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Post by Robert "Ink" Atwell on Mar 26, 2016 1:14:25 GMT -5
Ink actually nodded. He understood what Troy was speaking about, though he'd been intoxicated when he brazenly promised the band he could outdrum any of their previous drummers one handed... and then did it. If Ink ever got nervous, he didn't show it, or he hid it under layers of charm and energy. "It's better on stage, right?" He was oblivious to what was really going through Troy's head. "Somehow, playing in front of thousands is a lot easier and feels a lot less judgmental than playing in front of a couple of people you know. Is Tobias not here yet? He usually shows up before me." Troy relaxed a little. In a way, he almost sensed a similarity between him and Ink. The drummer was known for his crazy ways, but here, like this, he was just as normal as anyone else. Troy recognized the tendency toward highs and lows, although he was pretty sure Ink was not manic-depressive like himself. He was simply more confident on the stage or with a drink in his hand, when he could hide behind that crazy rock star persona. Troy didn't have quite the "rock star" persona, but his manic phases were similar in a way, and he knew that when he was on stage, or just performing with an instrument in his hands--that was when he could hide and let the music speak in ways he could never really manage to do in his real life. "Yeah, exactly. I don't even know what to do with myself if I don't have an instrument in my hands. I'm not that great in the social situations most of the time... just put me on the stage and let me play." "Ah, I don't know. You did just fine at the auditions. You didn't seem nervous, and I think that's half of what they're looking for." Honestly, though, he couldn't have played the drums very well just one handed, but he had the audacity to say he could, and Ink was convinced that's what had got him in. The story was better though if he told it with his skill as the defining factor. "They're taking ages with that fire whiskey. Wish they'd bring the drinks before whatever quick shag they're having." He may have been the youngest in the band, but his year and his lifestyle were still slowly catching up with him. "Anyway, what's your story, mate? How'd you end up here?" |
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Mar 28, 2016 21:42:07 GMT -5
How, exactly, was Nigel supposed to respond to this? A suspicious man might think that Troy had somehow realized that his ex was now seeing Nigel and had seized on the opportunity to go to the audition, just to see if he could make things uncomfortable for everyone. It certainly wasn't an impossible assumption, since jealousy could make a man do terrible things. However, Nigel remembered the look on Troy's face, and the shock and awkwardness that followed. Either Troy was a very good actor or he had been genuinely taken by surprise to see Eddie here. No, this was not some conspiracy or twisted revenge plot... it was just the cruel twisting of fate. But hearing that Eddie and Troy had met a few weeks ago... well, it hurt. Even if Troy hadn't showed up here on purpose, it meant that he had met up with Eddie recently, that they had caught up... and that Eddie hadn't told him about it at the time. That made him the outsider, and while maybe it hadn't been intentional, it meant that Eddie was already keeping secrets from him. An awkward meeting with one's ex was a noteworthy occasion... something to talk about with the new love. Wasn't it? As much as he didn't want to know, Nigel opened his mouth and found himself asking "Do you still love him?" Eddie's attempt at keeping honesty between them backfired. And maybe he should have been clearer and made sure Nigel knew that they hadn't met intentionally. But he didn't, and this is where they were. Nigel's question was not unexpected, but it still knocked the wind out of him. "Yes," he answered quietly, honestly, and easily. He wasn't going to lie to Nigel. Nor would he lie to Yvonne when she asked him the same question, and he wasn't going to lie to himself. "And I'm always going to love him. He was a very important part of my life for a long time, and he... what we had... it changed me as a person. But there's a very important difference between loving someone and being in love with them, and I stopped being in love with him long before we broke up." It was long winded and painfully honest- so much so that it hurt Eddie to hear it, because he may have never admitted that to himself, either. But as deeply as he loved Troy, and as much of himself as he gave away and sacrificed to try to help Troy, he really did stop being in love with the man. He let out a slow breath. "I'll go, if that's what you want." |
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Post by Nigel Barksworth on Mar 31, 2016 21:49:22 GMT -5
Surprisingly, the answer didn't hurt as much as Nigel though it would. He already knew the answer when he asked it, and if Eddie had answered negatively or not answered at all, the Nigel would gave know he was lying. The fact that he told the truth gave Nigel hope that Eddie really was serious and that he really did want a future with him.
He knew the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, and to hear Eddie put it that way was also a hopeful sign. It meant Eddie was putting Troy in the past and was looking to the future. It was all good.
