the flowers, the dancing... he could do without all of that. He just wanted her.

But of course, if he eloped, he was quite certain that his mother would flay him alive. And if there was anything left of him when she was done, the rest of the family would finish the job. Eloping with Riley, as perfect and sweet and romantic as it sounded, simply was not possible.

He brushed his lips against her temple. "You know I would. I wish we could. But my family will freak out if I do that. Like it or not, when you get me, you get the rest of my family, too. We're a package deal. But look, if you're really that worried about who's sitting on whose side.... we just won't have sides. We'll have everyone stand in a circle all around us as we say our vows. I don't care... I just want to marry you. Besides," he added, kissing her softly, "you know that I'm on your side. I'll always be on your side."

[Riley Neves]

(I was reading old safe House threads last night... aww.)

Riley sighed. He was sweet and in any other mood, she would have adored him for saying all the right things. But clearly, she wasn't in that kind of mood. She was just so angry at Geoffrey, and at everything.

"Thanks," she murmured, deciding to let the topic of his debatable existence go. He wouldn't know how to deal with it, and she knew she never should have told him anyway.

"I don't understand it, Roland. Geoff's mad at me for not seeing him sooner, and I get that. I feel guilty, but what's done is done. He's still my best friend, and it shouldn't have been like I was delivering bad news to him. I just... he's making me choose, and I keep telling him that if he does that... he won't like the result. And I'm really angry that he's even putting me in this situation. I just wanted him to be happy for me."

[Roland Ferrera]

She didn't get like this often, but whenever she did, it made him ache. She had warned him that it would happen sometimes, that she would push him away, and he was trying to deal with it and let her know that he was there for her no matter what. But Merlin, it wasn't easy.

"He is happy for you," Roland said. "Or he will be. He's mad at me, and he's taking it out on you. I know it's hard, but you're going to have to give him some time. He's going through a lot right now, and I'm not sure he knows how to handle his own problems, let alone yours. I can try to go over and talk to him, if you want, but I might just make it worse."

He was starting to realize that, as important as his family was to him, that was how much Geoffrey meant to her. He was the closest thing she'd ever had to a real family, the kind that loved and supported each other. Thinking of it that way, Roland could easily understand why she was so upset about Geoffrey. He just wished he had some clue how to help both of them.

[Riley Neves]

"Yeah. Don't talk to him. I'm a big girl and work my own problems out." Merlin, that sounded mean.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that he won't want to hear from you... and he and I will figure this out. Thanks for the offer, though."

That was all she said, leaving it at that. She knew Geoffrey had a lot on his plate, that he had issues and things he was working through, but damnit, so did Riley. She didn't know if she should just keep forcing the smile around him, or yell at him so they could break down all the walls that were suddenly between them and get it all in the open.

In thinking this, she realized that she was building walls back up between her and Roland. She didn;t understand why... except that a large part of it had to do with his reaction to her concerns about him and her own sanity. He hadn't reacted the right way at all, but what did she really expect of him?

She sighed and pulled away from him, getting to her feet. "I'm assuming you're not hungry?" She asked, looking down at him. He had just come back with lunch from Ama, but Riley didn't eat and she was hungry. Or the baby was hungry.

[Roland Ferrera]

He released a breath. Did she realize what she was doing? Geoffrey was mad at him, and he was taking it out on her. And that made her angry at Geoffrey, but she took it out on him. Just who was he supposed to take it out on? Or was he the one who was supposed to break the chain? How was he supposed to do that if he couldn’t talk to Geoffrey?

Things between them had seemed so perfect for a while, and now he kept hitting brick walls with her. But he wasn’t going to keep letting it happen. They were better when they worked together, and weren’t they supposed to be a team? These were the kinds of things he was going to have to deal with if they were going to make it, and he needed to figure out what she wanted from him.

Clearly, his response to finding out that she was having trouble with reality had been wrong. But what was the right way to respond to such a thing? He was still kind of freaked out by it himself. Was he supposed to find some way to prove it to her, other than the mere fact that he was here and other people saw him too?

“I’ll come with you,” he mumbled. “I need a drink.”

He’d brought a single bottle of firewhiskey with him when he moved in, but he hadn’t touched it. And he wasn’t even sure he wanted it now, because he didn’t want to seem like he couldn’t handle stress without drinking. But he needed an excuse to come with her, because he knew they still needed to talk.

In the kitchen, he got out a glass, and his hand hovered over the bottle of firewhiskey for a moment before he changed his mind and moved to get the water pitcher out of the refrigerator.

