Jam Session (Eddie, Wrackspurts, Troy)

[Nigel Barksworth]

The auditions for a new bass player had gone well. It was rather impressive to think that there was so much talent out there, but they could only use one of them. After a lengthy discussion with Tobias and Ink and Sylvia, they all agreed that the best fit for them would probably be Troy Wexler. Other strong candidates had been Cameron Wilder, who was very talented, but young, and Ramon Salvatore, who seemed like he would have a little trouble submitting to anyone else's style of music over his own. The latter of these two, Sylvia was particularly interested in possibly signing for herself--but Nigel was content to leave her to that. Troy, on the other hand, seemed passionate about music in all ways, as if he was only ever truly happy when he was playing something and it didn't seem to matter what it was.

Nigel appreciated this passion in the young man. He just seemed like he would fit in better with the band, and so Nigel made the call, informing Troy that he had been chosen to be their new bass player.

Today would be the first rehearsal as a band with their new bass player. He wanted to use this as a chance to get to know their new bandmate and for him to get to know them. He also wanted Eddie to meet the new bass player. If Eddie was going to be around a little more often, it just seemed like he should know everyone in the band.

So, as usual, they would all meet at Nigel's house, and he had everything all set up, just waiting for them to show up. Although he was still concerned about Saul's sudden departure, he was excited to begin this new chapter in the band.

[Eddie Shriver]

Eddie had been hesitant to come to the rehearsal today since it seemed like something that should have been left for the band, but Nigel had insisted that it wouldn't be a problem. That he was welcome to come over, moreover. That being said, how could Eddie resist?

After seeing Troy, Eddie found himself taking things a lot more slowly with Nigel for a few days. It wasn't in hopes of getting Troy back, of course, it was just strange for Eddie, and the bloke was trying to keep his wits about him. It wasn't fair to Nigel, though, so he was consciously stepping outside his comfort zone to not shut Nigel out. Coming today was part of that process, and he was already planning on inviting Nigel over and making him a personal, home cooked meal in the next few days.

When he arrived and the Wrackspurts' lead singer let him inside, Eddie took off his cloak. By now, he was used to the size of the place and it wasn't quite so intimidating to him. "I must be early," he mused, noting the distinct lack of musicians in the house.

[Nigel Barksworth]

Maybe it was strange, but Nigel thought of his band as being his family. After all, he saw them every day, sometimes all day, and that kind of togetherness naturally created a bond. That was part of why he had been so devastated when Saul disappeared--he was more than just a bass player. He was his brother. A bond like that couldn't be easily replaced. But he was determined to welcome the new bass player and to make him part of the family from the very beginning. That meant getting to know him and letting him get to know them. It meant introducing him to Eddie, who he hoped would be around a lot while they were staying in London.

"No, you're right on time," he assured Eddie. "The thing about musicians is, we're always late. Can't be bothered with silly rot like keeping track of time. I'd wager half the band ain't even up yet. Tobias will probably be here in a few shakes, but the other two may not show up for hours."

Of course, he couldn't really say for sure. Ink was almost certainly still in bed, probably figuring out how to slip away from the random bird he'd gone home with the night before. Tobias was usually pretty punctual and less inclined to have been out partying the night before. But Troy... well, Nigel had no idea with him. He didn't quite strike him as the type who would arrive promptly in order to make a good impression. But the truth was, Nigel had no idea. It was one of the many things they would need to learn about him.

"I'm actually glad you're here first," he began as he gestured toward the kitchen to make some tea. "I feel like we should... talk a little. Maybe my radar's gone haywire, but I feel like something's off."

[Eddie Shriver]

Eddie smiled a bit as Nigel explained the normally tardy habits of the band. "I see. Chefs are quite the opposite- but then, have you ever seen a crowd of hungry people? We wouldn't want to be late." Nigel, as Eddie recalled, had always been prompt when they had plans, so if this wasn't his natural inclination, Eddie rather appreciated and recognized the effort.

He was just hanging up his cloak when Nigel continued. His body froze fr a second while he tried to think quickly on his feet. So Nigel was more perceptive than Eddie thought a flighty, eccentric rock star would be, and he didn't quite know how to handle or approach that. "Your radar is fine. I'm still queer." He made the joke as an attempt to reference a difference kind of radar, but they both knew what Nigel meant. Eddie wasn't even going to put him through a feeble attempt at lying to say nothing was wrong. No, he had a different lie in mind for this.

