A New Chapter (Geoff)

[Riley Neves]

"You're still good enough, Geoff. You're perfect and wonderful, and she knows how lucky she is to have you. You're just going through a rough patch." They all were. Anyway, she was pretty sure that Alison had the patience of a saint, and that she wasn't going to leave Geoffrey. Not when he needed her. Not when Riley hadn't been there.

He drew her thoughts back, and she nodded. "Yeah, Geoff, of course. You just tell me when you're up for it, okay? And I'll be there. The movies could be fun, or whatever we decide to do." At least he was talking about going out again... that made her feel better about things a bit. He may not have realized it, but she was sure he was making progress. Little by little.

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

"I'm not perfect," Geoffrey insisted. "I'm not Roland."

He regretted the words as soon as he said them and, if he wasn't already feeling so frustrated and vulnerable, he would have been able to stop himself from saying them. But the truth was, he had always resented Roland, who had always seemed so very cool and unflappable. And even though he had seen some cracks in the armor, Roland still seemed to have everything. He had Riley's love.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," he said, running a hand through his hair.

He did mean it, of course, but he did regret saying it. He turned and gave her a desperate look, hoping she would forgive him for the remark, but half expecting that she wouldn't.

[Riley Neves]

Those words broke Riley's heart. And they angered her. She kept trying to keep Roland out of the conversation. No matter what she did or said, he always threw Roland in her face. Those apologies were getting weaker and weaker, and she was being torn between them.

"I'll never forgive you if you make me choose between you." It needed to be said, and she was finding it harder to hope that she would be able to keep them both. He kept apologising, but he kept saying it, too.

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He was acting like a jerk. She had just said something nice to him and what had he done? He had turned around and said something nasty. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just thank her for coming and tell her that he was happy for her? Why couldn't he hug her and tell her what he was feeling?

It was all so complicated, and he ached for the times when it had been so much simpler. When he could just be there for her, and he knew what to do and say and they could just laugh and dream about the future. Those times seemed so far away now, and he would have done just about anything to get them back. He just wanted to be Riley's friend. Instead, he felt like a different person, who argued and made snide remarks. He was angry and hurt and jealous and scared out of his mind, and he needed his best friend... But he kept pushing her away, because it hurt too much, knowing that she loved someone else.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and a few tears leaked out. "I'm sorry. I won't mention his name again. I don't want to make you choose... I just... I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Everything I do is wrong."

[Riley Neves]

Riley was quiet for a moment. She was seeing the future... a week, a month, a year, ten years into their future, and all she saw were these apologies, the constant assurance that he didn't mean anything by it, having to pretend that Roland didn't exist while she was around him.

She wanted to be there for Geoffrey, and she was trying to be strong for him, but she was messed up too. Why couldn't they just be there for each other?

"No," she said, quietly at first, but then she set her eyes on Geoffrey, conviction set in her features. "No, look. You're hurting. I get it. Life isn't so perfect for me either, and I refuse to let you make me feel guilty for finding one Salazar forsaken thing that makes it all bearable. I don't want to have to avoid his name when I'm with you. What happens when I have this kid and she starts talking? Are you going to ignore her when she talks about her dad? I don't understand what you're doing. I want to be here for you, and I know I haven't done so well at that thus far and I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to make myself feel horrible to do it. I wouldn't expect you to do that for me, either."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Her words really hit home for him. It used to be that they could talk about anything. There was no such thing as a restricted topic. And now it seemed like every time Roland’s name was mentioned, it hurt one of them or the other.

She was right, he had no right to make her feel guilty for loving Roland. She had no idea that Geoffrey loved her, too, but that still didn’t give him the right to give her a hard time about it. Riley deserved to be happy. And just because it wasn’t him that was able to bring her that kind of happiness, that didn’t change the fact that she deserved it. She was going to be a wife, and a mother, and it was wrong of him to act so damn… jealous.

He sighed, a look of hurt and resignation on his face. “You’re right. Look… I need to get my head together. Just give me some time to get used to all of this, OK? This isn’t about you, or even about him. It’s me. I’ll try to work on it. Please don’t give up on me.”

[Riley Neves]

"I'm not giving up on you." She owed him that much at least, and she would never give up on him... unless he forced her to. She meant it when she told him that she would never forgive him if he ever made her choose.

