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Post by Judah Ferrera on Apr 21, 2009 12:37:11 GMT -5
"Well, I don't want to see the family pull apart even more because of you withering away in your study," Judah shot back. "And the world is not just crashing in on you Mathieu. It's going to happen to all of us, especially the girls." He understood that Mathieu was grieving, as he was too, but there were times when you needed people and right now was that time.
"As for revenge, I believe all of us are wanting it, but we can't do that right now because we have to pull together and be there for each other even though there's the feeling of crawling into a hole and staying there. I'll help you out of that chair. We'll go into the kitchen and get you coffee."
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Apr 21, 2009 12:46:41 GMT -5
"I don't want coffee, I want my son back," Mathieu grunted. "How is coffee supposed to make this better?"
It was absurd. How could he carry on with such a gaping hole in his heart? How was he supposed to just pick up and move on? Judah was right; the family needed to pull together. But how was he supposed to help the children deal with this when he couldn't deal with it himself?
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Post by Judah Ferrera on Apr 21, 2009 14:05:36 GMT -5
"Coffee will be better than firewhiskey." Judah gave Mathieu a look as he leaned forward and rested his arms on the desk. "Look Mathieu, I don't want my big brother to just waste away. Your family needs you, even if you don't think you can do anything for them. Just being there is what counts. You wouldn't have to say anything, just be there." He didn't know what else to say the Mathieu to get him to leave his study. If push came to shove, Judah knew that he could just pick his brother up and drag him in the room with the rest of the family.
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Apr 21, 2009 14:21:03 GMT -5
(Er... I'm afraid you're going to have to literally drag him out of the room. He won't fight you, but he won't get up of his own free will, either.)
Mathieu buried his face in his hands. "I'm just tired, Jude. Tired and... I just don't have it in me right now. Please.... just go away and come back later."
He sincerely doubted he'd be any better later. But maybe he'd somehow find the strength to cry. If he could cry, that might help him a lot. He was bottling up his emotions and turning them inward. He needed to release them, to just cry or scream or something.
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Post by Judah Ferrera on Apr 21, 2009 14:31:40 GMT -5
"Nope, I'm not going to come back later," he said stubbornly. "You're leaving your study with me." Judah knew that Mathieu wanted to be alone, and so did he but Suri wouldn't let him. He had to be there for her, and try to be strong. Judah wasn't that strong emotionally and knew that he couldn't do everything for everybody, but he could at least be there and that was what Mathieu was going to do to.
He walked over beside him and took Mathieu's arm and put it around his shoulders, pulling him up. "Come on big brother. I can't let you go either." Judah knew that if he continued to let Mathieu be alone, he would for sure bury himself in a hole and never come out. He couldn't stand to lose his brother anymore than he could stand to lose one of his nephews. "You can hate me or you can hit me, it doesn't matter what you do. Just come on, please."
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Apr 21, 2009 14:42:23 GMT -5
Mathieu half-heartedly tried to fight Judah, clinging to the edge of his desk, but in the end, he didn't even have the energy to fight. He allowed Judah to drag him to his feet, and once he was standing, he moved numbly along with his younger brother as they left the study and moved out to the living room where the rest of the family was waiting.
Cyrus and Lina were there, so were Jamie and Amandine, and Suri, Hayden, Liam, and Sheena. Cara was sitting silently at the table. Everyone was there... everyone but Roland. His absence was immediately felt. It was like a punch in the gut, and Mathieu sank into a nearby chair. He wanted to curl up in a ball, hide his face... but he didn't. He stared at the door, silently willing Roland to walk through that door and apologize for scaring the hell out of him.
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Apr 21, 2009 17:40:56 GMT -5
Jamie felt Ama's hand on his arm. The entire family was there, except for his eldest brother. Why weren't they also waiting for Roland? Wasn't he at a home based assignment with Riley? No one was happy, his mother looked tormented, and his father seemed almost numb. Jamie didn't return Ama's gesture yet. Maybe Roland was the one in trouble, he had been hurt. It'd be easier to tell them here then at the hospital. He stood rigidly straight, standing next to the door, and away from his family at the moment. If anything happened, it'd be easier to be by himself, think it out. He could help if his head was clear.
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Apr 22, 2009 20:54:30 GMT -5
There was a pregnant pause, during which no one seemed to want to speak. Mathieu knew he couldn't be the one to say the words. But he felt wrong for expecting Cara to do it. How could they do this? How could they look at the children and say those horrible words?
