So Confused (Josh/open)

[Eve Mallory]

After herbology Eve rushed to get out of the class without so much as a second glance at her friends. She hated that perhaps her actions were a bit rude, but the alternative was too unsettling to consider. Ever since their outing being around Josh was too much for her senses to handle. She had almost kissed him.

She had wanted to kiss him so badly and then something happened, and then the moment was over, and then...the horrifying realization that she had been in love with one of her best friends for so long was terrifying.

She couldn't be around him, couldn't see him, he'd look at her and know, she couldn't hide something like that from Josh. So she avoided him, and now everything was off.

Her sleeping suffered the most ,besides the inner turmoil she felt over loving someone she had always considered a big brother, She couldn't sleep without him. She knew she had become attached but...it was awful just recently that she really couldn't close her eyes for more than a minute without waking up from some nightmare.

In the distance she thought she could hear her name being called.

[Josh Jordan]

Josh had been confused at Eve's actions. What was wrong with her? It was evident that she hadn't been sleeping. Why?

He was going to speak with her in Herbology, but she seemed to be avoiding him. Ever since they returned from Hogsmeade, she had been like this. Was it because of what happened? If Lance hadn't shown up, he would have finally and actually kissed her. That was something he had been waiting to do for a long time.

Eve had darted out of class, and Josh followed her, leaving Lance and Genevieve to themselves. "Eve! Wait," he called while running after her. He had to find out what he did wrong.

[Eve Mallory]

She heard his footsteps behind her and weighed her chances of getting away as very slight so instead she decided to face him.

Plastering a semblance of a smile on her pale face she turned to him and all her words died on her lips. Had he always been that handsome? Yes. She realized it of course long ago that both brothers were incredibly handsome guys, but...you attach an emotion like love on to that outlook and suddenly, well suddenly Josh was the most beautiful creature Eve had ever seen and she couldn't speak.

[Josh Jordan]

Eve had stopped. If she hadn't, Josh would have chased her all around the school if he had to. He slowed his running as he reached her and then stopped. Looking at her worridly, Josh searched her face for some kind of answers. She just seemed so tired, and she looked paler than usual.

"What wrong Eva? Don't tell me nothing because I know better. You usually don't get up and dart out of class like that, and it seems like you haven't been sleeping." He was concerned and he was going to let her know that. He wanted to fix her problems so she could be the Eve he knew and loved.

[Eve Mallory]

He was scolding her, reprimanding her for the things she was already reprimanding herself for, but he wasn't doing it maliciously, no in all truth he was probably worried about her. She was worried about herself.

"I am Fine." she stressed the last word hoping to make him believe it, she couldn't lie to him though and without an excuse to cover why she didn't look fine her case was pretty much dead so she added, "and you're right, I just haven't been sleeping well."that part was honest at least. But she hadn't been sleeping with him so it was no wonder she wasn't sleeping well.

Briefly she wondered if she affected his sleep pattern at all and then brushed the silly notion away, she probably did something mortifying in sleep like kick him and he was just putting up with her for whatever reason...she could find any reason why he wouldn't really want to be with her and it made her incurably sad.

[Josh Jordan]

Josh looked at her not believing her for a moment, but he was not going to push it. He knew that there was something else, but he wasn't going to force it out of her. "You know that you're always welcome in my room Eva," he said gently. The nights that she wasn't there seemed to be colder and more empty.

"I want you to get plenty of sleep and not have any nightmares. You should come by tonight so that you can get a good night's rest. You know that I don't mind it." Of course Josh didn't mind it. He loved when she did come and sought protection from her nightmares. He was happy to chase away the bad dreams.

[Eve Mallory]

"No I can't." she said too quickly but lowered her eyes. She couldn't sleep with him, not even to chase the bad dreams away, not when she loved him, now it'd be awkward and she'd be lying there in his arms, yes it seemed like heaven of course but...it was horribly improper especially now that she realized she was in love with him.

