|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Nov 24, 2009 16:32:41 GMT -5
It was a bad habit. He knew that. But sometimes, Kieran just didn’t think he could make it through the day at work without a drink. He kept the little flask hidden in his locker, and periodically, he would stop in for a nip or two when he just felt like he couldn’t carry on another moment. Then he’d pop a piece of Drooble’s gum into his mouth to cover up the scent of alcohol on his breath.
He didn’t drink enough to get himself drunk, not really. He mostly just drank enough to temporarily numb the pain. And admittedly, it didn’t work all that well. Every day, he felt like he was crawling through quicksand; he had to fight to keep going, or he’d be pulled down to the depths of despair. He wasn’t even entirely sure why he was even trying at this point, except that he didn’t want his mother to bear the burden of another loss.
Today was another rough day, and he was now making his third trip to the lounge to visit his locker. His hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t quite manage the combination lock, so after fumbling with it for a couple of minutes, he pulled out his wand and pointed it at the lock as said the combination. The lock began to spin, dialing out the combination for him. Then he opened his locker and began to dig around for the flask, unaware that someone had come in behind him.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Nov 26, 2009 4:46:07 GMT -5
Chase didn't mean to follow Kieran into the room where they had their lockers. The timing just worked out. In fact, he was so tired from a double shift that he didn't even notice the young man had been in front of him.
He was just getting off and was shrugging out of his lab robes when he heard another locker open.
"I hope you're off the clock," he commented when he saw what Kieran was doing. He didn't think he was sipping water, after all.
While Maia found something tragic about Lydia, Chase found that in Kieran. Always quiet, he'd closed up since the attack. Chase wished anyone else had been with Chelsea... but they couldn't change the past. All they could do now was just move forward.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Nov 26, 2009 12:37:08 GMT -5
Kieran nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Chase's voice. Merlin, how he hated for anyone to see him drinking. Especially now, when he was at work. He knew it was not appropriate, but he needed a little nip just to keep him going.
He guiltily replaced the cap on the flask and stuffed it back into his locker. "I don't suppose you'd believe it was headache potion," he said with a resigned sigh. He closed his locker and sank down on the tattered old sofa. "I'm taking my break now, anyway."
He hadn't actually planned to take a break, but he realized that he needed to. Now that he was sitting down, he wasn't entirely sure he could get back up again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Nov 26, 2009 15:22:07 GMT -5
"Must be a bad headache."
It was all Chase would really say on the matter. Kieran knew he wasn't supposed to drink (or do anything that might hinder his judgement) while he was working, but he had just lost almost everyone who meant anything to him in the attack... how could Chase tell him that he wasn't allowed anything to numb the pain? Unfortunately, even as mediwizards, they couldn't help with that kind of pain.
He changed shirts (he hated smelling like the hospital when he went home to Maia) and sat down across from Kieran. He didn't even know what to say to help, especially with Kieran who wasn't likely to say anything back.
"It gets easier, you know. Not now, and not for a while... but it will get easier."
|
|
|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Nov 27, 2009 0:03:39 GMT -5
That was what everyone kept telling him. Well, everyone except his mother, who was going through just as much loss and grief as he was. Right now, he couldn't conceive the idea of the grief getting easier. He couldn't imagine that his heart wouldn't ache at the thought of his father, his sister, or his fiancee. Losing even one of them would have been excruciating; losing three of them was almost unbearable.
And yet, somehow, he got up each morning and remembered to breathe in and out, but he honestly wasn't sure how he did it. There was a part of him that just wanted to crawl into the deepest, darkest hole he could find and stay there forever to rot.But he kept going, partially out of habit, and partially out of duty to his mother. She had lost so much, and he was all she had left. She was pretty much his only reason for living right now.
"What if I don't want it to get easier?" he asked quietly, not meeting Chase's eyes.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Nov 27, 2009 16:04:41 GMT -5
Chase watched him closely while he seemed to think this over. He knew that it didn't make anything better, and that things wouldn't get easier right away. It was going to take time... too much time at that. He knew Kieran well enough to know that he'd lost three people very close to him, and he was probably pushing everyone else away too.
"What, you'd rather have to sneak away for a shot of something strong instead?" He knew Kieran didn't want the pain to continue or remain. "There are things you can do to help. There's this... well, I'm watching over this support group for people who lost loved ones in the attack. You should come... you don't even have to participate, just listen and watch. Potions to help you sleep... things to help."
|
|
|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Nov 28, 2009 0:28:10 GMT -5
Chase had a point. Kieran was not coping very well, and anyone could see that. He was constantly trying to numb the pain, to the point where he couldn't seem to get through a work day without something to drink. And it was a dangerous, destructive habit.