Mathieu glanced at Cara, taking a breath. But as he did so, suddenly, the silence was punctured by a knock on the door. Mathieu's eyes widened, and hope blossomed in his heart. Roland always had that ridiculously formal habit of knocking on the door whenever he visited... Could it be?
He sprang from his seat and rushed over to the door. He said a silent prayer that his eldest son would be on the other side as he threw open the door. But he was destined to be disappointed...
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Post by Blake Malfoy on Apr 22, 2009 20:59:23 GMT -5
It was Blake Malfoy. He held out a large fruit basket and his face was the perfect picture of sympathy. "Mathieu... I came over as soon as I heard. I am so sorry to hear about what happened. Emelia and I sent over this fruit basket."
Without waiting to be invited in, Blake stepped inside and saw everyone staring expectantly. "Oh, I hope I haven't interrupted anything," he said innocently.
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Post by Amandine Ferrera on Apr 23, 2009 0:20:06 GMT -5
Things were getting wierd fast. The first thing was the silence, it was so loud to Ama, she could almost feel the tension in the room. Her excitement from the night before quickly evaporated. She left Jamie's side and went to sit between Sheena and Liam. She knew for sure things weren't right though, when Uncle Blake came in.
"Dad..." Ama starting, not able to voice the question that was on everyone's mind. What the bloody hell was going on?
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Apr 23, 2009 0:28:29 GMT -5
Cara stood up from the table the instant she saw Blake. No. She didn't want the children hearing from him. She hated him. She wanted him out of her house, out of her mourning time, and away from her children. Why couldn't he keep his slimey self with his own children?
"Amandine," she said, catching her daughter's attention. "All of you... I have something very important to tell you. I need you to listen for a minute, okay?"
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Apr 23, 2009 0:38:38 GMT -5
Meanwhile, something had clicked into place for Mathieu. Judah was right... he had a responsibility to the rest of his family. There would be time to break down later. Later he could feel sorry for himself. Right now, however, he had to get Blake Malfoy out of his house.
"Thanks, Blake, we appreciate the gesture," he said in a tone that made it perfectly clear that he did not appreciate his brother in law's intrusion. "But if you don't mind, we're not up for visitors right now. You don't mind if I just show you out, do you?"
He didn't wait for a response. He grabbed the offensive fruit basket and dropped it on a nearby table, then steered Blake to the door. Without even another word, he opened the door and led him out before closing it in his face.
Then he moved over and sat back down, squeezing his eyes shut against what he knew was about to happen.
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Post by Amandine Ferrera on Apr 23, 2009 1:43:54 GMT -5
Mum had something important to say. The whole family was in the living room. Blake was here. The somber feelings were creeping in, and Ama did a quick sweep of the room with her eyes. Roland wasn't there. If it was so important, they'd wait for him, right? What if he was hurt? what if he and Riley went on a mission and something went wrong? What if it was worse?
Ama slowly brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped an arm around her legs. Her free hand clasped the butterfly necklace Roland had given her only a short time ago. Please let him be okay, Ama silently pleaded. Please, please, please...
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Apr 24, 2009 0:24:01 GMT -5
They were all staring at her, except Mathieu who was forcing Blake out... and thank Merlin for that. She couldn't handle Blake right now. She couldn't handle any of them right now.
She glanced towards the door, her eyes falling on her husband, and she hated him in that moment. She hated him for making her be the one to do this. She hated him because he hadn't said a word to her since last night. She understood that he needed to grieve... so did she. But she needed to grieve with him.
"There's... been an accident." No, that wasn't right. It was all on purpose.
She shook her head and started over. "Roland was on a mission last night, with his partner. They were attacked, and Roland..." She started crying, hating that her children had to see her like this. She hated everything right now.
"He didn't make it." Those last four words were in a whisper, and she wanted so badly to leave. But the children needed her. She failed one of them... she couldn't fail the other three.
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Post by Amandine Ferrera on Apr 24, 2009 0:42:50 GMT -5
Everything around Ama froze. Didn't make it? Didn't make it?! "Wha...what d..do you m..mean," she stammared. But she didn't want to hear it. She didnt' want the verbal conformation of what her mother was trying so hard to say.