[Josh Jordan]

No, I can't Those words hit Josh hard. He felt like his heart fell to his stomach. What was wrong? Did she dislike him now or something? He didn't understand. His expression fell whenever his heart did.

Josh frowned and didn't bother hiding it. The brightness of his eyes left and it was replaced with disappointment/sadness. "Eva, you need to sleep. You're going to make yourself sick if you don't." He looked down at her. "What did I do wrong Eva?"

[Eve Mallory]

If Eve had been looking up she might have noticed it, as it was she couldn't make herself look at him. Not when how she felt was written over every inch of her face, he'd know then, and things would change between them. She wasn't at all sure they would change for the better...after all things were fine as friends. He loved her like a little sister and he took care of her in this way, but if she told him that she loved him...he would turn away from her.

She wouldn't be welcome in his bed because it would be awkward, and then...oh Godric, what happened when he did eventually get a girlfriend...that girlfriend would hate her, and she would never be allowed to sleep in Josh's bed again, she would never know another night's peace within his arms of security.

These horrified revelations came hitting her over and over again and she was going to be sick. Her first thought was to crumble against him and beg for him to love her forever to never push her away, but she couldn't do that to Josh. Her sleep deprived overactive imagination was in control of her body now.

She didn't even hear his question. She started to run, perhaps she could outrun her need for him, perhaps she could outrun the darkness that was closing in.

Perhaps she could have, if the darkness hadn't been the black veil of unconsciousness. She made about ten steps away from Josh before she started to wobble and then started falling backwards.

[Josh Jordan]

Confused was an understatement. Josh tried to study her, but he couldn't see what was wrong. He wanted her to tell him, but he wasn't going to dare pull it out of her. Eve couldn't even look up at him. Did she hate him? Josh wanted to pick her up and make her sleep in his bed, and that was what he was going to do. He was just going to pick her up, even if she protested, but she started to run off.

He called after her, but she wasn't turning around. Josh was not going to give up on her. He noticed that she was wobbling, and he acted fast. Eve started to fall backwards, but Josh caught her before she had time to hit the ground. What was happening to her? Lack of sleep? What was she doing to herself?

"Eve? Eva," Josh asked quietly. He gently shook her, but no response. "Eva," he said in a whisper. Josh kissed her cheek. He walked swiftly towards the school as he held onto her.

[Eve Mallory]

Eve knew she was falling, she knew she was blacking out and any second now she was going to hit the hard ground and it was going to hurt and she couldn't believe she was doing this in front of Josh. Was she still in front of him? Had she managed to run out of his sight, no of course not, why wasn't she hitting the ground already?

She felt him then picking her up, felt his breath on her cheek and that's when she felt safe enough to really let go and trust that he would take care of her. Still it was the worry in his voice that made her come back.

Her eyes opened a small fraction and she whispered for him not to worry before closing her eyes again.

She was running a small fever but it was the lack of sleep that did her in. What with the weather and everything her not sleeping lowered her immunity and her energy enough that the cool winds had found their way into her system creating a small sickness.

[Josh Jordan]

Josh carried Eve up to the Hufflepuff dorms and went straight to his room. He was going to take care of her, because he couldn't stand seeing her this way. He was going to not worry about the rest of his classes today. Eve was far more important.

He couldn't help but smile down at her gently as she mumbled not to worry. Josh made sure that the way he carried her, she was comfortable.

Entering his room, he shut the door with his foot and he laid her gently down on his bed. Josh took her shoes off for her, and then moved her gently so he could get her underneath the covers. He pushed hair away from her face and then gently kissed her forehead. He knew that she was running a slight fever, but he wasn't going to wake her.

Josh slipped his shoes off and slid into his bed next to her as she slept just in case she may have had nightmares. He put an arm around her and watched her sleep.

[Eve Mallory]

(Ooc: Sheesh...adorable much?)

For the first time in a few days Eve slept. Her rest was dreamless but she had the constant presence of a warm body keeping pleasantly sated as her body claimed the rest it needed. She didn't wake up for another three hours by then her fever had cooled slightly as well.

