|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 2, 2010 11:23:20 GMT -5
Austin didn't know how to make Paige see that he did just want her for her body or anything like that, he wanted her. The only idea that he had was to take things slowly, to show her that he wasn't going to leave anytime soon.
Once Paige pulled away, Austin resisted the urge to sigh and run his hand through his hair in sort of frustration. Instead, he reached out and took her hand, moving closer to her. "Paige," he said seriously. "I like you, I really do. I want to do this right and not just jump in for sex. That's not what I want from you. I don't want to just sleep with you and be done with it." He didn't know if what he said would scare her, but he needed to find a way to get through to her.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 6, 2010 1:00:21 GMT -5
Merlin, he was doing it again. He was saying all the right things, all the things that girls wanted to hear. So why did it scare her so much? She should be happy, she should be glad that she found a guy who wanted to take the time to build an actual relationship. But she'd never been in a real relationship before. She'd never been in love, and she'd never been loved. He wasn't using that word yet (and she wasn't ready to hear it), but it was hanging in the air nevertheless; a whispered promise that was both exciting and terrifying.
She was starting to understand that he might actually care for her and want to really know her for more than just sex. But she still didn't believe that she had anything else to offer him. She was neurotic, difficult, high-maintenance, and not a "fun" sort of person. Sure, she could put on an act and play the cute, flirty type, but it was just that--an act. She had issues with food and body image and self-esteem and anxiety, and sometimes she was moody as hell. How could he possibly love someone like that? She was sure that once he really got to know her, he would find out that she was not worth the trouble.
She looked up at him, confused. "Why?" she asked simply.
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 6, 2010 15:03:51 GMT -5
Why? That was a question that Austin had a feeling that she was going to ask. How to answer that question, he wasn't exactly sure but he was going to give it his best. "Because Paige, I just do. Your smart, beautiful, and just the type of person I like being around. I don't care if you try to say that you're not, I think you are. That first night I walked you home, I liked you. I could never explain it. Even now, I can't really explain it very well. I know that you've haven't had very many good things happen to you, but that's okay. Things happen to everyone and I don't mind what has happened. Whatever guys you've been with, they didn't bother to look past the fact that there is something else there with you, other than just sex. That's not always that important. Some guys just want what they can get when they can get it. I'm not like that. I respect girls more than that, especially you."
Austin took a moment to take a deep breath. "I want to take the chance to continue to get to know you better. To go on more dates with you, and just go do impulsive crazy things. I can't explain the reason why you're always in my head. You're just always there." He didn't know how else to explain it to her. Maybe he could come up with a better explaination later, but on the spot, that was the best he could come up with.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 6, 2010 20:48:44 GMT -5
He was perfect. So perfect that Paige felt like she couldn't hope to compare to him. Her eyes were filling with tears, and she looked away from him so he wouldn't see them.
"I've never met anyone like you," she said softly.
How different her life might have been if she had met him a long time ago. Maybe she wouldn't have been used and tossed aside so many times that she didn't understand what it meant to have someone who actually wanted to stay. Maybe she would have understood what love was, what a relationship was like. Maybe she wouldn't be an injured ex-ballerina with an eating disorder. Maybe she wouldn't feel like going into a panic everytime she ate a bite of ice cream.
Finally she looked back at him. The look in his eyes made her feel weak in the knees, but she didn't look away this time. "OK," she said at last. "I.... I still don't feel like I deserve you.... but I want to try."
Though she didn't say it aloud, the look in her eyes was silently pleading with him not to hurt her. She was going to try to trust him with her heart.
It was the most terrifying thing she had ever done.
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 7, 2010 16:36:39 GMT -5
The thing that concerned Austin the most was her just running away. Of course, he knew that if she ran away, he would follow after her and try harder. At first, he thought that Paige might attempt to run away again, but he was glad to see that she remained there, even if she did turn away from him.
The look she gave him whenever she turned around told him that she was actually giving him a chance. He wasn't going to hurt her. He wanted to see her brighten and look at herself in a positive light. That was one of his goals. To show her that she wasn't really the girl she really thought herself to be. There was more there than just who she thought.
