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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 20, 2008 12:28:07 GMT -5
Andi was still crying as they apparated back to the apartment building. She had known for a long time that this break was coming, but it had come sooner and been far more painful than she'd ever expected. Maybe it was the fact that it had taken place in a public place, or that Ted was present to witness it. Or maybe it was seeing the fragile hopes she had for her sisters, particularly Narcissa, shatter in front of her eyes. But whatever it was, she felt desolated inside, like a piece of her heart had been obliterated.
Had she done the right thing? Had she made the right choice? She felt in her heart that she had; that Ted was worth the pain. But even still, the fear and uncertainty in a relationship that was still so new came back to haunt her. If things didn't work out, would she look like a fool for abandoning her family in favor of him? She was taking a huge gamble... and she prayed the payoff would be worth it.
She sniffled heavily and looked up at him as they moved toward the elevator. "I'm really sorry you had to witness that," she said softly.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 20, 2008 20:33:47 GMT -5
He shrugged, silent until year elevator doors opened. He pushed 2, tempted to push 4 as well, but he could at least see her to her door. "I'm sorry you ad to go through it."
She was sorry that he had witnessed it... Not for what they had said. He sighed, leading her to her door. "Here you are, Andi."
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 20, 2008 21:15:14 GMT -5
Andi lingered at the door, looking up at him even as she clumsily felt around in her bag for her key. There were so many things she wanted to say to him just then, but she wasn't sure she trusted her own voice. Her breathing still felt shaky, and she felt like there was an enormous icy lump in her throat that made it hard to swallow.
Did he realize just how humiliated she was about her sisters' words and attitudes? She may have become the family outcast, but she was ashamed of her sisters, of her family, her heritage, and her upbringing. With that kind of legacy of hatred and intolerance, she was actually glad to be the pariah. But despite her beliefs, it still hurt. She had just lost her sisters. Even if she disagreed with them, it still hurt to lose them.
Finally she closed her hand around her key, and she took it out of her bag slowly. "Please come inside with me," she whispered, her voice still wavering.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 3:44:20 GMT -5
(My posts always look so much longer on my phone, lol)
Ted took a breath and shook his head. "I think it would be best if I just went to my apartment," he said. Yes, he wanted to be there for her, and yes, he was probably an idiot for denying her anything right now, but he just didn't see this going well right now. It ate at him as well that she didn't apologize for what they had said, and he wished now that he had paid more attention to what she said back to her sisters rather than their insults at him.
"You should probably get some sleep or something," he said, scratching his neck. "I'll see you tomorrow, maybe." He was silently begging her to stop crying.
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 6:12:17 GMT -5
She didn't imagine she'd be able to sleep tonight. And even though she was still really upset by the encounter, there were a lot of things she needed to talk about with him. She wasn't sure she'd be able to get them all out, but she knew that if he went home and left her alone, that opportunity would be lost. She'd declared her love for him tonight, and so far, he hadn't reacted. Was she wrong about their relationship?
She let out a choked sob. "Please stay," she whispered in a shaking breath. "I really don't want to be alone tonight."
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 10:24:29 GMT -5
Ted's shoulders fell slowly as he released a long breath. He couldn't say no to that. He wouldn't have been able to say no if she wasn't crying... he certainly couldn't say no now. He wanted to tell himself that he would deny her nothing... but that wasn't really true, was it? He wanted to go home. He wanted to get a shower, even though he was already clean, as if that would just wash the mudblood off of him.
No, he couldn't think like that. He was proud of his ancestry, even if he was a first generation wizard. He was proud of his family. And she had left the resturant with him, so some part of her, at least, had to disagree with them.
"Okay, Andi," he said softly. "I'll stay."
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 10:42:59 GMT -5
Andi sighed with relief as he agreed to come inside. She couldn't quite understand why he wouldn't, but the fact that he hadn't acknowledged her declaration of love made her uneasy. It was the first time she'd said the word "love" out loud in reference to him, and although she wished she'd said it to him first, she didn't regret saying it.
Managing a weak smile, she responded with a simple, "Thank you," then opened the door.
