Black Hole (Sam & anyone else who cares)

[Lyra Newbury]

"You have to take her." Lyra's back was to Sam as she laid in her bed. She didn't look at her friend as she spoke, afraid of seeing any emotion in the normally robot-like Samantha and not being able to hold herself together. She was barely surviving as it was, if she saw Sam upset it would all be over. "I don't want her there when I go home."

The girls were discussing Mimsy, Lyra's dedicated house elf and a gift from Julian. She would rather live in a pigpen than be reminded of Julian every time Mimsy did her laundry or made her breakfast. Lyra had a list of items she'd have to throw out when she was finally permitted to go home. The portrait Julian had done of her, the movie projector. Hell, she would even need to refurnish the entire flat to be rid of his memory. It might just be easier to move.

Dr Reed had taken her off the machines, deeming her well enough to heal without them. But she was still under his direct care and he insisted she stay with Samantha's family for a while longer as he saw to her. He might have suggested she stay with her own family, except her parents didn't seem to care that she had nearly died. They were probably upset that she hadn't done the job successfully; Lyra was a disappointment in every way. She had wondered once whether her mother had cared enough to even mention the incident to Aubrielle, but as there had been no word from her sister she was either still ignorant or was as uncaring as her parents.

[Samantha Montgomery]

"Of course." Sam said faithfully. "You're welcome to take any of the manor's elves until you can secure a new elf."

She came to the side of the bed and sat, placing a hand on her friend's back,"...or you could just stay..."

[Lyra Newbury]

"No," Lyra replied tersely. She didn't want another house elf. She didn't want anything that would remind her at all of the affection Julian had showered on her. No reminders of the creature comforts he had given her when he rescued her for the second time. Her shining knight. Her broken hero. She didn't want to think on him and yet he was the only thing in her head.

"I can't stay, Sam. It's too...hard."

[Samantha Montgomery]

Sam frowned, "It'll be hard at home too Lyra. You spent more time with him at your apartment than you ever did here. This place is so large, you could easily find a set of rooms that would have nothing whatsoever to remind you of him." she offered.

[Lyra Newbury]

Him. Lyra gripped her pillow tighter at the word, trying to bury her face and shrink away from Samantha. His name wasn't needed for the statement to be understood. His name wouldn't be needed again, he was all Lyra could think about. Referencing any other man would have been a confusing ordeal for her at the moment. Others didn't exist. Just Julian. And he was gone.

Lyra didn't know how to explain. What Samantha said was true. Even if she got rid of every last item in her flat that made her think of Julian, just the space itself would whisper his name. The kitchen would cry for his cooking. The living room would feel empty without him to cuddle with while she listened to the radio or read a book. The bedroom would cry for him at night. Lyra's flat was haunted by the ghost of Julian and the man hadn't died.

But his memory wasn't the only thing Lyra wanted to hide from. It was Sam. And Nik. And Mimsy. She wanted to hide from anyone who would look at her with sympathetic eyes and be grateful that she was alive when all Lyra wanted to do was die. She wasn't suicidal - she'd had several conversations with Dr Nadeer on the matter already, but she didn't want to be anywhere without Julian.

"Maybe," she conceded. "I don't have much of a say in the matter at the moment." Lyra rolled over toward Samantha, but couldn't bring herself to look at her friend's face. "Has he contacted anyone?" Did he reach his destination safely?

[Samantha Montgomery]

"No." she said, keeping the sympathy and firmness out of her voice. She wanted nothing to do with Julian, he could rot as far as she was concerned after the stunt he pulled.

"You know you're always welcome." Sam said moving on from the subject, "And Dr. Reed says you'll be your own self again in another day or two. The choice is yours of course."

[Lyra Newbury]

Lyra sighed as Samantha said there'd been no word from Julian. She tried to tell herself that he was happy, wherever he was, and that should be enough but it wasn't. She wanted Julian to be happy, even if that meant leaving her behind. But she didn't know whether he was happy or not and it made her heart hurt. She missed him terribly.

"I feel fine now," she complained, still avoiding looking at Samantha. "I don't see why I have to stay in bed. What's going to happen, really?"

[Samantha Montgomery]

Lyra had been exceedingly close to death. If Julian hadn't found her and stopped the blood Lyra would be dead now. It took time for her body to replenish the blood, and it took time for the mind to heal as well, though Sam was pretty sure Lyra's heart wouldn't recover.

It wasn't said, but despite Sam's relocating Lyra to the castle, Lyra was still required to participate in observation to clear her for future risk, which was what Dr. Nadeer was staying there for. Once he gave the okay then they would trust Lyra to leave. Sam had yet to have that 'stern talk' she had promised, but it bubbled under the surface. For now she kept to somewhat placating tones.

"Maybe you and Nik could take a walk in the gardens, or I could get you some magazine spreads to go over."

[Lyra Newbury]

It all sounded so normal. She could just go back to her routine; spending time with her friends, working, generally being an adult. Everything felt a little listless now, but Samantha was trying and Lyra loved her for that. At least if she were working she could keep her mind off her broken heart.

"That sounds lovely," she said softly, finally meeting Sam's eye. "Yes to both and anything else that gets me out of this Merlin-forsaken bed." She gave a fleeting, half-assed smile.