Austin gave her a gentle smile. "Trying is a good thing." It was a huge breakthrough that she wanted to attempt something. He knew that he had to be a big jump for her, but he was going to do what he could to show her she wasn't in it alone, or that she was just some girl.
"I promise that I'm not some jerk, and I promise that I'm not going to just disappear. I actually have an idea for the next night you're willing to go out."
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 7, 2010 23:58:07 GMT -5
Merlin, she was scared. Her knees felt so weak that she wasn't sure they would support her, even if she did try to run away. It wasn't supposed to be this scary, was it? But if she thought about it, she was taking a big leap of faith, putting her trust in him. Everyone she had ever trusted in the past had ended up hurting her.. It was no longer as easy to trust as it had been when she was younger. But on the other hand, the reward might be greater if the gamble paid off.
Her heart was pounding in her chest, but somehow she managed to return his smile. "I can't wait," she said honestly.
She reached for her drink again and took another sip, letting the soothing warmth of the wine burn its way down her throat. "OK... so, if you're not going to sleep with me tonight.... what do you want to do instead?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 8, 2010 1:36:17 GMT -5
Austin smiled. Paige had come a long way since he first met her. She was still he same girl he met, he was just finally able to have a few of her layers peeled away.
"Well, I figured that we could just sit out here for a little bit, enjoy that it's not completely freezing out here, while you rest back against my arm and I keep you warm." Austin sat back on the couch and stretched his arm out across the back of it. He was going to attempt to keep things light for the time being. "That is if you want to, or you can continue to sit on the edge of the seat. Although, I think leaning back this way seems to be a little bit more comfortable."
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 12, 2010 1:56:20 GMT -5
This was ridiculous. Paige knew she was acting ridiculous. She shouldn't be afraid of just being close with Austin. She was acting like a scared rabbit, and yet she had pounced on him. He probably found her utterly confusing, and yet, he still seemed to want to be here.
She wasn't sure who was crazier, her or him.
She took another deep breath. "OK. I can do that." Edging back into the ironically named loveseat, she gave him a smile. "Just... can you do one thing for me?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 12, 2010 12:49:57 GMT -5
Austin did find Paige extremely confusing, but he was willing to continue trying. He was taking a risk himself by continously going after her. He was glad that he did take that risk because she was finally opening herself up to him, little by little.
Noticing that she was edging back, he smiled. Austin didn't really have any idea what he was doing, he just went with the flow. When she asked if he could do one thing for her, he nodded. "Of course," he answered. "What is it?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 14, 2010 0:09:26 GMT -5
She looked up at him then, a vulnerable look shining in her brown eyes. She felt a little stupid for what she was about to ask, but it was something she had always dreamed of, and Austin seemed like the first guy that might be willing to do it for her.
"Before you leave... could you kiss me? I don't mean like the one we just had... where I was pretty much jumping on you. I mean, like... the kind of kiss you'd see in the movies. Where you'd pull me close and just kiss me once before you leave. I know it sounds stupid... I just... I always used to fantasize about that... just one kiss that would shake the world, you know?"
She was blushing lightly now, realizing just how stupid that must sound. She almost wanted to take it back, but she didn't; she just left the question hanging in the air.
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 14, 2010 9:33:09 GMT -5
The question made Austin's stomach feel a little funny. He was glad that Paige was willing to try and he was going to do whatever he could to make her feel like she should. His smile was soft. "Yes," he answered touching her cheek. "I will do just that." It was his idea that he was going to kiss her anyway, but knowing that she wanted him to made his stomach do a flip.
The blush on her cheeks suited her. It seemed to make her eyes brighten a little. He hadn't ever been asked a question like she asked, but he was going to do his best to meet her request.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 17, 2010 1:17:15 GMT -5
Paige smiled shyly at him for a moment, still feeling a little embarrassed about her request. Maybe it wouldn't work, and she would be disappointed again. Maybe it was the kind of thing that just had to happen spontaneously, and couldn't be done on command. Maybe she needed to just get over her silly fantasies.
Still, the idea of it now lingered in the air, a hopeful feeling that she couldn't quite shake.