But the thought of not missing them, not hurting over the loss... that disturbed him, too. He'd loved his father, his sister, and his fiancee. If he stopped hurting, did that mean he wouldn't miss them anymore? That it would one day be OK that they weren't here anymore?
Then Chase was suggesting something about a support group--and he was not the first person to mention it to him. They all meant well, but Kieran just didn't think he could do something like that. "I don't know..." he said hesitantly, knowing he didn't really have a good reason to say no. He just didn't want to.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Nov 28, 2009 13:51:42 GMT -5
Chase waved his hand almost dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It's not your thing, and you don't think it would help. But really... what could it hurt just to come in and listen? You might be surprised at what you hear."
The thing about friends was that they were meant to help you carry the burden. Pain was never meant to be dealt with alone, and Chase, though no counselor, had seen that kind of pain kill a person. And maybe Kieran just needed some time to sort through things on his own. He'd always been a good healer, had a great bedside manner... he'd pull through. Chase just didn't want to see him fall into bad habits that would make it harder.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Nov 29, 2009 0:23:11 GMT -5
Kieran's biggest problem was that he had always been extremely quiet and shy. There were only a select few who could get him to really open up. And most of those people had died in the attack. When he was upset or in pain, he would always turn to Chelsea, or to Ivy. His father he had often turned to for advice and counsel. And now all three of them were gone. Danica brought out some of the "big brother" mode in him, but he couldn't talk to her about the pain he was feeling.
Which pretty much just left his mother. And although she seemed to be handling it better than he was, he couldn't dump his problems on her. So he was left to carry the burden all on his own, and he was starting to crumble underneath it.
"I'll... I'll try to make it," he said. It was a lie, of course, but what else could he say?
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Dec 6, 2009 2:18:17 GMT -5
"No, you won't," Chase said, shrugging. He knew when anyone said they would 'try' that they wouldn;t, not really. And while he thought that counseling of any kind might really help Kieran, and just taking a leave, even, since he hadn't done that, he wouldn't push the guy.
"Just be careful, okay? Anyone but me catches you sneaking a drink, and you'd be in a lot of trouble." It went without saying that if Kieran ever messed up with a patient, Chase wouldn't keep his secrets. Even now, he knew he shouldn't, but what else could he do?
"Would you come over for dinner one night if Maia and I invited you?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Dec 6, 2009 17:45:26 GMT -5
Kieran hesitated. He liked Chase, and he liked Maia, as well. They were a good couple. Ivy had particularly liked Maia, and had even talked about asking the pretty redhead to be a bridesmaid at their wedding. But the idea of hanging out with a happy couple just now seemed a little like twisting the knife.
"Thanks for the offer... I appreciate it, but I'm not really very good company right now. I'd probably just drag you down."
Even before the attack, he hadn't really been the most talkative person. Luckily, Ivy had balanced him out. She was bright and vivacious, and was good at filling in the gaps in conversation. Without her, he felt completely off-kilter.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Dec 8, 2009 21:26:50 GMT -5
"Actually, your presence might take me off the hot seat for a night, believe it or not." Maia had offhandedly mentioned marriage the other day, and while she never acted angry, he could tell she was upset. He didn't get it- a piece of paper didn't mean he loved her any more than he did without it, but that didn't change how she felt about it. Sighing, he shrugged.
"Truth be told, I kind of expected you to say no. Wish you'd take someone up on the offer though. Just be careful, okay? And if you ever feel up to it, I'll keep the dinner invitation open."
|
|
|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Dec 8, 2009 23:32:04 GMT -5
If Kieran had known what Chase was thinking, he might have had a few things to say about it. After all, he had planned to marry Ivy. He had planned it since the first time they had kissed when he was in his fifth year. The only reason they hadn't already been married was because Kieran had wanted to be sure that they had a strong financial foundation before they started their lives together. He had saved meticulously and picked out a very nice house for them, and he didn't want to get married until he was sure that everything would be prepared for the large family he hoped to have.
Now that money sat uselessly in his vault at Gringott's, and he'd never had the chance to know what it was like to be married to the love of his life. It killed him everytime he thought about it, the money that could have been used to start their lives together. Maybe if they'd been married...
No. He wouldn't allow himself to think that way. He had more than enough guilt over Chelsea's death.
"I suppose you think I just go home everynight and sit alone and drink, right?" he said, not meeting Chase's eyes. Yes, most nights, that was exactly what he did. But he didn't need Chase feeling sorry for him. "I go out sometimes, mostly to visit my mother. I saw her last night and ended up babysitting for a friend."
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Dec 8, 2009 23:44:22 GMT -5
Chase was half tempted to ask if he'd snuck away from the kid to steal a drink, but he wasn't the type of person who would ever speak what was on his mind like that. It wouldn't help anything, it wouldn't make either of them feel better, and Chase didn't really want to know if Kieran had.
