A New Chapter (Geoff)

[Riley Neves]

"Stop it," Riley said, straightening up as she heard the tone in his voice take on that edge, becoming almost angry. With her, with everything. She didn't know.

"Stop it, Geoff. My life's not perfect. It's really messed up, actually. No one came out of this whole, and if you would stop trying to shut me out, and stop trying to shut Alison out, you might realize that you're not a mess. Something terrible happened to you... but it's done and it's over and you're you again. Alison just wants to be there for you, and you...."

She took a deep breath and stopped, understanding that fighting with him right now was not the right way to handle things. "Things are bad right now. But Alison is something good... why would you want to ruin that?"

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

"No one?" Geoffre repeated in disbelief. He got up from the bench and began to pace for a moment. "What about Roland?" he demanded. "Seems to me he came out of this pretty unscathed. Not only does he get you and a baby on the way, he gets to be treated like a hero, because who can hate the guy who came back from the dead?"

He took a few deep breaths. Really, this wasn't about Roland. It wasn't even about Riley, or Alison, or anyone else. It was about the horrible, helpless feeling that was gripping onto him and wouldn't let go. It was about the fact that his life was spiraling out of control and he had no idea how to right himself. At the time, he had got himself drunk to numb the pain, and he might have thought he was taking control. But now that he realized it, he'd allowed the alcohol to take away his control, so that he could use it as a reason for having done something that he knew he'd regret.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He crumpled back down on the bench and buried his face in his hands. "I'm not me, Riley. I don't know who I am anymore, and I'm so confused..."

[Riley Neves]

It was in Riley to defend Roland, and Geoffrey couldn't blame her for that. "They were threatening his family, Geoffrey! They almost killed Lina and his niece. And now, he has to pick up the pieces of the mess he left behind when he pretended to die. He had to fix everything because he knows it's all his fault, and that's a hard burden to bear. So no, he's not unscathed."

She didn't move when he came back to the bench, a little angry at him, but she didn't quite understand why. She just announced that she was getting married, and she had to feel like crap about it.

"You make it sound like I'm some kind of bloody prize... and first place gets a baby, too. What the hell, Geoffrey...."

She ran a hand through her hair, twice, trying to figure out what to say to him. Nothing was going to make this right, or better.

"I don't know how to help you, Geoffrey. And if you don't know who you are.... You cheated on Alison. I'm not sure I know you anymore either."

God, it was the worst thing she could have said, and she instantly regretted it.

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Yeah, this wasn’t helping.

He now wished he hadn’t mentioned any of it, just gone back to pretending everything was great. What did it matter if she knew it was a lie? She clearly didn’t want to hear the truth, and didn’t know how to help him.

It wasn’t fair. They had spells to fix broken legs with a wave of their wands, but they couldn’t fix broken hearts or broken lives. Right now, Geoffrey felt like he was shattering to pieces in front of her. Did she even really care, or did she just want to talk about how great and perfect Roland was?

He looked up at her, and his face was wet with tears. “When I was cursed, I tried to do something terrible, something that I’ll always regret even though it was not my fault and I had no control. Maybe I just wanted to do something terrible that was my own choice, so that I’d have a real reason to hate myself.”

[Riley Neves]

She didn't get it. Why would he want to hate himself so badly? There was a process to rebuilding after something like this. And yeah, she still felt guilty every time she thought of all the people that were hurt because of what she and Roland did... but she wasn't going to let this be the end of her. Why was Geoffrey, the optimist that she always knew, so bent on destroying himself?

"Okay," she said, trying to keep them both from just out right yelling at each other. "I won't tell Alison, okay?" she said, assuming that would be the first thing that he would be worried about. "And we'll figure this out. It will get better and we'll...." She reached over, trailing off as she took Geoffrey's hand, wondering if he'd pull away. "It's going to be all right."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

For some reason, it was easier to hate himself than to accept that he had been utterly powerless when Riley needed him most. He was just so used to taking everything on himself, and it was impossible to admit that he had been completely helpless. What he didn't realize was that that quality about himself was very similar to Roland.

He felt her hand close around his and he was, for a moment, genuinely torn between pushing her away and throwing his arms around her. He was just in so much pain right now and his thoughts were all a jumble. He wished he could let her take that pain away.

In the end, he gave in to the temptation to hold her, knowing that it would probably hurt more than it helped. But she was getting married, and this might be the last chance he'd have to just hold her. "I just want to go back to normal... why can't I do that? Why can't I just get past it?"

[Riley Neves]

"I don't know," Riley said, releasing a breath when he put his arms around her. She held him, too, mostly because she didn't know how much more he would let her hold him and vice versa. She was surprised it even happened this time. Why did she feel like she was losing him and couldn't do anything to stop it?

