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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 2, 2012 15:21:14 GMT -5
Things had been going well for Troy the last few weeks. He'd just completed a series of performances with the orchestra, as well as a few guest stints with a local band, filling in for their ailing keyboard player. And by day, he was working as a cocktail waiter at Ambrosia. Technically, he should have been playing the piano at the club, instead of hiding behind the bar, but that job was quite adequately taken by Aurelia Krizova, who was doing her best to report to work despite the kidnapping of her daughter. Still, he made it known that if she needed time off to take care of her daughter, he was more than willing to fill in.
Until then, however, he was doing well enough as a bartender, and he was making pretty good tips as well. In fact, with this job and his recent musical gigs, Troy was practically rich. Of course, that was usually when the trouble started... but for now, he was still in pretty good shape.
He was whistling to himself as he topped off a customer's drink, then ducked into the back for a moment to grab another bottle of gin. When he came back, he noticed that another customer was sitting at the far end of the bar, but he didn't look at the man's face. He put the bottle away, and grabbed a clean glass from the shelf before approaching the man.
"What can I... Oh. Hey, Eddie."
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 3, 2012 1:46:23 GMT -5
Ambrosia. Yvonne reccomended the restaurant/bar to him, and he'd left Galligan's early. It just sort of happened, although even as he walked through the door, he thought it was the kind of place best enjoyed with company, romantic or otherwise. Mostly, he thought he would just peruse the menu, see what the competition was like.
Instead of sitting at a table, however, he found himself at the bar, and took a seat even as he was glancing around the place. The atmosphere was obviously much different than Galligan's, and he almost signed at the way he seemed to compare every restaurant with the one he worked at. He'd been there so long though, that it was a habit hard to break.
The bartender apparently spotted him, and asking him what he wanted to drink, and he was dragging his eyes back around when the guy said his name. He knew even before he made eye contact.
"Ah.... Troy. Hello." Troy, the infamous ex. How long had he been working here? He tried to remember if this was ever mentioned, and decided it was a new thing. Only then did he give the man a once over, taking him in. He looked good. Which actually Eddie couldn't piece together. Troy usually only had his life together when the music was going really well, and when the music was going well, he didn't need these odd jobs. Meeting Troy's eyes again, he offered a closed lipped smile. "Could I trouble you for a gin, neat?"
Whatever else he should have said would have to wait for that shot if liquid resolve.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 3, 2012 13:29:29 GMT -5
Troy was acutely aware of the way Eddie looked at him, giving him a once-over to assess his state of mind. He was used to it by now. His mother, and all of his friends had a tendency to look him over, as if he were a grenade or something, checking to see if he was about to go off. he almost expected it by now, but that didn't mean he liked it. Still, he was in good enough shape right now that he allowed it without complaint, and even looked Eddie over himself to see how he was doing.
He looked good, of course. Troy wouldn't have expected anything else. Eddie was so well-adjusted, at least, compared to him. It was what had drawn Troy to him... and what had eventually driven him away.
"Sure," he said evenly, taking a breath to steady himself, then turning around to grab the bottle of gin he'd just put away.
When he turned back with Eddie's drink, he had pasted on a smile. Eddie would know him well enough to know it was mostly fake, but he had t try. As he placed the glass in front of him, his hand shook slightly.
"So... how've you been?"
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 4, 2012 23:55:23 GMT -5
Eddie was equally aware of nearly every move Troy made. The way his shoulders seemed to set when he turned to grab the bottle of gin intrigued him. He couldn't actually be nervous around Eddie, could he?
Maybe, was the answer. He watched the man's back and the way he moved for a moment. The thing about artists (and musicians certainly counted) was that they always acted like they were full of confidence and bravado, but it was usually forced. At least in Eddie's experience, and when he realized with a start that the guy he was sort of seeing now was also a sort of over the top musician, Eddie wondered if he wasn't the one with some issues instead. At least he knew he had a type, he supposed.
He noticed, too, Troy's hand shake slightly after setting the drink down, and Eddie chose to ignore it, reaching forward perhaps a little too quickly and brushing Troy's fingers in his attempt to reach for the glass. Good move. It was unintentional, so Eddie chose to ignore that, too, and he looked up at Troy, making solid eye contact and giving him a casual sort of smile. Eddie was the last person he needed to have any sort of apprehension around, even if the situation was unexpected and awkward and... uncomfortable.