Finally, after pouring himself a glass and taking a drink, he turned to her. “Are you mad at me?”

[Riley Neves]

It made it worse that Riley knew exactly what she was doing. She didn't mean to, and she didn't want to. She wasn't trying to take it out on him at all, she was just trying to internalize it and it wasn't going well.

She nodded, waiting for him to stand up before she headed towards the kitchen. She wanted to take his hand, but stopped herself for whatever reason. Were they fighting again? She couldn't tell. It felt like it, but it was so unlike the arguments they used to have.

She opened one of the cabinets, unsure of what she even felt like eating, and watched him out of the corner of her eye. He wanted the firewhiskey. She wouldn't have even said anything if he did go for it. She was difficult to deal with and she knew it, and he deserved a drink. But she also ached at this self-confirmation that he thought she was difficult.

As his question, her shoulders fell and she sighed audibly.

"No, I'm not mad at you." She paused and turned to look at him, a mix of emotions in her eyes. "And I'm really sorry that it seems that way. I'm just frustrated with Geoffrey. The apartment feels too small and I hate it. My emotions are all over the place so that I can't even handle it, and I can't even imagine how you're doing it. I know none of this is your fault. I'm sorry."

[Roland Ferrera]

He let out another breath, which he might have been holding without realizing it. The truth was, he wouldn’t have blamed her if she was mad at him. No matter what she said, this was all his fault. Well, Blake was also to blame, but Roland could have handled it better. He should have told his parents about the threatening letters from the very beginning. He now couldn’t think of a single reason why he hadn’t, except that he had let his stupid macho pride get in the way. He’d wanted to take care of it himself. Which was stupid, because how could he? If he had gone to them, they could have helped him, and he never would have had to involve Riley in his fake death scheme, and then Geoffrey wouldn’t have been cursed…

Slowly, he set down the glass and moved over to wrap his arms around her. He didn’t think she was difficult. He realized that, on top of the situation with Geoffrey and her fears about reality, she was also pregnant and loaded up with hormones. He just needed to figure out how to deal with all of those things and to make her feel better.

“I love you,” he whispered against her hair. “I know you’re going through a lot, and I may not always know just what to say or do to help you, but I’m trying here. Just don’t shut me out. We can figure things out, but we need to communicate. Remember, we’re always better when we work together.”

[Riley Neves]

Riley let herself fold up in his arms easily. As frustrated as she was with the world, she always felt like it was easier to handle in his arms. Even if she did have to sort through her issues about him on her own, she still had him. "I love you, too. And I know you're trying. I'm not exactly making it easy."

She also knew, deep down, that things probably weren't butterflies and rainbows for him, either. He'd been "dead" for a long time, and readjusting and dealing with everyone else readjusting could not be easy.

"Roland, the apartment is suffocating lately. Can we please find somewhere else? I don't want the baby's nursery to be our living room." She could work on one thing at a time. She felt better when she was going about solving things, and in that case, it would be infinitely easier for her and Roland to be that team again.

But then, she sighed, still in his arms. "Except that we're supposed to stay for a while for Jamie, right? Nevermind."

[Roland Ferrera]

He felt the tension ease when she told him she loved him. Sometimes he was just so scared of losing her and he needed to hear the words again.

"You've been under a lot of stress, and the situation with Geoffrey isn't helping. I know that, and I understand. Just... promise me something, OK? Promise that, no matter what happens, we'll never go to bed angry."

He'd been thinking about the apartment situation himself for a while. It was small and cramped... enough room for two people, but only just. A dog and a baby would make it worse. And come to think of it, his apartment wouldn't really be too much better for Jamie and Scarlette and their baby.

"We don't have to stay for Jamie. The last thing he would want is for us to inconvenience ourselves for him. We can work something out for him. And if he needs an auror, Hayden lives downstairs... and there's a healer, I think, who lives down the hall if the baby gets sick. Or we can help Jamie come up with another place to live. Do you want me to talk to Angelique about the safe house?"

[Riley Neves]

"I'm not angry with you," Riley assured him again. Really, she wasn't. She was in a decidedly angry mood, or a frustrated mood, actually, but it was all the same. And none of it was directed at him. "I don't want to fight with you, anyway. I'm too tired, and I don't have the energy. And I hate fighting with you."

She sighed, listening to him justify the idea that they could move out. She understood that Scarlette and Jaime both must be terrified. She was terrified and at least she was an adult. "I want to help your brother, Roland. And if that means staying here, then we'll do it. I just... I can't stay here without knowing that it's doing somebody some good. Phoenix is getting huge and we don't even have a yard for him, and what if we're too tired to walk him when the baby's born? It's not fair to him. And I just..." she stopped herself.

