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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 17, 2009 13:54:38 GMT -5
Since the news of Roland's death had broken, Geoffrey had been trying to get in touch with Riley. But every time he went up to her apartment, it seemed she wasn't home. He had no idea where she was, but he could certainly understand why she might not want to spend any time in her apartment, since, after all, Roland had lived right next door to her. But he was starting to get worried about her. If she wasn't going home, where was she? Or was she actually home and just not answering the door?
So finally, Geoffrey went down to the auror office close to lunch time to see if he could drag Riley out of the office for a little chat. Although he usually had lunch with Alison, he was sure she would understand.
Entering the auror office was a surreal experience. It was still eerily quiet in the office, and the desk that used to be his cousin's was already empty. Geoffrey frowned at the sight of it for a minute before heading over to Riley's desk.
"Hey," he said, his voice casual. "I was wondering if I could take you out for a light lunch."
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 17, 2009 14:14:31 GMT -5
Riley had been pruposefully avoiding Geoffrey, as it turned out. And it was only because he was closest to her. She was doing really well keeping herself together, and if she felt safe enough with anyone to break down, it was Geoffrey. She didn't want to break down.
When he arrived at her desk, it almost took her a minute to realize anyone was talking to her, and she looked up slowly. It was obvious that she was tired, and probably doing too much.
Riley licked her lips and forced a smile. "I'm really busy, Geoff. Maybe another day?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 17, 2009 14:18:51 GMT -5
Geoffrey shook his head. He could see the stress written all over her face. She looked exhausted, like she was just holding herself together with the sheer force of her will. "Riley... I'm worried about you. I've been trying to catch up with you for days now. And i know you're probably sick and tired of people asking you if you're OK. I know you're not. Just... come on. Let's get out of here for a little while."
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 17, 2009 14:34:52 GMT -5
It figured that he would be the one to not leave it alone. Riley ached from the loss of her partner, and the missed oppertunities that were her fault. Roland had tried, and she rejected him at every turn. Why? What had been the purpose in that?
She took a deep breath and leaned back in her chair, her eyes holding Geoffrey's. How could she tell him that she was busy? She had two assignments now, and neither were going well. She was tired, she wasn't hungry. She just wanted to be left alone.
But it was Geoffrey, and she couldn't bring herself to push him away.
"Okay," she said at length, quietly, and ran a hand over her hair. "Okay, I'll go."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 17, 2009 15:00:29 GMT -5
Geoffrey nodded. "Good. I'm not going to be able to relax until I know you're eating and taking care of yourself. You really shouldn't be here at all. You look like you're working yourself up to a collapse."
He was quiet as he waited for her to get her things. He was taking in her appearance, and it truly did look like she was working too hard. He wondered if she'd allowed herself to break down yet and just... cry.
"I was thinking we could go to that little sandwich shop around the corner, just maybe get sandwiches or soup or something. Not too heavy."
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 17, 2009 15:36:14 GMT -5
"Not be here?" Riley asked, her eyebrows going up as she stood from her desk, her purse in hand. "What else would I be doing, Geoffrey? Moping around the apartment and feeling bad for myself? I'd rather put my energy into work and his family."
That was a laugh. What energy? She was exhausted... it was easy to see. But like Hayden, she felt like she needed to keep herself together for everyone else.
"Light sounds good," she said at last, sighing in defeat. He won. She slipped her hand into his.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 17, 2009 15:43:13 GMT -5
Geoffrey took a quick glance around the office. None of the other Ferreras, with the exception of Hayden, were anywhere in sight. If she wanted to help the family, she should be with them. Of course, who was he to talk? He was here, too, when he should have been home with Christine. His little sister was completely devastated over Roland's death.
So he didn't say anything. He just gave her hand a squeeze and led her out of the office. He didn't even speak again until they were in the restaurant. He chose a seat close to the back and waited until she was sitting before he raised his eyes to hers. "OK, Riley. Talk to me."
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 17, 2009 15:47:44 GMT -5
She didn't mind the silence during the walk. In fact, she would have been fine with the silence all the way through lunch, but he broke it, and her eyes rose to meet his.
She wished he hadn't asked, and she silently begged him not to push, because she didn't trust herself to stay strong in front of him. Since they were kids, she always told him everything, and he knew the map of her moods and emotions better than anyone else in the world. How was she supposed to stay strong when he was asking her not to?
She glanced out the window before looking back at him, and took a long, deep breath. "There's nothing to say, Geoffrey. Look, really, I'm fine."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 17, 2009 15:53:18 GMT -5
Geoffrey shook his head. He knew her better than anyone, and he knew when she was holding things back. She could say she was fine all she wanted; he knew she wasn't.
He reached across the table and took her hand. "Riley. This is me you're talking to, remember? You know you don't have to be strong for me. You're not fine. You're pushing yourself to the point of collapse; I can see it in your eyes. Have you even taken the time to cry yet?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 17, 2009 16:01:01 GMT -5
"Yes, I have," Riley said, quickly and maybe too defensively. "I cried after we told his family." She wasn't entirely sure that counted. That felt like more of an exhausted, adrenaline lacking cry, and not one for the ache she was carrying around. But was there really a difference? She'd broken down on the Ferrera's front lawn. It counted.