They hadn't gone their separate ways for losing interest. It was that Eddie was mature enough to know where he was in life and know that Troy's hot and cold tendencies weren't healthy for either one of them. He still did, and probably always would, genuinely care about Troy's well being. "I'm good. It's.... been a while." He nodded once. No need to tell him that he was still at Galligans's- Troy could have guessed as much. "You look good."
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 5, 2012 22:22:44 GMT -5
It wasn't exactly that Troy was nervous around Eddie. But Troy, even at his best, was a bundle of emotions. He felt everything deeply and passionately, which was why he was capable of such highs and lows. It was also why he played so perfectly--the music was an outward expression of the turbulent emotions swirling inside him. It was literally dripping from his fingertips.
Seeing Eddie had him shaken, even though he tried to hide it. Yes, he should have expected it since they lived in the same city, but that didn't mean he was ready for it. The last time he'd seen Eddie, Troy had been a wreck. Even in his addled mind, he knew he was letting go of a good thing. Eddie was good for him... but Troy was not good for Eddie. He dragged Eddie down, and he didn't deserve that. He deserved the best of everything, and Troy knew well enough to know that he wasn't it. But that didn't mean that he didn't regret what happened. That he didn't miss Eddie.
"Thanks," he said, smiling lightly. "I've been a lot better lately. New therapist, new meds. They don't wear me out like the old ones did."
Eddie hadn't asked about any of that, but Troy knew the question was in the back of his mind. Might as well beat him to it.
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 6, 2012 2:00:15 GMT -5
Eddie nodded. "That's good." He hadn't asked. Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know that, but the side of him that said so was the selfish side he buried. If Troy was doing well, he was glad. When he was doing well, he was a good guy. He deserved good things, happiness the least of which. But it would have been just a little easier for Eddie to remember why their relationship was over, and why he hadn't spoken to the other man in entirely too long if he was off his meds. It was that side that he tried to bury because he didn't feel that way at all. Not really.
And Troy did look good. He looked stable. Well rested. His hand tightened around his glass just slightly. He was never good at running into exes, and this was just another instance of his sometimes awkward behavior.
He didn't want the silence that followed to turn uncomfortable, and since it didn't seem like Troy was stepping away any time soon, Eddie inhaled slowly, and then asked, "So, how long have you been working here? Would have thought I'd see you on the piano instead of behind the bar."
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 6, 2012 21:43:32 GMT -5
Troy felt the awkwardness acutely. He felt like he was being pulled in different directions. There was a part of him that very much wanted to beg Eddie for another chance, and another part that felt like he should tell him to run as far away from him as possible. Yes, he was doing well now. But he knew it wouldn't last. It never lasted. He'd screw it up, like he always did, and he'd end up hurting the people around him. His therapist, Nadine, kept telling him that he needed to stop expecting failure and take things one day at a time, but he knew. He knew it was coming. And he didn't want Eddie anywhere near him when it happened.
He took a breath and then turned, giving a quick look to see if any of the other customers at the bar needed drinks. Not seeing anyone, he turned back to Eddie. At least right now he was capable of having a normal conversation. Maybe this would be good for him. Get the awkwardness out of the way, and then maybe they'd be able to just be friends. Or friendly acquaintances.
"Just about a month or so, actually," he admitted. "I originally came in to see if they'd need a piano player, but as you can see, the job is already taken." He nodded over towards Aurelia. "I told them I could fill in whenever she's not available, but they haven't asked yet. She's not bad, really... but not as good as me."
He caught sight of a man waving towards him, and he nodded. "Be right back," he said, walking over to take care of the customer.
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 10, 2012 23:12:55 GMT -5
Eddie's eyes had shifted to the woman behind the piano. It wasn't that he was particularly... well, interested in her, as he had no ties to her, but it was easier to watch her than it was to look at Troy as he explained this.
The thought crossed his mind that Troy could have owled when he got his life back together. It wasn't like Eddie was hard to track down. But he quickly erased this thought. Troy had cycles of good and bad, and Eddie didn't know if he was ever going to shake the bad part. It was probably a matter of time, as terrible as he felt for thinking something like that. Troy really deserved a great life, and all it had to offer. He was just phenominal at destroying that for himself.
