Trouble

[Christian Ward]

"You're going to meet your bloody daughter!" he yelled at her, unable to control his emotions. "That's what all of this is about, Diana! That's why we're fighting! I'm going to bring you to Alyx, you don't have to create worlds inside your mind to be with her!"

[Diana Ward]

He was angry with her again, and suddenly she didn't quite know what to believe. Was he angry because she was more or less accusing him of being a figment of her imagination, or was he a figment of her imagination that was fighting to survive by discounting the other reality?

She closed her eyes and tried to block out the yelling, her expression mirroring the pain she felt inside.

"It's just so hard..." she whispered not even to Christian, but to herself. It was too hard, and she was too tired.

[Christian Ward]

"That's life, sweetheart! It's hard and it's messy and sometimes it's downright f*cked up but that's how you know it's real! F*ck, what I wouldn't give for an easy life, Diana but I'm not going to f*cking make one up. Or let some psychotic murderer make one up and shove it in my head for me! F*ck!"

He continued his pacing, too angry to think properly of how to debunk her stories. He knew, somehow, that he loved his daughter despite never having met her. It hurt to think Diana believed he could have been with Alyx for years and they were simply waiting for the child's mother to 'wake up' from a nightmare.

[Diana Ward]

She grew angry, "It shouldn't be this hard!" she yelled getting to her feet, "I can't do this anymore! Broken bones, bullet holes, torn ligaments, knife wounds, concussions, punctured lungs, damaged kidneys, there's not a single part of my body that hasn't been broken in one way or another. I should be dead. I should have died a long time ago. But I kept going, I kept fighting because I wanted to be with her. But it shouldn't be this hard, the blood on my hands, the innocent blood, your memories, this f*cked up shag fest I keep trying to morph into a relationship, our ridiculous life bond and marriage that you hate and blame me for. Why is this reality any more real than the other one? Haven't I suffered enough?"

She asked echoing the statements the other Christian had said to her.

[Christian Ward]

"Because the other one isn't real! It's not real, Diana! F*ck, I don't know how to make you see that. You want easy. You want a happy ending. But happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet!"

His eyes shifted back and forth between hers, trying to find a way through to her. "Tell me about me. About this version of me that Silas has created for you. Am I everything you ever wanted, Diana? Would nineteen year old you be in heaven with that version of me?"

[Diana Ward]

"You're kind." she said with an edge to her voice which clearly indicated that 'this' Christian was not. "You listen." she said in the same tone. There was anger and heat behind her words, but also sadness. She was so ripe for a fantasy with a kind and loving Christian, a home, a family. The needs could not be met if there were no needs to begin with.

"You're gentle."

He was Christian, without all the edges, without the anger and the headgames. He didn't hurt her. He cared about her, openly. It wasn't difficult.

[Christian Ward]

Kind and gentle. Those were not words to describe Christian Ward. Perhaps the other version, the real version with his memories not the fictitious version inside of her damaged head, perhaps that version of Christian was kind to her and gentle with her. Maybe he even listened to her.

"If you wanted kind and gentle, maybe you shouldn't have taken my f*cking memories! You should have left me how I was, how you apparently made me but guess what; you're stuck with this version of me now. This version you hate so much is going to save your f*cking perfect ass and find our daughter, so you're going to have to just stop with all this nonsense in thinking there's some other world out there where you're insane. Because you are insane, Diana, right here in this world. And you're also strong and talented and carrying my bloody son! And I can't very well bring our children to you if you're off dreaming of a place where Liam doesn't exist and I'm f*cking Prince Charming!"

[Diana Ward]

"I am so f*cking sick arguing about taking your f*cking memories! God! You were hired to kill me!" she pushed at him, "You took a f*cking contract out on my life Christian! I took your memories to protect myself, because I'm strong!" she pushed him again angry and overwhelmed "But I'm tired of being strong!"