"I'm sorry, Nigel. I had hoped you wouldn't notice, to be honest. Galligans is running me tagged lately, is all. We're in the process of hiring a second kitchen crew, and things will be back to normal when we do. Better, maybe." He said nothing of the real reason he'd been slightly off, nothing of his ex who'd thrown him completely off kilter. He didn't want to be the boyfriend Ativan carrying the baggage of his ex. He suspected that Nigel didn't have time for that.

[Nigel Barksworth]

It often surprised people how Nigel could be so observant, but it shouldn't have. He had always been a bit of a show-off, always trying to be the center of attention, but the funny thing about being the center of attention was that sometimes it enabled him to notice what was going on outside that center. It was his keen observation of the world and people around him that enabled him to write his songs. He didn't just write about himself; he wrote about life.

Eddie had really always seemed to have some kind of invisible burden on his shoulders, something that held him back. Perhaps that was part of what attracted Nigel to him--that sense that there was something holding him back, that he kept hidden. It wasn't that Nigel was attracted to drama, but he did have a knack for finding guys who had baggage.

He laughed lightly at the radar joke, but inwardly, Nigel wasn't laughing. He didn't entirely buy the explanation, either. But he chose not to make a big deal out of it yet. It wasn't as if they had been seeing each other very long, and he couldn't expect Eddie to just tell him all his secrets so soon. That kind of trust had to be built.

"Oh, sure, I understand. Work's a drag sometimes. Even for me, and I'm just a bloody rock star. Sometimes things happen... like having to get a new bass player 'cause your old one pulled a Houdini."

He chuckled again, shrugging in a seemingly casual way. "Just... you know. If something more than that happens, you know you can talk to me, right? When it's just us... I'm not a rock star. I'm just Nigel, right?"

[Eddie Shriver]

Eddie sighed softly. "I have no problem separating you from your persona, Nigel." He hadn't thought that was an issue at all- Nigel was outgoing and vibrant, but as it turned out, not nearly as eccentric as Eddie originally thought he was. When they were alone, he was pretty even keeled. He was just more energetic in a lot of ways than Eddie was, and Eddie liked that. It made them mesh well.

Although, to be fair, he hadn't really considered how stressful finding a new bass player had been for them, either, and he felt a little bad about that.

"I know, though. Thank you. Everything's fine."

He wasn't going to sit there and talk about his ex. He was still way too new into this with Nigel to start bringing that up. He would just be more aware of how he was acting and reacting to things.

"Can I help you with the tea?" he asked to change the topic, adding a smile for good measure.

[Nigel Barksworth]

Saul's disappearance couldn't help but weigh on Nigel. It was a blank, open question mark that he simply couldn't reconcile in his mind. If Ink had randomly disappeared one day, Nigel honestly wouldn't have been shocked. The young drummer was still living the wild life, and Nigel fully expected it would get him into trouble one day. But for the rest of them, for the most part, the myth of the wild "rock star" life style had actually become remarkably tame. And of the three of them, Saul had always been the most steady, solid, even-keeled of the bunch. So for him to up and vanish the way he had... it troubled Nigel more than he would allow himself to admit.

Nigel was not blind to the world around him. He knew that war was brewing in the wizarding world. There had been protests at a few of their gigs, angry wizards and witches who claimed that the Wrackspurts were leading their "pureblooded" children astray. Nigel was muggleborn, and had never made any secret of that fact. Could Saul's disappearance have been related to that? Had he met with foul play? Or had there simply been some secret side to Saul's life that none of them had been aware of, and he just walked away and didn't look back? There were a thousand different scenarios to explain what could have happened, and no matter how many Nigel seemed to conjure, he knew they were just theories. The only one who truly knew what happened was Saul, and he clearly wasn't talking.

"It's the not knowing, you know?" Nigel said, shaking his head as he looked up at Eddie. "I mean... if he had a problem, he could have come to me... I'd have let him take some time off to get it together, right? I'm sure this new bloke will do fine, but not knowing what happened to Saul..."

He sighed and chuckled lightly. "Maybe I'm the one who needs to talk," he cracked, shrugging. "Too right. Let's start the tea. Nothing says rock and roll like a cup o' tea."

[Eddie Shriver]

Eddie sighed. "I don't know." It wasn't the best he could come up with just then, but he didn't know Saul. Not well, he didn't know the dynamics of the group as well as Nigel did, obviously. "I'm sure he's fine... you would have heard something in the Daily Prophet if anything terrible had happened, right?"

