The Morning After (Ricki)

[Milo Chevalier]

What in the world happened last night? That was the main question Milo was asking himself. He finally laid it out on the line to Ricki last night. Of course he did not actually say "I love you," but he thought his actions said it for him. He only hoped when she came into work this morning things would not be awkward. That small voice in the back of Milo's head was the reason he only slept maybe an hour. He had wanted her to stay over but he didn't ask her. They did work together after all and he did not want to make things awkward. He only hoped things would be good when she arrived.

As a result of not being able to sleep, Milo arrived at the office at 5am and had Ben there since. He even brewed his own coffee. He felt like he needed it. He even started Ricki's tea so that it would be ready for her when she arrived. In addition to having her tea ready, Milo brought her breakfast that he was able to keep warm and fresh. Both things were waiting for her when she arrived.

In order to keep himself from worrying, Milo made sure his hair and clothes looked nice as usual. Once that was fine, he started to look over files wondering when Ricki would walk in that door....

[Ricki Crawford]

Ricki was also wondering what had happened the night before. She had laid up all night, staring at the ceiling and reliving that moment over and over again, trying to figure out what it all meant.

She'd had what she had always wanted--Milo had kissed her. And it had been as incredible as she had always imagined it would be. And although the little voice in the back of her head kept telling her that Milo loved her and that he was trying to tell her that last night, she kept denying it. It was almost like she was trying to convince herself that he didn't want her, that it was all just a misunderstanding and that she had read it wrong so that she wouldn't look like such an idiot for getting scared and walking away.

Because, deep down, she knew that was the truth of the matter. The thing she had always wanted was the thing that scared her the most.

She could date other guys; she could even like them. But Milo--he held her heart, he knew her mind, and if she let him, he would fill all the empty spaces in her soul. He could heal her, he could cherish her, and he could make her happier than she had ever been.

But sometimes it was easier to cling to old hurts, to hide behind old memories, because there was always that chance, that fear, that something would go wrong and she would lose everything all over again.

She could stand losing a boyfriend. But she couldn't bear the thought of losing her best friend.

But had she already lost him? Would he be able to move past her rejection from the night before--because no matter how she tried to spin it, she knew it was a rejection--and let things go back to the way they were before? Or would things be as awkward as she had always feared they would be?

After drifting off to sleep shortly before dawn, only to have her alarm go off less than an hour later, Ricki was in quite a terrible mood the next morning. She almost stopped off for a cup of that foul brew that Milo liked so much, simply because its caffeine content was higher and might give her a much needed pick-me-up, but she didn't. She just arrived at work as always, deciding to pretend, as best she could, as though nothing at all had happened the night before.

Opening the door, Ricki stepped inside and immediately spotted Milo at his desk, looking over some files.

"Good morning," she said tentatively.

[Milo Chevalier]

The files he looked over seemed to blend together. His mind was not at work. The moment seemed to play over and over. What did he do wrong? Was she just not interested like that? He was very tempted to just walk out the door and possibly try to fin his answers at the bottom of a nice bottle of bourbon. However, he knew he could not do that. It is only make matters worse. Ricky rejected him and that was that. What he feared happened and Milo wanted to hide from the world. He did not want to go see Joe. He thought his friend would attempt to make him look on the bright side or something.

Milo reasoned with himself as he looked over the files. His worst fear hadn't come true just yet. He hadn't completely lost her, had he? Milo knew that the rejection was one of his deepest fears, but not the number one deepest. Losing her in anyway would be. Milo flipped through a couple of pages trying to get his mind into work mode.

His thoughts were completely shattered when he heard the door open. On first glance she did not seem as put together as she normally would. His heart sank to his feet and his stomach went to his throat. There was some kind of burning feeling in his nose. Milo was happy she came to work, but he was also a little nervous. "Morning," he replied as he pretended to have been working. "Tea and breakfast is ready of you're hungry." Milo tried his best to keep a straight face as if nothing had happened.