"If it's the best thing for everyone involved... yes. I would like it if you asked about the safe house. I'm just trying to keep my sanity here."

[Roland Ferrera]

"I hate fighting with you, too. I hated it even when we did it all the time. I never want to go back to that." He kissed the top of her head, then pulled back and looked at her. "For the time being, Jamie is still at school. He and Scarlette won't even be ready to move in for a couple of months at least. So there's time to figure out what we're all going to do. I'll talk to Angelique about the safe house, and we can take it from there, OK?"

He didn't even know if Angelique would be able to sell them the safe house, or if they'd be able to afford it. But it was worth looking into, just so they would know what their options were. And then they could work on the Jamie factor, and decide whether they needed to stay here for him.

"Try not to worry, love. We'll figure all this out, one piece at time. Now, why don't you sit down and I'll make you something to eat, OK? I mean, I can still only make pasta and eggs and toast... But it's something."

[Riley Neves]

"Okay," Riley said, conceding with a soft sigh. She didn't pull away from him, but stayed in his arms for a moment longer. "I'm sorry I'm turning into such a pain in the arse," she told him, the apology sincere, but a joking tone to her voice. "I hate when I get like this, and it's happening more and more lately."

Hormones. She decided to blame it on that, it probably wasn't too far off the real reason.

Finally, at his coaxing, she pulled away and sat at the little glass table in her dining room, their dining room. "I can still cook, you know. Make you something, if you'd like?"

[Roland Ferrera]

"You're not a pain," he insisted. "You're beautiful and perfect and I love you. But you're nearly four months pregnant now. The hormones are getting out of control, and this situation with Geoffrey isn't helping matters. I understand that. Just let me be there for you, in whatever way I can. That's all I ask."

He wasn't even sure when he'd learned to be so patient, but it was getting easier. She meant so much to him that he wanted to make everything OK. And if all he could do to help her was to keep his temper even and to be patient with her, then he would do it.

At her offer to cook, he flashed her one of his crooked grins. "I knew it. You're afraid of my cooking, aren't you? I can use the pot you gave me, if you prefer. Anything you want."

[Riley Neves]

Riley laughed. "Beautiful and perfect and loved and still a pain in the arse. It's okay, I know I'm being ridiculous lately, and we can blame the hormones." She gave him a smile to let him know that she was actually okay with this, but Merlin, she hoped the hormones calmed down as the pregnancy progressed. She wasn't sure she had the energy to keep up with this kind of emotional rollercoaster.

"I'm not afraid of your cooking. Eggs just don't sound good right now, so... you know. Pasta or toast is fine. I don't think I have the energy to cook anything anyway. Being pregnant isn't fun."

[Roland Ferrera]

Roland leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It's OK," he told her. "You're pregnant, you're allowed to be moody. Just let me take care of you. It's the least I can do."

Maybe it would help her if she had a sort of girl's night out with Andromeda or Scarlette or Lina. After all, as much as he was trying to understand, he couldn't entirely know what she was going though with the hormones. Lina had been there, and Scarlette and Andromeda were going through it now. And maybe he could have a chat with Ted to see how he was dealing with Andromeda's pregnancy hormones.

He smiled at her, then pulled away. "I'll make pasta. Hopefully, I can remember how I did it last time."

As he started the preparations, he glanced at her over his shoulder. "Maybe you should plan a night out with Andromeda or Lina. Just so you can talk about what you're going through. Not that I mind listening, but they might understand a little better..."

[Riley Neves]

"You can take care of me," Riley said, her voice soft. Now that she was sitting down and not so riled up about Geoffrey, she realized how exhausted she really was.

At his suggestion of talking to Andromeda and Lina, she gave him a weird sort of look. She adored Lina, but that girl seemed so sweet and innocent that it was impossible not to like her. And Andromeda had been amazing to her during Roland's absence... but she wasn't sure if that extended to now. She hadn't really spoken to anyone too much since Roland came back.

"I don't know... do pregnant women have sewing circles about this kind of thing?" She'd never really been good at knowing how to act around other girls.

[Roland Ferrera]

Roland looked back at her with a somewhat embarrassed smile on his face. "I kind of thought that was what women did," he said. "You know, just sit around, talking about men and... well, everything else going on in your lives... all the things you can't really tell your boyfriends."

That was one of the things men usually didn't understand about women... how they were all so eager to sit around and talk about everything. Men were supposed to be more... private. They were supposed to be strong and silent.