She had anticipated coming back here with him after the dinner, and so she'd left the place extra neat. And Agamemnon had cooperated as well by not knocking anything over. He was sprawled out on the top of her bookshelf right next to Tales of Beedle the Bard.
The walk to the sofa seemed endless, but she finally made her way over and sank down into the soft cushions. Looking up at him, she wondered where she was supposed to start. So much to say... her mind was a jumble. And the block of ice in her throat just wouldn't go away.
She opened her mouth to speak, but instead she burst out crying all over again.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 13:22:02 GMT -5
Ted was hesitant, standing awkwardly as she sat on the couch. She didn't have to explain anything to him. He knew going into this that her family probably wouldn't like him, and he wished it were easier on her.
He sat on the couch and pulled her into his arms again when the second wave hit. This time, he did not promise that everything was going to be okay. He couldn't promise her that he'd make everything okay if he wasn't going to be around.
"Andi," he said, perhaps at the wrong time. "I think tonight showed us something. We should probably stop this... whatever we're doing. We shouldn't see each other anymore."
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 13:31:56 GMT -5
Andi jerked her head up immediately at these words. Staring at him, aghast, her face soaked with tears, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. The block of ice spread into her chest and her stomach, making her feel queasy. "What?" she cried, her voice unnaturally high. "No... no! Ted, did you even listen to what I said back there? I don't take those words lightly... I meant every word!"
She started to shake. Had she been wrong? Had it all been for naught? She had just split with her family for him... and now he didn't want her? In that instead, she had never felt more alone and terrified. "Please..." she choked.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 13:41:56 GMT -5
"Andi, shhh," Ted said, still trying to hold her. Yes, he had heard her. He hadn't heard the declaration of love. She had defended him to her family, though... he didn't quite understand that she had already chosed him over her family, and he didn't want her to have to.
"Andi, I know family is important to you, and I know how you feel about your sisters. I'm not going to make you choose between me and them, all right? I can't do that to you." He sighed. As much as he wanted Andi, he never wanted to be the reason she had problems with her sisters. "It's just better if I go now. I'll stay until you feel better tonight."
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 13:58:09 GMT -5
She shook her head vigorously, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "No... I don't want you to go," she said thickly. "Ted... I'm almost positive that my sisters are not back there crying about me right now. I'm sure they just went back to their happy little dinner party as if I'd never even existed. Yes, I love them and it breaks my heart to split from them... but they're wrong. Everything they were saying... it was wrong. I hate them for saying those things about you. I... well, I don't hate them, but I hate the way they see the world, and I hate what they said about you. They don't know you... they can't know how wonderful you are."
She continued to tremble, as the ice block turned into a frozen hand that gripped her heart, squeezing it. It hurt to breathe, and she was sure she'd stop breathing altogether if she couldn't convince him to stay.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 14:04:19 GMT -5
"That's just it, Andi. You're crying for them right now. Which shows me that they do mean the world to you. They're family and no one... no one should come between that," he tried to explain. She was crying because of what had happened; how was he supposed to react to that?
"Look, don't even worry about what they said to me. It went in one ear and right out the other. I don't want to cause problems with your family." he was afraid she would grow to resent him for it.
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 14:15:55 GMT -5
Andi was starting to feel sick with the block of ice now sitting in her stomach, making it churn painfully. He was not going to leave her... she couldn't let him. One piece of her heart had already been broken today, but if he left, the rest of it would shatter into so many pieces, she wasn't sure it would ever be repaired. The icy hand kept squeezing and she could feel seams beginning to split.
Letting out a sob, she shook her head again and grabbed his hands. "This was going to happen sooner or later, anyway. I've been on the outs with the family since my first day at Hogwarts. I've never seen things the same way, and I don't belong with them. Yes, I love them... but I'm too different from them. You heard them! They think I'm a loon, just because I said that I loved you! Please don't leave me... I can live without my family, but I'm not sure I can live without you." She started to cry again.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 14:32:47 GMT -5
Ted had another protest on his tongue, but it died, slipping back down his throat. She had said she loved him? He should have been thrilled at hearing this, but he felt the weight of cowardice fall on his shoulders. That was a lot of pressure to put on a guy... choosing him over your family for love. It was liked Romeo and Juliet, and they both died. In fact, someone died in every incarnation of that story he could think of.