Leaning back the rest of the way, she inched a little closer to him and put her head on his shoulder. She wasn't sure what they were supposed to do until that moment, because she'd never had a date like this. Most of her other dates would have already slept with her and been out the door by now. Without sex, what was there to do on a date?
"Tell me about you," she said at last. "I've already told you my biggest secret, but I still feel like I don't know that much about you."
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 17, 2010 12:40:21 GMT -5
Austin relaxed completely when she was finally able to lean back on him. Things felt more easy knowing that Paige was trying.
He sighed when she wanted to know more about him. "Well, for starters, I'm not from here," he started. "I grew up in America with my mom and my brother and sister. I never knew my father, so my mom did the best she could to take care of us. We all went to see if we could do a few jobs to help her out the best we could. My mom was muggleborn actually and I'm guessing that my father was a wizard because all of us children were. Anyway, we all went to a magic school in America. Since I was the youngest, I graduated two years after my brother. He was sort of a troublemaker in school, but he was always nice to everyone, especially to my sister and I. After I graduated, I knew that my brother and sister wanted to continue on with their lives, so I talked them into going on while I took care of our mom. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, so it was perfect for me to stay there. She started getting sicker and the American doctors didn't know how to treat her. I heard about a few doctors in England, so I talked her into moving so she could get the best treatment. After a long discussion, because she's more stubborn than a mule, we came to England. I wanted to keep her happy, so I continued to play her guitar whenever I had the opportunity. I picked up playing when I was little. It was one of the few things I could do well and I continued on playing. It made my mom happy, so she'd be my only audience. I wrote my own songs and everything. After she saw the doctors here, she started to get a lot better. I'm not sure what she had because they never told me, but whatever she had is gone. Once she knew she was better and able to take care of herself and live on her own again, she chased me out, literally."
At that memory, Austin let out a laugh. "She threatened that if I didn't get out of her apartment and make something of myself, she was going to beat me over the head with the broom. So, I left. Of course I check up on her from time to time, but she's doing better than ever. After I left, I found my own apartment and I'm still working on making something of myself other than just a guy who plays his guitar to himself."
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 18, 2010 0:58:37 GMT -5
Paige closed her eyes as she listened to him speak. His voice was smooth, like butter, and for some of the time, she got lost more in the sound of him than in what he was saying. It wasn't that she wasn't interested in hearing about him and about his family. But there was something warm and hypnotic and beautiful about this moment. She'd never sat with a guy and just... talked.... at least not for very long before they moved into the bedroom. Somehow, knowing that they weren't ending up there this time made this moment seem more precious.... like this was the important part, and not just the precursor to sex.
But it was also sort of fascinating to hear him talk about his family. They all sounded so close and loving, even if they didn't see each other every day. It was obvious what they meant to him. Paige didn't know what that was like. Even though she was just starting to repair her relationship with Chloe, they didn't have the history of being close. And Paige couldn't ever imagine being as close to her mother as Austin was to his. Her mother was cold and manipulative and had gone out of her way to pit her two daughters against each other. And it had worked. There were only so many times a girl could hear "why can't you be more like Chloe" before she would lash out against her sister.
"I wish I was that close to my family," she sighed sadly. "Seriously, you're really lucky to have such a great mother. I bet she'd do anything for you... and you for her."
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 18, 2010 8:44:37 GMT -5
"She would do whatever she could," he said in agreement. Paige's sad tone didn't go unheard. He knew about how her family treated her and how put down they made her feel. "And you know, you don't think you're close to your sister, but I think you're a lot closer to her than you think. I have a feeling that she would do whatever she could to help if you needed it."
Austin had seen bad sibiling relationships in school. Paige and her sister didn't seem to fit that. They were willing to talk to each other, and not because they were forced. "And you know that you could always come to me, even though we're not family. I think that while you're here, you're going to become a lot closer with your sister, more than you are now."
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 18, 2010 23:50:22 GMT -5
Yes, Chloe would do anything for Paige if she asked her to. Paige knew this, but she also knew that she would never ask Chloe to do anything for her. At least, she would never have done it before. Her stupid, stubborn pride held her back from asking for help, which was why she had allowed her life to spiral out of control. She had needed help, but she couldn't bring herself to ask for it. Her eating disorder could have killed her, and if not for her knee injury, the doctors would never have known about it.
