The Nightmare Never Ends (Roland's Funeral)

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey's first thought was that he should get her out of there. Her face was the color of moss, and her eyes were watering. But then he wasn't sure if the sudden movement would just make things worse.

"You're not OK," he said. "You're not even close to OK. Do you want me to take you out of here? I'm sure everyone would understand if this is too much for you. I can take you back home if you want."

[Riley Neves]

Riley didn't want to make a scene. She didn't want to leave, she didn't want to leave Blake here without someone watching him. But she was about to pass out, and even if Blake did try something, she wouldn't be able to stop him.

She swallowed and closed her eyes, just managing a small nod. It was a big deal for her, a surrender. Riley never admitted that she was weak or that she needed help, and right now, she certainly did. "I can't breathe, Geoff," she whispered, her fingers gripping his arm tighter.

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey nodded quietly and took her hand. "Stand up slowly," he whispered. He would take her a short distance away, and then they would apparate back to his parents' house.

Standing up first, he cast his eyes toward first his aunt and then his mother, offering a silent apology. Anyone who saw the state Riley was in at that moment would have understood. She was in bad shape and needed to lie down desperately. Maybe it was the lack of food, the lack of sleep, or just the terrible sadness of the ceremony. Or maybe it was all of those things, combined with her own grief. Geoffrey didn't even really care what it was, all he knew was that he had to get her out of there.

[Riley Neves]

She felt so terrible doing this, leaving in the middle of the ceremony. It was tacky and cold hearted, but it was either leave or draw even more attention to herself.

As she stood up, her vision went green for a moment and she was dangerously unstable on her feet. She put another hand on Geoffrey, trying to steady herself, and a torrent of tears escaped her closed eyes. She wanted to die, she felt so miserable, and she didn't even know if it was illness or exhaustion or what.

[Geoffrey Montgomery]

Geoffrey held onto her, allowing her to lean into him. It seemed odd that this had come on so suddenly; she had seemed well enough while talking to Blake. But the speeches were hard to listen to, and it was probably just making everything hurt even more. He took her arm and wrapped it around his own shoulder, so that she was leaning against him. Then, as quietly as he could manage, he led her down the aisle and behind a wall. He was a little worried about trying to apparate with her looking so sick, but at least they'd be out of there quickly if her stomach gave out on her.

[Riley Neves]

Her eyes were closed and she was dangerously close to just letting Geoffrey carry her. She just kept saying that this had to stop, that she couldn't keep doing this, but she didn't know how.

Wrapping both arms around his neck, she pressed her body against his, letting him know that she was okay to apparate. When she got back, she was going to lay down and make the sick feeling in her stomach go away.

"I can't say goodbye," she whispered. A moment later, Geoffrey had apparated with her, and she left the funeral behind.

[Blake Malfoy]

Blake heard the rusting and whispering behind him, and he turned around to see Riley leaving with Geoffrey Montgomery. He frowned to himself and turned back, but the prospect of sitting through more speeches did not appeal to him. Without Riley, there really was no more reason for Blake to be there. He certainly didn't want to sit there and listen to more nauseatingly sappy speeches about how Roland had apparently walked on water or whatever. As far as Blake was concerned, the boy was too noble and heroic and self-righteous for his own good. If he hadn't killed him, someone else would have. When were people going to learn that the good guys always finished last?

He took Emelia's arm and leaned in close to her. "I think we should go," he whispered. And without waiting for her response, he stood up, pulling her up with him. His eyes connected with Mathieu's for only a moment before he turned around and walked out, Emelia dragging helplessly along behind him.

[Angelique St. Clare]

Angelique watched as Riley left with Geoffrey Montgomery. Anyone who had seen her face would have understood exactly why she was leaving. She was deathly pale, and the way she was hunched over made it pretty clear that she was about to be sick. Angelique was glad that she had a friend there to get her out of there.

What was strange, however, was when Roland's aunt and uncle got up to leave. Angelique was an observant woman, and it had not escaped her notice that Riley had gone up to talk to him just before the ceremony had begun. Pieces were clicking together in Angelique's mind.

The day after Christmas, Roland had come into her office and told her the identity of one of the three death eaters he had been tracking. It was his uncle, Blake Malfoy. Without Roland to testify, there was nothing they would be able to hold him on. Unless he was the one who had killed Roland. Was it possible? He had killed his own nephew, then showed up to his funeral? And refused to leave when asked?

But Riley had been specific... she had not seen the faces of any of the attackers the night Roland had died. They'd worn masks. But somehow... Riley knew. She couldn't prove it, but she knew. But what was his purpose in coming here? Just to gloat?

She stood up, having made an abrupt decision. She was going to take Blake Malfoy in for questioning. She followed him down the aisle, but as he reached the end of the aisle, he ducked behind the same wall that Geoffrey and Riley had gone behind, and with a POP, he and his wife were gone.

Angelique almost let out a swear that would have been worthy of Roland himself, but held her tongue. She was now standing in the middle of the aisle and the silence was stretching out around them. She swallowed and turned around slowly.

All eyes were on her now. She had no choice but to walk up to the podium and say a few words. She had planned on doing so anyway, but she had not wanted to make such a big scene of it, either.

