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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 11, 2016 5:25:46 GMT -5
Diana stared at the flowers lost in her own world. It had been three days since her fairy tale marriage had crumbled apart and she was no closer to feeling the devastation as she had when she first learned the news.
Every time she slowed down to think about it pressure would accumulate at her temples and she would grow short of breath. Pretending she didn't care was easier.
And soon she would be able to put it all behind her. Burke had sent an owl asking to meet him. He had attempted to talk her out of killing Christian. He cited the emotional reasons for keeping the man alive, and when that didn't work out he cited practical reasons, but Diana still considered Christian to be a liability. Eventually, once it was clear Diana would not be changing her mind, Burke admitted that the bond loophole was accurate. Diana could kill Christian and not be affected herself.
When she arrived back 'home', Burke's practical reasons gave her pause. She had built a life here. It was a short period of time, but she was involved with people who were involved with Christian. Dr. Hanley for one, and Christian's mother too, what explanation would she give them if Christian died? Would she lie? Would she even stay for the questions? What about Alyx? What about Liam? Christian's answers while he was drugged proved well enough that he loved her and his children. He even had a 'reason' as to why he went along with the contract. Did she still suspect him of ulterior motives?
Would she regret this later?
Would her children resent her if they learned the truth?
It all spun in her head and she began to feel that pressure again. She sighed and stood up walking toward their bedroom. She had once again reverted to sleeping in Alyx's room.
Christian was silenced via the silencio spell daily - she wasn't taking any chances - and while he was still 'chained' to the bed there was slack on the chains to allow him movement within the room and bathroom. The slack tightened with a warning when Diana was coming in, then recoiled back to keep him secure on the bed.
She had delivered him meals, but otherwise had very little contact. This time when she opened the door the look in her eyes told him that today was the day.
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 11, 2016 15:47:31 GMT -5
Christian had plenty of time to think through his situation. Three days alone, with nothing more than a glimpse of Diana when she silenced him in the mornings or brought him food three times a day. Her emotionless expression each time he saw her made Christian angrier with himself, but never once did he second guess his decision to keep the contract and keep it secret from her. He had questioned whether or not he should have come clean to Burke, but it would have resulted in both men keeping a secret from Diana and then she would have felt doubly betrayed. In the end, Christian determined he had done the only sensible thing.
But the question that had actually plagued him over these past days was whether Diana was going to wipe his memory or kill him. When they had first reunited Diana had been set on erasing his knowledge of Alyx, but then he had not betrayed her back then. The memory charm was simply to protect herself and her daughter. Christian had determined in the last few days as her prisoner that a memory charm would have been worse than death. Being alive and not knowing anything of his children, whom he had grown to love without ever meeting, was the most unbearable option, even in his ignorance he was certain his heart would not take the distress.
As Diana came in the room, Christian hoped she had decided to kill him.
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 13, 2016 1:03:25 GMT -5
At this point Diana hadn't even considered erasing Christian's memory. She was set in her ways, believing that his death was the only way to keep Alyx safe, to keep her safe. It wasn't logic or even fear making this decision; it was routine.
But it was fear that prevented her from reasoning through what had happened and dealing with the emotional fall out of Christian's betrayal.
As she entered the room she stopped, his resignation unnerved her though she wasn't sure why.
"I talked to Derek today."
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 13, 2016 1:17:13 GMT -5
Christian pulled himself up on the bed as she stepped fully into the room. He nodded as she spoke, knowing that Derek's research would discover the same loophole his lawyer's research had found. Christian watched Diana, taking solace in the fact that at least it would be her face that was the last thing he saw. Even if she hated him beyond anything she could ever comprehend, Christian loved her. And in his final moments he found comfort in knowing that her life would no longer be tied to his, that she would be the master of her own fate once again.
He would not fight against her decision, but he needed to say his piece.
Christian’s eyes bore into hers, pleading her to understand what he was trying to tell her. His gaze turned toward the mirror that hung on the wall, his head jutted toward it, calling her attention to it. It was the mirror Burke had looked at three days ago after his pathetic excuse for an interrogation – if he somehow made it out of this alive he would have to rag on Derek’s lack of finesse in getting answers from a prisoner. Christian had since put it together that Diana had watched the whole thing from somewhere else in the house. She knew everything he had admitted to, not simply second hand from her lackey but she heard it straight from the horse’s mouth. She knew Christian had betrayed her trust to keep her safe, even if his original intent had been for more selfish reasons. Diana knew that Christian only had the best intentions.
And yet here she was, still standing in front of him with that look in her eye that signaled that he was out of time. He gestured to the mirror again. He needed to tell her one last time how much he cared for her, even if it made no difference in her actions. He needed her to know with certainty that she was loved beyond anything else in the world. And he needed to say it to her, not to Burke. She wouldn’t let him speak now for fear that he would compel her to release him, or worse, but his eyes begged for the chance to tell her through the mirror.