He eyed Nigel, for the moment, glad that conversation had turned away from him. But he felt for Nigel and the concern that was evident in his eyes and his voice.

"You can talk," he offered with a small smile. "I'm a good listener." A better listener than he was a talker, at least, and while his advice might have been suspect, or even weak at times, he was always there for Nigel. Or whoever needed him.

"And he's not responding to owls, I assume?"

[Nigel Barksworth]

Nigel wished it was that easy; that the old adage of "no news is good news" could really apply here. But he knew better. Sometimes strange things could happen, and it wasn't impossible for someone to literally vanish without a trace. With the wizarding world in its current state, it seemed just as likely as anything else. The best possible scenario that Nigel could come up with was that Saul had taken off or gone into hiding for some reason or another and it wasn't safe to contact anyone just yet. Muggleborns and those who associated with them were all in danger these days, and Nigel knew that better than he ever let on.

Oh, he received death threats. They were almost a daily occurrence, and most were not just simple hate mail. No, they contained threats that sounded very serious indeed. And yes, he supposed he should inform the Ministry about them, possibly hire some kind of armed guard. But he was not about to let anything--even the rising Dark Lord that he'd heard so many whispers about--make him change the way he lived his life. He liked being able to walk about like a normal person, to just enjoy everything that life had to offer. He liked interacting with his fans, and meeting people like Eddie. Nothing was going to stop him from doing that, and he refused to let a bunch of hate-mongers intimidate him into hiding.

But maybe Saul had been forced into such a position. Maybe he'd been forced to go underground for a while and didn't want to let anyone know in case it endangered them as well. it would be like Saul to take one for the team, so to speak. It was certainly more like him than just up and disappearing for no reason at all.

The other alternative, however, also loomed in the back of Nigel's mind; that something sinister had happened to his longtime friend. In his gut, Nigel's felt that this was what happened, but he refused to face the idea, choosing instead to cling to the first solution as his only hope.

Still, he sighed. "Bad things happen to people all the time, especially with what's been going on lately. No news is definitely not good news."

Then he shrugged. "Ah well. Nothing I can do about it now, and I'm not about to let my hair go gray from worry," he flashed a grin that was too bright, and very obviously forced. "Let's not discuss such dark topics. I should really tell you about the new band member. I can't wait for you to meet him."

[Eddie Shriver]

Eddie frowned, just shy of apologizing for what he'd said. He hadn't meant to be flippant about the situation, because he honestly believed that maybe it was a good thing Nigel had heard nothing. It could have been a bad thing, too... but Eddie only swallowed the words and nodded. He hoped, for everyone involved, that his bassist was okay.

He sighed, letting his shoulders fall with the motion. "Right. Happier things." It seemed odd to switch from talking about the man who'd vanished directly to the person who was replacing him, but he rolled with it anyway.

"Tell me about him," Eddie said, genuinely interested. "There must have been a lot of talent to choose from," he added, remembering how well Nigel had told him the auditions went. London had some amazing musicians... one pianist that always came to Eddie's mind when the conversation switched to music. He had no doubt that the Wrackspurts had a good new addition.

[Nigel Barksworth]

Maybe it was a little odd, but Nigel didn't think of it that way. yes, the "new kid" would be replacing Saul, but Nigel had always been able to compartmentalize things in his mind, keeping things separate and dealing with each in its own way. It was a necessary skill; it was how he was able to keep his focus when surrounded by the temptations of fame and fortune. It was how he was able to keep his job and his personal life separate, and it kept him humble and honest and focused on the importance of the music as an art form, rather than a vehicle to fame. To him, the fame wasn't important--the music was everything.

Because of this singular focus, Nigel could simultaneously worry for Saul while still feeling excited for the new dynamic that the young, energetic new bass player could bring to the mix. He was even optimistic that, should Saul eventually turn up, they could find another use for the new kid.

"He's young, but a little older than Ink, so that's good. Good-looking kid, can play just about anything. He's almost too good to be a bass player, so if Saul turns up again, we might still be able to keep him around. I have a good feeling about him. We really had a bunch of talented guys come in... I think our agent Sylvia is even going to sign one of them. But he really stood out to me... There's something special about him."

