On Shaky Ground (Severus)

[Remus Lupin]

In many ways, it was just like being back at Hogwarts. James and Sirius always seemed to find a way to get out of the activities, just like they got out of class. Meanwhile, Remus went to all of them, except for swimming. He'd managed to avoid that one only by appealing to Professor Dumbledore himself, explaining that wearing a bathing suit would reveal his many self-inflicted scars and lead to a lot of questions.

Today's activity wasn't so bad. Yes, it was still arts and crafts, but they were going to be using magic to create a charmed object--in this case, a music box that was charmed to play the listener's favorite song when it was opened. It was a cute idea, although Remus had no idea what he'd do with such a girly item. It wasn't like he had a girlfriend or a mother he could give it to.*

Nevertheless, he was all ready to start work on his creation. He had picked out his box, a lining of red velvet, and a collection of colorful shells to glue on, and went to find a place to sit and begin working.


(*And I'd rather just pretend his "sister" never existed, which she never really did)

[Severus Snape]

((**We should all just roll with that.**))

Severus wasn't sure of his idea for project. He picked a simple box with a dark purple lining and sat with it, wondering what he could do to it to decorate it. He spied some parchment and quills, leaving his box he swiped a leaf of the paper and hunted through the quills finding one with a wider nib. he looked for bottles of ink and found some that shifted between white and black as he shook the bottle.
retaking his seat he began to write the names of plants he remembered, watching his lettering look a little more graceful than spidery for once. he looked around to see what everyone else was doing and his gaze fell on Remus fussing with a shell on the lid of his box.
"you could break that apart and glue the pieces on the lid." the words were out of his mouth before he could shut his teeth on them. He could of frowned or added some venom to his words, but they came out shockingly normal, practically civil. He decided he would do better to keep his face neutral, last thing he needed was to have Lupin decide he needed back up.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus was startled to hear the voice near him. Somehow he hadn't even noticed that Severus Snape was sitting so close. Instinctively, he took a quick look around to make sure Sirius and James and Peter weren't around to see him talking to Severus. And yet, even as he did that, he felt terribly guilty. He knew he shouldn't care what James and Sirius thought. Just because they were his friends didn't mean he had to agree with everything they said or did. And he had a right to talk to whomever he wanted.

"Thanks," he said, turning and making eye contact with the Slytherin. He didn't usually do that, but then, he usually only encountered Severus when the others were around and they were picking on him.

"Look... I'm sorry about what happened back at the cabin. I don't know why they can't leave you alone."

An uncomfortable feeling squirmed in his stomach. He should have more of a backbone, he knew it. The other guys weren't being fair, and he just let it happen.

[Severus Snape]

Severus looked down at his quill, then back at Lupin's face. "If you don't know, then I know even less." He decided to say nothing as the the apology, He wasn't one to give it nor was Severus going to forgive Black or Potter by proxy.

He considered for a moment, Lupin never did anything to him personally. Natalie would probably encourage him to be kinder to the other boy. He looked down at his parchment again and wrote another magical plant, so far he was only writing down plants that could be considered pretty. He smiled at the letters as the shifted from black to grey to white.

"Who are you going to give your box too?" he asked, by passing any more conversation that could possibly include Black or Potter. He reached for a pair of scissors that were at the table, along with glue and other craft essentials, and began to cut out the plant names he had written.

[Remus Lupin]

A little more guilt gnawed at his stomach. Severus didn't openly accuse him of standing by while his friends continued their merciless attacks on him, and somehow that made Remus feel even worse. It was like the elephant in the room, sitting on the table in front of them. It would have been easier, almost, if Severus had just ripped into him, yelled at him and accused him. It would have, in a way, absolved him and proved the other guys right when they said he was just an unpleasant, miserable person who deserved what he got.

But maybe he wasn't. Remus knew that Sabrina's sister Natalie was often seen to hang around Severus, and although he didn't entirely understand the depth of Natalie's power, he was pretty sure the girl wouldn't stay with him if he was as bad as James and Sirius said he was.