"I just think it will take time. I don't know what else to say or what to do for you. But normal... it takes time. I wish I could say how long." She wished she could do anything to make this better for him... she would gladly take on anything it required to give him his innocence back, but that sounded like making a deal with the devil.

She just sighed and held him tighter.

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

That was the trouble with innocence; once it was lost, it could never be returned. Geoffrey knew that he'd never get back to the way he had been before. And whatever he did, it would mostly have to be without his best friend. She had Roland now, and she didn't need him. Eventually, they would be reduced to only seeing each other on family holidays. That's how he saw it, anyway.

For a minute, he was able to close his eyes and pretend that she was still his best friend, that she loved him the way she always had. Back then, she was his. And his love for her had become such a part of him that he never really noticed it. It wasn't until now, when he was losing it, that he realized.

Finally it got to be too much, and he pulled away, wiping at his eyes.

"Won't Roland be jealous?" he asked.

[Riley Neves]

Riley was sad when he pulled away, and she sighed lightly. Why did everything have to be so hard and so painful? It wasn't fair to Geoffrey. She deserved it, probably... but not Geoffrey. He was too good.

Her brows knit when he asked that question, quickly running over the words she had just said.

"Of what?" she asked when she couldn't produce the answer herself. What would Roland be jealous of? Inwardly, she begged Geoffrey not to say something that would make her have to defend Roland to him. She didn't know how much of that she could keep doing before she had to make a choice.

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He just sighed. He kept bringing up Roland almost as a way of pushing her away. It hurt too much to have her here right now. And yet, at the same time, he didn't really want her to leave. Hell, he didn't know what he wanted.

"Never mind," he sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm not making a lot of sense right now."

He wished he knew what to do. Normally, after a realization like this, he would have turned to his best friend. But Riley was his best friend, and he couldn't tell her that he loved her. Not now, probably not ever. What was he supposed to do now?

"Look.... maybe you should go home. I'm sure he misses you."

[Riley Neves]

"Don't do this."

Riley took a deep breath and sighed, pulling her lips between her teeth. He was angry about her being engaged. Why did she have to fall for someone her best friend hated?

"Fine," she said, standing up, feeling very guilty that she was giving up on him for the day. She just didn't have the strength or the energy to do this. "I'll go home. I'll come visit again. Sometime."

She would. She'd probably feel so guilty for leaving today when he so obviously needed her that she'd be back tomorrow. She knew that it was when people pushed you away that they needed you the most.... she was still a mess herself, though, and there was only so much she could do for him when she couldn't get her own life together. What weighed her down more was that she knew Roland would still be with Ama when she got home, and she'd have to face being alone for a while... maybe forever if the harsher reality hit her... the one where she was cnvinced Roland was really gone.

She leaned down and kissed Geoffrey's cheek. "Take care, okay?"

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

So that was it. He was pushing her away, and she was letting him. Was that how it would be from now on? How many times had she pushed him away and he just dug his heels in and refused to budge? He had always thought she was worth fighting for. Wasn't he worth?

The sad thing that she didn't realize was that, even if he had liked Roland, even if he didn't resent him, he would still be hurt by this. He loved her, and she loved someone else. That was hard to get past. Maybe impossible.

"Riley," he said, locking his gaze onto her. "I... I'm sorry."

What else could he say?

[Riley Neves]

Riley softened. What did he want from her? What was she supposed to do? She sighed, yet again, and just hesitated where she was. Should she sit down again, refuse to leave? She just knew that she couldn't do this. If it made her a bad friend... well, she was convinced that it did. Geoffrey deserved so much better than her. But she was too messed up herself. It wasn't that she didn't want to help him. She just didn't know how.

"Don't apologize," she said at length, not moving to sit next to him, but not leaving, either. "Nothing is your fault here. No apologies." She felt like they were at a stale mate.

"Look... you don't like him. I get it, I know it. I'm going to tell you right now that you're invited when we get married... and I really wanted you to be my... I don't know. Maid of honor or whatever that would be. But I'm not going to hold it against you if you don't come, or if you don't want me to mention it or him again. Okay? Deal? When we're together, it will be just you and me."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

That had to be the final blow. She wanted him to be her "maid" of honor. It was like she saw him as being utterly sexless, just one of the girls. And yet, if he said no, he'd look like a jerk, because she was turning to him and trying to include him in her special day. It would just look like he was saying no because he didn't like Roland.

"I don't hate him, Riley. He's my cousin, and I love him. He just annoys me. And this whole situation... with everything that happened... I'm mad and I'm hurt, and I'm entitled to it. I don't mean to take it out on you, if that's what it seems like I'm doing. But I am mad at him, and it's going to take me a while to get over it. And I'm probably never going to be best friends with him. But that doesn't mean I don't want to go to your wedding."

