A visit from Dad

[Kris Lupin]

"I remember going into the house thinking he was behind me then I think either me or Mom went back out and called for him, it's a little fuzzy." Kris said glancing up a little at her father.

[Remus Lupin]

Rupert nodded. He looked up and stared into the nearby forest, as if he were concentrating on something very far away from him. "Yes, but do you remember anything... after? That night, or the next day?"

[Kris Lupin]

Kris shook her head, "If I can't remember Mom then how could I remember that?" She looked back down remembering when Remus took her to her mothers grave and not able to say anything.

[Remus Lupin]

Rupert heard her comment about her mother and winced. But he needed to tell the story, so he pressed on. "That first night, I chased after Remus. I had to shoot him with a paralyzing dart, then chain him up in the yard. It was the only option at the time. We couldn't let him run loose and possibly attack someone else." His voice sounded heavy and strained as he talked, and his eyes continued to stare far away. "When he woke up the next morning, he was bloody and screaming and just... completely traumatized. He was confused, and he didn't remember who I was, let alone you. Your mother didn't want you to see any of it, so she sent you with her friend. It wasn't supposed to be permanent... not at first."

Rupert looked at her then, trying to gauge her reaction. "He was like that for days. More than a week, in fact. He couldn't remember things, he was sick and weak and scared out of his mind. Sometimes... when an attack is particularly vicious... it can traumatize the werewolf. Some go mad from it, and never recover. For a while, we weren't sure Remus would recover. The plan was going to be to send him away, to a special asylum, and bring you back. But then... he started to get better. He recognized me and called me Dad. He began to remember things, and he got stronger. But... he didn't remember you."

[Kris Lupin]

Kris glared at her father, "That might be because I wasn't there! You were there for him to remember! I thought when you never wrote that I did something wrong, I thought you didn't love me! I use to wish I was with the family again, but when I was told that Mom died I hated you and a part of me still does. I never got to see her before she died or even after and when Remus took me to her grave I felt like if I spoke to her I would be talking to a stranger. The only letter you send and it was bad news." She covered her face and fell to her knees crying.

[Remus Lupin]

A tear streamed down his face. "We couldn't let you see him the way he was!" he cried out. "It would have terrified you! For a while, he was scarcely more than an animal. It took him three full moons just to adjust to what was happening to him and to get himself back to normal. We were scared of him ourselves at times.... we couldn't imagine what it would be like for you. By the time he was really in a condition for you to be able to see him, you'd been gone so long that seeing you would have just confused him again."

He stopped and let out a sob that turned into a heavy cough. "We never meant to send you away for good, but in the end, we thought it was for the best. And it was just too hard to contact you and know we couldn't see you again.... Your mother couldn't stand it. She fell apart and that was when she became sick. It happened so fast... I couldn't bring myself to tell you."

He wiped at his eyes and stood up to put his arms around her. "Kris, I know I messed things up badly for you. What I should have done was sent you and your mother together. I wish that I had done that... you could have still had some contact with the family, and your mother would have been happier. It killed her to see Remus like that, and to be away from you. At the time, she refused to leave him... but I should have insisted. Perhaps if I had done that, she'd still be alive and you wouldn't hate me now..."

[Kris Lupin]

Kris pushed him away from her and moved away from him. "So you just erased me from your lives? You're not my father! I don't have a father!" Kris stood up then started to run inside, she was angry at him for letting her disapear from the family, she wished she was the one who had forgot everything.

[Remus Lupin]

Rupert got up and chased after her, grabbing her and pulling her to him. "You were never erased, not to me!" he shouted. "And not to your mother! Remus forgot, and it wasn't his fault... I never should have let it go on as long as I did. It was all just a mistake, and I wish more than anything that I could take it back! I wish... I wish Greyback had bitten me, instead of Remus, and you... I'm the one who actually deserved it. Please, Kris... I have more to tell you..."

[Kris Lupin]

"Then why didn't I ever get anything from you or her? Why did you let me feel hated and unwanted? How do I know you're telling me the truth and it's not like Greyback said?" Kris asked her voice shaking and her body trembling some.

