An Honorable Man (Dorian)

[Christine Montgomery]

Christine was relieved to be back home. She was never fond of hospitals before, and she still wasn't. While she had been so grateful for Dr. Montague's help with Dorian in the past, something about him now set her on edge. Perhaps that would be the way of it with most men until she could shake the experience, then again, who could shake something like being kidnapped by a serial killer?

She was waiting for Dorian to arrive. He had spent more and more time at the office, and she missed him. They hadn't told her family about their relationship yet, honestly she wasn't sure where they stood after all was said and done. She was hoping they could talk and work things out. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

[Dorian Humbert]

Christine wanted to see him. If Dorian was honest with himself, he wanted to see her too. He missed her smile. But he had forced himself into his new assignment and was making a point of being too busy to spend much time with Christine, hoping the distance would make their longing fade away. It hadn't, not for him.

When he got her owl asking him to come to her home, he knew what he had to do. He couldn't keep her like a fish on the hook, he had to let her go. It was the proper thing to do.

He rang the bell and prayed Christine had enough sense not to invite him over when her parents were home.

[Christine Montgomery]

Not that it would have mattered. The house was so large Christine could have invited him when her entire family was in residence and they still might not even know he was there. As it was her mother was home, but she was in her garden nee potions room and was happily distracted.

He was shown through the passage of rooms and hallways to Christine's chamber where she had instructed the staff to bring him once he arrived.

[Dorian Humbert]

Seeing the extensive grounds as he approached Christine's home, and being directed by servants down a winding maze of corridors only reinforced Dorian's belief that they were not meant for each other. They were from different worlds and Christine's apparently included a social rule that said it was appropriate to lie about your identity and ensnare older men while you're still in school.

"Hello," he said as he came into her room. Seeing her instantly made it worse.

[Christine Montgomery]

Their worlds weren't all that different. Perhaps the Montgomery money did make a difference to many people, but that wasn't how she was raised. Both her mother and her father had given her a lot of freedom growing up, though her father gave it reluctantly. And she certainly wasn't raised silver spoon in mouth. Not with the adventures her uncle took her on. She was expected to receive high marks, and on the ship she was expected to pull her weight.

As for her still being in school Christine didn't give it much thought. She had tutors for most of her learning, and intended to keep them long after she graduated. Christine loved knowledge. She considered Hogwarts a learning experience rather than a determinant of her age.

She was guilty of lying to him about who she was. She had never had a serious interest in a boy or man, but she had loved Dorian practically on sight and her family could be overprotective. So she lied to spare him, and then the longer she spent with him the more she could see what that lie would eventually mean.

"Dorian!" she released a breath as soon as she heard his voice. She was on her feet quickly reaching him and throwing her arms around his neck.

[Dorian Humbert]

Instinctively he hugged her, but Dorian's muscles were more tense than normal. Christine, on the other hand, was nothing but softness. Her skin was smooth and her hair smelled of flowers. She fit easily in his arms and for a moment he even let himself smile as he held her. But only for a moment.

"How are you feeling?"

[Christine Montgomery]

"Better." she answered mourning the loss of him in her arms. She was almost shy with him at this point not knowing what to expect.

"And you? Is there any news on the other girls?"

[Dorian Humbert]

Dorian concealed a sigh. He wished she hadn't asked about the other girls. The news, or lack thereof, would only upset her. And he stood no chance if she started crying.

"They're getting close, so I hear. I've been put on a different case. I don't have as much insight as before." This was technically true, although Kate would likely still fill him in, were he to ask.

[Christine Montgomery]

She pressed her lips together on the issue. She knew he and the other aurors were working as hard as they could. She also knew he was working on another case, though she didn't know what. Lex had mentioned the switch. Since returning home she had seen Lex and to a lesser extent Alek, almost a half a dozen times, but this was the first time seeing Dorian. Something was definitely wrong and she couldn't keep avoiding it, neither could he.

She felt the disconnect. He was so distant from her now.

She wrapped her arms around herself. When she was alone she couldn't wait to be with him, as though he would banish the nightmares. It was still hard to look at him and not see M, but she had overcome it. Still the more he pushed her away the tighter she tried to hold on. But when he was around she felt more helpless.

She turned away from him afraid of the direction her thoughts were taking her. "Can you just hold me Dorian?" she asked, unable to look at him as she did so.

