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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 14, 2016 1:36:20 GMT -5
He was a fool. An idiot. A bastard. So many names she had called him in her head as she tried in vain to squash the feelings she had for him. It never worked. No matter how angry she forced herself to be at him she always loved him. She would die loving him and at the rate she was going it wouldn't be too far off.
She was cycling out of control at an alarming speed. Her episodes of melancholy were becoming more frequent and they persisted longer than they ever had before. They were also darker than she had ever experienced. She hadn't been joking when she told Christine it would be easier if she were dead. She'd thought about it several times since the carriage ride with Nicolas. The thought didn't scare her.
She only felt safe when she was with Julian or Mason. She used them like a drug. She got a contact high from Mason but she needed more from Julian. She needed all of him and when he took it away her body ached from withdrawals.
She wanted to be with him now but her sobs were relentless. She continued her apologies, interrupted only by her need to gasp for air. "I shouldn't have kept this from you," she wailed. "I'm sorry, Julian. I'm sorry for everything. I love you. I love you!"
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 14, 2016 1:44:46 GMT -5
Julian ached. He physically ached with guilt and horror at what he had done. That he could do this to someone he loved as deeply as he loved Lyra. He was selfish, guilty, and a very big fool, and this was his punishment.
He tried to calm her down by holding her, rocking her, and shushing her. He'd find a way to make things right somehow.
"We'll talk about this kidnapping attempt later." he said but otherwise he just held her.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 14, 2016 2:15:51 GMT -5
Finally the sobs faded into silent tears until eventually there was nothing left to come out. His coat was soaked with her tears and she was a mess. Her face was red and puffy and her makeup had run down her face with the force of her tears. She refused to loosen the grip she held on him.
"I don't know how to go on now," she admitted. "I don't know how to fix you and Mason."
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 14, 2016 2:26:22 GMT -5
"This isn't your fault Lyra. And it isn't your responsibility to fix anyone, least of all Me." he shook his head.
He was worried about her now. He had tried to push her away to keep her from getting hurt, but he failed. He was selfish.
"Mason will survive. It will work out in the end."
Though he didn't know how he was going to make that happen.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 14, 2016 2:41:25 GMT -5
"How?" she asked as she pulled herself up from his chest and looking into his sad eyes. "Maybe if I had stopped when I found out you two were mates, but I was cruel and kept at it because it hid the pain of missing you. But I don't see how your friendship will weather such a horrible monster like me."
The guilt she felt at betraying Mason's and Julian's trust, and the pain she felt knowing that Julian wouldn't ever be with her again, was nothing to the aching she felt at knowing she had pulled one of Julian's best friends away from him.
She had destroyed everything this man had ever loved. She forced him to betray the memory of his dead fiancee. She forced him to hate himself at giving in to the temptation she offered. And now she had stolen his friend away. Was there nothing safe from her evil touch?
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 14, 2016 2:46:01 GMT -5
Julian didn't have the 'how' at the moment, or any other answers for Lyra. He wished he could simply tell her that it would all be alright, but she was smart enough not to believe him.
Finally he just said, "I'll handle it." it was his fault to begin with.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 14, 2016 3:15:12 GMT -5
Lyra knew he didn't have the answers, he was simply placating her to keep her calm. She reluctantly gave in. She owed him that much.
Lyra was tired. She didn't want to rejoin the party, she simply wanted to go home and shut herself away as Julian had. Sam would forgive her but Nicolas wouldn't. And Lyra knew it would be horribly mean to leave her friend after everything she (and Nik) had done for her. But she couldn't go back just yet. She didn't have the strength to force a smile.
Instead she laid down on the bed beside where Julian sat and stared at nothing. She wanted him to hold her, but she couldn't ask that of him after everything she had done.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 14, 2016 10:55:43 GMT -5
Julian stretched out next to her doing what felt natural. He brushed her hair back from her temple and held on to her, offering comfort where he could. It was the first time in a long time that he was able to touch her without feeling as though he'd die if he didn't have her. She needed him to hold her and that need steadied him.
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 14, 2016 14:24:21 GMT -5
Lyra smiled weakly as Julian rescued her from isolation. She didn't have to speak for him to know what she needed and he still took care of her after all she had put him through. Even if he didn't love her anymore, he would always be her knight in shining armor.
She closed her eyes and tried to memorize his his hands felt against her skin. It had been a long while since they could be so close without consuming each other passionately. Her love for him never faltered as suspicions crept in that Julian was only using her for sex. But those suspicions were quelled as he held her now with no attempt to get her out of her gown.
Lyra wasn't sure how long they had been lying silently on the bed but she knew it had been long enough. She couldn't hide anymore and she owed Sam her presence for a short while longer. Lyra slid out of Julian's soothing hold, wondering if she would ever feel his strong arms again, and crossed the room to a small mirror that hung on the wall.
She looked a fright. Lyra fixed her hair and make up then applied a charm that would force her to appear happy despite how she was feeling inside. She turned to face Julian.
"How do I look? Can you tell I've ruined everyone's lives?" She cried inside but outwardly she laughed as if she had made a sarcastic joke.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 14, 2016 14:46:23 GMT -5
He mourned the loss of her body next to his, and watched her as she pulled herself together despite how she felt. He thought she was beautiful, the most beautiful mess he had ever seen. And he loved her. He had ruined her, the way she thought she had ruined him. Maybe they were ruining each other out of love, but it was his stubbornness that kept her away.
"You look..." he paused. She looked like the first ray of sun after a winter's storm.
"You look beautiful."
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Post by Lyra Newbury on Nov 14, 2016 14:54:33 GMT -5
Lyra didn't feel beautiful but she smiled at him anyway. She wanted to apologize again. She wanted to beg him to forgive her and to take her home right that minute. She wanted to be with him forever and never leave his side. There were so many things she wanted in that moment but none of them she would act on. She kept her desires inside where they would eat at her.
She gave him one last longing look, then headed for the door.
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Post by Julian Faust on Nov 14, 2016 15:05:45 GMT -5
Julian - ever the fool, ever the martyr- let her go.
He laid back on the bed contemplating his next action. He'd have to sort things out with Mason if he could. Of course he had no idea how he was going to do that. It was a mess, and a large part of him wanted to hide again, but that had caused enough problems. With a sigh he got to his feet and rejoined the party, keeping to the shadows and watching over her.
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