She couldn't cry any more past that, because who knew if she would stop? She put her free hand to her forehead. "I'm just tired, Geoff."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 17, 2009 16:08:58 GMT -5
Geoffrey frowned. To him, that sounded more like she had cried from the sheer exhaustion of the situation, and the emotion of telling his family. But had she actually cried for him? For the loss and how it affected her?
He squeezed her hand. "Working yourself to the bone isn't going to help that, Riley," he said. "I know you... I know it's important to you that you stay strong and try to prove that you're OK. But you shouldn't be afraid to just let yourself break down, just for a little while. If you don't, I'm afraid it's going to build up on you until you break."
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 17, 2009 17:28:54 GMT -5
But Riley wouldn't let herself break. If a leak sprung in her dam, she would fix it. She always fixed it. Well, usually, and it was unfortunate that Geoff was the only one who knew she couldn't always keep it all together.
"Okay. I'll try and take it easy," She said, obviously wanting out of the conversation. "Can we be done with the psychoanalysis now? Please?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 17, 2009 17:47:43 GMT -5
Geoffrey looked at her for a long time, not saying anything. He could be very observant at times, but even still, Riley could be hard to read. He knew when she was troubled, but he couldn't always tell what she was thinking. Right now, he knew she just didn't want to deal with it. But he also knew that she needed to.
"Riley... I have to ask. Did you love him?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 17, 2009 18:24:46 GMT -5
Riley sighed and rolled her eyes. "This is why I didn't want to leave the office, Geoff," she told him, her voice a little more solid than she thought she was capable of.
She sighed again and pulled her hand from his, her shoulders slumping slightly.
"I barely knew him, Geoff, and I was looking for a relationship with someon else at the time. Even if I did love him, would have never known it."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 17, 2009 20:50:20 GMT -5
Geoffrey sighed. He still thought Riley had some things she needed to deal with that she was avoiding. She had some feelings for Roland, and whether it was love or hate or friendship or attraction... she wasn't facing it. And maybe he needed to push her harder to face it... But he wasn't going to. Not today.
"OK," he said after a minute. "OK, look... I'm not trying to make you upset. I just think you need to grieve and to deal with whatever feelings you had for him. You need closure. But if you're not ready to do that yet... fine. We'll stop talking about it for now."
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 21, 2009 15:58:13 GMT -5
Riley gave him a hard look, leaning back and folding her arms over her chest. For whatever reason, his words struck a nerve, and the fire lit up in her eyes.
"If you brought me here to psycho-analyze me and play therapist, you can stop right now and we'll go back to the office. You want to diagnose me, Geoffrey? Tell me I'm grieving because I loved him and tie a neat little bow around so you don't have to worry anymore? Fine. Here's the problem. I barely sleep. Half the time, I can't even make myself eat. I feel guilty, and his family breaks my heart. And I can't go anywhere anymore without someone telling me I need to grieve or asking if I'm okay. I can't take it anymore."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 21, 2009 16:22:28 GMT -5
Geoffrey just looked at her for a minute during her outburst, as if to say, "are you finished?"
Then he took a breath and let out his own torrent of emotions. "Maybe I want you to have been in love with him. He was my cousin, remember? And we were never close... I just never got him. I thought he was bossy, pushy, moody, and arrogant. But Christine adored him, and I never saw what she saw in him. Not until Christmas, anyway. The first time I ever really saw him act human was when I caught him gazing longingly at you when he thought no one else was looking. He was in love with you, Riley, and I think it could have saved him if he had only given in to it. And maybe I just want to know that you could have returned his feelings... Maybe I need to know that there was a chance. I lost my chance to get to know him, and now I need to figure out how to deal with this myself. Did you ever even think of that?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 21, 2009 17:31:47 GMT -5
What was the point bringing that up? She didn't get it.
"Why does it matter now, Geoff?" She leaned forward, ready to fight. Maybe fighting would lead her to crying, as it was the most emotion she'd shown at all since she broke down outside the Ferrera's home. "Whether I returned his feelings or not, he's gone. Nothing's going to change that."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Apr 21, 2009 17:43:21 GMT -5
"I don't know, but it does," Geoffrey said, rubbing his face tiredly.
What Geoffrey didn't realize was that he was actually not all that different from Roland in one very important way--like his cousin, he always put others before himself. And he'd been so busy trying to help Christine and his mother and Riley deal with what they were feeling that he had not taken the time to grieve himself. He was confused and didn't know how to feel, because he had hardly even known his cousin... and now he was gone and he never would get the chance.
Riley wasn't letting him help, and it grated on him, frustrating him and forcing him to acknowledge the fact that he had yet to deal with it himself. Somehow, it seemed vitally important to Geoffrey to know that his cousin's feelings for Riley might not have been in vain. That maybe there was a way things could have been different.
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Post by Riley Neves on Apr 21, 2009 17:58:03 GMT -5
"It doesn't at all," Riley said, almost petunlantly, like a child. "Either way, he's not coming back and it doesn't change anything." In fact, it made it a thousand times easier on her if she only had to admit that they were partners. Things got more complicated if she admitted that she liked him, and that maybe her grief ran deeper than she let on.
The waiter came over and asked what they wanted, and Riley sighed. If she had been hungry, this conversation killed it. "Just a glass of water, thank you."
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