[Ricki Crawford]

One look at him and Ricki felt as if the bottom had dropped out of her stomach. She knew him well enough to know that he was putting on a face for her, just as she was for him. But what it all meant, she still wasn't sure. Was he embarrassed about what had happened the night before? Maybe he'd had a little too much wine on an empty stomach and hadn't meant to kiss her at all. Maybe he was glad that she stopped him. Maybe...

No. No, deep in her heart she knew better. She could now see with astonishing clarity what she had been missing all along--that everything Milo said to her and did for her were just his ways of telling her that he loved her, and probably always had.

No, she no longer had any doubt about his feelings for her. The only obstacle standing in their way now, ironically, was her. Now she was in the terrifying position of having to decide where their relationship would go.

It didn't seem practical to try and pretend that nothing had ever happened and that they could just go back to the way things had always been. Because now that she realized it, everything had been leading up to that night all along. It was inevitable. All along they had been pretending, both of them, and sooner or later something had to give. Now that it had happened, it was out there, and they couldn't just brush it under the rug again, could they?

But she wasn't ready for the rest of it, not yet. She needed to be sure that this wasn't just a whim, that they wouldn't get close and realize that they had nothing in common, that they didn't know how to actually be a couple.

Ricki had secrets, she had a painful past, and she had never told him about it. She also knew nothing of his past. There were a lot of things they didn't know about each other, things that they would have to know if they were going to take things to the next level in their relationship, and maybe these were things that they were better off not knowing. Maybe knowing these things would ruin their relationship.

Ricki just stood there, a smile frozen onto her face, staring at him as if he had all the answers. She wished he would just tell her that it had all been a mistake and that he had never meant for anything to happen. But if he did that, would it break her heart all over again?

He said something to her, but for a long moment, the words didn't register with her. It was only when she blinked and looked away for just a moment that she realized he had brought her tea and breakfast.

"Oh!" she said, giggling. "Blimey, I don't know where my head is at today. Breakfast and tea! How thoughtful... yes, I am quite hungry... I suppose that's why I'm a bit wonky this morning. Thank you."

Biting her lip, she hesitated for just a moment, her eyes locking on to his briefly before she moved into the office to retrieve her breakfast.

[Milo Chevalier]

Milo could tell that Ricky was trying to keep face. He could see it in her eyes. He had always been able to tell if there was anything wrong with her. That was one of the things he liked about her. He could always read her emotions. Now her emotions seemed scattered and Milo was not sure how to take that.

Never had Milo experienced what he was now. Sure, with his ex fiancée he experienced love and all that went with it but this time was different. This time he felt more confusion and uncertainty. Milo hated the uncertain.

When he giggled, Milo could definitely she was putting up a face. What would he say to her? He didn't want to flat out ask what happened last night. Not could he ask her if she rejected him. Part of him wanted to hold her again but he knew that would solve nothing. He met her eyes as she went for coffee. Again he felt as if his heart sank. He stood, almost feeling like he should remain seated. As he stood he headed in the direction of breakfast. Nearing Ricky he stopped. "I ended up having an early start so I thought breakfast would be something to help get the day going," he said trying to make conversation. The small talk would not hold up for long, Milo knew that. He reached over to his pot of coffee to refill his cup. This time it was his third, but Ricky didn't know that. "I hope it is still warm."

[Ricki Crawford]

Merlin's Beard, this was awkward. Could they sit here and giggle and make small talk and pretend that nothing happened last night? That he hadn't kissed her and that she hadn't walked out like an idiot?

For the longest time, Ricki had wanted him to kiss her. And now that he finally had, she wished he hadn't. It wasn't that it wasn't good--it had been wonderful and perfect. No, now it turned out that the problem was all her. It was her fault, this awkwardness. It wasn't because he had kissed her, it was because she had let her fears creep in and take over. She had let her own stupid insecurities stand between them and because of that, it was awkward and weird and she didn't know what she was supposed to say or do about it. She almost wished she could leave right now and go and talk to Shelby or Joe or Aislinn. She needed advice and while she normally would turn to her best friend... Milo was her best friend.