That last comment drew his eyes back to the man, but he was gone the next second, helping someone down the bar, and Eddie couldn't help but watch. He should have just gotten up and left, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
When Troy was near him again, Eddie simply blurted, "Do a duet with her. Right now, even. Or dueling pianos..." the second was trailed off, an idea that he wasn't sure would go over well at a place like this. But that was Eddie... constantly offering ways to further Troy's success. And Troy pretty consistently ignored him, but that was okay, too.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 11, 2012 16:56:11 GMT -5
Troy easily took care of the customer, mixing a vodka martini for the man and handing it to him with a smile. He couldn't help but notice that the man was attractive, and the woman sitting with him seemed to think so, too. Ah, well.
He returned to Eddie, almost surprised to see that he was still there. If their situations had been reversed, Troy probably would have bailed. But then, Troy always tended to expect that people he had hurt would want nothing to do with him. Clearly, despite the way things had ended, Eddie till cared on some level.
Before he even got a chance to say anything, Eddie spoke, suggesting that he join Aurelia in a piano duet. He was surprised, and he turned his gaze over to the woman. He'd had a few conversations with Aurelia and found her to be a lovely woman. She was very knowledgeable about music and she had exquisite taste. Her technique was different from his--more technical and precise than his. He tended to "feel" his way through the music, and pour his emotions into every note. But they would play beautifully together.
She was just finishing a song, and Troy nodded. Rita was nearby and could cover the bar. "OK, why the hell not?" he said with a grin. "Promise you won't leave? I do want to talk to you."
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 13, 2012 1:52:52 GMT -5
Eddie was watching Troy, waiting for the excuse for why it wouldn't work. He was used to hearing that, and he used to think it was a fear of success on Troy's part. Maybe it was the case, but he didn't know anymore. He didn't pretend to know.
But Troy's answer made him do a double take, eyes moving from the man, to his glass, and rather quickly back to the man. "What? Really?" His gaze shifted to the woman at the piano, but Troy was talking to him again, and before he could stop to think about it, he shook his head and mumbled, "Now you listen."
He took a breath and raised his eyebrows, along with his drink. "Yeah, I'll be here." He wasn't sure they had a lot to talk about, and didn't that hurt like a curse to the chest? But he would stay.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 13, 2012 22:17:01 GMT -5
It didn't occur to Troy that this decision might be unexpected. If he'd been having a manic episode, he would easily have done it... but he would most likely have done it without asking and would have somehow upstaged Aurelia. In a depressed phase, of course, he would never have even considered such an idea. But at the moment, he was squarely in the middle. He was probably in better shape than Eddie had ever seen him.
Troy made his way across the room to the piano. Aurelia had paused for a moment, flexing her fingers and drinking a glass of water, and Troy knelt down next to her and whispered his suggestion in her ear. If she wasn't receptive to the idea, he would have gone back to the bar, but she seemed to think it would be fun to switch things up for a change. Troy suggested a well-known piano duet by Schubert, and luckily she knew it. He slid in next to her at the bench and they began to play.
It was a lively, yet pretty tune. Aurelia played the base, and Troy played the melody. Before long, people had started watching them avidly. All too often, the piano playing was just a backdrop to them... they barely noticed the music. But now they had noticed and they watched with appreciation as they played. When they finished, the applause was considerably louder than usual.
Troy leaned in and kissed Aurelia on the cheek, then skipped back to the bar. He was relieved to see that Eddie was still there, and Troy approached him, his face flushed with happiness. "Not bad, eh?" he said.
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 16, 2012 1:32:01 GMT -5
Eddie was one of those people watching with keen interest, but it was for more than just the well played duet, They did play well together, he had to say that. Troy was just as talented as he ever had been, if not more so now, and the watching him play like that, watching that genuine smile before he leaned in to kiss the woman's cheek... it damn near broke Eddie's heart.
He missed Troy more than he wanted, or felt it was safe, to admit. And he had played beautiful- Troy always had, and Eddie always enjoyed it. Apparently, he liked surrounding himself with music.
"Yeah," he answered, looking at Troy with a more relaxed expression, though inside he felt tied up in knots. "It wasn't bad at all. It was really good," he said, then added, "Everyone seemed to think so." Troy told him to stay because he wanted to talk. What else was there to say between them? He hoped Troy wasn't going to make this hard on him, because he could, so, so easily.