Once she was standing at the podium, she cleared her throat and began to speak. "When I first became head of the auror department, I was kind of overwhelmed. I had to get to know everyone on a different level than I did before. I also had to learn to hold my tongue a little more... some of you might not realize that I can be kind of blunt and outspoken. The first time I called Roland into my office to send him on a new mission, I was struck by how much like me he was. Blunt and outspoken, brash and self-confident, and he held nothing back, at least where his job was concerned. If you tried to delve into his personal life or get into his head, he'd shut down. But in his work... he was a force to be reckoned with, and he could have been truly a great auror one day. But he was also stubborn. You couldn't tell him how to do something--he had his own ideas about how things should be done and nothing I said was going to change that. He drove me crazy... but I admired him, too. He was passionate about his work, and that's what we need right now... someone who'll fight with everything he's got because he believes he's doing the right thing with all his heart. I'm going to miss him terribly, and the auror department is going to be feeling his loss for a long time."

She stepped down then, and glanced over at the Ferreras. They would be feeling his loss even longer, she knew. Forever. Sighing to herself, she slipped back to her seat quietly.

[Cyrus Ferrera]

Hayden, his mother, Lina, Geoffrey, and Angelique, they all had something to say. Cyrus knew that he should get up and say something. He understood Riley being upset but the way Blake left so fast. Cyrus wished that he had enough guts to say something to the man about just leaving but he felt too weak to do anything about it.

After Angelique, Cyrus squeezed Lina's hand and stood to walk in front of everyone. "I suppose it's my turn," he said quietly. Looking to the empty coffin, he knew that it was past time for him to step up and be the older brother now although there was no way that he could ever take Roland's place in the family. It was completely impossible and he would never think to just take his place.

"Roland has been the best big brother I could have ever asked for," Cyrus started a little shakily. "We butted heads all the time. If we didn't argue with each other over something, we'd think something was wrong. Truth is, he was something like a role model. Yes, I always acted the complete opposite of him but I still looked up to him. The way he loved is indescribable. Roland was just Roland, you can't really just define him in a few words. He helped me finally realize that I needed to grow up more and take on the responsibility that I should have a long time ago." Cyrus' eyes found Lina's. "It took a drunken argument, me being the drunken one, to figure it out. He always had a way of getting things and I couldn't appreciate him more for it."

He took a long glance at the coffin and sighed. "There's a lot of things I wish I could say sorry for. I'm sorry that we didn't get along that well, but I can't think you enough for what you helped give me." Cyrus blinked away a few tears and returned to his seat solemnly only to grasp onto Lina's hand.

[Mathieu Ferrera]

After Cyrus spoke, Mathieu had tears streaming down his face. He didn't even know when it happened, he just found himself crying without realizing that he'd started. This wasn't right. Roland wasn't supposed to leave them so soon. He was only 22. He was still just a child, despite his every attempts to pretend that he was older. It was like he'd always been in a hurry to grow up, and now Mathieu wondered if there was something inside of him, deep down, that knew he only had a limited amount of time on this earth and he meant to make the most of it.

There was silence again, and this time the official got up and stood at the podium. "Would anyone else like to say anything?" he asked.

Mathieu hesitated, scanning the crowd to see if anyone else intended to speak. When there was no movement, Mathieu found himself standing up and walking toward the podium. He had no idea what he was going to say, but he felt he owed it to his son to try to find a way to say goodbye.

He took a shaky breath and turned slightly, facing the coffin. It troubled him more than he could say that it was empty. Even after all of this, there was still a part of Mathieu that just didn't want to give up on his eldest child. He wanted to believe that Roland was still out there somewhere and that he was just trying desperately to get home to them. The fact that there was no body gave him that small bit of hope, no matter how futile or desperate it was.

"What can I say about Roland that hasn't already been said?" he began softly. "And yet... He wasn't a simple person. He was complicated and frustrating at times. He always seemed to have this idea in his head of exactly who he was, and that was the face he put out to the world. But it was all an act. He tried so hard to be tough and intimidating, but that wasn't who he was at all. He was warm and loving and he always put everyone else before himself. He had a great amount of confidence in himself and it came off as arrogance, but really, he was the exact opposite of arrogant. When it came to the people he cared about, he would do anything for them without a second thought. He just never realized..."

His voice broke, and he had to stop for a minute to choke back his tears. "He just never realized that we would do the same thing for him. Maybe that's my failing as a father. Maybe.... maybe he never knew how much I loved him, because I never told him. But I did. I do. I love you, Roland, where ever you are."

He walked over to the coffin, putting his hand on the shiny wood surface. He stood there for a minute, just staring, as he silently pleaded to wake up from this nightmare.

Then he turned and walked back to the place where he had been standing before. He wanted to break down, but instead he stood stiffly beside Judah, tears streaming silently down his face.

The official returned then and after calling for any more last minute speeches, closed out the ceremony. They would lower the empty coffin into the ground later, and Mathieu knew he didn't want to be there for that. He couldn't watch it.

Finally, the music started up. Mathieu had requested that one song be played at the funeral, the one song that he felt summed up Roland most perfectly.

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which Im certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

And then it was over. He should have waited for the rest of the family, but he needed to be alone. He turned and walked away, leaving the rest of them behind.