"Just leave me alone!" she yelled at him. She couldn't think properly, and Christian's anger just pushed her further away.

[Christian Ward]

"No you bloody well did not and you know it! Derek told me all about it! You used Veritaserum on me and you damn well knew I wasn't coming after you! You f*cking wiped me anyway! And then look what happened, I actually did try to kill you, Diana! Maybe you making f*cking decisions isn't the best course of action, now is it? Maybe you shouldn't be the one to decide whether this is reality or a dream, because you make the wrong f*cking decisions!"

[Diana Ward]

He was right of course. In a way. Despite the veritaserum she still was afraid that he'd hurt her. Maybe she wasn't strong. She tried to be, but Christian messed her up. He always blinded her or bullied her to his way of thinking.

She put her hands over her ears to stop his words, to drown him out.

She had spent the majority of the day in his arms, physically they were in sync, but emotionally they couldn't be further apart, and that was what 'dream' Christian offered.

She felt the world around her going dark once again, she accepted it. She knew she'd be with Christian on the other side.

[Christian Ward]

It was as if she was willfully choosing to leave him now, and really he couldn't blame her after he had acted like such an ass. But what else was he supposed to do? She was so infuriating for falling for Silas' tricks. Was life in the mental ward really so much better than this?

"Come on, Diana," he said in much gentler tone than before. He crossed to the bed to meet her as she closed herself off to him. He didn't know how to bring her back or how to make her see this was real. He felt lost. He loathed the feeling and it made him want to kill something.

[Diana Ward]

Diana slept. Her vitals were strong, there was nothing physically wrong with her, but she simply refused to wake up.

The next morning Derek escorted Roselyn to her new residence and promised to be in touch with Christian. He would work as fast as he could.

Diana slept through the night and until the next day.

[Christian Ward]

The house was quiet without his mother there to love him incessantly or Burke there to make some offhanded remark about Christian's character over a glass of scotch. He couldn't very well fight with Diana while she was asleep, not that he hadn't tried. He'd shouted at her to wake up for nearly 15 minutes, using every curse word imaginable and making up a couple more as he went along. But she slept and the house was quiet.

He liked it at first; the peace. But soon enough his thoughts grew too loud and he needed to drown them out with activity. He drank while he cooked and there was no one available to complain about him finishing the bottle and suggesting he needed to "seek help before the baby arrives" as his mother had told him before she left with Burke. 

[Diana Ward]

Diana's eyes opened suddenly. She took a minute to adjust to her surroundings, but it was only a minute. She woke with purpose. She knew what she had come back to do, and she aimed to do it quickly before she changed her mind.

While it had only been a day in this reality, in her 'dream' she had spent months rehabilitating. She still hadn't seen Alyx, they didn't trust her to not have an episode around the girl, but she would see her daughter soon. As soon as this was all finished.



"Christian..."

"Yes?"

"I'm ready. I want to see her."

"Diana..."

"Please Christian, it's been months and I haven't had a single episode."

He sighed.

"Diana, do you really think you're ready?"

"Yes. I'm ready. I want to start living my life again. I want my life back."

"And we want you in it." he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, "I want you and Alyx with me. I want to take care of you."

"I'm ready." she said, giving him a gentle smile.

"I'll talk to Dr. Westin."

***

"Alright Diana...you know what you have to do."

"Yes Dr. Westin. I know."

"We'll try and make it as easy as possible on our end and guide you as best we can."

"Thank you. I can do this."

"Very well my child. Good luck."



He saw Christian in the kitchen. He was drinking. He wasn't real. She picked up the nearby bronze figure book end, raised it high and brought it down on his head.