[Troy Wexler]

Troy had no reason to feel nervous about this. He wasn't exactly nervous, really, but there was always that shiver of anticipation and apprehension that came from a new experience. The ever-present kernel of self-doubt lurked at the corner of his mind, and it took an enormous amount of effort for him to push it aside. Deep down, he knew that he belonged here; that he had earned this opportunity and that he was talented. But the negative part of his mind, the part that kept him from sleeping at night and that he often had to drown out with liquor and other poor life choices, kept trying to convince him that he didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve anything good to ever happen to him. Who was he, after all, to presume that he was worthy of such an opportunity over all the other guys that had been at that audition? Like the young kid he had talked to, who was just barely out of Hogwarts. Maybe he should have been here instead. Troy was just probably going to screw this thing up, like he did with everything good he'd ever had in his life.

Like Eddie.

Running into his ex a while back had reawakened many of the feelings he had been trying to suppress--feelings of regret and loss and self-hatred and love. Eddie would probably never get it, but a lot of his feelings about their broken relationship were tied to his own self-esteem. At the time, he had started feeling that he didn't deserve Eddie and so he had subconsciously sabotaged their relationship. And Eddie had stuck through it a lot longer than he should have, which caused Troy to spiral deeper and deeper into his own depression until Eddie had no choice but to leave him or be sucked into it as well. He was right to leave, Troy knew that now, Hell, he knew that then, too, but that hadn't stopped him from breaking down completely after he left.

The road to recovery had been a long and arduous one, although Eddie probably didn't see it that way. It also wasn't complete, and maybe it never would be. There was always the possibility of another breakdown, another spiral, another fit of depression. he was always on the edge of it, even when he was at his best. Nadine told him not to expect it, not to look for trouble, but in truth, his highs and lows were literally the only constant in his life, the only thing he could ever really rely on.

Yes, he was going to ruin this somehow. It was inevitable. But he still had to try, just in case it was different this time. One of these times, the cycle had to break, and although he was convinced it would only break when he died, he hoped maybe this time would be the difference. It was worth a try.

After standing at the door for an obscenely long time, his finger poised above the doorbell, finally Troy took a deep breath and pressed the button.

[Eddie Shriver]

Eddie had the gnawing feeling in his gut that he was continually saying the wrong thing today. For whatever reason, he seemed to be on a different wavelength than Nigel, and it bothered him. He was getting to the point where he was subtly encouraging Nigel to do most of the talking. Maybe it was just a matter of relaxing more. Really, he hoped he didn't come across as uncaring about Saul, because he did sympathize. He just kept feeling almost reprimanded about his take on this situation.

It was easier when conversation turned to the new member of the band, and it gave Eddie a chance to squash the nervous feeling that had been growing, to collect himself and hopefully stop himself from saying anything else stupid.

When the doorbell rang, punctuating the end of Nigel's words, Eddie was almost relieved. "That must be him," Eddie said, one hand scratching absently at his side. "I rather assume the other don't bother with the bell anymore?"

[Nigel Barksworth]

Nigel would have been surprised to hear that Eddie felt as if he was saying everything wrong. They were just talking, getting to know each other, and there was no such thing as wrong in that case. Nigel was certainly a very difficult man to offend, and he didn't consider himself the sensitive sort. The only thing he really took seriously was his music, and even that, really, was all part of the show. It was a part of him in the beginning, but once it was public, he knew all too well that it became part of the listeners, that they took it over from him and he could keep it separate.

The band was important to him, too, as they all were friends, so Saul's disappearance obviously hit hard. And yet the show must go on and all that rot, so he could put that into a little compartment as well, and be sad and worried while still focusing on the band itself and what the future held for them. Maybe his mind worked a little differently than other people's did, but that was really the point of it all, wasn't it?

His relationship with Eddie was still new, still fresh, and they had a lot to learn about each other. They had to learn if their lives fit together. Nigel was optimistic that although they were from very different worlds, those differences would complement each other. Eddie could keep Nigel grounded in the real world, and Nigel could teach Eddie how to fly. It seemed like the perfect combination.

He was perfectly at ease with the way things stood at this point, and had he knHe chuckled at Eddie's comment. "Oi, that must be him, all right. The others don't use the bell... I'm not even sure Ink knows there is a bell. Come on, I want you to meet him," he said, heading toward the door.own of Eddie's discomfort, he would have assured him of this. But before he was able to realize the disconnect, the bell rang.

"Oi, that'll be him, all right. The others never use the bell... I'm not even sure Ink knows there is a bell. Come on, I want you to meet him." He started toward the door, looking back at Eddie as he went.