[Dorian Humbert]

Dorian definitely couldn't continue to avoid this, but as she held herself and turned  away from him, Dorian felt the familiar pang of heartache. It was the same feeling, to a lesser degree, that he had when Kate had told him they had suspected Christine was dead. He felt hollow. But he could alleviate the sensation with her here. All he had to do was reach out and touch her, pull her into his arms. Everything would be better then. And miserably worse the seconds following.

Dorian's jaw tensed as he argued with himself. She was asking so little of him and it would make her feel safe. He took two short strides to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into his chest.

[Christine Montgomery]

She felt him hesitate and she knew in that moment what was coming. But the next moment stopped her from reacting right away. She felt his arms around her. She took comfort in the way they fit together as they always had. Even when M had held her using Dorian's face and body it wasn't the same.

She relaxed and melted into him. She put her hands on top of his, holding him to her.

"Everything has changed." she said a tremble in her voice, she began to shake, "And not just for me." She turned quickly in his arms and pressed her lips against his. She was angry, she was passionate, she was desperate. Finally she was heartbroken. Her tears mixed with their kiss and broke it by pressing her forehead to his. She couldn't look at him yet.

"I saw the way you looked at me before and the way you look at me now." she brought her eyes up to his, a tear falling from one eye.

"Things are different now. You can't tell me that they're not."

[Dorian Humbert]

He squeezed his eyes shut as she began to speak. The tremble in her voice hurt him. As her lips met his, Dorian moved his hands to her face. She was crying now and what was to come would only make it worse.

The only thing that changed was that he knew the truth. He still loved her but now he knew it wasn't right. Christine had lied to him, and had numerous opportunities to come clean while they were playing house at the Avalon. It would have hurt less to deal with the truth then. Before she was taken. But what M had done did not change the fact that Dorian didn't know Christine, and despite what Lex had said as she scolded him, Christine was too young.

"Things are different," he conceded. "But you'll move on. You have so much ahead of you, Christine."

[Christine Montgomery]

She pushed against him breaking contact.

"Don't." she said a thread of anger in her voice as he fed her traditional break up lines. They both knew better. They both knew there was no moving on. She would continue to live. She might even find someone some day. She could settle down, have kids. But she would never move on. She hadn't moved on from their last encounter which had been one night. She would not move on from what they had experienced. Their week apart as Christine had tried to do the 'right' thing showed them the truth, but Dorian was running from it now.

"Why?"

Christine had to know the reason he was leaving her. "Was it because of M...?" she asked hesitantly. M had made her feel dirty. Less than. And while she hadn't told the whole of it, she couldn't help but wonder if it made Dorian change his feelings for her.

[Dorian Humbert]

Dorian didn't expect to move on. He hadn't expected to fall in love in the first place. His career was too dangerous for relationships; he would not end up with a family as Christine would. But he knew Christine would find happiness without him. She would fall in love and marry. She'd have fat babies and forget about Dorian.

Then Christine said something he was not expecting. She thought Dorian was leaving because of M. "Of course not!" he replied almost angrily. "Christine, nothing that fiend could ever do would change how anyone feels about you." 

[Christine Montgomery]

She swallowed and gave a small nod believing in his vehemence. Then it was very obviously the fact that she had lied to him.

"You said you forgave me." she whispered almost accusingly. She looked at him as though she were memorizing every detail in his face.

Before he could say anything she shook her head not wanting to hear anything else.

"I understand." she told him. Such was the graciousness of her love.

"I love you Dorian. I'll never stop. But I understand."

She took a shuddering breath, and gasped, in an attempt to keep her emotions in check. She didn't want to make this harder on him.

"I'd like to be alone now."

[Dorian Humbert]

He had made this harder by lying to her before, but there was no possible way he could have done this on the same day he got her back. He was too much of a coward for that. Dorian had needed Christine to keep him together. If he hadn't held her and promised her they were okay, he wouldn't have made it. He lied to her as much as he lied to himself.

But it didn't change the lies that Christine had told him. It didn't make him trust her again. And it didn't make her older. Dorian focused on her age. He perseverated on it. It was easier than admitting to himself that he couldn't trust Christine any longer.

"Christine, I-" But she wanted to be alone. He hung his head.

"Goodbye." Dorian turned and left her alone, not man enough to look at her one last time.

[Christine Montgomery]

Christine's heart shattered as he said goodbye. She forced herself to stand and watch him leave. She wanted to be strong until he was gone. But as the door opened she let a sob escape.

Perhaps it was a childish thought, but in that moment she wondered if she wouldn't have preferred being with M again to the torment of Dorian leaving her. No matter how bad M had been, he never touched her heart. M had terrified her. Abused her. Violated her. Dorian broke her.