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Post by Austin Hancock on Apr 16, 2010 11:15:52 GMT -5
A smile crossed his face. "Rocky road, hm? I'll remember that for future references." Austin wasn't sure if she was going to give him a good chance and he wasn't even sure that they would end up making it together, but he was going to try. They seemed to work out together so far anyway and Paige seemed to have been giving him a decent chance. Hopefully everything would turn out to be okay.
Austin turned the the lady at the counter and ordered their ice cream before turning back to Paige. "If I had to have guessed your ice cream, rocky road would have been one of them. You don't seem the type to just like plain ice cream, which is perfectly fine. Plain ice cream can get a little boring," he said with a wink.
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Post by Paige Owen on Apr 16, 2010 21:56:34 GMT -5
"I do like vanilla," she said quickly. She didn't want him to think that she just liked gooey, sticky ice cream. A good vanilla ice cream--like the vanilla shake she'd ordered the last time they went out but had hardly touched--was one of the best foods in the world, as far as she was concerned. And maybe it was silly to think that was healthier than the rocky road ice cream, with the marshmallows and nuts and chocolate chips... but somehow plainer always seemed to be lighter.
"Just... when I'm having a bad day... Rocky road is what I go for."
What she didn't tell him was that when she did go for rocky road ice cream to cheer her up after a bad day, she would eat the whole carton and then make herself sick to keep from gaining weight. Of course, she didn't do that anymore. Not since she had been in treatment.
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Post by Austin Hancock on Apr 18, 2010 15:45:54 GMT -5
He thought that it was cute that she quickly said that she did like vanilla. Austin could tell that Paige was trying and it made him ike her just a little more.
"There's nothing wrong with having any kind of ice cream at any time you want." If she told him that she had eaten a whole carton of ice cream, he wouldn't have thought any less of her. People ate just what they wanted to.
Once the ice creams were paid for and they were handed to him, he handed Paige hers then found a table for them. "What are a few of your other weaknesses? I mean like food wise, movie, or anything like that."
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Post by Paige Owen on Apr 25, 2010 0:19:05 GMT -5
Paige was quiet as they made their way over to the table and sat down. She loved that he said all the right things, and, even better, he actually meant them. But she also felt that he didn't understand about most of the problems that really plagued her. Maybe guys never really understood what it was like to be a girl.
There were so many ridiculous expectations placed on girls, and it wasn't fair. If you were really smart, or if you were rich, maybe you could get away with being just yourself. But Paige felt the constant need to be pretty, to be thin, to be the best at her job, to be perfect. Guys just didn't understand that, no matter how muvh they reied to insist that they did.
Sitting down in her chair, she looked up at him, her eyes wide. "Um..." she said. "Before we talk about fun stuff, I want to explain something to you."
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Post by Austin Hancock on Apr 25, 2010 15:21:44 GMT -5
That was true, Austin didn't understand a lot about girls. Of course, that could go for a lot of people too. People in general were confusing but girls were a different type of confusing. The right things could be said, gentlemanly things could be done, but those things didn't always help shed any light on the confusion.
Seeing the look on Paige's face made Austin lace his fingers infront of him. "Okay," he said. He wasn't exactly sure what she was about to tell him but whatever it was, he had a feeling she didn't tell a lot of people. Then again, he could have been wrong. "I'm listening."
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Post by Paige Owen on Apr 25, 2010 23:52:00 GMT -5
Paige hesitated, watching him carefully as she ate a little of her ice cream. There was a very good chance, she thought, that when she told him what she had to say, his opinion of her would change. She rather thought it would be in a bad way, because she thought that the things she was about to tell him were ugly and sick. They were just some of the things about herself that she thought were bad... but it all contributed to her rather negative perception of herself, which in turn just spawned more self-destructive habits. It was an ugly, vicious circle, and she wasn't sure she could break it.
What she did not realize, of course, was that by telling him, she would be taking the first crucial steps to breaking that cycle.