[Remus Lupin]

"Because we did write to you!" Rupert burst out. "We didn't send them, but we--your mother and I--wrote you hundreds of letters. Your mother wrote most of them, and I started writing to you after she died. I wasn't even sure how much you remembered of us... I had rather hoped you would be happy with your adopted mother, and that you would have forgotten all about us. I didn't want to disrupt your life..." He let out another sob.

"There were days when I almost wrote to you to tell you that you could come back... Remus seemed so sad and alone without you. Like he knew he was missing something, but didn't know what--or who. But I'd already lied to him for so long, I didn't know how to stop anymore. Somedays I felt so guilty I could barely look at him..."

He coughed again and seemed to have trouble catching his breath. "I still have the letters... all of them... if you want to read them..."

[Kris Lupin]

"Why did you lie to him? I use to dream about coming home, about having my family again but then after a while when I had dreams they were nightmares. Did you even think that if you had let me come back that he might have been able to remember me? I was alone and all I ever wanted was to be with Remus... at the school I use to go to no one wanted to know me, no one tried to be my friend. What did you do with the letters I wrote Remus? I wrote him almost everyday after I was forced to leave. I mean until we moved here." Kris wanted to know, she had to know. She wished she could just disappear, so everyone's lives could go back to how they were.

[Remus Lupin]

He looked at her, confused. "What letters? We never received anything from you. I swear to you... we never heard a word from you. We heard from your adopted mother occasionally... but she never said anything about you having nightmares, or writing letters to us. She always said you were perfectly fine and happy where you were."

[Kris Lupin]

"After I tried to use her owl and it attacked me I would ask her to send the letters for me... and she didn't know about my nightmares.. I never told her." Kris looked at the ground. "I wasn't happy there.. I didn't have anyone my own age to play with or anything... that's why I stayed in the woods and back yard and draw... all the animals liked me... they were my only friends there.. all except owls... I don't like owls.."

[Remus Lupin]

Rupert sniffled and wiped at his eyes. "I... I didn't know you were so unhappy. She never told me. she always said you were fine and that you were happy. She... she must have wanted me to believe you were happy, so she could keep you. If I had known you were that unhappy... I don't know... I came to think you were better off where you were, and that you were safer. I would get letters from Greyback at times. threatening to take Remus, or to destroy my family..."

He let out a heavy sigh. "I made a decision, which I've wished I could take back many times. I thought it was the best for everyone... but it turns out it wasn't the right thing for anyone at all. I know how much your mother missed you. She was asking for you in the end. Remus didn't understand her, but I did...."

[Kris Lupin]

"I can't even remember her, not her voice, how she looked or anything... every time I try it would be, who I call, my fake mother. I guess you got part of your wish, I did forget my own mother, but if I hadn't had this," She got out the photo of her, Remus and their father, "I probably would have forgot you and him, maybe I should have, maybe she should have changed my name so I wouldn't know I have a real family."

[Remus Lupin]

"I didn't wish for any of this!" he cried out. "I didn't want you gone from our lives, and I didn't want you to be hurt. I just wanted for you to live your life happy and safe. I felt that you would be better off where you were, and no one told me any differently. I just wish... I wish I could take it all back... do it all again. But I can't." He let out a choked sob, then looked at her, straight in the eyes. "All I can do is say that I'm sorry and that I love you. I always have. I know you probably don't believe that right now, but it's true."

[Kris Lupin]

"Sorry doesn't fix it... sorry doesn't make me feel better." Kris said not looking at him, she was too hurt and mad to look at him. "How can I believe you? I didn't even want to leave.. I could have helped. I always helped him."

[Remus Lupin]

"You couldn't have helped!" he cried. "There were times when he was wild, almost delirious, and he would strike out at us. Your mother, in particular, had scars from it that never healed. It was too dangerous for you to be around him. You were too young and it would have scared you too much to see him the way he was. It scared us! Please... you have to understand... we made a mistake, but it was all we could do at the time. The alternative would have been to send him away, but we were afraid of what would happen to him if we did...."

[Kris Lupin]

"Is that really the only reason you kicked me out? Because it was too dangerous? Or is there another reason?" Kris asked still not looking at him, she didn't know why but she felt that there was another reason.

[Remus Lupin]

"I told you why! I was protecting you. And I wasn't kicking you out! I sent you away for your own safety... It was never meant to be permanent. It just... worked out that way."