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 13, 2016 1:25:08 GMT -5
That was it. The break she had been fearing. If she had simply come into the room and hexed him dead she might have gotten away with it, but she knew eventually the decision would come back to haunt her.
Now as she saw him straining to tell her that he loved her, a part of her yearned to listen. And with that spark of emotion a floodgate was threatening to break through.
She took a deep breath and her grip tightened on her wand, "No." she told him shaking her head. Her jaw clenched and tears gathered at her eyes, she refused.
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 13, 2016 1:42:41 GMT -5
He could see the emotion fighting to break free in her but she was strong-willed and refused to feel vulnerable with him anymore. Christian understood. In her eyes he had betrayed her, but Christian was also stubborn and he adamantly believed he had been protecting her.
Their stubbornness was one of the reasons they had fought so much. They were both pig-headed and each insisted they knew what was best for themselves and the other. But they had also learned to be tender with each other. It was something uncommon for Christian and it made him uneasy when he thought too long on it, but he had allowed Diana into his heart. He wouldn't go without telling her of the impact she had made.
He pulled again on the restraints as he gestured to the mirror. Don't be so stubborn, he said silently to her. Listen to me.
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 13, 2016 1:52:33 GMT -5
It wasn't just him that she was refusing to be vulnerable with, it was anyone. She didn't trust herself anymore. She had trusted that she could love Christian, confide in him, believe in him and he had lied to her. She trusted that it would be okay to let her guard down and it hadn't been. Of course the crisis had been averted, Christian didn't want to kill her, but what if he had?
That soft part of her that wanted love was a weakness and she had to kill it before it killed her, or worse.
But it was hard. Knowing that this could be the last moment she ever spoke to him or heard his voice, the last moment she ever touched him. It was killing her.
Unconsciously she took a step toward him. Then another. Soon she was just in front of him, and she found it hard to breathe.
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 13, 2016 2:15:26 GMT -5
For f*ck's sake, Diana! Come off it! He yelled at her for being so stubborn but the spell she had used kept him mute. As she neared him he felt a twinge of nostalgia for their fighting. They were always so passionate when they fought. Initially it had been out of independence, a vast isolation, the need for control. But as they grew closer they fought for each other. Diana yelled because she knew what was right for their family. Christian yelled for the same reasons. It was the driving force behind his silent fury now.
Let me bloody talk to you. Let me tell you how much you are loved!
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 13, 2016 22:28:53 GMT -5
"I can't." she whispered as though she could hear him.
"Don't look at me like that!" she yelled, "This is your fault! All of it!" she hissed turning away from him. She wrapped her arms around herself even though the demons she fought were within her.
"I can't Christian..." she said again she took a deep breath and seemed to be in control once more. As long as she didn't look at him she could keep her emotions at bay.
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 13, 2016 22:38:51 GMT -5
Christian's actions stilled as Diana correctly placed the blame completely on his shoulders. Yes, this was all his fault. He had no other options once he had accepted the contract and he saw no reason at the time not to take the fortune he was offered, but he carried the blame on his own. Christian knew that the pain of his actions would long outlast his life and his chest ached as Diana turned away from him, hurt.
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 13, 2016 22:50:37 GMT -5
After regaining the dead look in her eyes she turned her wand on him.
"Avada-"
The curse died on her lips as she felt a fluttering inside of her. Her eyes widened and her breath fell short as a hand came to her stomach. Their son was moving.
He was still too small to make a significant motion, but having been pregnant with Alyx Diana knew what the sensation was. She smiled, laughed really, and then tears gathered at her eyes as she looked at Christian and her hand that held her wand fell to her side.
Liam's movement broke through the wall that Diana had carefully constructed around herself to ignore the emotions Christian's betrayal had evoked. Now there was nothing to hold in the flood and it washed over her.
The pain. The heartache. The agony.
She fell to her knees on the floor and began to sob with all the pent up feeling she had denied herself. Harsh deep bone racking sobs. She couldn't even breathe.
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 13, 2016 23:48:58 GMT -5
Christian didn't try to turn away or avert his eyes. He knew what his fate was and he had accepted it. He was prepared to die.
But he wasn't prepared for Diana's reaction. She smiled and laughed, and Christian thought she had perhaps gone mad. This theory was not disproved as she began sobbing violently and collapsed to the floor.
'Diana!' he hollered silently. Concern came over his features as he once again pulled against the binds that kept him restrained to the bed, unable to comfort her as she unraveled on the floor in front of him.
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 14, 2016 0:11:10 GMT -5
She almost killed him. The father of her children, dead, at her hands! She felt sick and weak.
The sobbing faded to deep breaths then silence. She had cried far too many tears over this man in her life, gathering what self control she could she stood up and then sat on the bed.
"I almost killed you...I was ready to." she confessed.