"Chloe's a good sister," she said quietly. "I'm not. At least, I haven't been. I.... I'm trying to be better. I just... I spent so long trying to compete with her that I never even bothered to get to know her."
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 19, 2010 8:56:37 GMT -5
Austin gently ran his fingers through Paige's hair as she spoke. "Just talking to her is a good start. I'm sure that she forgives you for whatever happened, after all you are family." Family was supposed to be always there for each other, even if it is a dysfuctional family. Although, that was not always the case. Austin didn't understand why people could be the way they were. It was something that he tried hard not to think about, because it ended up frustrating him.
"And you've changed quite a lot since we first met, in a good way of course." He needed to make sure he reassured Paige that she was okay. Right now she needed those little pushes, reassurances, and care, and Austin did not mind providing those.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 20, 2010 1:46:56 GMT -5
Paige gave a shiver as he ran his fingers through her hair. She loved to have her hair played with, and it wasn't something she often got to have. Most of her past boyfriends had preferred to run their hands over other parts of her, and it wasn't like she had a best friend or was close enough to her sister to have her play with her hair. Pretty much the only people who touched her hair these days were hair stylists, and that just wasn't the same thing.
She didn't respond to his comment about how she was changing. She knew that she was; she felt as though she were in a period of transition. Slowly, the girl she had once been was falling away. Maybe there would come a day when she could eat a big hamburger and drink a milkshake without thinking about the number of calories she was consuming. Maybe one day she wouldn't be afraid of what she was feeling or that she wasn't good enough for something. These things suddenly seemed to be within reach, when they never had been before.
"That night you walked me home," she said abruptly. "Why didn't you ask me out then?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Austin Hancock on Nov 21, 2010 17:44:47 GMT -5
"Didn't seem like the right time," he answered. Austin never really asked himself why he didn't ask her out. "You just left a place that was full of guys and I didn't want to seem like one of them." It was an honest answer. He wanted to make a point to her that night that he wasn't like the other ones who just wanted a one night stand. At first, he knew that he liked her, but he knew there was no sense in jumping right into it.
"You probably would have turned me down if I asked you out for a date right after and then wanted another date afterword. It just wasn't the right time to ask. Of course I wasn't for sure if I would see you again, but there was always that slight chance. I told myself that I would ask you out next time I saw you, as long as it wasn't in the same setting. As things worked out, we were not in the same setting and things worked out."
|
|
|
|
Post by Paige Owen on Nov 23, 2010 18:57:41 GMT -5
Paige didn't answer for a moment, considering this. That first time, almost a year ago, she had been at the club, and guys had been pawing at her all night. She was used to it, of course, but that didn't mean she always liked it. She liked the attention. She liked having guys tell her that she was pretty or that she was hot. But she didn't always like it when they put their hands all over her in public. It made her feel dirty and cheap. Austin had been the only guy that night to keep his hands to himself, and when she'd had a little too much to drink and was feeling sick, he had offered to take her home. At the time, she thought this was pretty typical. Guys usually offered to "walk her home" when they really meant they wanted to take her home and sleep with her because she was too drunk to say no. And they usually were gone before morning, so that sometimes, she would sleep with someone and not even know who it was. But Austin hadn't done that. He had actually walked her home and helped her inside, then said a polite goodbye. Nothing inappropriate, nothing she would regret in the morning. That had shocked her, and so she remembered that moment vividly. At the time, it made her feel unwanted, and yet, she wouldn't have felt much better if he'd stayed, only to stumble out at 4 am without so much as a goodnight kiss.
It had been that moment that made her start to rethink things a little bit. Oh, she still had her unhealthy dating habits, but she started to be more careful about drinking, at least. She made sure she never had so much that she wouldn't remember things the next day. That had been the beginning of the positive changes in her life, and yet, she hadn't even realized it until now.
"I was really drunk that night," she said. "I'm sort of surprised you saw anything good about me that night. But I want you to know... you made a difference to me even then. When you said goodbye and left without coming in and trying to get me into bed... it sobered me right up. After that, I started to be more careful about my drinking."
|
|