"I'm not judging you, Kieran. I'm trying to help." But he'd silently back off, since that's what it seemed Kieran wanted. One day, he'd find someone to turn to, hopefully before it was too late.
"Anyway, I hope your shift's not much longer. It's been really slow today."
|
|
|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Dec 9, 2009 0:03:03 GMT -5
Kieran sighed. He didn't want to be a jerk about it; he just wasn't comfortable letting anyone get too close. Although deep down he knew he needed help, he had not yet reached the point of being ready to ask for it.
"I know, and I appreciate it," Kieran said. "I just... I'm working on it. I guess I'm still a little shell-shocked, but I'll figure this out. And... thanks for not turning me in."
He still had a few more hours left to his shift, and he was going back and forth between two patients. "I've actually been pretty busy today," he said. "If you're bored, maybe you could help me with this one patient. I can't figure out what's wrong with him. I'm pretty sure it was some kind of curse, but none of the usual things are working on him."
He felt more sure of himself when he changed the subject to talk about work. Work he could do. It was life that was giving him trouble.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Feb 5, 2010 21:23:00 GMT -5
"And it's understandable," Chase told him. The kid lost almost everyone important to him... Chase didn't even think he should be at work. But if he caught Kieran drinking too much more, he would have to tell someone. As sorry as he felt for Kieran, the patients did come first, and he was a risk.
"I'm not bored. Was about to head home, actually, but I don;t see why I couldn't check in on this patient of yours."
He crossed his arms over his chest. "Symptoms? What have you tried.... you know. Give me the details."
|
|
|
|
Post by Kieran Michael Dawn on Feb 7, 2010 17:53:28 GMT -5
Kieran released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. The fact that Chase was willing to cover for him just until he got things straightened out really was a big deal for him. He knew in his head that he didn't really deserve it, but Chase's loyalty took off some of the pressure he was already feeling. He knew that the drinking was a problem, and he didn't want to continue... he just needed to figure out how to stop and to force himself to carry on with his life.
"The patient is a 35-year old man, otherwise healthy. He received a package in the mail this morning, containing a small wooden box and when he opened it, he developed a terrible nosebleed that won't stop. I've rested the box, and I'm pretty sure it's cursed, but nothing happened to me when I opened it. I've tried all the usual counter-curses and a blood-clotting spell, and it just keeps going. I have him on a steady dose of blood replenishing potion."
|
|
|
|
Post by Galen Pikler on Feb 19, 2010 0:14:55 GMT -5
Chase's shift was just about over, and Galen was his replacement. Janis absolutely hated when he worked the night shift, but sometimes it just couldn't be avoided. he had kissed her goodbye and promised to spend a lot of time with her when he got home.
But he already missed her and his shift hadn't started yet. Sighing to himself, he headed into the lounge to get ready for his shift. Seeing Chase and Kieran sitting there and in the middle of a conversation, he hesitated a moment. He didn't want to be rude and interrupt their conversation. But when he realized they were talking about a patient, he moved the rest of the way in.
"Hey, guys," he greeted them as he made his way to his locker. "Long time no see, eh? Seems like I'm never on the same shift with you guys anymore. How are you guys doing?"
There had been a time when the three of them had sat around on their breaks talking about the women in their lives. Kieran had been quiet, but it was always obvious just how much he loved Ivy. But now, Kieran was alone, and Galen felt terrible for him. he didn't know what he would have done if something had happened to Janis.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Kelly on Feb 19, 2010 14:17:41 GMT -5
Chase frowned, listening to the systems. It didn't surprise him that Kieran was unaffected by the box. Many times, curses could be specifically targeted, though it took powerful magic to be able to do it.
But why none of their typical cures hadn't worked, Chase was uncertain. "I'd have to take a look at him... I wonder what curse we're dealing with." Maybe they'd have to get someone else involved, curse breakers, anyway.
He was pulled from his thoughts when another doctor came in, Galen... and that meant Chase was free to go home. But he wasn't sure he felt okay leaving Kieran just yet.
"Hey Galen. I'm so used to coming as you're going." It was usually the other way around, that Chase would relieve him for the late shift, but Chase had been working some extra long hours lately, and Galen had been accomodating enough to shift his hours a couple of times. "We're doing all right. Stumped by a patient... maybe you can give your input?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Galen Pikler on Feb 20, 2010 0:15:20 GMT -5
Galen looked at both of them for a moment. Interestingly, even though Chase had just finished up a double shift, it was Kieran who looked like he was ready to go home. He looked like he just didn't have anything left at all. He fought back the urge to ask how many more hours Kieran had left in his shift.
"Yeah, sure, dudes," he said in response to Chase. Sometimes what was needed was a fresh eye on a situation, and he was always willing to help. Especially since Kieran looked so worn out. "Just let me get changed, and we can go check out the patient together. What's the problem?"
|
|