[Riley Neves]

Riley hadn't meant it like that at all. She only used the phrase because she didn't know what else to call the position. There was a lot going on in her head, and trying to figure out what to call a male maid of honor was probably the lowest on her list of priorities. But she'd even added that in the conversation- 'or whatever that would be.' If she'd known how horribly he was taking everything she said, she would have just stopped trying.

She just looked at him after that little speech, and a sad realization hit her. As much as she tried to fight it up to this point, she was eventually going to have to choose one of them and let go of the other. He said he would be at her wedding, even that he wanted to be... but she knew better. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to share any of the process with him, that when she wanted to know if she should pick the pink or red flowers, or if she looked good in the dress she liked... she couldn't ask him.

Was it so wrong that she found something good in the tragedy around them? At least she saved something from this mess, found something that made her happy. Why wasn't she entitled to that just as much as he was entitled to his anger?

"Yeah. You could have fooled me," she said with a quiet, mirthless laugh. The only reason she was holding back tears was because she still wanted this to be about him.

"Who was she?" she asked suddenly. "The girl you cheated on Alison with. Do I know her?"

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He knew she meant well by what she asked. He was supposed to be her best friend; it made sense that she would want to have him by her side when she got married. It was reasonable and he was a jerk for not wanting to do it. But how could he? How could he stand there and watch the woman he’d loved for most of his life when she married someone else, someone he didn’t get along with? It was just too much for one man to take.

What would she do if he told her right now that he loved her? What would she say? Would she understand? Would she pat him on the shoulder and tell him he’d get over it? He was not nearly naïve enough to think that she would just fall into his arms and say she loved him, too. She had Roland now, and Geoffrey was just a shoulder to cry on. Maybe that was all he’d ever been.

Her words set him back on edge again, and when she asked him about the girl he’d slept with, he returned with an equally mirthless laugh. “Does it matter?” he asked somewhat harshly. “She was some girl who worked at Stu’s. Tall, blonde, pretty… Nathalia, I think her name was. Honestly, I don’t really remember much of that night after my particularly terrible karaoke performance. I never should have gone out that night... I wasn't ready. I drank too much and she was nice to me.”

[Riley Neves]

Riley's breath caught and she gave Geoffrey a look she hadn't anticipated even having. "Nathalia?" She repeated, her posture stiffening a little. That answer actually kind of hurt, to be honest. She wasn't romantically inclined towards Geoffrey, he was more of her brother, after all, but Merlin, she hated Nathalia. The pretty blonde got every guy that she loved. Couldn't she just leave Riley alone and let her have someone to herself?

She almost laughed, wondering what Geoffrey would think if he knew that Roland beat him to that one. She of course was not going to mention this. She knew better. But Merlin was she sorry she asked. "I hear she's a very friendly girl."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He didn't understand the look on her face. Somehow, it seemed worse than it had when he just mentioned that he'd cheated on Alison. Wasn't that bad enough? Did Riley know the girl?

And then he remembered something. At Roland's "funeral," Riley had gone to confront the reporter, Paige Owen, about the inappropriateness of her being there. Another girl had been sitting next to Paige, and jumped to the reporter's defence. The girl was tall, and blonde, and pretty... and Riley had been even more angry when the girl spoke up...

Merlin. He'd slept with a girl that Roland had been with. What was it about Roland, that he always seemed to get whatever girl he wanted?'

He didn't say any of this to Riley, either. The less he spoke of Roland, the better. He just sighed and shook his head.

"I suppose so," he said blandly. "It was a mistake, but at least it was one I made of my own free will. That's what I'm supposed to do now, right? Make my own decisions? So what if they're bad ones?"

[Riley Neves]

"I suppose you could have made a worse decision. Geoffrey, I'm sure you feel guilty about it, and I would like to think that it's something you wouldn't do in a good frame of mind, because I know you wouldn't. So we won't tell Alison, and you'll be all right."

She knew he felt bad about it, simply because he admitted it was a bad decision. But she didn't know how to take the news... somehow, and maybe this was selfish of her, she felt like she was always going to come in second to that stupid slag of a barmaid. Again, this wasn't about her.

She didn't know what else to say, and she sighed for the millionth time that day. They were both a mess, but at least they were in this together... at least, she hoped they were. "I'm glad you went out, though, even if it didn;t end well. Next time will be easier."

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

He was still torn between begging her to stay with him and asking her to leave. It didn’t seem that they had anything more to say to each other, at least for today. It was clear that she disapproved of his actions, and yet, she would cover for him with Alison. That at least said something.

“I appreciate it,” he said. “I… I do regret it, you know? Alison… she’s a great girl. And I really like her a lot. I just wonder if maybe I’m not good enough for her right now.”

Especially now that he realized he was in love with Riley. How could he commit to Alison, knowing that she was his second choice? He was going to have to figure out a way to get Riley out of his system, to just go back to being her best friend.

“Next time I go out, will you go with me? We could… go to the movies or something.”