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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 12, 2017 13:01:20 GMT -5
"It's not his fault!" she demanded as her feet stopped walking. "You shouldn't have been teaching me like that! Everything would be fine now if you didn't have to show me those God damned pressure points!" Her pale face twinged red as she looked hard at Nik.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 12, 2017 13:18:03 GMT -5
"Oh this is my fault?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest, "Heaven forbid I teach you something that could actually help you defend yourself from an attacker, but by all means go back to your proper dueling, maybe we could get the school to teach you again, it was so useful the first time around." he said staring hard at her.
"It is his fault Lyra. He f*cked up, and he doesn't deserve your defense of him."
Before she could respond he asked her sincerely, "Do you love him?"
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 12, 2017 13:29:29 GMT -5
It wasn't Nik's fault, either. It was Lyra's fault. Lyra was the cause of all of the troubles in Julian's life as of late. She was the common denominator. Nik wouldn't have had to teach her those pressure points if she had just learned to defend herself properly the first time. Her face fell as Nicolas crossed his arms defensively.
"More than anything," she answered, her heart twisting at the words.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 12, 2017 13:49:18 GMT -5
"Then take a good hard look at who he is Lyra." Nik said a little softer, "He isn't flawless. He's a man. He makes mistakes. He made a big f*cking mistake this time. You can't erase his flaws and put the blame on your shoulders or on mine for what he did. That's not love, that's denial. Love is knowing a person's flaws, knowing who they are, and what they're capable of, and accepting them still. You can't love Julian and pretend that he's some kind of hero out of a fairytale. More importantly you can't love Julian, or be the woman that Julian needs if you don't love yourself too."
Nik sighed, "If you don't believe in yourself, if you don't value yourself, then neither can Julian. Your desire to be with him, and your heartbreak at seeing him with someone else pushed you to the hospital. Instead of confronting him and explaining the truth, you ran and took it out on yourself. He's damaged too, instead of confronting us with what he thought was happening he was a bloody idiot."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 12, 2017 13:58:54 GMT -5
"It doesn't matter what kind of woman I am now," she said bitterly. "It doesn't matter how I love him. He's gone and he's not coming back and all I have left is the man in my head. Don't take him away from me, Nik!"
There was resentment in her voice as she knew what Nicolas was saying was true, but she didn't want to hear it. Not now. Maybe not ever. What was the point in coming to grips with who Julian really was if he was gone forever?
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 12, 2017 14:14:07 GMT -5
"Why? So you can immortalize him the way he did Belle? He isn't dead Lyra. And frankly I don't know why you're not pissed at him for running away like a coward. I know you care for him, but love Lyra, that's a whole different ball game. And it starts with loving yourself. Not for Julian. Not for the chance that he might come back some day. But because you deserve to be loved."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 12, 2017 14:27:14 GMT -5
"Shut up, Nicolas! I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear all these false claims that I'm something worth loving because clearly I'm not! If I was, Julian would be here! My father would be here! Just....just f*ck off!"
Lyra turned and walked away from him, her fists clenched at her sides. Her damn leg slowed her down and it was a completely underwhelming show as she struggled to storm off dressed as a beggar and limping away.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 12, 2017 14:44:36 GMT -5
Nik's long legs and confident strides caught up to her easily enough, "And what, we don't mean anything to you is that it?" he asked cutting her off, "Sam's love doesn't mean anything? And what? You think I just spend my days kicking your arse in training for fun? That I don't have anything better to do than listen to you berate me? So my love means nothing too?"
He crossed his arms over his chest, "Julian doesn't love himself either, that's what f*cks him up when it comes to you. Your father and your mother only love themselves and that's why they're not here. But don't sh*t on the people that do love you because your not-boyfriend has his head stuck up his ass."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 12, 2017 18:02:27 GMT -5
He wasn't her not-boyfriend anymore. It was over. For good. Julian was just a part of her past now, the peaks to her valleys on the most turbulent rollercoaster of her life. He was the reason she hurt now but hurting was better than the empty feeling that was starting to take hold when Lyra woke up in the mornings or laid down to sleep.
Lyra didn't want to talk about Sam and Nik or any love they had for her. She wasn't ready to cope yet and Nicolas was being too logical for the situation. She refused to acknowledge the validity in his points.
"Go away, Nik. Just leave me alone."
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 12, 2017 18:18:20 GMT -5
"Fine." He said frustrated with her. He wanted to be more understanding, really he did, but he hated seeing her so distraught, particularly over Julian who had screwed up very badly.
"When you're done feeling sorry for yourself, you know where to find me."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 12, 2017 19:58:07 GMT -5
Lyra sneered at Nicolas as he claimed she was feeling sorry for herself. Her other half was missing and the few people left around her didn't trust that she wouldn't try something gravely serious were she left to her own devices. If anyine had a right to feeling sorry for themselves it would have been Lyra.
