A New Chapter (Geoff)

[Riley Neves]

Riley nodded. "Yeah, I could use some air." merlin knew she felt like she couldn't breath at all. Maybe she shouldn't tell him... it seemed like a horrible time to bring up an engagement when things between them were clearly still very rocky.

She held out her hand to him, waiting for him to join her and walk with her outside.

"So, tell me what else is going on. Is Christine doing better? How's the rest of the family?"

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey relaxed as he took her hand. It was so much easier to talk about the rest of the family, to steer the conversation away from himself. He was still holding so much inside, and even though he knew it wasn't healthy, he just couldn't bring himself to let it go, especially not to her.

"Christine is doing better," he replied. "She's still kind of quiet, but I think it helps to have us all together. And my uncle is planning a huge birthday ball for Sam next month... it's the first birthday she's been able to spend with the family in so long, and he wants to make a big deal of it. So everyone's pretty excited about that."

[Riley Neves]

Riley didn't let go of his hand, sighing quietly. She wanted to cry, but held it back because today was about... well. She came with the intention of it being about her, but now it was about him, and she was okay with that. She wanted to help him, she just felt so wracked with guilt about what she'd essentially done to him.

"I'm glad she's doing better. And the ball sounds fun... I like that your uncle usually pulls out all the stops. I imagine he makes all of his family feel quite special when he gives them his attention. How are your parents? Happier with you home and Christine talking?"

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

It almost felt weird to Geoffrey to be walking with her, holding her hand. Once, not so long ago, it would have felt totally natural. But now there were so many barriers between them, and he realized that most of them were on his end. If it had been her acting like this, he never would have let her get away with it. And yet, even he realized that this situation was far more complicated than anything they'd ever been through before.

As they decended the big curved staircase, he managed a smile. "Yeah, you know Uncle Edward. Spare no expense. With anyone else, it would probably seem pompous and insincere, but he loves his family more than anything. And right now... well, I guess our family has a lot to celebrate. We're all alive... Sam's back with us, and Christine... and now we have Jarred... Seems like there's family coming out of the woodwork. Mum and Dad are good. They're worried.... But what are parents for, right?"

[Riley Neves]

Riley, on the other hand, refused to let things feel weird. It was still her and Geoffrey, and they were still best friends. Even if he was hurt and annoyed with her, and she was hurt and feeling guilty. They would figure it out and work through it, right? That's what friends did.

"Family's important right now, anyway, so I'm glad you have so many of them around." It sounded like empty rhetoric, even to her. What she meant was that family was important for him, that she was glad he had people around who were watching out for him.

"And your parents have every right to be worried, anyway. But yeah... worrying is what they do."

As they reached the bottom of the staircase, Riley smiled. "You know, I still get lost in this place sometimes."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey managed a slight laugh. "You want to know a secret? So do I, sometimes. The other day I was walking in the west wing, and I came across this hallway that led to a hidden staircase. I followed it down and found this secret passageway that led me to the wine cellar! I guess it was how one of our ancestors would sneak down to get a drink or something. It was pretty cool, and now I'm thinking about looking for some more secret passageways. It's weird, I went looking as a kid, but never found any until now... and of course, it was when I wasn't looking."

He was talking a little faster than usual. Despite the fact that he had been fine the last time he went to the gardens, Geoffrey couldn't help but be a little nervous. He had Riley with him, and he needed her to believe that he was getting better, even if he wasn't.

He took a deep breath and grabbed his cloak from the coat rack by the door. "OK... let's go," he said, a very slight tremor in his voice.

[Riley Neves]

Riley caught the tremor in his voice, and her heart ached for him. She gave his hand another squeeze before he pulled away to put on his coat, and sighed, hugging hers closer around her and put her hands in her pockets. Was she hiding her ring? Maybe.

"It's getting warmer lately. I am kind of excited for the spring showers... they're so much warmer than the rain in the winter, and everything just looks so green afterwards." She paused and glanced sideways at him. "I like the rain. It washes away everything and we get to start over, you know?"

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Starting over. Maybe that was what Geoffrey needed to do. Just wipe the past clean and start over again. If only it were that easy. The pain and uncertainty was still so fresh in his mind. Even looking at Riley brought up so much pain and he wished he knew how to make it all go away.

Riley might not have realized it, but he was trying very hard to focus on the present and forget about the past. But it wasn’t easy. He felt such a tangle of confusing emotions when he looked at her. The profound guilt over what he had almost done to her while under the curse was the primary issue, but it was far from the only one. There was also the fact that he had proposed to her and she had turned him down, the fact that she had lied to him about Roland being alive, and the fact that she loved Roland now. All these things were standing between them and he just didn’t know if he was strong enough to break down that wall. But Merlin, he was trying.

