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Post by Diana Ward on Oct 29, 2016 3:18:33 GMT -5
"No." she said putting the file away, "You were right, it'd be a waste of time if Ling hands over Copperbottom, and we'll need him to get to the last board member. Besides we don't know if he'll be checking in with his men at each dock or what security measures he's taken. If he doesn't check in or if it's noticed that he's gone missing, then I don't want to be there when they go looking for him." she said logically. Illogically and stubbornly she didn't want to be stuck on a boat with a man that could so easily penetrate her defenses when they weren't on a romantic cruise.
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Post by Christian Ward on Oct 29, 2016 3:31:09 GMT -5
Christian sighed heavily and when he spoke it was with a clearly restrained tone. "Dammit Diana, I am trying to apologize. Let me make it up to you. At the very least pack some extra clothes and we can stay until we sense danger." He had successfully overcome the urge to raise his voice, which was pretty impressive as far as Christian and Diana went.
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Post by Diana Ward on Oct 29, 2016 14:12:19 GMT -5
Diana stared at him hard. "I don't know what you want from me Christian. I can't keep up with your expectations, whatever they are. And I don't have the energy to try. You wanted me to rest, I rested. You wanted me to work the mission, I worked it. Now you want me to rest. It seems like you need to work out what you want, and I need to work out what I really want. For now we've got a mission so let's just focus on that."
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Post by Christian Ward on Oct 29, 2016 15:35:42 GMT -5
He was losing the ability to remain calm. He truly wanted to be able to have a rational conversation but neither of them were very rational people when they were in a room together. They were too passionate and too stubborn for confined quarters, which would be made infinitely worse if they were stuck on a ship at sea, but Christian was also too far gone to notice that.
He pulled himself from the bed and stood facing her. "F*ck, Diana. Stop arguing with me for one bloody minute and try to listen to me! I don't know what I want from you, I just know that I want you. You f*cking terrified me on the Sanchez job and I thought I was going to lose you! You hardly seemed to notice you were injured at all. You're bloody mad, woman!"
"I don't know what's going on with you now and it's confusing as f*ck. One minute you're ready to work and the next you're crying in Alyx's room, and you sleep all the bloody time! Hanley says you're fine, but you're not fine and I don't know what to do to help you. Forcing you to rest didn't work. Pushing you to move isn't working either. I f*cking love you and I can't do anything to help you! Do you know how maddening that is?"
"Do you not want to be here anymore? Is that it? Because if it is, Diana, just say it. Don't drag me around after you, just f*cking say it. If you want to go stay with Burke then go, but don't tease me as if you want me to be a part of your life, of Alyx's life, and then push me off the edge!"
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Post by Diana Ward on Oct 29, 2016 15:56:26 GMT -5
She was pregnant. She wasn't rational even when she didn't have her hormones raging out of control, and they were raging now. She felt raw and abused, but it wasn't Christian's fault. Indeed they were both so passionate and intense for their own good. Diana was terrified of Christian. She loved him too much, and that kind of love could hurt something awful if it didn't work. The baby complicated everything, they were moving too fast. Diana was scared plain and simple.
She was hurting them both with her actions and she felt awful about it, but she didn't know what to do. Telling Christian about the baby now would all but seal their fate and she wasn't ready for it. She wasn't ready for any of this.
"I don't know." she confessed. The tears were back, though she tried to keep them from falling she couldn't, "I don't know what I want Christian. I don't know what to think or how to feel."
The truth was, baby or no baby, the intensity of her feelings was more than Diana could handle. Christian was a living breathing source of fire and passion. Diana was not, at least she didn't think so. Most of her younger life was spent doing as her father told her. Her one act of rebellion led to pregnancy and heartache. That heartache trapped her in a hole of depression for years until her father revealed the truth. But even the hope of a reunion with her daughter was shut down by her father's company. She had become a machine working solely for the mission. Then Christian arrived and made her feel. Between being a puppet, a drone, and a machine, she didn't have a lot of experience with intense emotion, and Christian pushed the limits of intensity all on his own without her additional issues.
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Post by Christian Ward on Oct 29, 2016 16:09:13 GMT -5
"You don't know or you're too coward to say? I see the way he looks at you. Burke. It's obvious he's in love with you. And you like the attention. You indulge it. You lie in my bed with me, and then you beckon Burke to do your bidding. And we do what you want, Diana. Because we love you. But it's bloody cruel."
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Post by Diana Ward on Oct 29, 2016 16:25:17 GMT -5
She had a look of absolute bewilderment, "Derek is not in love with me." she said with finality, "He's invested in the mission, he cares, but it's not love." and even if it were she didn't return the feelings.
She cared about Derek. She cared about him a lot. If Christian wasn't in the picture she could see herself settling down with someone like Derek. Someone safe, reliable, easy. Things would be easy between them, there was no messy heartbreaking all consuming passion to deal with.
"You're being ridiculous. I am far from this temptress you make me out to be."
Part of the problem was that Diana couldn't see herself the way that Christian did. She still felt like he was out of her league, that he'd wake up and realize it and resent her for trapping him with children he didn't truly want.
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Post by Christian Ward on Oct 29, 2016 16:52:44 GMT -5
"Invested in the mission?" he repeated in disbelief. "He's invested in getting in your pants, Diana! He's not helping you out of the kindness of his heart, he's a bloody-" Christian caught himself and stopped abruptly, having nearly announced how the two men had really known each other prior to either becoming involved with Diana.
"He's not doing it for Alyx and he's not doing it for humanity's sake. Burke is trying to get you into bed and you're smart enough to f*cking see that! And that's fine, if that's what you want. But don't pretend to want me, too!"
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Post by Diana Ward on Oct 29, 2016 16:59:47 GMT -5
Christian's words were so out of left field for her, she couldn't properly comprehend what he was saying.
She was madly in love with the man next to her. She was terrified by how much she wanted him. How blind she could be with him. And he was worried about Derek?
"Do you hear yourself right now?"
Derek was handsome, he was kind and reliable and stable, but Christian was Christian didn't he realize that? There was no one that could compete with him.
"I've been working with Derek for the better part of a year. He's doing this for me, as a friend. He had plenty of opportunity to act on what you think he wants. I don't even know why we're having this conversation Christian. We've got work early in the morning and I for one would like to get some sleep before we go." she said dismissing his concerns.
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Post by Christian Ward on Oct 29, 2016 17:27:06 GMT -5
Diana had plenty of opportunities to express her feelings for Christian. He'd done so multiple times, albeit primarily in a rash manner but he had still said the words. Diana knew how he felt, whether she chose to believe him or not. He didn't throw those words around lightly. But Diana had never uttered anything remotely along those lines. The closest she'd come was in the throws of passion when she said she loved what he did to her.
He wouldn't argue with her about the mission. No matter how Diana felt toward Christian or what their future looked like, it would include Alyx in some manner. Christian needed to focus on that now. He agreed to letting her sleep, without even a sneer or rude thought about Diana's sleeping habits. He'd return later after she fell asleep. "I need a drink," he said, making an excuse to leave her to it.
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Post by Diana Ward on Oct 29, 2016 17:37:58 GMT -5
The words were stuck in her throat. If she didn't tell him she loved him in every action, every look, every sigh. He wanted the words, she was too full of emotion to say them, to even understand what she was thinking or feeling. She was completely wrapped up in him.
There was a harsh lump at the base of her throat. She wanted to reach out to him, she wanted to pull him back to bed and let their bodies do the talking for them, but she didn't. She closed her eyes and let him go.
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