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Post by Alison Hale on Jun 15, 2010 17:41:41 GMT -5
It had been a day since Maia broke down and told Alison what happened. It hurt to hear it, it really did. The news that her best friend brought her left her in tears and all she did for the next day was nothing. The more she thought about it, the more sort of angry feeling she got. Was it really that she wasn't good enough? Sure she knew she wasn't the most perfect girl, but she thought things were going okay but that was a complete mistake. Granted everything that happened with Geoffrey's cousin was awful, and then what happened at the Ministry; Alison could understand the fact that things were horrible but she didn't think that it would have led to Geoffrey cheating on her. What did he hope to gain from that?
Finally getting up enough strength to leave her house, Alison pulled her hair back, not bothering to brush it and made her way to Geoffrey's house. She had to hear it from him. Yes, it was probably going to hurt all over again, but she had to hear it.
Her eyes finally lost majority of the redness and puffiness, and her face was not so splotchy anymore. Alison took in a deep breath as she reached the huge Manor. Swallowing the lump in her throat and telling herself she wasn't going to cry here, she lifted a hand to ring the bell.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jun 15, 2010 18:11:07 GMT -5
Jensen, as usual, opened the door, and even the proper, elderly man was distressed by the girl's appearance. She had been visiting fairly regularly for the last few weeks since Master Geoffrey's return home from the hospital, and Jensen was pleased to see that her visits seemed to brighten the young man's spirits. But to see her now, Jensen immediately feared that something terrible had happened. A death in the family, perhaps, or some other cataclysm? He couldn't help his urge to comfort the girl, and as he stepped aside to let her in, he added a gentle smile in the hopes of reassuring her.
He led her into the parlor, and made sure she was comfortable. "I'll fetch Master Geoffrey," he said, bowing to her. Then he headed up the stairs to Geoffrey's bedroom, where he still seemed to spend most of his time.
"Miss Alison to see you, sir. She's looking a bit... distressed. Shall I fetch a platter of tea and cakes?"
Geoffrey had no idea what could be upsetting Alison, and he frowned slightly. He had made up his mind that the next time she stopped by, he would tell her about his mistake at Stu's. But if she was already upset, now might not be the best time.
"Er... yes, I think that would be a good idea," Geoffrey replied, nodding at the butler.
He stood up and followed Jensen down to the parlor, then nodded again, dismissing him, before he turned to Alison.
"Hey," he said, a hesitant smile spreading across his lips. But as he got a look at her face, he saw quite clearly what Jensen meant. It looked as though Alison had been crying. There was just a hint of puffiness about her eyes, and her expression looked desolate, but determined. Why did he have a feeling this was not going to go well?
"Everything OK?"
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Post by Alison Hale on Jun 15, 2010 19:15:44 GMT -5
Alison barely smiled back to Jensen. He was a good man and she liked him well enough but right now she wasn't in the mood to really respond. She followed him into the parlor that she had come familiar with. This time she didn't take a seat comfortably on the couch, she remained standing.
Her hands were clasped in front of her as she waited for Geoffrey to come downstairs. For once, she was a little impatient. However her impatience disappeared once he came down. She wanted to yell at him and tell him that no, everything wasn't alright but she wasn't going to yell. For a moment, she wondered if the moment she opened her mouth to speak she would just start crying.
Alison couldn't manage to return his smile. That felt like it was going to take too much strength to do. The only words that could slip out were "Did you or didn't you?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jun 15, 2010 20:17:19 GMT -5
Geoffrey felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. He wished he had no idea what she was talking about, but by the look on her face, the tone of her voice.... She knew. He had no idea how she knew, but she did.
He took a deep breath and sank down on an armchair, burying his face in his hands. He hated himself in that moment. As much as he tried to pin the blame on his screwed-up life on Roland and everyone else... this was his doing. He had no one to blame but himself. He couldn't blame Nathalia... it had been his doing. He pursued her without giving Alison so much as a second thought. What was wrong with him?
"I'm sorry," he said, because there wasn't anything else to say. "How did you find out?"
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Post by Alison Hale on Jun 15, 2010 20:36:53 GMT -5
As soon as 'I'm sorry' came from him, Alison's eyes closed and her thumb and middle finger went to the corner of her eyes. It hurt worse to hear him say that he was sorry than Maia telling her. She wanted to sink down on the couch or in the floor, but she wasn't going to allow herself to do that.
Alison didn't say anything right away, she turned her back to him and crossed her arms. She tried to get her thoughts together. "Maia saw you," she said trying to keep her voice even, but she was starting to fail. Turning back around, she was doing her best to keep her tears swallowed. "My gosh Geoffrey." Alison sighed, feeling that could start tearing any second. "Why? Why did you do it?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jun 15, 2010 20:50:07 GMT -5
He'd been asking himself that very question ever since it happened, and he had yet to come up with an answer. He sighed heavily and looked up at her, his eyes burning with unshed tears.