Her eyes fluttered open just a little and she was facing a black wall. A black wall that happened to smell like Josh. During sleep she had managed to twist so she was burrowed against him her legs intertwined with his. It wasn't really an innocent position but it was a comfortable one. She realized the black wall was his cloak against his chest and that had also been what was itching her nose.

For a beautifully brief ignorant moment it had been like old times, she was just waking up with her best friend...of course they hadn't really gotten into said positioning before and that was only a little awkward it had yet to dawn on her that she was sleeping in the same bed with the guy that she was ardently crushing upon.

[Josh Jordan]

He still had his arms around her as some how they managed to get their legs intertwined. Josh wasn't going to complain, because he was rather comfortable, and he had fallen asleep.

This was the best sleep he had in a few days. Feeling Eve move around a little bit, he slowly opened his eyes and looked down at her. "Hey," he said sleepily. She looked gorgeous when she just woke up, but then again it wasn't like she wasn't gorgeous all the time. Josh was going to try to make this not be awkward. "Did you sleep well," he asked.

[Eve Mallory]

The moment of ignorance was over when he spoke to her and tears came to her eyes as she answered honestly, "Yes..." she closed her eyes quickly and buried her face against his chest, it was hopeless then...she had tried so very hard to sleep on her own, but her resistance now was nil during the past two nights she had tried so hard to convince herself that she could sleep without him, but her body knew better and now...now she just couldn't help it. She couldn't always do this one day he would have a girlfriend, one day he would get married and yeah it was a long long way off but...that girl wouldn't be her and she would have to sleep alone again.

She started to cry as her fists gripped his cloak.

[Josh Jordan]

He looked at her curiously as she closed her eyes. He felt bad for Eve. Josh would let her in his room every night for the rest of their lives. That would be how he would like it. He always wanted to be the one to chase away her nightmares and to keep her safe at night.

As Eve buried her head in his chest and clutched onto his cloak, Josh started to stroke her hair and moved his head closer to hers. "Shh," he said soothingly. "It'll be alright. I'm here and always will be." He tried to calm her down and get her to stop crying.

[Eve Mallory]

She tried reigning in the water works for just a moment as she looked up at him and shook her head, "It's not..." she whispered, " It's not always going to be like this..." pressing her lips together she let out a deep breath she seemed to be suffocating on and allowed herself to melt against him.

"What will happen when you leave?" she asked softly " What if I'm broken?" she whispered," What if I can't ever sleep again unless I'm here with you...and then...what will happen when you leave?" her voice hitched a funny tone on the last few words and it was the sharp cry escaping that caused her to hold on just a little tighter.

[Josh Jordan]

"Yes, it will always be like this," he said reassuring her. "I'll find some way to come back and spend the night with you every night. Don't worry about it. I promise I can work something out."

Josh held her tightly. "You'll be fine, I promise. We'll never lose touch, ever. We'll always be with each other. I promise you." With a free hand he wiped away her tears. "Eva, I promise you things won't really change. I'll always be here with you."

[Eve Mallory]

"I'm trying..." she said, "I was trying to do it on my own...but I can't." she admitted. She couldn't fight her demons on her own and she was afraid of being a burden on him.

"Things do Change Josh...things will Change..." she whispered. When he got a girlfriend things would change. Eve was pretty sure no girl would want their boyfriend sleeping with another girl no matter how innocent it was...and now it wasn't even that innocent anymore. Not when Eve felt the way she did, not when her legs wrapped up with his gave her a kind of butterfly feeling in her stomach.

[Josh Jordan]

"That's alright. I'll help you. That's what I'm here for," he said stroking her hair again. "And things will not change. This will not change. You are more than welcome to come in here all the time. No one is going to mind it. Besides, you're the only girl I would want to share my bed with." Josh's ears turned red. Did he admit that he liked her, or what exactly did he just say?

He was trying to comfort her, yet he was completely serious when he said that she was the only one he wanted to share a bed with. That was true. They had always done that, and now, it gave him a funny feeling but the feeling was amazing.