Nightmares

[Christine Montgomery]

Dorian Humbert

Besides the worry that Dorian would find out she wasn’t as old as she pretended to be, Christine’s days were more or less carefree. Her nights were full of passion, and something else. In his arms she could banish the terror, but sometime in the night her breathing would turn ragged and her dreams fitful. Tonight was the same. She was in Egypt this time. Bound and tied by the club owner she had met the before, a man who turned out to be a ruthless dark wizard. She was told she was bait for a bigger prize, but even bait could have multiple uses. The last said with a leer and a wandering hand. She wasn’t scared yet, not until Dorian arrived. She tried calling out to him, tried telling him to run, that it was a trap, but her mouth was gagged.

Christine gripped the sheets beneath her as she struggled. It was hardly the first nightmare she had with him, he would probably be used to it. In the time they had stayed together she had experienced several nightmares which only grew in intensity. She didn’t talk much about the dreams themselves, but allowed Dorian to hold and soothe her. This time she wasn’t soothed, she started shaking, then she started screaming.

[Dorian Humbert]

He had grown accustomed to her tossing and turning, her occasional mutterings of "no" and "please, stop" while she slept. Initially, it would wake him up and he'd spend several minutes watching her sleep fitfully before returning to his own dreams. But over the course of their time together Dorian had began to go numb to the disturbances; waking only slightly, just enough to pull her close and stroke her hair as her fits subsided. It had become second nature to the him, he no longer even opened his eyes as he soothed her. 

But tonight was different. As he pulled her close in his zombie-like haze of sleep, his hands caressing her skin, she began to scream. The sound pierced his own dreams and shook him awake suddenly. Immediately, he sat up, reaching for his wand on the bedside table as he looked around for the threat. He soon realized that the enemy was not in the room with them, but in Christine's mind. Her nightmares were grabbing hold of her in ways he had not seen before. It was disturbing.

Sitting upright in the bed, nothing but a sheet to maintain his modesty, Dorian brought Christine close to his chest and gently rubbed her back."It's okay," he whispered to her. "You're okay, I'm here."

[Christine Montgomery]

In her dream she had managed to get the gag off in time to scream as Dorian was hit with the killing curse.

She was pulled out of the dream when Dorian lifted her up, but not out of the terror. She was so shaken by what she had seen she wrapped her arms around him, crying frantically. She held on as if fearing he could disappear from her at any given moment. She was hysterical, she cried so hard her entire body shook.

[Dorian Humbert]

It was the worst one yet. Dorian had never seen Christine so terrified, except perhaps when she had happened upon the murdered woman in the park some weeks back. But then she had seemed more stupefied, whereas this seemed a more present fear. His arms wrapped around her, he squeezed her tight, allowing the pressure of his body to release the emotions that overcame her. 

"Shhh. It's alright, darling. You're safe now." He kissed the tears that had run down her cheeks. There was nothing to do but hold her, until her fear subsided. He would hold her as long as she needed. But something had to be done about her nightmares.

[Christine Montgomery]

It took her several moments to calm down and by the end of it she was emotionally exhausted, reduced to silent tears.

"I was in Egypt... He was back. He had me, he was using me for bait like before. You came and he... he killed you." she swallowed. This was the first time she had openly talked about her nightmares. Before she had brushed it off, but they were getting worse. She needed to talk to someone and she trusted him.

"I know it's not real Dorian, but it felt...it felt so real." she took a deep breath and held him tighter.

[Dorian Humbert]

He lifted her tear soaked face by her chin until he could stare into her watery eyes. "Christine, no one is coming after you. Vlad is in Azkaban. He will never have even the slightest chance of coming anywhere near you. Remember that." He pressed his lips to hers gently.

He had also thought about Egypt many times over the past weeks, he suddenly wondered if tonight's dream was a new horror or simply the re-imagining of a recurring dream. He thought over his words before speaking them. "Is this the first time you've had this dream?"

[Christine Montgomery]

Vlad had come for her, but she was bait for Dorian. It wasn't her imprisonment that terrified her, it was Dorian's death, Sam's death, Students at Hogsmeade dying, Penny Young's death that haunted her. Christine had always managed to escape the danger, but she was witness to it all, a helpless statue while those around her suffered.

He was looking in her eyes and the answer was clear on her face, "Every night. Since...since the park. I close my eyes and he's there. It's not just him, it's my cousin being attacked too... and the woman in the park. I keep seeing it over and over again and Godric I feel so helpless and so scared Dorian."

[Dorian Humbert]

He wanted to save her. That was the reason he was here with her now. To protect her. But there was little he could do to protect her from her own mind. A few nasty spells and potions could extract her memories of these terrible events, but with them the memories of their time together would also be lost. Christine and Dorian had only happened upon each other in times of great distress, to ease her mind would be to lose her. Selfishly, Dorian wouldn't do that.

Her face was pained. Every night. He knew that all of his words of comfort, insisting there was no danger to fret in the world beyond their walls, was a lie. They were on the brink of war. The Death Eaters. The werewolves. And a serial killer. If there ever was a more treacherous time in the wizarding community, Dorian had not been alive to witness it. It was why he so vigilantly watched over her. When he couldn't be there, he made sure to give specific instructions to his replacement. Hex first, ask questions later. That had been the motto he had adopted since reuniting with Christine. He would gladly suffer the consequences of a mistake than allow any harm to come to his darling Christine.