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 16, 2012 22:11:28 GMT -5
Troy was still smiling, but if he'd had any idea what he was doing to Eddie, he probably wouldn't have been. It was sort of a complicated relationship, difficult to put in one category. He'd always thought that he needed Eddie far more than Eddie needed him. He thought that of everyone he was close to... that they'd all be just fine without him. But any time a relationship ended--whether friendship or romance--he always felt as though the world had collapsed around him and he'd never be able to pull himself back together.
On the other hand, there was one person in Troy's life that he thought he could live without--himself. There was a reason he regularly trashed his life... he didn't believe he deserved all the good things he had. He didn't even believe he deserved his talent, and he certainly didn't believe that he'd deserved Eddie.
His smile faded slowly, but he didn't look upset. He was just serious. He had a lot of things he wanted to say to Eddie, and he just hoped Eddie would be willing to hear him out.
"Eddie, look..." He sighed. "I wanted to owl you when I started to get my life back together... but the truth is, I don't feel like I'm there yet. And I wasn't even sure you'd want to hear from me. I was.... I was in bad shape when you left. And I got worse... not because you left, really... It was everything. I had a breakdown, and I spent two months in St. Mungo's. I've only been out for a few months. But I just wanted to say... I'm sorry. For everything."
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 16, 2012 23:22:09 GMT -5
In all honesty, Eddie had feared those two words since the second he say Troy stand in front of him. Eddie, listen... Only excuses and apologies ever followed those two words, and he didn't want to hear either. The excuses were a given- no one wanted those. But if he apologized, then Eddie might very well give in, and he'd spent long enough trying to let Troy go.
Merlin knew he never stopped caring about Troy, and he wanted the man to have a great life, everything he deserved. And Eddie could tell himself now, all he wanted, that he and Troy were never getting back together (knowing he had something going with Nigel, who seemed good for him so far, helped here), but that didn't mean it wouldn't be hard to hear, or that it wouldn't break his resolve a little.
But he listened anyway, though his eyes weren't on Troy the entire time. His hand rubbed at the back of his neck, he took a sip of his drink, he did anything to keep himself but while still listening, and when Troy finished, Eddie pressed his lips together.
He licked his lips before saying anything. "I haven't seen you the last few months, so I don't know where you are. But you look better than... well, than you ever did with me. It's a good look for you, and I'm glad to see it." He couldn't really dismiss that apology though, as he was sure it took a lot for Troy to say it, and he sighed. "I forgave you a long time ago, Troy."
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 17, 2012 20:27:47 GMT -5
Troy wasn't really trying to make this hard for Eddie. He didn't want to complicate things or hurt Eddie any more than he already had. But he needed to apologize, as much for himself as for Eddie. He'd put the guy through hell, just as much as he'd put himself through hell. And part of the process of healing, as his therapist told him, was to apologize. Even if the other person couldn't forgive, the point was to learn to forgive yourself. But even if Eddie did forgive him, Troy was still working on forgiving himself.
So Eddie's words brought tears to Troy's eyes, and he looked away, hoping the other man wouldn't see. Merlin, he wanted to ask him to take him back, so badly. But it wouldn't be fair to Eddie. And it probably wouldn't have been good for Troy, either. Not yet. He still had work to do.
"Thanks," he said softly. Then he flashed a too-bright smile, trying to appear casual. "So, hey... enough about me. How are you doing, seriously? Still working at Galligan's right? Are you.... are you seeing anyone?"
This, of course, was the question Troy had been agonizing about since the moment he saw Eddie. If the answer was yes, then it would hurt, but at least it would take away the temptation. If he said no... well, Troy wasn't sure he'd be able to stop himself from asking Eddie to take him back.
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Sept 17, 2012 23:30:44 GMT -5
Eddie was struggling with this as much as Troy was, though probably for very different reasons. It would be different if they'd broken up because they weren't compatible anymore, or they were taking paths in like, or... Or, or, or. A thousand ors and a thousand more ifs. But that wasn't it at all. It was that Eddie had put so much love, and so much effort into helping Troy, or trying to anyway. His downward spirals were just as exhausting and harmful for Eddie, just in different ways. He'd given Troy the ultimatum because he couldn't throw away both of their lives, and it became clear to him that Troy wasn't going to change. It made him feel like a right arse, but he had to protect himself, too.