She finished fixing her tea and picked up the breakfast plate. "Thank you, Milo. That was really sweet of you."

Were they really sitting here talking about breakfast? After what had happened?

She sighed and put down her plate, then took a long drink from her tea before she turned around to face him.

"I can't do this," she said. "I can't just sit here and pretend that... nothing happened. Milo... we need to talk."

[Milo Chevalier]

"We need to talk..." Milo was not looking forward to those words. He knew that they would end up having to talk about what happened but Milo felt like an idiot. He should have never given into his emotions. Enmotions would always be what got you into trouble. Milo wanted to lay everything out but he couldn't do that. Not now. Ricki clearly did not feel the same way. Why did he ever listen to Joe? Now Milo felt the heartbreak he never wanted to feel again. Maybe after this he would just shut down the emotions department, just like he said he would before. Before he met Ricki.

Milo wanted to disappear somewhere else right now. He was not sure what to say. The one person who always had something to say, could not think of the words.

"There's nothing really to talk about," Milo said quietly. He wasn't sure how to reply. "I shouldn't have." It was clear in his voice that there was hurt but he was trying to keep an even voice.

[Ricki Crawford]

There was something in his voice that Ricki had never heard before, not from him. While he was trying to shut down his emotions, Ricki felt hers rushing through her and she felt a sudden urge to put her arms around him and hold him tight.

Suddenly Ricki couldn’t remember a single reason why this was a bad idea and why she had walked away last night. Maybe this made more sense than she had ever thought before. They were partners. Best friends. And why couldn’t they be lovers? Why couldn’t they be a couple? They wouldn’t be the first couple who got together this way, and they surely wouldn’t be the last. It was what she had secretly wanted for a long time, and maybe, just maybe, it was what he had always wanted, too.

She bit down on her lower lip and moved toward him slowly, her eyes never leaving his.

“But why did you?” she asked softly. “The whole night… it was a date, wasn’t it? The dinner, the wine, all of it… It was a date, and I was too dense to realize it.”

[Milo Chevalier]

Milo was surprised he hadn't just blurted everything out. They were best friends and of course best friends were close. Maybe Joe was just wrong. Maybe that was Ricki still being Ricki. She was always flirtatious and he could tease her in a way that he could not other women. Oh Merlin's beard! What if Joe was right? Milo could almost see his little smug 'I told you so' smile on his face. Too many thoughts were going through his head. Milo felt as if he had a firey lump in his throat.

As Ricki figured out the whole dinner thing was an actual date, Milo took everything he had not to run a hand over his face. For the first time in a long time he felt as if he were a young school boy asking a girl to go out on a date.

Milo could not help but maintain eye contact. He wanted to look away but he couldn't. Ricki knew him so well. "I thought it would have been a nice gesture. I've wanted to do it for awhile now, but I was mistaken. I shouldn't have." At that point Milo did break eye contact to look down at his desk. He couldn't look her in the eye at the moment. Milo almost felt ashamed and embarrassed he even thought Ricki felt the same. Sure she felt the same about their friendship but there was no way she could care for him more than that. Right?

[Ricki Crawford]

As Ricki looked into his eyes, she felt almost as if she was seeing him for the first time. There were so many things she had never noticed before and now she felt stupid for not realizing them sooner. Had he always looked at her like that? Or was it just because of the kiss?

He was uncomfortable, certainly. And he felt that he'd made a mistake by kissing her. But Ricki was beginning to realize that she was the one who had done the wrong thing. She had just been so afraid of losing him that she'd pushed him away just when she was finally getting a chance with him. How insane was that?

Milo wasn't Tom. He was nothing like Tom. Sure, maybe he had the same kind of charm that Tom used to have, but it was lighter, more genuine. He was funny and sweet and he was caring and honest. Everything that Tom hadn't been.

She had never told Milo about Tom. She hadn't even thought of him in years. And yet, she now realized that he was standing between her and her happiness. And Tom had taken enough from her... she wasn't going to let him have this, too.