[Christian Ward]

His thoughts were full and jumbled; solutions came without questions and problems appeared without answers. His mind was all over the place. He argued with himself over his feelings for Diana. Clearly he had loved her, he married her and bonded himself to her. They were living together. But he didn't really remember loving her. There were little things, small flashes of their time together that had been brought to the surface when Silas tortured him. And there was a warm, loving sensation that he felt for all of three seconds after the anchoring ritual though he couldn't remember anything about the ritual itself. It was possible he loved her now or was starting to love her, but it was also possible that he was simply spending all of his time with her. Diana, Derek, Roselyn, even Hanley they were all telling him he loved her. He couldn't be with anyone else physically, he was spending all of his time with her because of their life bond and the men who hunted her. Was it simply circumstance that created these feelings within him?

And then there were the children. There was no denying they were his. Alyx was one thing, no matter how he felt about her she was practically grown. She needed no parents to raise her. She would simply need someone to love her, Diana could do that on her own. But there was something more that Christian had to consider. Perhaps Christian loved her, too. When he wasn't filled with concern over Diana, Christian found himself thinking of Alyx. What sort of a person was she? Would she be hard and angry like her father? Christian was fine with the way he was, but he didn't think he wanted that for his daughter. He had no say in the matter. By now she was a fully formed person. But Liam was different. He hadn't even started out yet. Christian was in a nine month state of limbo; he both was and was not a father to the little boy who would bear his name. There was seventeen years of parenting needed there. How would they handle such a responsibility?

If he loved them all, one would think the answer would be simple. Stay married to Diana, find Alyx, raise Liam together as a family. If he only loved the children they problem was a little more complicated. He would divorce Diana but would they share custody of Liam? Would Alyx care to see him? If it wasn't love he was feeling, if it was obligation, would that make a difference? Christian didn't know if obligation meant he simply had to pay for his share of their children's expenses or if he needed to take responsibility in Liam's upbringing as well. All of these possibilities hinged on the same unanswered question: Was Christian ready to be a family man?

Christian was chopping the vegetables, pausing to reach for his glass of scotch. As he lifted the glass he caught a flash of something shiny in the reflection of the glass. There were fireworks followed by blackness.

[Diana Ward]

Diana flinched when he crumpled to the floor. She had prepared herself for it, but it had still been difficult to watch. She searched him for his wand then used it to levitate him to the bedroom and tie him up. It had been surprisingly easy to accomplish, then again she had practice in taking him down.

"I'm sorry." she whispered chewing on her bottom lip.

[Christian Ward]

In a fight, Christian could easily overpower Diana. As sinfully dangerous as the beauty was, Christian was simply stronger and better trained. But Diana had managed to overcome him multiple times since they reunited and always when he had let his guard down around her. If anyone in the marriage should have been worried that their spouse would do them harm, it should have been Christian. He continued to let her get the better of him. One day it wouldn't work out in his favor.

He felt a pain at the back of his head. His muscles were pulled tight. It was black. Christian opened his eyes suddenly as he felt the bonds on his wrists. His eyes searched the room and he found Diana waiting for him. He raised his eyebrows at her. "Are we trying bondage again?" he said in a cold voice. Again? Why did he say again? When had they tied each other up? Diana had his wand. What was Silas making her do now?

[Diana Ward]

"I'm sorry." she repeated holding herself, "I have to. I have to get better." she said a small panic in her voice. She hadn't anticipated it being so difficult to kill him. Even if he wasn't real.

[Christian Ward]

He heard it, the panic. Panicked Diana made even worse decisions than normal. Panicked Diana had jumped in front of a bullet while pregnant. Christian was worried.

"What did he tell you you have to do, Diana?" His fingers fumbled with the ropes, trying to find a point of weakness to expose.

[Diana Ward]

"I have to get better. You're not real." she said again, "I have to destroy the attachments I made here...the things that are keeping me here." she chewed on her bottom lip, but before he could say anything she cursed him, "Silencio!"

She momentarily forgot that he could control her, and yet his ability to do so was at odds with what Dr. Westin had told her. Still, if she wanted to see Alyx, she had to do this, she had to kill him.

"It's the only way..."