She set down her spoon and pushed her ice cream aside. "I have a disease," she began. "Well.. not a disease, exactly. It's a... a condition... or a disorder. It's called anorexia. It means that I have... issues with food. I'm mostly recovering now... I was at my worst when I was dancing. There was so much pressure to be thin... Sometimes I would go days at a time without eating more than a couple of celery sticks. And then sometimes... I'd get desperate for food... for pizza or a cheeseburger or chocolate cake. So I would eat a whole lot of it at once, and then make myself sick, so I wouldn't gain any weight. But most of the time, I just wouldn't eat very much of anything... And I got so weak..."
She started tearing up at this point, and she hid her face from him so he wouldn't see. But as she continued, there was an obvious crack in her voice.
"I was so weak, I'd nearly pass out after a performance. When I hurt my ankle... it was because I had to make a jump and I lost my balance. I fell over and tore a ligament in my leg and blew out my knee... I couldn't even walk. I was rushed to the hospital, and they did a surgery on my knee. Then they realized I had this... disorder. Between that and the knee, they made me stay two months for rehabilitation. My knee's still messed up, but that's not the reason I can't dance anymore. The reason is that my counselor says it's detrimental to my health."
She sighed and looked up at last, tears staining her face. "I'm recovering from it... but it's still hard for me. I still look at food as... as the enemy sometimes."
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Post by Austin Hancock on Apr 26, 2010 19:17:42 GMT -5
When the word disease was thrown out there, Austin didn't know what to think. His mind went everywhere at once but then as she started to explain, he started to understand. It made sense when he first asked her to go for lunch that she made remarks about eating a lot. However, what he didn't understand was the mentality of wanting to make yourself sick after eating. It never mattered what you ate, as long as you had a good exercise routine.
He would be lying if he said that he didn't feel bad for her. Austin reached his hand across the table. "You've made great improvements," he said with reassurance. That wasn't a lie. She did eat a decent amount when they went out the first time. Then this time, she ate popcorn and now she was eating ice cream. That was an improvement. Of course, what she did afterword, Austin didn't know.
"But I can help you try to get over that. That is if you want me too. We wouldn't start off with a whole bunch of things, just something like we did tonight."
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Post by Paige Owen on Apr 26, 2010 23:01:47 GMT -5
Well, he didn't look like he was disgusted by what she was telling him. She had expected him to be disgusted by it. Or worse, he could have started laughing at her, like the last guy she had told. She didn't think that Austin would be the type to do anything like that, but she couldn't help but worry anyway.
She sighed softly and looked up at him, seeing only understanding and compassion. Hesitantly, she put her hand in his outstretched one. "There's more," she said grimly.
"A few months after I left the hospital, I started doing it again. It was stupid... I saw one of my so-called friends from the dance troup... and she commented that I was looking... 'healthy'. I thought she was saying that I looked fat. I stopped eating, stopped going to my counselor... I lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks, and I was already under 100 pounds. I collapsed at the gym from anemia and low blood pressure. I almost died. And it's just... I get so scared... I don't want to be fat..."
When she said it out loud, it sounded so stupid. She literally had been trying to kill herself to be thinner. What kind of sense did that make? She just knew that there was a part of her that panicked at the very thought of being fat, and logic seemed to go out the window. It was a terrible sickness, and she didn't know how she was supposed to fix it.
He wanted to help her, but it was more than just getting her to eat. She needed to figure out how to fix that part of her that would always see herself as fat and ugly.
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Post by Austin Hancock on Apr 26, 2010 23:52:46 GMT -5
He just held her hand as she told him the rest. Austin didn't know what he was supposed to say. He knew that if he told her that she wasn't fat that it wouldn't really do all that good because it was she who would need to believe that. Only then would she really feel like she looked good. Austin hoped that he could help her reach that point.