[Troy Wexler]

Troy was already feeling self-conscious, and now, he realized, he had probably just marked himself as a total loser. He'd actually rung the doorbell? Surely the other band members never bothered to ring the bell. While he was at it, he should probably just call everyone "Sir" or something. It wasn't like this was a class, or even a regular job. As part of a band, they were supposed to be like brothers. And instead, he was just going to be the "new kid" and stick out like a sore thumb.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should just turn around and go. He was just proving that he wasn't cool, that he didn't belong here. They'd all realize that he didn't fit in and that they could probably have done better with someone else.

Damn it all, here it came again. The sweeping, crushing wave of self-doubt that seemed as regular as the tides. One minute he was riding high, and the next he was sure he'd never be good enough for anything or anyone.

It seemed as if it had been years since he'd rung the doorbell, and there was no response. He was trying to decide if he should just poke in, while of course, the nasty little voice in the back of his mind was screaming at him to walk away before he embarrassed himself even more.

Just as he decided to listen to the little voice, the door opened, and Nigel stood there in front of him. Troy froze and managed a smile. "I hope I'm not too early, I just..."

He trailed off, noticing another figure behind Nigel. A very, very familiar figure. "Eddie?"

[Eddie Shriver]

That feeling in Eddie's gut became stronger, but he paid no attention to it, thinking it was just his own insecurities with how he thought he was handling conversation today. After all, what indication did he have that anything was wrong? None. He was still just off balance from running into his ex a few days ago, and he just needed to let that go. He was never going to be able to fully appreciate Nigel is he didn't stop thinking about Troy.

"Right," he said, pushing himself away from the table he had been leaning on, leaving his tea where it was. "We'll see if this fellow has my approval," he joked, following Nigel back into the foyer as the lead singer opened the door.

That was about the time everything went pear shaped. Again.

There, standing at Nigel's door, was his new bass player. Was Troy. Eddie felt like the wind had been knocked out of him, like someone had hit him with a spell right to the chest. He couldn't catch his breath, and while he'd never been the one overcome by anxiety attacks, he felt awfully close to one now.

He needed a plan. He would reach his hand out and introduce himself to Troy, give him a hint, and they would talk later in private about how to handle this. Except that Troy threw that plan out the window, saying his name, and Eddie wasn't sure if the expletive was in his head or if he'd said it aloud.

The universe was determined to tell him something here, and he felt like he was being punished for not listening. When he first starting seeing Nigel, Troy showed up again, after ages, and when Eddie ignored that celestial warning, Troy became part of the band. Really, what were the odds? None of this seemed plausible.

"Hello Troy," he finally said, his voice and tone a lot more calm than he thought they would be. Would Troy turn and walk out? Merlin knew Eddie wanted to run. He wasn't sure he could sit here for the next few hours, interacting with a current while an ex watched. He'd leave that to Troy, leave that quaffle in his ring. Turning to Nigel, he said, "Well, you weren't lying when you said you found someone quite talented. Troy is quite the musician."

For the moment, he didn't know how he would answer when Nigel inevitably asked how they knew each other. He'd just have to play that one by ear, excuse the bad musical metaphor.

[Nigel Barksworth]

Nigel was still feeling upbeat as he opened the door for the new kid. A smile still sat on his lips at Eddie's comment about approving of the new band member. In truth, that was really why Eddie was here. Nigel wanted Eddie to be comfortable around the band members, and for them to be comfortable around him. After all, the dynamics of a band could be fragile. The new kid needed to have everyone's approval, to fit in with the rest of the guys as seamlessly as possible. But relationships outside of the band could also affect the dynamics of the band, too. And maybe Nigel was getting ahead of himself, but he felt like he could have a future with Eddie. But if that was going to happen, then everyone needed to be comfortable around each other.

So when he opened the door and saw Troy, he was about to welcome him and invite him inside, only to have his smile crash as he saw the look on Troy's face. Nigel was sensitive to the abrupt change in atmosphere, as if the temperature had just dropped a good 30 degrees in an instant.

It didn't take long for Nigel to realize that there was a story here, a connection between Eddie and Troy. And by the looks of it, it wasn't just a casual connection--or a positive one.

But the show must go on, as always, and he kept the smile on his face. "Oh, so you already know each other, then? Great. Why don't you come in, Troy, and have something to drink?"

[Troy Wexler]

Troy, meanwhile, was melting down inside. How exactly was it possible for this moment to be so quiet when the world was crashing down around him? How was it possible that Nigel was still smiling? How the hell was Eddie so damn calm?

He stood, frozen in place, as though the spot where he was standing was the only solid ground left. He didn't trust his legs to move him forward while his head seemed to be spinning.