"I don't know," he said honestly. "I... I wish I had a reason... any reason. It's not because I don't love you. I do. I just... I'm really messed up right now and I can't figure out what I want or how to put my life back together. And you've been just about the only good thing in it... Maybe I thought I didn't deserve you."
He winced, realizing how incredibly lame that sounded. "The truth is, I wasn't thinking about you or anyone else, or anything at all that night. I was freaked out and I got drunk... And I made a mistake. A big one."
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Post by Alison Hale on Jun 16, 2010 14:06:41 GMT -5
Alison couldn't quite meet his eyes. She saw his face but she couldn't make direct eye contact. Her fear was that if she did, the tears she didn't want to show would come and they wouldn't stop.
The fact that he said he loved her didn't even register with her. She wanted to just yell everything she was thinking but she still couldn't bring herself to do that. "And were you going to tell me at any point or were you just going to let it slide? Maia was the one that told me but she didn't want to." Her voice had turned the emotionless, attempting to control what mixture of sadness and anger she had.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jun 16, 2010 14:17:24 GMT -5
He couldn't blame her for not being able to look at him. He could barely look at himself in the mirror. He was disgusted with himself, and now she was disgusted with him, too. He deserved it.
"I've been wrestling with it for the last few days," he said. "I made up my mind... I was going to tell you the next time you came over... which would have been today. If you hadn't already known about it, I was going to tell you. I was. The truth is, Alison... I barely even remember what happened. I was out of it and drunk, and I know that's no excuse..."
His voice cracked. In his mind, it was already hopeless. She was angry and hurt and he had ruined everything, and how could he even ask for her forgiveness when he couldn't even forgive himself?
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Post by Alison Hale on Jun 16, 2010 14:31:44 GMT -5
"Exactly, that is no excuse," she said finally meeting her eyes and her voice coming out a little more shortly than she intended. "You knew you could have talked to me about whatever but apparently that's not good enough for you." Alison could feel the hot tears that were starting to blur her vision. She was trying to hold them back, but she wasn't really successful.
"I can't believe you Geoffrey," she said with her sadness starting to seep through her voice. "You," Alison paused. She wasn't even sure how to finish that. The thoughts were all jumbled in her head and no clear thought was there. Alison pulled her arms as close to her chest as she could and turned her eyes to the floor.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jun 16, 2010 23:11:34 GMT -5
Not for the first time lately, he felt completely lost. He'd screwed up, and ruined the one good thing he had going for him. But his feelings were still a jumble, and he wasn't entirely sure if he loved Alison or if he loved Riley. Or if it even mattered, because he'd already lost Riley, and he was about to lose Alison, too. All because he was an idiot.
"I'm sorry," he said again, his voice heavy with dread. "I don't blame you for hating me. I kind of hate myself, if that helps."
He sighed, and against his better judgment, stood up and walked over to her,putting his arms around her. "I made a mistake and I regret it. I never wanted to hurt you. Just... just myself."
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Post by Alison Hale on Jun 17, 2010 9:37:29 GMT -5
"It doesn't help," she said feeling planted in the place she was standing. Alison felt like crawling into a corner and just staying there. She didn't even register that Geoffrey was coming close to her until his arms were around her. Part of her just wanted to stay there, but she couldn't, not after what happened.
Alison pushed herself away from him. "Don't, don't touch me," she whispered shakily. There was finally a tear that reached her cheek. "And you did hurt me." That statement was apparent. She took a few steps away from him.
"I, I can't do this anymore."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jun 18, 2010 0:20:26 GMT -5
Geoffrey was reaching for her, but at her words, his hand dropped. He knew it. She was leaving. And he couldn't blame her for it. What reason did she have to stay?
"I know I did," he said, a tear slipping down his cheek. "I just... Merlin, everything I say sounds like some stupid excuse. I don't know why I did it, and I wish I hadn't. I love you.... and I don't blame you for being angry. You should be angry. And I want to ask you to stay... beg you to forgive me, but the truth is.... I have nothing to give you. I'm broken inside and I can't figure out how to fix it."
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Post by Alison Hale on Jun 18, 2010 6:17:08 GMT -5
At the moment Alison couldn't forgive him. Her emotions were far to mixed up to do that right now. She wanted to find a way to help him fix himself, but she couldn't do that. Maybe it was the best thing that she just left. Everything was so jumbled and sooner or later things would hopefully sort themselves out. However, the pain that came with it was horrible.
More tears were escaping her. "I'm sorry Geoffrey." That apology was sympathy for him being broken but it was also an apology for what she was going to say next, "We, I can't be with you."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 2, 2010 11:51:45 GMT -5
Geoffrey's eyes began to burn and he felt like there was a block of ice lodged in his chest. He'd known it was coming, but hearing her say the words... it felt like he was being stabbed in the heart.