"I can help you with that too, that is if you let me." He didn't mean by just food. He was going to make sure he complimented her. Austin remembered the look on her face when he complimented her before. She started to believe that she looked fine when they left her apartment, even though she didn't think her hair looked okay, or at least Paige made it appear that way.
"We'll work on it all together, slowly. See how far we get. Would you be up for that? You know that you can't get rid of me too easily, right?"
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Post by Paige Owen on May 4, 2010 0:05:07 GMT -5
How could he be so perfect? And why did it scare her so much? She was used to terrible relationships with guys who just ripped her down and made her feel bad about herself. She had not known many guys like Austin, guys who said all the right things not because they were rehearsed, but because he genuinely meant them. His honesty made her feel vulnerable, and she didn't like that feeling. It was easier to self-destruct, because then she'd have something to fight against.
But she nodded slowly. Maybe it was time to start letting other people in. Maybe, just maybe she wouldn't get hurt this time.
"OK," she said. "I just.... I wasn't asking you to help me, not really. I just thought you should know. I'll understand if you think it's weird or crazy or gross. It is.... I just... I can't always help myself. I've been trying, but I have to take it one day at a time."
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Post by Austin Hancock on May 4, 2010 9:46:10 GMT -5
"We all have our faults and there's nothing wrong with that. We just have to come to terms with that and attempt to better ourselves which is not an easy thing to do. You have started the hard part and I congratulate you on that. Not too many people would see something like that."
He wasn't just saying it just make her feel better, it was the honest truth. Austin knew he had his faults and admitting there are faults took a lot of strength even if it didn't seem like it. "And it's not crazy or gross, it's just a part of life and we can work on it for however long you want to. You're not going to be forced into something against your will, this I promise. One day at a time is best, and quite honestly, I already see a great improvement." Austin gave her a wink.
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Post by Paige Owen on May 4, 2010 15:15:34 GMT -5
"I've been in recovery for a year and a half now," she said. "I'm supposed to go to a therapist every week... but I haven't been going lately. I know I shouldn't skip out, but I don't really like going to therapy."
It had taken her a while to get to this point, where she could be sitting in an ice cream shop and talking to a guy about her problems. Letting him help her was going to be difficult, too. But he wanted to help... and maybe that meant he really cared.
With a shy smile, she gave his hand a squeeze and then ate a spoonful of ice cream. "Thank you," she said.
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Post by Austin Hancock on May 4, 2010 15:39:33 GMT -5
There was a great improvement in her. From the first time he ever met her until now. The first time he met her, she tried to get him to sleep with her after he walked her home. Then again the first time he had seen her since then, she had pretty much done the same thing but this time was different. Maybe it was because he was persistant this time but then again there was a change in Paige.
Tonight she did try to make a move but she didn't run away when Austin tried to slow things down. She stayed. That was a huge improvement. Even sitting here eating ice cream was an improvement.
Austin's smile widened when she squeezed his hand. "You're quite welcome but you really don't have to thank me." His smile was still a friendly like smile as he picked up his spoon and ate his ice cream. "You know Paige Owen," he started, "I think you're going to be just fine."
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Post by Paige Owen on May 6, 2010 23:48:53 GMT -5
But she felt like she had to thank him. He was just so good... and she couldn't help but think she didn't deserve him. She didn't tell just anyone about her eating disorder. Sure, most of the girls in the dance troupe had known about it... probably half of them had one, too. In fact, she had learned the binge-and-purge thing from one of the other girls. But guys... they usually didn't understand, so she didn't tell them. Most guys she had dated were the types who probably would have dumped her if they thought she ate too much. She had just thoguht that was how most guys were... but now she was starting to realize that she had been seeing the wrong kinds of guys. Still, guys like Austin were rare.
She'd be stupid to let him go.
"I'm working on it," she said, smiling slightly. "But I have to tell you... I actually miss dancing. I like working at the paper... but I still sometimes wish I was dancing."