"But you have to understand that this is a part of my life now as much as Alison is yours. It's not just us lost in our own little world anymore. I love you so much, Geoff, and I'm sorry that things change now... believe me, I am. I wish so much that you and Roland could even stand to say each other's names." She was crying. When did that start? She couldn't even remember starting to cry, and she was really losing it now.

Would it help to tell him what was going on with her, too? Would he feel better knowing he wasn't quite alone?

"Geoff... I'm not always so sure what's going on anymore."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He had once confessed to her that guys could not handle it when girls cried. There was nothing in the world that could make a guy feel more helpless than when a girl started crying. And when the guy was responsible for making the girl cry.... well, he'd have to have a pretty hard heart not to crumble. And Geoffrey, for all his biterness and anger, had not learned how to harden his heart.

"Oh, Merlin.... Riley please... don't cry. I'm sorry... I'll do anything you want..."

He was about to promise that he'd work through his isues with Roland over a couple of drinks, even though he knew it would take quite a bit longer than that.... but she cut him off with her next words.

"What do you mean?" he asked cautiously. Was it possible that she was having the same disconnected feeling that he was? Was she also waking up in the middle of the night, not sure what was real and what was a dream?

[Riley Neves]

"I don't know what I mean."

She wanted to take it back. She was here for Geoffrey, afterall, and she didn't want to pull her own problems into the mix. But Merlin, she just needed to talk to someone she knew existed.

"I don't know," she repeated. "I'll wake up sometimes, and Roland will be in the shower or in the kitchen or something, and I won't be able to remember if he's alive or dead. I'm not even positive I'm pregnant sometimes. I don't know what's wrong with me."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Oddly enough, this was a relief for him to hear. He didn't feel quite so alone anymore when she said this to him. Yes, he was still hopelessly in love with her, but at least now he didn't feel so far away from her. She might have Roland and they might be deliriously happy, but she still had moments of unreality and uncertainty, just like he did.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. "I still have the dreams," he said. "I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, and I think I killed you.... you're dead, Roland is dead, and I'm in prison..."

[Riley Neves]

It was easy and naturally to let herself fold into his arms, and for just a few seconds, she let him hold her. Then, she shifted so that she was facing him more, and returned the hug. Like always, they could hold each other.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone." She whispered it to him. "It's horrible... it used to be that I just wasn't sure when he wasn't around, but now I'm doubting my sanity even when he's right next to me. Sometimes, I wonder if they killed me, and I just haven't come to terms with it yet."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey sighed. How had everything managed to get so messed up? Riley should have been able to be happy. She was in love, she was getting married, and having a baby. Instead, she was afraid it was all just a dream. And Geoffrey spent his nights dreaming of a horrible nightmare world in which his best friend was dead by his very own hand.

“If it helps, Riley, I know this moment is real. You’re really here, and neither of us is dead or dreaming. I’m not usually confused in the daytime. It’s just at night… the dreams take over.”

The way he saw it, if his nightmares were true, then his dreams would be good. But both his dreams and his reality were miserable for him, so he clung to the present in the hopes that it could always get better.

“Does he… know about this? Have you told him?”

Geoffrey imagined it would be quite a blow to Roland to learn that Riley wasn’t entirely sure he was real. It seemed like he deserved to know something like that, and Geoffrey almost felt sorry for him.

[Riley Neves]

"Thank you," Riley whispered. "Sometimes, I think that's all I need... it just someone to tell me that it's all real."

She pulled away from him, guilt in her eyes. "That's why I don't know how to help you. I wish I could help and make your nightmares go away like you always tried to do for me. I just don't know how. I know haven't been a very good friend lately... I'm really sorry. I just don't know how to get myself in a place where I can be even remotely helpful to you. I'm so sorry."

She wiped at her eyes with the heel of her palms letting out a slow breath at his question. Finally, she shook her head. "No. I haven't told him anything about it. I think he suspects that something's wrong, but he has no idea.... I don't even know how to tell him. Geoff..." she wanted him to assure her that Roland was alive, but it seemed like a stupid question to ask. "I just keep hoping that it will get better, that the uncertaintity will go away, but it's just getting worse."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey hugged her again. He wished it actually helped him feel better, but it didn’t. It only made him want to hold her longer, to kiss her. But he couldn’t do that. She loved someone else. So having her so close only made him ache even more.