He turned away to face the wall, staring at an old tapestry that he'd never really liked. But his eyes weren't focusing on the tapestry, because his vision was blurred with tears. He loved her, he knew that now... and he wondered what was wrong with him that he could only realize these things when he was losing the ones he loved.
"I don't want you to go," he said softly. "Please...."
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Post by Alison Hale on Jul 2, 2010 18:06:05 GMT -5
She was torn and confused. She didn't know what to do. "I-I can't stay right now." Alison tried to swallow so that the fountain of tears that threatened to fall in addition to what had already fallen, wouldn't. Part of her just wanted to forget everything that had just happened and just continue on, but she knew that wasn't going to be the best thing. Geoffrey had to find a way to heal himself first. In a way, she gave him a promise that she would be there to stay after he was healed. However, she didn't know how long that was going to take or if he would still want her afterword. Although that didn't matter. She wasn't thinking ahead. She just wanted to go.
Alison stared mindlessly at his back for a moment before snapping out of a slight trance. "I'm so sorry Geoffrey. I can't. Everything is just, I can't stay right now."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 3, 2010 8:59:04 GMT -5
Geoffrey turned around to face her, revealing his shattered expression and tear-stained face. He had ruined this, he had killed something good and beautiful. She would have stayed with him; she would have loved him. But he was so mixed up that he still wasn't sure what he wanted.
"I'm not giving up on us," he told her. "I don't blame you for leaving now, and I know what I did was horrible.... So I'll let you go. For now. You need your space, and I need mine... I need to figure out what I want and find some way to put myself back together. I just hope... I hope you'll still be there when I do, and that you can find some way to forgive me."
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Post by Alison Hale on Jul 4, 2010 12:24:22 GMT -5
She didn't know what else to do. Her arms were still crossed across her chest, pretty much hugging herself. Alison nodded, not bothering to reach up and wipe away any tears. That was useless. She swallowed the burning lump. It hurt to look at him because of his expression. She couldn't bring herself to look directly at his face.
The only thing she would do when she returned home was draw herself away from everyone and curl up on the couch or go to bed. The fact of what happened was still going to hurt no matter what.
Alison started to take a few steps toward the door as she let her eyes fall to the floor. Hopefully he would put himself back together some how but she didn't think too much about it. She was still hurting and needed to get away.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 5, 2010 18:06:16 GMT -5
What could Geoffrey do? He couldn't stop her... He didn't have the right. How could he expect her not to leave after what he had done? He couldn't be there for her now, to have a proper, functional relationship. If she stayed now, he would just lean on her and he'd let himself need her too much. He'd end up using her and she wouldn't get anything out of the relationship. He couldn't give her what she needed, not now. He needed her, but he needed to be able to stand on his own two feet first, instead of leaning on her until she broke.
But even knowing that, and seeing it all so clearly, didn't stop it from hurting like hell. All of this--his life, their relationshp--it would take a while to put back together (if it ever could), and he was impatient. He wanted it all to be OK now. He wanted all of this to be over, or never to have happened in the first place.
But that couldn't happen. So he had no choice to let her go now, and hope that one day, when he was better, she would still be there.
"I'm sorry, Alison," he said, holding a hand out to her.
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Post by Alison Hale on Jul 5, 2010 19:11:13 GMT -5
Once he held his hand out, Alison's eyes were drawn to it. She couldn't touch him, not right then. She was scared if she did she would break down completely right then and there. Plus, she knew that she would stay longer if she did take his hand.
Making her eyes meet his, her arms still across her chest, there was mixed emotions on her face. She did unintentionally move a small step closer. "I'm sorry too," she answered in a soft tone. There was more that she wanted to say but she couldn't find the right words to put together to say it.
Looking away toward the foyer, she cleared her throat. "I'll see you around," Alison almost whispered as she started toward the foyer.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 5, 2010 21:10:28 GMT -5
Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe he should just quietly let her go, and find someone else who could actually make her happy, someone who wouldn't hurt her or push her aside as he had done. Maybe they weren't meant to be.
But Geoffrey didn't want to believe that. He wanted to believe that somehow he could get her back, once he had himself back on track. It was selfish of him to even ask her to wait for him, but letting her go forever was just unbearable.
So even if it was a bad idea, he followed her into the foyer and stepped in front of her, blocking her exit. "Wait," he said. Tipping her chin up so that she was forced to meet his eyes, he moved closer to her.
"I love you, Alison. I'm sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't say it before. And I'm sorry I messed this up. But please.... don't give up on me forever. I know you need your space, and I guess I do, too. But.... I need to know if there's still hope for us. When I get myself together.... Is there a chance we could start again?"
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