“I can’t wait for spring,” he agreed. “This winter seemed like it was never going to end.”

[Riley Neves]

"It was a rough winter," Riley agreed, though quietly. It was largely her fault that it was such a hard winter, though. Everything that happened with Roland... though there was Katie's death, and the Hogsmeade attack... it was a miracle the world was still spinning, really. And the muggle world knew nothing of what was happening.

"Hey, Geoff..." Her stomach suddenly tied up in knots. It wasn't the best time to tell him, and she knew that, which was why she waited until they were nearing the gardens. But if she didn't tell him now, she wasn't going to, and then someone else would have told him instead of her. "Listen... I... I have something I wanted to tell you."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He didn't like the sound of her voice. It got suddenly... heavier... and he could actually hear her taking a deep breath as if to brace herself for something. He could tell that she was about to tell him something that she knew he wasn't going to like. He didn't think he could take any more bad news, and he was tempted to tell her that he didn't want to hear it.

But instead, he silently moved over to a bench that overlooked the rose garden. There were already a few scattered blooms on some of the early-flowering varieties, and he focused on them as he took a deep breath. "What is it?"

[Riley Neves]

Riley was nervous as he moved towards the bench. She didn't think she could sit down for this, but maybe he should. She had too much nervous enegery.

Suddenly, she wanted to take it back, to say nevermind, and never tell him. But he would never forgive her if he heard it from someone else. She would never forgive herself. And it was so unfair that she felt like she was giving him bad news. He was her best friend... shouldn't she be excited to tell him that she was getting married? So why did she feel so selfish?

She was just quiet for a long time, looking at him and debating with herself whether she should tell him or not.

"Roland proposed to me," she blurted out, quickly and surprising herself even a little about it. She just knew she'd back out of this if she gave herself much more time to think.

She sighed and sat down next to him, her next words slower and softer. "I said yes."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

It shouldn't have surprised him. And really, it didn't... he had been expecting it soon enough, if not now. But it still felt like he was being punched in the stomach.

He should have been happy for her. She was his best friend, she was in love, and she was getting married. It shouldn't have seemed like she was giving him bad news. He should have been able to throw his arms around her and congratulate her. It wasn't supposed to feel like he'd just been given a death sentence.

She was marrying Roland. His cousin, who he had always resented and admired, was now taking his best friend from him. In that moment, it wasn't even that Roland had faked his death with Riley's help, and it was even that Geoffrey had been hurt in the process. No, in that moment, the burning feeling in his stomach was pure, unadulterated jealousy. He was desperately, insanely jealous of Roland because Riley loved him.

And Geoffrey loved her. The realization hit him with the force of a tsunami, and for a terrifying moment, he thought he was going to be sick. He loved Riley; he always had. From the very first day they met until right this very moment.

His eyes burned with tears and he squinted up at her. "Congratulations."

[Riley Neves]

Riley remained quiet, knowing that now was not the time to try to fill in the silence with her own justifications. What else was there to justify other than the fact that she loved Roland? He couldn't begrudge her that. At least, she didn't think he had a right to... she had no idea what revelation had just hit him.

When she saw that he meant anything but congratulations, and the look in his eyes, she took a slow, deep breath. She wanted to ask him to be in the wedding party, to help her pick out a dress... she didn't have any girl friends that she could turn to for this. But now... it looked like Geoffrey wouldn't even want to be invited. And it killed her.

"Geoff," she started quietly... but really, what did she say to him? "I know things aren't ideal right now, and I... I'm sorry. Really I am. But please, can you please just be..."

Happy for her? How could she ask that of him right now?

"I'm sorry."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He didn't think he could speak. There was a lump in his throat, and he wanted to cry out, to beg her not to marry Roland, to marry him instead. But what was the point? He had seen, back at the safe house, how the two of them looked at each other. They were deeply in love, and he was just her platonic guy friend. He couldn't come between them, even if he tried.

But Merlin, it hurt.

"He loves you," he said quietly. "He'll be good to you. I'm sure you'll both be very happy."

What else could he say? He had just reached a devastating realization, and while there was a part of him that was truly glad that she was happy, he couldn't quite bring himself to be happy for her. He ached with the realization that he wanted to be the one to make her happy. All those times when she had leaned on him, when he had comforted her and encouraged her and let her rant and rave about her family issues... he did it because he loved her. He had always put her first, before his own needs, and here he was, doing it again. Roland made her happy, so who was he to stand in the way?

"Hey, now you'll really be part of the family, huh?" he said, trying to sound upbeat. But the tears in his eyes gave him away.

[Riley Neves]

"Yeah, I guess I will."

Her heart wasn't in it. She knew he wasn't feeling it either, and she bit the inside of her lip.

"I don't know what else to say, Geoff."