She reached out and put her hand on his cheek. "But you wanted to, didn't you? How long have you wanted to kiss me like that, Milo? Has it been as long as I have been wanting to kiss you?"

[Milo Chevalier]

Milo was having difficulties with his emotions. He felt as if he were on what muggles called a 'see-saw'. Part of Milo just wanted to sink below his desk and hide from her; but part of him wanted to tell her everything. Why was this whole ordeal so complicated? Milo could normally just say what was on his mind, however, this time he could not. Why? Fear. Fear of losing someone else he held close to him again. If Milo ever suffered from another heartbreak it might change him completely.

His thoughts shattered and he nearly jumped when Ricki touched his cheek. Milo bit the inside of his cheek. He raised his eyes to meet hers again. Ricki had extremely soft hands. They were not too cold or too hot. Milo felt almost at ease with her touch. "I...," he began. The next words caught him off guard.

"Has it been as long as I have been wanting to kiss you?"

Milo thought for a moment he might have misheard her. Oh for Salazar's sake. She felt the same way? For how long? Why hadn't he realized it?

Shoving all the questions popping up in his mind to the side, he looked at her questionably and a little confused. Milo reached up without thinking and gently rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip before allowing his hand to rest on her cheek. "It has been a while," he finally stated almost shakingly. "If you wanted the same, why did you run?"

[Ricki Crawford]

Ricki laughed, realizing how stupid they had been all this time. Shelby kept telling her that Milo was crazy about her, and she suspected Joe had been doing the same thing to Milo. And yet, somehow they had missed it. Some detectives they were... they couldn't even see what was right in front of their eyes!

She grew serious at his question. The reasons she had backed away now all seemed ridiculous and inconsequential. She had thought there were so many obstacles to any possible relationship between them, but it turned out that the biggest obstacles were themselves.

"I got scared," she said. "Scared that... you were doing it for the wrong reasons, that you didn't really mean it. And I guess a part of me thought that even if we did get together... maybe it wouldn't work out and I would hate to lose my best friend. My marriage didn't work out so well, and I just... I guess I never really expect anything to last. But I do love you, Milo. So much. And if we can have a chance... maybe we shouldn't waste it."

[Milo Chevalier]

Scared. At least he was not the only one. They were both scared of the same thing. Right now Milo felt as if he were watching one of their clients. The message was laid out in front of them but they were too blind to see it. Now maybe Milo could sympathize more with his clients.

"I would never do anything to hurt you or jepordize our friendship. That was one reason I never mentioned anything to start with. Then when you came over for dinner last night, I couldn't hide it anymore. I let my emotions get the best of me and after you ran I thought I read the whole situation wrong. I wanted to hex myself for it."

Milo knew she had been married before. He could have very well looked into Ricki's ex, but out of respect for her he didn't.

But I do love you, Milo.

Just hearing those words made Milo's heart and stomach hit the floor. It had been what seemed like years since anyone told him that. The last time he let someone in that close, he lost them. Maybe this time was different. Maybe this was the sign he was waiting on.

"This could be our second chance," he said touching the end of Ricki's hair. "I am willing if you are. I cannot tell you how long I have waited for you to say those words. I have loved you for a long time now. We will always be best friends." He smiled at her. "Shall we jump together?"

[Ricki Crawford]

Every single reason why this was a bad idea now seemed stupid and obsolete. There was literally no reason why they couldn't be together, not now that she knew he felt the same way she had for so long. Joe and Shelby were both going to have quite a laugh over this when they found out.

As he reached up and touched her hair, Ricki found she couldn't really think about anything else. It all felt so right, so perfect, so... magical. She understood all of it--why he had always dated so many women, why he talked to her differently than other women, why he could never seem to make anything stick with any of them. It was the same reasons she had done all of those things. She had always been a great observer of other people's words and actions, and yet somehow she had missed what was right in front of her all this time.

"Shall we jump together?"

Ricki laughed, realizing at the same time that she had tears in her eyes. "I'll jump if you will," she teased, leaning up and pressing her lips to his. This time she was holding nothing back.