"This whole time I just shut it all out. What you did, and then what you said. Whistler taught me how. He said it was the only way I would survive long enough to meet my daughter. But..." she sighed.
"Not feeling anything, shutting everything out, it makes doing what I had to do easier, and yet it all comes back to me eventually. Just like killing you would have come back to me eventually."
Her breathing was short as she rambled about what she was feeling and thinking.
"I don't know what to do Christian."
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 14, 2016 0:22:41 GMT -5
Christian didn't have a solution that would give her the immediate relief she was looking for. He'd take his own life if it meant she'd feel better but of course that wouldn't be better either. She loved him too much for him to die, at anyone's hands. He felt the same about her.
She had come close enough that he could touch her, despite his restraints. Christian stretched his arm as far as the binds permitted and wrapped it around Diana's shoulder, pulling her to his chest. He kissed her temple, unsure of what to say, knowing whatever he attempted wouldn't be heard anyway.
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 14, 2016 0:32:25 GMT -5
She fell into him, letting him comfort her. It was selfish, but she needed it.
It also reminded her of how blindingly angry she was as she drew back from him and hit his chest.
"What do I do?" she asked hitting him again demanding an answer knowing that he couldn't speak.
"You were hired to kill me!" Hit. "You lied to me for months!" Hit. "You knew I was afraid of the assassin they had sent after me!" Hit. " You knew because I came to you! And I cried!" Hit. "I was so scared that he'd" Hit. "f*cking" Hit. "hurt" Hit. "you!" she screamed.
She was breathing heavily now having expended most of her energy in yelling and hitting him.
She was so busy working her frustration out she didn't even notice that his bonds had loosened.
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 14, 2016 0:42:13 GMT -5
He let her beat on him, not attempting to subdue her or make her stop in any way. He'd be her punching bag for the time being. But unlike Diana, Christian had noticed the sudden increase in his ability to move.
Effortlessly, Christian grabbed Diana and pulled her underneath him. He looked down on her for barely a moment then kissed her harder than he had ever kissed her before. If he couldn't communicate verbally to tell her how much he loved her, how sorry he was for putting her through all of this pain, then he would communicate in a way that had yet to fail them.
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 14, 2016 0:57:27 GMT -5
She didn't know how his bonds got loose. Later she'd realize that unlike feeding him and refreshing the silencing spell, she didn't bother to check his restraints - which he had been pulling on for days.
It didn't matter at the moment, it was a miracle.
She kissed him back. Everything else was terrifying, painful, and confusing. But not this. She understood this, and for as long as they could have this, she didn't have to think of what she would do next. If for no other reason than to prolong the inevitable she would make their passion last. But there were other reasons, much more profound reasons, such as love, lust, needs, and desires... not that reason had ever entered into their actions.
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 14, 2016 1:18:51 GMT -5
Christian hungered for Diana like never before. Not only had they never gone this long without a heated embrace, but Christian had spent the last three days agonizing over the anguish he had caused her. He needed to prove his love for her, even if it changed nothing in the end. Selfishly, he didn't even stop to consider how much more complicated his actions would make things as Diana struggled to figure out how to best handle their situation.
He wanted her. He needed her. And he took her.
Christian hovered over her, his breathing heavy and his expression full of emotion. He still was not remorseful for his actions over the past several months, only the manner in which she discovered his secret. But the look on his face now was still one of regret, mingled with several other feelings; first and foremost love.
He kissed her chest, following her sternum toward her stomach and he paused as he reached her abdomen. He had kissed nearly every part of her body as they made love but now he looked on her belly with a different sense of passion. He moved from above her to her side, placing a hand on her stomach. He rested his head there as well. Silently he apologized to them both, his wife and his son. And also to his daughter, still lost somewhere out in the world. He had f*cked things up beyond repair and he was truly sorry for that.
'I would have loved you beyond reason,' he breathed wordlessly to Liam.
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Post by Diana Ward on Dec 14, 2016 1:27:52 GMT -5
Fierce passionate love Diana could handle, gentle silent confessions of love and emotion and Diana began to crumble.
She could tell he was resigned to death, and she was angry that he wasn't fighting harder to live. She was angry she wasn't resolved in killing him.
She interrupted his moment with his son and pulled him to her lips again. She couldn't see it. It would break her even further. She held on tightly digging her nails into his flesh and closing her eyes tightly.
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Post by Christian Ward on Dec 14, 2016 1:54:51 GMT -5
Sex under the silencing spell was certainly an interesting experience. Christian, normally commanding and a master of dirty talk, was forced into complete silence whereas Diana was more than capable of making all manner of noises. There were moments where Christian almost forgot about the treasonous situation he had found himself in. Forgetting was easy with Diana, she made him lose his mind several times before falling on top of him, panting in rhythm with Christian.
He complimented her as he normally did, vulgarity and obscenities mixed with tender words and praises. He spoke instinctively and realized halfway through that she heard none of it. He carried on despite this.
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