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Post by Austin Hancock on May 7, 2010 17:27:55 GMT -5
"It's alright to miss dancing. After all, you did that most of your life. I know it's not the same but if you really wanted to, we could go dancing one night. Although I can't promise that I'll be the most perfect dancer in the world."
Austin wasn't sure if Paige would want to go do something like that and he knew that going dancing wasn't like the sort of dancing she did but it was the best he could offer at the moment. After a few contacts, maybe he could figure something out. It could be a great surprise for her, but he would have to get everything worked out if it was possible.
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Post by Paige Owen on May 10, 2010 23:28:23 GMT -5
No, it wasn't the same kind of dancing that she used to do... but she did love that kind of dancing, too. What was more romantic, really, than dancing with a partner on a dance floor? Being in each other's arms, their bodies pressed together, moving in the same rhythm... and doing it all in a room full of people. It was the most intimate thing two people could possibly do in a room full of people.
The idea of dancing like that with him made something flip in her stomach, and she smiled even as she dropped her gaze to stare down at the table. Her fingers itched, and she reached for a napkin, intending to begin ripping it.
And then she stopped herself, taking a deep breath as she looked up at him again. "I'd love to go dancing with you."
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Post by Austin Hancock on May 23, 2010 15:41:04 GMT -5
It was another step that Paige was taking that was slowly opening herself. Austin's smile widened. "Like I said I'm not the most perfect dancer in the world but I can promise that I won't step on your toes." He gave a light laugh.
Austin placed his hands on the table. He was aware of the fact that dancing in a room full of people could be intimate and it was a way of taking things slowly. Dancing was something she was comfortable with and he wanted to attempt to make her comfortable. He liked seeing her relaxed and not so tense.
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Post by Paige Owen on May 25, 2010 13:48:32 GMT -5
Paige smiled. At least this was an area where she felt confident. If he was willing to dance with her... that made a big difference.
"I'm sure you'll be fine," she said. "I've probably danced with guys who are much less coordinated than you are."
But even as she said that, she still felt as if her past was standing in the way. It would always be there, holding her back in some way. But maybe with Austin, she could make a fresh start at last.
"Anyway, enough about me," she said, laughing nervously. "Tell me about you."
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Post by Austin Hancock on May 30, 2010 17:01:43 GMT -5
He let out a laugh. "Let's hope I can do fairly well, hm?"
Austin caught the nervousness in her voice and didn't mind changing the subject. He wasn't exactly sure what to tell her about himself. "You already know that I play guitar and sing a little bit. I write some of my own songs and they're in a folder somewhere in my apartment. I couldn't really tell you where exactly it is though. And I'm not the most organized person in the world either." He gave her a sheepish look.
"I don't have any siblings. I do help take care of the lady next door. She's always happy when I come over. I'm not the world's best chef or anything like that, but I can do a little cooking when I want to."
Austin fiddled with his thumbs. "I take some things seriously and I love to joke around." He looked from his thumbs to Paige. "What else would you like to know Ms. Owen?" A smile started to stretch across his face."
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Post by Paige Owen on May 31, 2010 20:51:37 GMT -5
Merlin, he was so... grounded. So much the opposite of her. What did he want with her? Paige was a mess, in her own eyes, anyway. Tough in her work and hopelessly scattered in her personal life. She was terrified of food and gaining weight, she was convinced she wasn't good enough, and she'd never had a relationship that didn't end very, very badly. The only way she had to maintain order was to keep her apartment meticulously clean.
"I can't cook at all," Paige said. "I never learned how. Pretty much all I can make is scrambled eggs and toast. Oh, and salad. It used to be all I ever ate, so I got very good at making salad."
What else did she want to know about him? Maybe she just wanted to know that he had flaws, that he was not perfect. Or maybe she just wanted to know what it was that he saw in her that was worth his time. So far the only flaw she could find was that he liked her.
"What kind of songs do you write?" she asked. "What are they usually about?"
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