Next thing she knew, Ama was running. She ran past her family, nearly tripping over her uncle, and down the hall. Away from all of them hoping it was just a horrible joke. She turned in the hallway and found herself in Roland's old bedroom. Irony at its best. She moved o the farthest cornor of the room and sat on the floor, curled in a ball. "No no no no no..." she said quietly.
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Apr 24, 2009 1:27:53 GMT -5
There were tears, still unshed, swimming in Mathieu's eyes. Merlin, hearing it all over again was like being punched in the gut. He couldn't breathe, and Merlin, he still couldn't cry. But as Amandine ran out of the room, Mathieu thought surely that his heart was breaking. He glanced at Cara, who was not making eye contact with him, then slowly he got up and followed after his daughter.
She was in Roland's old bedroom. As he walked in, he could still feel traces of his oldest son in the room. The decor had changed a long time ago, but in his mind's eye, he could see the room as it had once been--burnt orange walls and a rust-colored rug, the quilt of a muted plaid, pictures of quidditch teams on the wall, and never an item out of place. It was unnatural for a teenage boy's room to be so neat, but Roland's pride simply wouldn't allow him to be messy.
Mathieu could feel himself breaking down. He moved over to where Amandine was curled up on the floor. Sinking down on the floor, he wrapped his arms around his daughter and simply held her as the tears finally began to fall.
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Post by Amandine Ferrera on Apr 24, 2009 9:22:26 GMT -5
She heard someone come into the room, but she didn't look up. This wasn't right, Roland...he was Roland! He can't just...leave. Ama hugged her knees tighter, trying to hold back tears. Trying to think of some possible explianation where this was all a mistake.
She felt arms wrap around her. Her dad's. And seeing the tears in his eyes was all the confirmation she needed before breaking down and crying into her father's chest. "It's not fair Daddy," she whispered between sobs.
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Apr 24, 2009 21:23:58 GMT -5
Mathieu let out a choked sob. "I know, sweetie... I know. Oh, Merlin...."
He clung to her, letting her cry into his chest. His own tears began to flow freely, finally released from the icy shell that had blocked them up inside.
How were they supposed to do this? Mathieu felt like he was bleeding from a great big open wound in his heart. The space that Roland had occupied was now a gaping hole. Although he would have denied having a favorite child, and the loss of any one of them would have hurt just as badly, the fact that it was Roland, the one he'd expected to do such great things in his life, made it seem even worse somehow.
Roland wouldn't have wanted them to cry. Mathieu knew that instinctively, and yet, that realization only made him cry harder. Roland never knew how much he meant to everyone. How could he not know? If Mathieu had told him that he loved him, would he have taken such a risk? Would he still be gone?
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Post by Jamie Ferrera on Apr 25, 2009 0:03:06 GMT -5
Jamie sat indifferently. Roland didn't make it, which translated into he was dead. The eldest Ferrera son had gone and died in a fight. And now his family was standing on New Year's Day, after a night out with Scarlette. The day that was supposed to be lazying in bed, and Roland had died in an accident? Ama had just run out, and Matheiu right behind her.
As his first reaction, Jamie was mad. How could Roland just leave like that? Why wouldn't he try and get more back up, his entire family was chock-full of trained aurors! Was Roland trying to prove himself some how? Everyone revered him as the perfect child. Even Jamie, although he resented Roland for it. And now, he had caused Cara to sit there, on the verge of what looked like either a mental break down or a fit of anger. Ama had run off, and Matheiu had to take off to make sure she was fine. Cyrus had Lina. And Jamie felt almost left out.
His second reaction was to shut off. Jamie's emotions flickered completely off. He didn't want to think of Roland as a brother, but instead, he went slowly over to his mom. He put his hand on her shoulder as supportively as he could. Jamie wished his mom had someone better to try and comfort her, instead of being stuck with him.
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Post by Amandine Ferrera on Apr 28, 2009 0:26:35 GMT -5
Ama felt like she wanted to cry for the rest of her life. But she knew she couldn't. She knew there was a time when the tears had to stop.
She just couldn't get them to. "Dad," she breathed. "Daddy, we need to go out to the others," she said, trying to calm herself down. Her mom was out there, her brothers, her cousins, her aunt and uncle. The family needed to be together now, not hiding.
"Come on Dad," Ama sighed. "We need you." Which translated to I can't go out there by myself.
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