[Samantha Montgomery]

"Of course. I'll go get Nik and clear it with Dr. Reed, then I'll head to the office and send Cheryl back with your assignments. "

Sam smiled and got to her feet heading for the door.

[Lyra Newbury]

"Sam," she said as her friend reached the door. "Thanks."

Lyra turned onto her side and rolled her eyes as Samantha moved to "clear" her walk with Dr Reed. How much harm could a walk in the garden be? She felt as though she was a prisoner and Samantha was checking in with the warden to see if Lyra had been granted parole. She couldn't understand how a castle could feel so confining but the walls were growing nearer and taller each day. The idea of the gardens seemed more enjoyable after that dreary thought.

[Samantha Montgomery]

In a way Lyra was a prisoner, but Dr. Reed wasn't the warden, Samantha was. She was technically responsible for Lyra through the contracts Lyra had signed at the company, and Sam had used that power at the hospital, which in turn made Lyra Sam's responsibility. But more than being responsible for Lyra, Sam was worried about her. She wanted to make sure that Lyra wouldn't try anything again before she let Lyra go back home. Better yet she hoped to convince the girl to stay, at least for a little while.

***

"Hey kid." Nik said strolling through the door a couple of minutes later, "Sam says I'm to take you for a walk...but I can't remember where we put your leash." he teased.

[Lyra Newbury]

Lyra was staring at the ceiling when Nik came into the room. She turned her head slowly in his direction and looked at him, her face emotionless despite his playful teasing. Normally she would return with a quip of her own but she didn't have it in her today.

Lyra pulled herself from her bed and walked carefully over to the wardrobe to grab a pair of shoes. She had to do everything by hand as no one trusted her with her wand. Apparently no one realized that if she wanted to kill herself she could have found a way to do that by hand as well.

"Alright, let's go," she said sullenly.

She wasn't herself. More than just hopelessly loving Julian and missing her family, Lyra didn't seem to care that she looked like a hot mess. Her hair was an untidy tangle of waves thrown up in a ponytail, a few stray pieces escaping here and there without much care or notice. She was wearing pants, a general break of Lyra's personal style rules in and of itself but these weren't just any pants. They were sweatpants, dark green and tremendously comfortable but absolutely hideous. She sported another t-shirt, this time a plain black one that hung lopsided off one shoulder. The worst part was of course the shoes she had pulled from the closet; sneakers. Pants and flat shoes, Lyra's worst nightmares.

[Nicolas Everhart]

Nik didn't expect much different after all Lyra had been through. He also knew that simply teasing her wouldn't work this time. She was also in too delicate a position to be pushed the way he might usually push her. They were all taking it easy until she felt more like herself, until she was stronger, but none of them knew how long that would take.

Nik wouldn't rush her.

He offered her his arm and led her outside.

[Lyra Newbury]

She took his arm and walked alongside Nik in silence. There was a dull pain in her right leg when she stepped and possibly a slight limp but Lyra couldn't tell. She was too busy thinking about Julian.

"Have you heard from him?" If Sam had heard anything, she wouldn't tell Lyra. Samantha was like a mother bear and it didn't seem to matter that Lyra was older, Sam viewed Lyra as her cub and attempted to protect her at every opportunity. Nik was more honest with Lyra.

[Nicolas Everhart]

"No." Nik said just as final as Sam had. He hadn't spoken to Julian, nor would he, he had made that pretty clear after smashing the man's jaw.

"He'll be fine Lyra." Nik assured her, "He's rich, handsome, and capable, when he's not being an utter idiot."

[Lyra Newbury]

She wanted to believe that. She kept telling herself as much but it didn't seem to stick in her head. Lyra had let him go because it was what he wanted, but it didn't hurt her any less. The understanding Lyra had shown Julian was more difficult than what she had demonstrated after that first night together so many months ago. She had agreed then to be the other woman, to let him love Belle first and foremost, and when he refused her offer she accepted his decision because she loved him. If he couldn’t be with her then, she had understood that. Now she was forced into the same decision but it was so much more complicated after all they had been through. It took everything in her weak little body to let him go. She didn't have much left for anything else.

Lyra sighed as she leaned her head against Nicolas' shoulder. "I know," she lied. She couldn't know that he was fine and it hurt her.

[Nicolas Everhart]

The sun was shining, and the air was crisp and cool, it was a beautiful day for a stroll, but Lyra's melancholy was a tangible cloud hanging above them.

"Dr. Reed says you'll be right as rain in a couple of days. We'll be able to continue our training."

[Lyra Newbury]

A couple days. Merlin, that would take forever! At least it would mean she would be able to have her wand back. She felt naked without it. Thinking about her training with Nicolas reminded her of the accusation Julian had made of a romance between Lyra and Nik. She instantly lifted her head from his shoulder and dropped her hands from around his arm. The action made her less steady.

"Proper dueling only," she argued gently. She looked down at the path as they walked, tears threatening her eyes. "No more ground work."

[Nicolas Everhart]

Nik raised a brow at her abrupt change in demeanor as well as her insistence of 'proper dueling'.

He sneered, "So I take it Julian told you what set him off. Bloody idiot."

Nik wasn't convinced on the whole 'proper dueling' bit either, she wouldn't be able to protect herself if she stuck to the prim and proper, and she had the cleverness to handle fighting dirty to save her skin. Which is the reason he had taught her in the first place.