He would be the worst human alive if he left her alone after what she just said, though. Ted Tonks, Auror, was too scared to tell her that he loved her too, so he sat with her in silence for a long while, holding her while she cried.
"I'll stay," he said at length.
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 14:46:44 GMT -5
Andi clung to him and continued to cry. She knew she had won, but at what cost? Breaking with her family for him was a gutsy move. And he still hadn't said that he loved her, too. Still... would he stay if he didn't?
After a while, her tears began to abate, as she felt herself growing weary with the effort it took to cry. But she kept her face pressed against his chest, barely noticing that the front of his dress robes was nearly soaked through with her tears. It felt good just to hold him, to feel his warm body against hers. As long as his arms were around her, she wasn't shivering.
"I love you," she said again, willing him to say it back. "I love you."
Shifting position, she tilted her head up so that her face was next to his throat, and began kissing along the side of his neck.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 15:07:40 GMT -5
"Andi," Ted started but his breath hitched slightly. What was she doing?
"Andi," he said again, putting his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back slightly. She wasn't crying as much, but her eyes were red and puffy and he knew she was still upset. "Why don't you just sit with me for a little while, okay?"
Say it back, you git, a voice in his head yelled at him. There was a fear in the pit of his stomach that he'd lose her if he didn't return the sentiment, but it was overshadowed by the distinctly male fear of saying it back.
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 15:40:26 GMT -5
She felt lost and empty when he pushed her away from him. He still hadn't said it yet... and she wasn't going to beg him to say it. Though her pride was deeply wounded, she still couldn't quite bring herself to do that.
He hadn't pushed her away completely, but he didn't seem to want her. The fear gripped her heart again and her bottom lip began to tremble. But she reached out with one hand and began to stroke the side of his face, still freshly shaven from just a few hours ago. "I love you," she said again. In that moment, it was the only truth she had left to hang on to.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 15:51:37 GMT -5
Say it, you idiot, he thought to himself. He shifted his own position so that he could get a better look at her.
"I love you, too," he stumbled just slightly over the words. He did love her, more than he thought possible, he just hadn't been ready to declare it. "I've loved you since the day you walked into the Auror office, actually," he admitted.
He hadn't known her in school. Even there, although she wasn't in Slytherin, things just seemed to keep them from ever really talking. He was two years ahead of her, her sisters always seemed to be around, and she had an air of untouchable about her. Or maybe that was just her family's reputation. Whatever it was, she had escaped his mind during school, but have never let go of it once he started talking to her. It was overwhelming. Here he had this girl who loved him, who would give up her family for him, and he knew she was the one. It scared the hell out of him.
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Post by Andromeda Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 18:25:41 GMT -5
As soon as he said the words, she let out a sound that was half a sob, half a laugh. It was so good just to hear him say the words. She no longer felt like she was standing alone on the edge of a cliff.
"I've loved you since that first day at the Ministry, too," she said softly. Her hand was still on his cheek, and she let it slide upwards to tangle in his hair. "Remember? I walked in to take the test, and all the other aurors gave me a dirty look? But you got up and walked over to me... One look at those blue eyes and your cute little-boy smile, and I was lost..."
She shifted position again, moving closer to him. With her other hand on the back of his neck, she moved in and began to kiss him.
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Post by Ted Tonks on Aug 21, 2008 18:53:21 GMT -5
It was a strange thought, but he wasn't sure how he felt about kissing her right now. They had just declared their love for each other, which was usually followed by kissing, but those declarations had followed a fight with her family, and the whole thing was just a little surreal to him.
But he felt like he was home when he was kissing her, or even just holding her.
"You were a Black. They were too scared to talk to you. I had to jump on the chance before anyone else realized just how perfect you were. Andi, are you okay?" He tagged this onto the end of his sentence because he was worried about her. She had just had a very hard night.
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