"I'm sorry," he spoke tenderly. He stroked her hair as he spoke. "I wish I could take it all away." But he couldn't. Christine had shared her escapades with him, not all of them pleasant. Likewise, Dorian had spoke of his adventures, though he never gave details of the horrors he had seen. His stories were the fairy tale versions of the truths he had experienced. He wouldn't relay any of the ghoulish scenes to her. But he understood what she was feeling. He had felt it to, early in his career. Those feelings still plagued him from time to time, but he buried them and pretended they didn't exist.

[Christine Montgomery]

She was calming down enough to lean back, she placed her hands on his shoulders but still couldn't meet his eyes. She hated crying in front of him. She hated feeling and appearing helpless, but she didn't know how to make the dreams stop.

"How do you do it Dorian...you've seen so many things. How do you put it out of your mind? How do you get through it?"

[Dorian Humbert]

He held her silently while deciding on his words. Dorian was rarely a man to speak rashly, but if there was ever a time to thoroughly consider what to say, this would be it. He thought on his own coping mechanisms. They came so naturally to him now that he struggled to find the proper way to describe them. But it hadn't always been this way. As a new recruit and auror-in-training, Dorian struggled to maintain control of the emotions he experienced when he was faced with terror similar to that Christine had encountered. In actuality, he had struggled with them until his father was murdered, his mother tortured into insanity. After that, Dorian seemed almost unresponsive to what he faced at work - the assumed loss of Christine last year had been the one exception. But still, there were strategies he relied on from time to time, ones taught at the auror academy. He tried to remember what his instructors had told him.

"It's not easy," he answered finally. "And sadly, it never really goes away. Those feelings. But acknowledging them," he paused for a moment, recollecting his thoughts before he continued. "Acknowledging the fear, the panic, whatever it is you are feeling, that is certainly the first step." He shifted them both, in order to make her look at him. "Hiding from them won't work. You must accept those emotions and accept what you are experiencing - whether it is a dream or reality." Another pause came, but his eyes focused intently on hers this time as he decided what next to say. 

"And then wait." He could see the confusion in her eyes and he pressed on. "Fear has a way of shutting off any logic and reason. It makes you act hastily. Your mind plays tricks on you, causing further distress. But if you wait... Find something to ground you; the address of your childhood home, the face of your first crush, even counting backwards from ten. It will sooth your mind, and allow you to act with purpose."

He brought his hand to hers and lifted it from his shoulder, kissing the inside of her wrist. "Nothing will harm you, not while I'm around. So you've no need to fear any monster out here. But in here," he gently pressed his index finger to her forehead, "acknowledge it, accept it, and wait. You'll find your subconscious is incredibly gifted, and will do as you please. Think of sparring with a boggart. You picture the most un-terrifying thing you can think of, utter the incantation, and suddenly there's nothing to fear. That is what you must do with your dreams. Clear your mind, change your dream."

[Christine Montgomery]

She listened to him, watched as his mouth formed words of comfort and ease and above all strength. She thought about his words, silently and unknowingly anchoring feelings of safety, strength, and even love to the action of him kissing her hand as he so often did.

I love him.

Maybe she had loved him the moment she met him, maybe it was the first time he saved her, or the way his eyes lit up when he saw her dance. She didn't know when she started loving this man, but it was a depressing reality knowing that she would never stop loving him. Knowing that whenever her time did run out it was going to break her.

"I never used to be afraid of anything." she confessed, " But I'm afraid now. I'm afraid of losing the people I love. I'm afraid of losing you."

It wasn't quite an admission of love, but then her actions more than words made it quite clear how she felt about him.

[Dorian Humbert]

His eyes wrinkled as he smiled at her. "You don't need to worry about me. I can handle myself." He had had so many close calls and narrow escapes that he felt quite confident in this statement, although logically he knew he was just as vulnerable to harm as the next auror. But he knew that his words, while potentially comforting in the moment, would not ease her worries in the end. The terrifying thing about growing up is that you realize the monster under your bed and the scary shadow on your wall are in your imagination. They pose no real threat. But as you age you come to realize you've been surrounded by the true monsters your entire life, because the true monsters are simply people. People like the Death Eaters, serial killers. People Dorian dealt with regularly. And unless you want to spend a life isolated at the top of some far off mountain, there is no escaping the monsters that lurk just around the corner.

[Christine Montgomery]

"Promise?" she asked. Her tremors had stilled completely, and she was more in control of her fear. Having a breathing Dorian next to her had a lot to do with it. She was rather surprised at the ease in which she confided in him. He broke through all of her defenses, and learned who she was, who she really was.

"I'm not sure what I'd do if I lost you."

[Dorian Humbert]

"Promise," he agreed. He couldn't say it aloud, at least not to her, but he felt the same way. Only he was quite certain what he would do if he lost Christine. But he couldn't speak of those things. It would only frighten her more.

[Christine Montgomery]

Christine gave him a half smile in response, then stretched with an unconscious sensuality and ran a hand through her hair. Her eyes fell to the alarm clock in the hotel which told her it was three in the morning.

"Merlin, it's Three. I'm sorry I woke you."

[Dorian Humbert]

He glanced at the clock to confirm. It was in fact nearly 3:00am. He had a meeting at the Ministry in five hours. He smiled sleepily and pulled Christine closer to him. "Don't apologize," he ordered softly. He kissed her forehead before closing his eyes. He prayed her dreams would be more peaceful now, not for his sake but for hers.

[Christine Montgomery]

She laid down next to him, her back against his chest, her arm over his. She knew he had to be up early. So did she. She kept her breathing even hoping he'd fall asleep though her mind was still spinning. She'd conquer her fear somehow. She couldn't go on like this.