Troy's problem--or one of them, at least--was that he was not good at hiding his feelings. Some people wore their hearts on their sleeves, but Troy wore his heart on his whole body. And right now, he was aching for Eddie. The new start he had hoped for in joining the Wrackspurts was now in ruins before him, because Eddie was here. And it was painfully obvious why.

Troy knew Nigel was gay. Even if he hadn't already known about it from the papers, his gaydar would have clued him in. And he also knew that Eddie was supposedly seeing someone--well, now it was obvious who he was seeing. So while Troy had hoped to build a new future for himself with a steady gig in the band, he now would have to face his greatest failure on a regular basis and be reminded of the one he'd let get away while in the depths of his depression. It wasn't fair, not for him, and not for Eddie, and if he were smart, he'd just walk away right now. There would be other chances, right?

But Troy didn't walk away. He'd already made the mistake of admitting that he knew Eddie--and if he had thought about it before he spoke, he would have not said Eddie's name at all. But if he walked away now, it would be painfully obvious why, and it would probably hurt Eddie even more. And Merlin knew that Troy had already hurt Eddie enough as it was.

Somehow--he wasn't sure how--Troy managed to paste a smile on his face and propel himself forward and into the house. "Right, yes... a drink. That would be perfect, thanks."

[Eddie Shriver]

Eddie could feel it, too. Past the way his heart was shattering and the way the air was knocked out of him, he was also, somehow, keenly aware of the fact that Nigel had caught on- observant bloke that he was.

He was at a loss. There was a lot running through his head, all at once, and he didn't know how to sort through it. Not least of which was the fact that he was going to have to face Troy on a regular basis if this thing with Nigel continued, and he never stopped loving Troy.

He let Nigel guide his new band mate into the house, let Troy walk past him as he took up the rear, trying to get his head on straight. At the end of all of this, this was so unfair to Nigel.

First on his mind, however, was a memory he had of Troy that he'd always been rather fond of. It had been late at night- nearing one in the morning, maybe? They'd both been enjoying muggle champagne for a lot of the night prior, and Eddie was laying on his side, half propped up, watching Troy play the piano that was nestled in his small apartment. The smile that Troy had given him that night, in the middle of playing just for their own enjoyment, had been what kept Eddie holding on for so long. He knew that person was there, and he kept holding out hope that he'd see that Troy again. That he could make Troy that comfortably happy again.

They all sort of shuffled into the kitchen, and Eddie picked up his mug of tea, needing absolutely anything to put his attention towards. Even still, he couldn't help himself when he looked up at Troy. "So.. bass, huh? I was keeping my fingers crossed you would make it on the piano." Why was he talking? He shot a quick glance at Nigel, just hoping one of the two men in front of him would tell him to shut it.

[Troy Wexler]

This was a bad situation for everyone involved, and Troy was completely aware of that fact. He felt just as badly for Nigel as for Eddie and himself. That he could see the awkwardness of Nigel's position was a sign that he was still doing well, but at the moment, he couldn't see that. All he could see was the impending disaster, the edge of the precipice he was standing on. Maybe he was guilty of manufacturing his own drama, or not handling it well when it came along on its own. But could he really be blamed for feeling like his life was crumbling right before his eyes?

Here he was, taking what he thought would be a positive step into the future, only to come face to face with his past. Again. And yet, calling Eddie his "past" was painful, because Troy still was not over Eddie. He still felt very much a part of his present, and he still hoped that maybe, when he was more settled and stable, maybe he and Eddie could have a future as well. It was naive, maybe, to think that he could take a "break" in their relationship, like putting in a bookmark to mark his place and hoping he could pick it up later and hoping they could start again in the same place. It wasn't that easy, he knew that... but he'd been a fool to let Eddie go in the first place. And the fact that Eddie kept showing up everywhere all of a sudden... it seemed like a sign. Like maybe the universe was giving him a second chance. Of course, Troy didn't really believe in all that--but the evidence seemed to suggest it anyway.

Still, there was the ever-present knowledge that he didn't deserve Eddie, and never had. He had not been good for Eddie, and had caused too much pain. Could they ever come back from that? And just how serious was Eddie about Nigel, anyway?

When Eddie spoke, Troy looked first at Nigel and then back at Eddie, a guilty sort of blush creeping up on his cheeks and ears. "I love piano, but I'm hardly Elton John. And there's not much money to be had as a concert pianist. The bass is cooler, anyway."