|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 18, 2008 18:48:33 GMT -5
Had she been asking him to leave? She didn't think so. What she did want, she realized, was for him to stop hurting her. If he loved her, she wanted him to tell her so. And if he didn't, then she wanted him to leave.
She took another deep breath, trying to control herself. She really didn't want him to see her cry. She was supposed to be stronger than that, wasn't she?
But when he said that he missed her, any pretense of strength was gone. She squeezed her eyes shut, allowing a few more tears to leak out. Then, opening them again, she looked up at him and whispered, "I miss you, too."
Wiping at her face, she glanced toward the door. "You want to talk? Let's go outside and talk."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 22, 2008 2:57:41 GMT -5
Ted couldn't help it when he saw those tears. He reached out and used his thumb to wipe a couple away. Andi never deserved to cry, and he knew her tears now were his own fault. That was hard for him to deal with, and he just wanted to fix everything for her.
When she asked if he wanted to go outside and talk, he didn't know how to answer. He didn't know what to say to her, or even if he could say anything so perfectly as she deserved to hear it. But she was offering him the opportunity to at least try and explain things, and he couldn't let that go.
So he nodded, and stepped forward, pushing the door open and holding it for her.
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 22, 2008 11:59:31 GMT -5
Andi felt goosebumps run up and down her arms as he brushed her tears away with his thumb. His touch could affect her still, and she wished he could just hold her and make everything go away. If only there was a way to make the last few weeks disappear, as if they'd never happened.
He opened the door for her and she led the way into the street. She walked a few feet away from the pub, stalling for time. She wasn't exactly sure what to say. He was being his usual sweet self, the one that she loved. But he was clearly with someone else now. And even though he'd already hurt her enough, it still stung to see him with the pretty brunette, who almost could have been her.
Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised you moved on so soon," she said. "But she's beautiful. She's more what I would have expected you to go for... not like that Rita girl."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 22, 2008 18:56:19 GMT -5
Ted was confused momentarily. Moved on? How could he? He loved her too much to ever move on.
"What? Veronica? Andi, she's just my friend. She's an Auror." And she was pretty, yes, but nowhere near as beautiful as Andi was. "She just got back into town and..." he trailed off. "It doesn't matter. She's not part of this, Andi. Can we talk about what happened?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 22, 2008 19:16:52 GMT -5
Andi wasn't quite sure what to believe anymore. She couldn't quite believe that anyone could be "just friends" with a girl who looked like Veronica. In her eyes, Veronica just seemed like a prettier, more mature, less complicated version of herself. They both had brown hair and brown eyes, they were both petite and slim, they were both aurors. She couldn't see any reason why he would choose her over someone like Veronica. And after all that had happened, she wasn't sure how to trust her own feelings when it came to him. She wanted to trust him... she just didn't know if she could.
But she nodded. "OK, we can talk. You can tell me why you said those things. I know you weren't really kissing Rita... she threw herself at you, right? So she could get a better story? But what I don't understand is why you let me believe it."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 0:20:11 GMT -5
So she already knew half of the story. That made things so much easier... half of the explaining had already been done for him.
"I'm so sorry, Andi," he started, all the sincerity and miser he had in him were put into those four words. "But you're spot on... I didn't even now that girl before then. That doesn't help, does it? I don't... I didn't kiss her." He was still explaining what Andi already knew... why? Beause he didn't know how to explain what had really happened.
"I didn't want to hurt you, Andi. Not in the long wrong."
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 0:39:31 GMT -5
Andi shivered in the chilly night air and wrapped her arms around herself, as much to protect herself from him as from the cold. "Then why did you?" she said in a brittle voice. "What did I do wrong? You came to bring me flowers... I couldn't process that at the time, but you didn't go there to break my heart that day, did you? Or did you just think flowers would soften the blow? If you had told me that Rita threw herself at you, I would have believed you..." Her words began to come out in a rush, but she held back the tears with all of her strength. She couldn't cry, not now.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 0:45:55 GMT -5
"I know you would have," he said softly, wanting to hold her and ward off the cold, but he knew she wouldn't let him. Not yet. "I didn't want you to believe me."
The more he tried to phrase things in his head before he said them, the more stupid it all sounded.
"I didn't realize what I had done until I talked with your family... Narcissa and your mum... I didn't understand how bad it could be. I mean, it's family, right? I didn't want you to lose family, and I jus had to think about everything you had given up for me... I wanted to protect you. But I think I was scared, too, that I couldn't be worth all of that."
Although, he supposed he had ended up proving himself right.
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 1:05:04 GMT -5
Andi's eyes burned with tears, and she blinked them back furiously. "It was my decision to make," she said. "And I'd already made it. Ted... I told you I didn't belong with them... I never did. I'm already disowned. My father disowned me just because I wouldn't apologize for falling in love with you."
She gave a shaky sigh. "I'm not going back to that life. Even without you. My mother... Did you say you talked to her?" The thought was horrifying. She wouldn't wish her mother on anyone, not even Lord Voldemort himself. She fervently believed her mother was infinitely more evil than the so-called Dark Lord... He only killed people. Her mother could make people wish they were dead, but leave them alive.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 1:15:30 GMT -5
"Right, Andi, I know... I know I should have left it up to you, but family is... I didn't want to tamper with that. And we're both young, and I know how I feel and I know that's not going away, but whose to say that you *don't* end up falling madly in love with some rich pureblood afterall, when it's too late to go back to them?"
There was some of that logic. Merlin, he wished they could just rewind time and start all over.
Well, they could... he shook his head. A timeturner was not that answer. Neither was more alcohol.
"I want what's best for you, Andromeda, and I thought that's what I was doing."