Nigel cracked a half-grin at Eddie, then moved in for a kiss. "No, I don't bloody want you to go... Not unless you want to. Listen, we've all got a past, as I said before. Did you know I was in love with a woman once? We broke it off when I realized I preferred men, but I still love her. She's my best friend... And she's also my manager."
He paused for a moment, letting that sink in, before he continued, "But what we had... It's definitely in the past, and if Troy is your past, then I hope you'll consider making me your future. Because I'm not just in this for kicks."
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Post by Tobias Pace on Apr 1, 2016 20:57:19 GMT -5
"I thought I heard my name being called," said Tobias as he appeared beside Ink with two cups of coffee in his hands. He put on in front of Ink and drank from the second one in his hand. "I snuck in the back to drink my first cup already," he said with a grin. "You know I'm always here."
He took a long drink from his coffee. Tobias was always one for drinking alcohol but coffee washop always his second. "Troy," he said nodding to the newest member. "I am glad that you haven't been chased away. I'm pretty sure you'll do great. Ink here is always wasted and he still does great." Tobias gave a small chuckle. "I do agree with Ink. What is your life story?"
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Post by Troy Wexler on Apr 2, 2016 22:45:14 GMT -5
Whatever false bravado Troy might have been able to muster up in response to Ink's positive comments about his audition completely flew out the window when the drummer suggested that Eddie and Nigel were having a "shag" in the back.
That moment was when Troy realized what he had probably already known deep in the back of his mind, but couldn't quite bring himself to think. It made him realize that he was still in love with Eddie and that he wanted him back. He hated the thought that Eddie and Nigel might be having a quickie in the other room while he stood out here like a git trying to make small talk with Ink. The very thought of it made his skin crawl and his stomach turn.
It was childish, and it was immature, and he fully recognized it as such, but a part of him had always believed, even when he was in the lowest pits of his depression, that if he could just get his life together and deal with his illness, that he could somehow pick up where he left off with Eddie. As if he could just put a pin in their relationship, pause it in place and then resume as if nothing had happened. He knew in his head that it wasn't possible and that it would take a lot of work to rebuild the love and trust they once had. He had wanted to wait until he was sure he wouldn't fall back into his old habits and self-destruct again. But he couldn't be sure that there would ever come a time when he would be fully stable. And if Eddie was moving on, then there was no time to waste. He was going to have to start now.
It was an ungrateful thought, since Nigel had been so kind to him and was giving him a job in the band. But Troy felt in his gut that Eddie belonged with him. He might not really deserve Eddie, and he probably never would, but by Godric, he needed him.
He was just in the middle of this epiphany when Ink asked him what "his story" was. Before he could even answer, Tobias joined them and asked the same question. While Troy was glad for the addition of the last band member, since it would mean an extra buffer and also that they could finally get started with the rehearsal (if Nigel and Eddie ever returned from whatever they were doing), he was a bit taken aback by the question. He felt a little like he was being put on the spot, and he had no idea what he was supposed to say. He was not about to mention his mental illness.
"Oh, you know," he said, trying to act casual. "Love playing music, but not ambitious enough to form my own band. I usually work odd jobs and play gigs with whatever local bands need a player. Nothing really interesting to tell."
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Apr 3, 2016 1:08:20 GMT -5
Surprisingly, the answer didn't hurt as much as Nigel though it would. He already knew the answer when he asked it, and if Eddie had answered negatively or not answered at all, the Nigel would gave know he was lying. The fact that he told the truth gave Nigel hope that Eddie really was serious and that he really did want a future with him. He knew the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, and to hear Eddie put it that way was also a hopeful sign. It meant Eddie was putting Troy in the past and was looking to the future. It was all good. Nigel cracked a half-grin at Eddie, then moved in for a kiss. "No, I don't bloody want you to go... Not unless you want to. Listen, we've all got a past, as I said before. Did you know I was in love with a woman once? We broke it off when I realized I preferred men, but I still love her. She's my best friend... And she's also my manager." He paused for a moment, letting that sink in, before he continued, "But what we had... It's definitely in the past, and if Troy is your past, then I hope you'll consider making me your future. Because I'm not just in this for kicks." Eddie relaxed when Nigel pressed a kiss to his lips. Eddie had always overthought things and worried about them too much, which was likely why he usually attracted people who did the opposite. Nigel, at least, seemed level headed, which was more than Eddie could say for most of his exes, limited as they were. Nigel wasn't angry. He wasn't storming away. In fact, he was being more understanding and accepting that Eddie could have hoped. He was sharing his own past (which made Eddie quietly say Sylvia's name when he got it). He was sharing more than Eddie probably had in their entire relationship up to this point. And then Nigel made his intentions clear, and Eddie remained relaxed, even if his stomach leapt. He thought he was an adult most days, but the beginnings of relationships were always so hard and new. "Nigel... I'm not running back to him. I wouldn't be here right now if I was. I don't know where I am in this-" he gestured between them, "-but I want a shot at it. Just keep being patient with me, and I swear I'll keep being honest with you." |
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Post by Robert "Ink" Atwell on Apr 3, 2016 1:16:18 GMT -5
Tobias' appearance was a welcome one, especially when he had an extra cup of coffee in his head. With the absence of the promised alcohol, coffee was the next best thing. "Ah, I could kiss you, mate!" he exclaimed, taking the cup when it was offered. "And hey, there have been studies that prove that alcohol makes a person a better artist. Don't judge me."