He took a breath and sighed, deeply and audibly, when Troy turned the conversation on him. He shrugged, but kept his eyes on Troy. It was clear that this was not easy for him, either. "You know me... pretty boring life. I'm still at Galligan's." He almost added that they might be hiring a new chef, that they were growing, but it was a restaurant. He was pretty sure Troy didn't care. But it would have been a tactic to avoid that second question. Where was Troy just a month ago, before Nigel walked into his life?
"I don't know. It's not serious." Not yet, anyway. Still, it hurt to say it, and he didn't want to look at Troy's reaction. Disappointment would tear at him. Apathy would burn. Either way, he forced himself to keep eye contact, bracing for whatever emotion would grip him. "You?"
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Post by Troy Wexler on Sept 18, 2012 22:37:15 GMT -5
Yeah, it hurt. Troy didn't know whether Eddie was merely downplaying it to try and make him feel better or if it really wasn't serious... but it didn't matter. It meant that, in some way or another, he had moved on. Troy was trying hard to do that, too... but it wasn't easy.
He closed his eyes and took a breath, then opened them again and nodded slowly. "That's good," he said, his voice cracking just a little. "You should see be seeing someone. You're a catch, Eddie, I always said so. But if this guy isn't serious about you, then he's clearly an idiot."
He managed a shaky smile as he began absently wiping a glass clean, even though it was already spotless. "I'm not seeing anyone... unless you count Harper and my therapist. I'm surrounding myself with women... can you imagine?"
He was trying. He could have stopped it right there... played it off as a joke and laughed awkwardly. But instead, he heaved a sigh and blurted out, "As if anyone could compare to you...."
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Oct 16, 2012 0:52:35 GMT -5
Eddie wished he hadn't seen Troy's face when he let this little news bomb drop. He wasn't even sure that he and Nigel were serious, or even heading in that direction. It was just that Eddie didn't do casual relationships... they weren't in him. He was too old to deal with the drama of them. So he threw himself into a relationship with everything he had. Which was why it hurt so damn bad when he had to pull himself out of one with Troy, who, to this day, he still cared deeply for.
And on another level, maybe that news should have bothered Troy. Let him know that Eddie's entire existence did not revolve around wishing that Troy would come crawling back. He's made it terribly apparent that he wasn't going to, and Eddie had to move on with his life.
He took a breath, somewhat unsure how to approach this now that he'd dug himself a good hole. "Maybe I'm not serious about him."
Eddie glanced up again, though, smiling at the man. "Funny, I always tell Yvonne she's going to end up being the love of my life. I'm really glad to hear you're seeing someone. Er, a therapist, that is."
It could have continued down this slightly awkward, but manageable path, until Troy spoke again, and Eddie swore an iceberg took up sudden residence in his stomach. "Troy," he started, almost without thinking, but his brain kicked in and he stopped himself. But only for a moment. "We can't do this. Not here, anyway."
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Post by Troy Wexler on Oct 20, 2012 0:13:07 GMT -5
Troy felt as though he had swallowed a dagger. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and gasped for air for a moment, trying to restore some semblance of control. He really wanted a drink right now, but as part of his rehabilitation, his therapist wanted him to abstain from drinking. So he poured himself a club soda and drank it quickly.
"I... I know. You're right; we can't. But... My shift ends in about an hour." He glanced up at the clock. "Actually, 45 minutes. Can you... maybe wait for me? We could go somewhere to talk,,, get coffee or something. I have some things I want to say to you.... But you're right. This isn't the place."
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Post by Eddie Shriver on Dec 4, 2012 1:58:55 GMT -5
Eddie was quiet for a long moment after Troy asked him to wait. He wished desperately that Yvonne was here. She peeled him off the floor after the bad break up with Troy, and he knew what she would say if she were here. It would have just been nice to hear, because now, only the devil on his shoulder was talking.
He should have apologized to Troy and walked away, end of story. But he still continued to care deeply for Troy and be invested in the man's life. He felt like he was out of his own body when he heard himself reply. "A lot of things were already said between us. I'm not sure I want more."
And there Eddie went, feeling like the jerk because he spoke up like that and he sighed, deeply, scratching at the back of his neck. "But I''ll be here for at least another 45 minutes."
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