She walked away from Nik in the opposite direction but her leg was hurting and she didn't get far before she found a bench among the rose bushes and sat. She stared at nothing for a while, absentmindedly scratching at the bandages under her pants.
After a while Dr Nadeer came by and asked if she wanted some company. Lyra knew she didn't have much of an option so she scooted over on the bench and allowed him to sit next to her. They spoke for a while about Julian's departure, her parents' absence, and Nik's assertion that Lyra didn't love herself. That last topic stretched out longer than Lyra was comfortable with and when she was clearly exhausted Dr Nadeer helped her back to her room to rest.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 12, 2017 22:21:06 GMT -5
Nik knocked on the door waiting for the go ahead to enter. He had felt like a cad for his words earlier. She was obviously still hurting and it wasn't surprising considering everything had happened only a few days ago. Not everyone handled heartache with the same practiced stoicism as Sam or himself.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 12, 2017 22:53:59 GMT -5
She was napping in her bed, her conversation with Dr Nadeer having drained what little energy she had. It was frustrating being so restless and at the same time not having the stamina to do much of anything. It made her feel as ill as she looked.
She wasn't in a deep sleep and Nik's gentle knocking was enough to stir her. She scratched her head as she stretched then offered a sleepy "come in".
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 12, 2017 23:04:52 GMT -5
He opened the door and slipped his arm through waving a white napkin. He then opened the door fully carrying a tray inside.
"I brought a peace offering."
He moved into the room and set the tray on a bed caddy then brought the caddy to Lyra's lap.
"Voila." he said revealing a similar steak from the restaurant they had gone to the other day. Before she could object he laughed and used his wand to split the steak on another plate which made the food much more manageable. There was also a salad, and some potatoes, and a bottle of wine.
"And..." he said reaching into his pocket and pulling a miniature stack of paperwork, with a few taps of his wand the stack returned to normal size.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 12, 2017 23:30:05 GMT -5
Lyra's mouth twitched upward at the makeshift white flag he waved from the door. She regretted snapping at him earlier but still believed he was in the wrong. Luckily she didn't have to say anything as Nicolas brought her dinner. She was about to complain that he thought she was a cow who would be able to eat such a massive plate but he split it and she gave a small smile at the gesture.
As he followed up his first surprise with a stack of papers, Lyra sat up further. She was a strange creature that felt comforted by her work.
"I think technically the white flag means you surrender," she corrected dryly.
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 12, 2017 23:52:39 GMT -5
"For now. I felt bad, you're all injured and whatnot." he said with a gentle teasing smile.
He took the folder of work away from her, "No. First you eat, then you work." he said sternly.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 13, 2017 0:09:31 GMT -5
"I'm fine," she said stubbornly and then gave him a look as he pulled her work from her grasp.
She rolled her eyes and looked at the food. It all looked delicious but she reached for the salad on instinct. One bite in and she remembered she had no Julian to watch her figure for. Her shoulders slumped but she grabbed a steak knife and began on the meat.
"Is this doctor approved?" she asked between bites. "It's enjoyable, so clearly I shouldn't be doing it."
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 13, 2017 0:18:18 GMT -5
"I won't tell if you don't." Nik promised, but he was happy to see her eat. Lyra needed delicious food, and work, and things that made her happy outside of Julian. She needed to learn to take pleasure in herself and her life.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Jan 13, 2017 2:09:09 GMT -5
Throughout the entire mess that was her on and off relationship with Julian, Lyra found peace when she was working at the magazine. Whether she was at the office or simply working at home, it made her happy and gave her a confidence that she hadn't felt since before Rystain. But she couldn't spend all of her time working, and although she wouldn't recognize it now, Nicolas was correct in thinking she needed to expand her scope of what made her happy.
After eating silently and making a sizable dent in her dinner, Lyra tried to fill the silence with conversation. But it was difficult. She wanted to talk about Julian, he was all she could think about. She knew it wasn't a good idea, the wounds were still fresh on all sides, but for the life of her she couldn't remember what they used to talk about when Nik wasn't giving her advice on dealing with Julian.
Books. Nicolas liked to tease her about the books she read and Lyra would make a case for why some of them weren't that awful. Others, she simply gave in. There was no excusing her romance novels. She tried to remember what she was reading but the story escaped her.
"Do you think I could pick up some of my books from my flat today?"
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Post by Nicolas Everhart on Jan 13, 2017 2:19:55 GMT -5
They did spend an inordinate amount of time talking about Julian. But mostly they just pestered one another. Sometimes Nik teased her about their drinking game, and they shared other stories about their past. Books was a safe topic though and he nodded.
"I can take you whenever, and before you whine that you can go yourself, I promised Sam I would check on the door repair anyway."
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