He was teasing Tobias, knowing he wasn't being judged at all. And really, if he had a problem, they would approach him about it. They had in the past. Saul, actually, had asked him to tone it down with the partying so much, and he'd listened. He still did his thing and still lived a life befitting of a rockstar his age, but, especially as he was getting older, his nights were getting earlier and earlier.
To Troy, he said, "Nah... every story is interesting. It's how we're able to make music. But I get it. Just glad you're here. It's been hard being on hiatus." It was difficult for multiple reasons, really. He missed Saul and he worried about his friend, but he also felt manic when he wasn't on stage, and it had been increasingly harder for him to behave while they looked to fill Saul's position.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Apr 4, 2016 21:35:12 GMT -5
Troy cracked a grin for the first time since Eddie had left the room. "I can agree with that--I've written some of my best stuff while drunk. Loosens the inhibitions. Half of my symphony was written that way. Did I mention I've been working on a symphony? I can play just about any instrument I can out my hands on--although, I'll admit I'm not great at the violin. Gives me neck cramps."
Symphonies and violins were hardly "rock and roll," but he knew it gave him some serious music credentials, proving that this wasn't just a lark. "But you know, classical musicians never have any fun... or make any money. So I'll stick with rock and roll."
He cast a nervous glance at the doorway where Nigel and Eddie had disappeared. "I hope they hurry up... I could really use that drink..."
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Post by Nigel Barksworth on Apr 4, 2016 21:47:06 GMT -5
Nigel smiled, satisfied with the answer. As long as they were both honest with each other, they had a chance of making this work. He knew there was still a lot more backstory he needed to hear about Eddie's relationship with Troy, and he hoped, in time, that he would get to hear all of it. They couldn't have secrets between them if this was going to work, but he also understood that it might be difficult to talk about so soon.
Nigel, for his part, was pretty much an open book. It might have seemed odd, given his profession, but he didn't like there to be secrets in his personal life. He could put on whatever act he wanted on the stage, but when he was offstage, he wanted to be free of pretense and falsehood and just be real. That was what kept him sane, kept him from tumbling off the deep end as many others had done before him. He kept his onstage persona where it belonged and his real life off the stage.
"That's all I can ask," he said. "This can't work if we're not honest. So I hope one day you'll tell me more about your past with him... but for now, let's just leave it in the past. And we'd better get back there before Ink breaks into the wine fridge and finds my secret cache of vodka."
He chuckled and grabbed 2 bottles of firewhiskey. "Can you carry the glasses? I imagine Tobias will have surfaced by now as well..."
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Apr 6, 2016 9:35:00 GMT -5
No, actually. He couldn't tell Nigel the rest of the history between himself and Troy, because it would directly affect how they treated Troy. It would affect the band. Maybe he should have considered himself morally obligated to tell them, but it wasn't his place.
Wordlessly, he grabbed the glasses- five of them to account for Tobias- and found that he wasn't terribly anxious to be back in the other room. Yes, it was hard seeing Troy again, but he wasn't there for Troy. He was there for Nigel.
They made their way back to Nigel's kitchen, Eddie letting him lead the way. When they came into view, his eyes landed on Troy first, wanting to silently reassure him that Eddie hadn't tattled on him. It was a brief glance before he was turning a warm smile to Tobias and lining up the glasses for Nigel to pour.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Jul 16, 2016 23:36:12 GMT -5
It seemed almost as though the words had barely left his lips when Eddie and Nigel walked back into the room. Immediately, he dropped his gaze, looking down at the floor, half expecting to be shown the door.