He ran his hand through his hair, sighing. "Yeah, your mum came to talk with me."
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 1:41:40 GMT -5
Somehow this was only making her feel worse. It was like having a knife stuck in her heart and having it twisted over and over again. The fact that he could have had any doubt about the depth of her feelings for him was another excruciating twist. "Do you really think I'm going to just change my mind about how I feel about you? I couldn't stop loving you... not even after what happened. I couldn't even get angry enough to hate you. And I can't believe you would have these doubts about my feelings for you... I poured my whole heart into loving you... and when you were gone I had nothing left."
The tears were flowing freely now, and she couldn't stop them. "And what did my ogre of a mother say to you? Did she tell you what an awful, ungrateful daughter I am? What else did she say about me? And after you met her, why didn't you come find me and tell me you were wrong? You couldn't honestly believe I belong with that woman."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 1:50:14 GMT -5
Ted was itching told her. It was killing him to see her cry. But he didn't move. He didn't know how she would handle it, or how he would handle being pushed away.
He sighed. "It's not that I doubt you're feelings, Andromeda. I have no doubt that you loved me when you said it... but whose to say that won't ever fade?" He stopped himself, knowing nothing he said was going to make up for what he had done to her.
"She said you were too good for me," he said, leaving out most of what the woman had said to him. That was the part that mattered, the part that stuck, and he couldn't even remember now if she had actually even said it. "And I believed her."
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 2:05:12 GMT -5
She shook her head and looked away from him. "I've never been one to change my mind about anything," Andi said. "And nothing is ever going to convince me to go back to my family. That life... it made me miserable. I always felt like I was living a lie. But Ted... love is always a leap. You have to be willing to put your faith in another person... that they're not going to give up on you, that you'll always be together. And if you really had doubts about whether I would change my mind or one day wake up and stop loving you... I wish you had talked to me about it before. Maybe we moved too fast... maybe we should have slowed things down just a little, so we could learn more about each other. I could have said the same thing about you... I split with my sisters before I even told you I loved you... and before you said it back. But I had no doubts. I just plunged in, because I knew it... I knew it from the minute we first met that I would love you forever..."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 23, 2008 20:29:51 GMT -5
"I did try and talk to you about it." He looked up quickly, hoping she didn't think that he was blaming her for their lac of communication. "I just never pushed really hard because the timing was never right and it just... I didn't want to fight with you."
He sighed. "Andi, please, look, I didn't want to hurt you, or fight with you. I did everything all wrong, I understand that, but I am so sorry for everything. I never wanted this for either of us."
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 24, 2008 0:04:58 GMT -5
Andi let out a choked sob. "You didn't want to fight with me... so instead you decided to shatter my heart into a million pieces?" she said. She knew it sounded like an accusation... and really, that was what it was. He was right about one thing... he'd handled it all wrong.
"I don't... understand... what is it you want from me now, Ted?" she asked in an agonized voice. "You say you're sorry for what happened, but what do you want to do about it? Do you want my forgiveness? My permission to move on? Or have you changed your mind? Just tell me what you want, because this hurts too much... I just want you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right..." At this, she broke down and began to cry heavily.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 24, 2008 0:21:43 GMT -5
And that was all Ted needed. He didn't need to explain again that he hadn't meant for either of their misery, that he wished he could take it all back. He didn't even need to say anything. He just needed to hear her say she wanted to be held, and that's all he could focus on.
In a swift motion, he moved forward, pulling her into his arms and holding her against him firmly, kissing the top of her head. "Everything's going to be okay, Andi. I promise. I'll fix this."
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 24, 2008 0:35:26 GMT -5
Being back in his arms was like being home again. Or what home was supposed to feel like. It never had for her... not until she had moved out of her family's estate, anyway. She buried her face in his warm, strong chest and let the tears flow. Merlin, how she had missed him! It was like she was a puzzle with a piece missing... and now the piece was back in its place. There were issues... so many things they needed to talk about, to work through. But she didn't want to think about any of those right now. She just wanted to lose herself in his arms and let the rest of the world fall away.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 24, 2008 0:44:22 GMT -5
Ted brushed her hair back from her face, and held on to her, keeping her close. He rubbed her back, kept whispering over and over how sorry he was and how evrything would be all right. He would fix everything, no mattwer what it took to do so.
He held her, waiting until her tears stopped, but he waited pateintly. His missed holding her, he missed them. And it was still tearing him up inside that she was crying and he was the cause of it. Had she not been here, he probably would have never said anything to her at all.
If he believed in fate... which he wasn't sure... her being here had been a sign.
|
|
|
|
Post by Andromeda Tonks on Nov 24, 2008 1:10:42 GMT -5
Andi wished her mind would shut off. Before he had been the one to have doubts. But now her traitorous mind was beginning to doubt him. He had hurt her so badly... was this really enough to heal it? Was it really enough that he was sorry and that he missed her? How could she be sure that it wouldn't happen again, or if the rift between them could be patched up with a few sweet words? And yet, having his arms around her filled her with such sweet longing. She wanted him back so much...
She stopped sobbing, but the tears didn't go away. They were tiny rivers of fear and doubt that kept trickling down her face, even as she looked up at him, into his beautiful eyes. "Tell me you love me," she said softly. "Please."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ted Tonks on Nov 24, 2008 1:16:58 GMT -5
Her tears made him want to change the world so that nothing would ever make her cry again. He was eager to do anything she asked, and he meant it when he told her then that he loved her. Was that enough? He had a lot to make up for, and he doubted the sentiment alone would do the trick.
Not caring if she would get angry or push him away, he tilted her chin up and kissed her. It was gentle and apologetic, in no way demanding. He would never ever be demading with her in any way. Her lips felt like home.
|
|