“Look… just seeing you at all helps,” he said, although it wasn’t entirely true. “When you’re here… it still hurts, but at least I know you’re really alive. That I didn’t…. You know.”

He sighed again, then pulled away slightly. “Look, you know I’m not his biggest fan. But you need to tell him. For his sake and yours. He deserves to know that you’re not sure he’s even real… and maybe he can help you. You’re going to marry the guy, after all… you need to make sure you have your feet fully planted in reality before you say ‘I do.’ If you keep thinking you’re dreaming and being afraid you’ll wake up to find it’s all gone… then you’re not really living. He may be an arrogant git, but he loves you and he’ll do whatever he can to help you.” Then he added a mirthless laugh and continued. “Merlin. We should all be in therapy.”

[Riley Neves]

"Yeah, except Roland. He doesn't have a problem knowing what's real and what's not." She wished she knew why it was so easy for him, why he came out with his sanity in tact and no one else seemed to.

"I know I should tell him, but I just keep hoping that this will fix itself before I need to. We're taking the engagement slowly, anyway, and we won't get married until after the baby's born. I have time to get my head straight. But maybe you're right... maybe we should all be in therapy. How did everything get so messed up?

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey had his ideas about how things got all messed up, but he didn't want to say anything else negative about Roland to her. It always made her angry and defensive and pushed her further away. And really... it wasn't entirely Roland's fault.

"Things have been slowly going downhill ever since the Hogsmeade attack. Sam and Jamie and Cyrus almost died, and Christine was so freaked out... And then this whole thing with Roland... The death eaters... they keep trying to hurt us--all of us--and ruin our lives. And it sort of seems like they're suceeding."

[Riley Neves]

How was Riley supposed to argue with that? It did seem like the Death Eaters were succeeding, and being an Auror, that was a hard pill to swallow. She could blame everything going on in her life right now on them, and she should have been able to stop them. She was trained to fight them and anyone like them, right?

"They're not winning, Geoff. We're going to come through this stronger than ever. And that isn't me just talking lies... I know we will. We have to." She shook her head. She didn't want Geoffrey to hear any doubt in her voice. And what could she do but just offer comfort?

She leaned forward and hugged him again. "We're going to be okay."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

But maybe by allowing the fear to take over their lives, they were letting the death eaters win. When Geoffrey thought of it like that, he suddenly felt like an idiot. Riley was right... they had to fight back. They had to live their lives and not allow the death eaters to change the way they lived.

He remembered Professor Dumbledore saying something once about the choices you make in life and how they can affect the world around you and not just yourself. He might have been helpless when he was struck with the Imperius curse, but that didn't mean he had to stay that way. He could choose to be afraid and to hide away... to take the safe choice. That was what the death eaters wanted, to make people so afraid that they couldn't fight back. Well, in that moment, Geoffrey decided that he wasn't going to let them win. He was going to fight.

He pulled away from Riley, and there was a new look on his face. For the first time since he'd been hit with that curse, he actually looked hopeful.

"Thanks, Riley. I think... maybe we are."

[Riley Neves]

Riley felt better knowing that at least one of them had that hope. She knew, really, that everything would work out in the end. It always did, and she refused to let things go south. She and everyone else had already been through too much to let the bad guys win now.

She just wished she could have that same optimism that Geoffrey suddenly seemed to sprout. Or was he faking it for her?

"We are. I promise."

She pulled away more, leaning against the back of the bench they were sitting on and slouching a little. "I'm so tired."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Not so very long ago, those words would have caused him to put his arms around her and hold her close to him. But now... well, it would mean something different now. It would make him want to kiss her. And that would only make things worse; it would drive her further away.

Merlin, why? Why did he have to have this revelation? Why couldn't he have remained oblivious? Why was it only when he could not have her that he realized how much he wanted her? He wanted to just be her best friend again... why did everything have to be so complicated?

He sighed heavily and leaned his head against the back of the bench. "Me, too," he replied. "So tired. I feel like I'm about 60 years old. How are you sleeping? Are you havng nightmares still?"