But when nothing happened, Troy looked up and found Eddie's eyes. The feelings he had only just realized hit him so hard he could barely stand. And at the same time, he saw it all in Eddie's gaze. Of course he wouldn't betray him. He knew what the opportunity meant for Troy and he would never ruin it for him. In spite of all that had happened between them, Eddie was still still loyal. He still cared. Maybe he even still loved him, however little he deserved it.
That meant there was still a chance.
He gave Eddie a very slight smile of thanks, then stepped forward to take the bottle of firewhiskey from Nigel. "Here, let me pour. Since my last gig was bartending, you might say I'm an expert."
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Aug 24, 2016 22:46:50 GMT -5
Eddie shot Troy a glance when he made that comment, something that might have sounded like a half-hearted joke to the others, but Eddie didn't really want to think about him being an expert at anything having to do with alcohol. He really would have rathered Troy decline the drink, and was tempted to decline his own, his fingers remaining around the last glass for just a few seconds longer.
More than that, though, he needed the drink. So he retracted his hand and backed away from the glasses, allowing Troy space to move in. He still hadn't said anything since coming back, and part of him felt like maybe Nigel would be hyper vigilant of them and their interactions.
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Post by Nigel Barksworth on Sept 10, 2016 16:44:04 GMT -5
Nigel turned, almost involuntarily, toward Troy, looking him over and trying to make him out. He had seemed like a personable, likable chap at the audition, and it was for that reason as much as his talent that Nigel had chosen him to fill Saul's spot. But Nigel wasn't a fool. His brief conversation with Eddie had raised several red flags with him, even though it was clear that Eddie was trying to do the exact opposite. He had not said anything negative about Troy, but then, he really had said very little about him and their relationship at all. And Nigel was savvy enough to know that the real problem was what Eddie was not saying.
They'd clearly broken up for a reason, and Eddie had openly admitted still loving Troy. And judging by the awkwardness earlier, there were still feelings on Troy's side, too. And you didn't just break up with someone you loved for no reason. Something had happened between them, and there was still hurt on both sides. Nigel couldn't help but see it in both of their eyes. There was something unresolved there, and sooner or later, it would either need to be resolved, or it would blow up all over again. And that was what he was worried about.
He was pretty sure he was falling for Eddie, but he was the first to admit that they hadn't been together that long. They hadn't had time to really build much of anything, which meant it would be too easy to tear down again. So, yes, Troy could stay... but Nigel would be keeping a close eye on him.
"Oh, right, by all means, mate," he said, stepping aside to let Troy pour the drinks. He glanced over at Eddie for a moment, taking note of his hooded expression, before he wandered over to greet Tobias.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 10, 2016 21:43:11 GMT -5
Troy caught the look from Nigel and fully understood its meaning. He’d have done the same thing were he in Nigel’s position. Size up the ex, silently assess for lingering emotions. But Troy gave nothing away as he casually stepped in and began pouring. He served Ink first, having identified him early on as a potential ally. They were, after all, the two “new” members of the band, and they didn’t have the history in the band that Nigel and Tobias did.
He quickly poured two more glasses—one for Nigel and one for Tobias, and then watched as Nigel took both glasses and walked over to talk with his friend. He almost smiled at this, because it gave him the perfect opportunity to talk with Eddie for just a moment.
He filled Eddie’s glass next, then poured a demonstrably smaller portion for himself—deliberately trying to prove to Eddie that he could control himself.
“Thanks,” he said to Eddie in a low voice. “For whatever you said in there. I really do want to make this gig work… Thanks for giving me the chance.”
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 19, 2016 23:47:31 GMT -5
Eddie took the glass as soon as Troy had finished pouring, and Godric, did he want to down the whole thing in one quick swallow. It would have been easy, but then, he also would have been a hypocrite. He just hoped Troy didn't notice the way his hand trembled every so slightly when he brought the drink to his lips.
It was an unfortunately uncomfortable situation, and it was taking everything Eddie's introverted heart could muster to stay, so when Troy spoke to him, their faces close enough that Troy's voice could be low enough, Eddie felt like his personal space was being violated, and there were several things he considered saying to his ex.
I gave you a chance at this, don't stuff it up.
I didn't do it for you.
I did it for you, not for your shot at this gig.