She couldn't go back to normal conversation, after all, and she didn't think he wanted to hear the details of the proposal or anything. "Things change... I know that. But it's still you and me, you know? You're still my best friend and I love you. You know that."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

If she really thought it was going to be the same as it always was, she was fooling herself. Oh, sure, with time, he would heal from what had happened to him and he'd figure out a way to get his own life in order. And after a while, he would find a way to move on from the realization that he was in love with her. He had Alison, after all. But he found that he didn't like thinking of Alison as a "fall back" for Riley. It wasn't fair to her and she deserved better. He was going to have to find a way to get over Riley without using Alison as a substitute.

But even if he managed to work all these things out, their relationship would never be quite the same again. She would have Roland, and she would lean on him when she needed someone. And why shouldn't she? Roland loved her; Geoffrey had known it from the first time he saw Roland looking at Riley with longing in his eyes. He'd be there for her. Right now, Geoffrey couldn't even be there for himself, let alone her.

No, things were going to change. And for a while at least, they wouldn't be for the better. Maybe, in a year or two, if he got married and had kids of his own, they would be able to sit back and talk about their spouses and their kids and it would feel almost like it used to again. But for now, it felt like the world was crashing down around Geoffrey's ears.

"I know," he said softly. "I love you, too."

He paused for a second after saying these words. They had more meaning to him than they did to her, and although he had said them to her many times before, now they felt different.

"Look... I don't like him, you know that. But I know he loves you. And I'm.... I'm happy for you. I just... Things aren't going to be the same, and I'm not sure I know how to take it."

[Riley Neves]

She wasn't saying it would be the same. She'd already told him that things changed with this, and she wasn't so naive to think they didn't. Her fiance didn't care for her best friend, her best friend hated her fiance. And that left Riley in the middle, actually feeling guilty because she wanted her best friend to help her plan her wedding. And she didn't even know what was going through Geoffrey's head.

If he'd even mentioned that he thought it would take a couple of years for them to get back to where they used to be... who knew what she would have done? It would have been one of the most devestating things he could say to her.

"I know they won't be the same.... but they don't have to be so different, either. I... I owe you so much for everything you've done since we met. And you know, you have Alison now, too." It was thrown out there as a last attempt to not make herself feel like the bad guy for all of this. "And I will be a little sad the day you bring news like this to me too. But I just need to promise you that I'm still here and you're not going to lose me."

She sounded like some kind of counselor reading the right answer out of a book, and she knew it.

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He had to wonder if this was how she felt when he had told her that he was going out with Alison. Obviously, there wasn’t the added issue of being in love…. But the sense of being left behind was almost as bad. He wished he could let it all go, to accept Roland and just be happy for her. In his head, he knew that Roland would be good for her. Roland wasn’t a bad guy; in fact, he had many admirable qualities that Geoffrey had always wished he possessed. He had a powerful capacity for love, and Riley was very lucky to be the recipient of it. It was just that damn ego of his that never failed to annoy Geoffrey.

Still, if it had just been that, he probably could have smiled and hugged her and told her that he was happy for her. He could even get past the lie of Roland’s staged death. And what had happened to him had not been their fault. But realizing that he loved her—at the worst possible time—was possibly the most crushing blow he could have received.

For some reason, he wanted to hurt Riley the way he was hurting. So he blurted out the only thing he could think of to say. If she was thinking of Alison as a way to make herself feel better about this, he was going to shut that notion down.

“I cheated on Alison.”

[Riley Neves]

It wasn't quite what she was expecting to hear, and her mouth opened to respond right away, but then she quickly closed it. For a second, she thought Geoffrey was lying to her. He was never the type to cheat on anyone. He was loyal and good and... and he wouldn't lie.

"Why?" She asked, not thinking of anything else that would be entirely appropriate. She couldn't quite meet her eyes. It wasn't really her business, but then, he brought it up, and involved her. So now she was asking.

Truthfully, it wasn't something she wanted to hear. If Geoffrey couldn't be faithful.... No, there had to be another reason behind it, which was why she asked him that simple question.... why?

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Why had he done it? He honestly had no explanation for it. He did know that Alison had been the furthest thing from his mind that night. He’d been thinking all about Riley. But when he started flirting with Nathalia, he hadn’t really been thinking about much of anything. He had been drunk out of his mind and bent on self-destruction.

“I don’t know,” he replied, his voice taking on an edge. “Maybe I didn’t want to think of Alison as a consolation prize. Maybe I thought she deserved better than me, considering I’m still terrified to leave the house and can’t sleep through the night. Or maybe I just wanted to trash anything that was good in my life. I’m a mess, Riley, and your life is perfect and wonderful and you’ve got a great guy who will love you with everything he’s got…. And I have nothing to give to you, or to Alison, or even to myself.”