What a selfish response.
I'm not going to let you blame me when it all blows up.
We weren't even talking about you.
He couldn't say any of those things, though, and half of them weren't even true to begin with, so he let the silence linger for a moment, debating if it was even safe to stay so close to Troy where they could have a conversation without being heard. It was awfully trustworthy of Nigel to walk away.
At the thought of the other man, Eddie's eyes flashed in his direction before they came back to settle on Troy. "Thanks for the drink," he said at length before turning to put some distance between them. He came to stand next to Ink, raising his glass to the other man and smiling before taking another sip.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 20, 2016 21:53:14 GMT -5
Troy frowned when Eddie walked away from him. He had thought, just for a moment, that they could talk… he could find out what Eddie did or didn’t tell Nigel about him. Maybe they could, slowly, start to rebuild what he had ripped apart with his sickness.
But he knew it was too much to ask. He was putting Eddie in a horrible position, and if he really loved Eddie, he would walk away right now.
And yet, he stayed. He needed this gig, and he would find a way to keep Eddie out of it. Maybe he could confess the truth of his illness to Nigel. Not right away, of course, but surely if he came out with it himself, Nigel would be OK with it, especially if it was obvious that he was taking care of himself and managing his condition. It wasn’t as though mental illness was a rare thing in rock and roll.
No, managing Nigel would be easy enough. But it would be harder, much harder, to get Eddie to take him back.
He finished his drink and picked up the loaner bass that had been left behind by his predecessor. “So, are we gonna rock and roll, or what?” he asked cheerfully.
It was a cheerfulness he didn't feel, and he wondered silently whether Eddie would know the difference.
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Post by Robert "Ink" Atwell on Sept 20, 2016 23:14:30 GMT -5
Ink had readily toasted Eddie when he came by. As much as he liked to pretend to be the wild and mysterious drummer, he liked people a lot and was actually quite nice.
Especially if you were a female fan, but that was besides the point, because he really was nice to just about everyone. Charming was a good word for it.
He finished his drink quickly, hoping it would help to stave off the hangover from the night before, and his face spread to a wide grin at Troy's words. "I like this guy, Nigel!" He stood up, revealing a pair of drumsticks in his back pocket that he took absolutely everywhere. "Firewhiskey and rock n roll- the only way to save a man's soul. Let's do this, already."
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Post by Nigel Barksworth on Oct 8, 2016 18:35:59 GMT -5
Nigel broke into a grin. “Bloody right,” he said. “Let’s do this.” He gulped down the rest of his drink and gave Tobias a slap on the shoulder, making a mental note to tease him about being the last one to show up for practice.
He grabbed his guitar from the corner and strapped it on and went over to join the rest of the guys. He gave a wink in Eddie’s direction, and then said, “Let’s start with ‘Livin’ the Life’,” he said, referring to one of their most popular songs. He figured it would be best to start out easy for Troy, even though he would probably have no trouble picking it up.
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Oct 15, 2016 21:54:14 GMT -5
Eddie felt like he could breathe again as soon as the band all moved to start practice. He smiled at Nigel, then moved for the bag he'd brought with him, thinking he might want something to do while listening to them all. He could pretend to work on recipes, though that really was much easier when he was in a kitchen with his hands on the ingredients, but he could jot down ideas, anyway.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Apr 23, 2017 17:39:00 GMT -5
It was always so much easier when he was playing. It didn't matter what instrument it was, he poured his soul into playing it. When the music was playing, all his doubts and fears and self-loathing seemed to vanish on the back of each note. Sometimes he thought that if he just played long enough, all of his problems would just be magically carried away by the music.
Of course, the trouble with his illness was that if he didn't stick with the treatment, he would eventually hit such a low point that even the music didn't help anymore. That was how it had been when Eddie had finally been forced to leave him. He shut everything and everyone out, including Eddie, and including the music. It had physically hurt to even think of picking up an instrument during that time. So he had pushed away the two things that meant the most to him in the world--the two things that could have saved him.
He was determined not to let himself get like that again. He would stay on the treatment this time... keep taking his meds and going to therapy sessions. It hadn't yet occurred to him that he was already starting a pattern that would lead to another relapse.
The touring schedule, the time away from home and his therapist, the long nights drinking and partying... these were the kinds of things that had thrown him off in the past. But right now, he still believed he could control it this time. After all, it was just rock and roll, right?
*((I suggest we end this thread and start something new for these guys...))
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