The subject change brought a sigh of relief to Remus, even though he could no more answer that question than respond to questions of why he couldn't stand up to his friends. "I don't know. Maybe I'll leave it on my mum's grave. Or Sabrina's."

Remus didn't talk much about Sabrina, and most people probably assumed he had forgotten about her. But she was always on his mind, hovering there like some kind of lost promise.

"How about you? Are you giving yours to Natalie?"

[Severus Snape]

Severus felt a warm rush go to his ears, he didn't think anyone would ever comment on Natalie's friendship with him so directly. He looked at Lupin and mulled the thought over. He had thought of her first, but he couldn't seem to like her that way. He'd never hear the end of it, he remembered being in primary school and having "cooties".

"Either her or my mum..." he paused and thought about what Lupin had said about Sabrina..."maybe you should give your box to Natalie...I'm sure she will appreciate it more." It seemed sadder to think of Lupin's charmed little box sitting next to a head stone getting weathered and losing it's chance to play music, than to think of it sitting next to Natalie who might open its lid and hear music. He never thought to ask her if she even liked music, she seemed to like bird songs and wind in leaves. the thought of possibly adding some birds to his box did crop up...

[Remus Lupin]

Remus looked down at his shells again. The ones he had chosen were mostly flat shells, with a pretty pearl-like lining on the inside. It made him think of Pearl, and he wondered if she would like such a thing. It would be nice to have something to give to her after all that she and Zander had done for him.

But he couldn't very well mention that to Severus. And maybe he was right... maybe Natalie would like it. He didn't really know Natalie very well, even though she did know his secret.

"Maybe," he said, shrugging. "I haven't really talked to her a lot since... well, since last year. I always meant to, but it was too sad... I'm glad she had someone to talk to, though."

[Severus Snape]

Severus nodded mutely. He never talked to Natalie directly about problems like loved ones...they came up of course, but not like they ever talked through it. She just seemed focused on him and a selfish part of Severus liked the attention. His stomach twisted in discomfort, did he really just suggest that Lupin give HIS friend a gift? Muscling his own discomfort down he began gluing some of the strips of parchment to his box.
"It never stops being a sad conversation. Natalie really doesn't need so many words." He picked up the quill again and changed the nib then dipped it in the still changing ink. He began to draw a thistle to cut out and place on the corner of his box.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus began to pound on his shells with a small mallet, crushing them into small, shimmery shards. They caught the light nicely, creating mini-rainbows on the surface of the shells, and he admired the effect with a smile.

Glancing sidelong at Severus, he shrugged. "I guess you're right," he said. "Well, maybe I will give it to her, if you don't mind. I mean, you do spend a lot of time with her."

In fact, what Severus didn't know was that the time he spent with Natalie was his "safe" time. Remus had begged the other guys not to pick on Severus when he was with Natalie. Because they understood why Remus felt protective of the girl, they had reluctantly complied, even though they thought she was a little weird for hanging out with Severus.

[Severus Snape]

Severus gave Lupin a sideways glance. "No, I don't mind. Natalie...Natalie needs people that are quiet ", It was true enough, Lupin didn't seem the type to broadcast his emotions like most in their age group. he thought maybe he should write Natalie and warn her. He didn't think Lupin would approach her with Potter and Black, but just because it seemed unlikely didn't mean it didn't it couldn't happen.
"Just don't go trying to drag her along with band of merry gits, Sabrina liked you, Natalie shouldn't have to deal with either of them." he turned to a full glare on Lupin. The implied threat of harm clear.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus bit down on his bottom lip as Severus glared at him. He felt the full weight of that look and it made his stomach squirm again. A part of him, the loyal friend who'd never known what it was like to have a friend before, let alone three, felt like he should defend James and Sirius and Peter. But he knew that he couldn't. How could you defend the way they treated Severus? He couldn't defend what he didn't understand. They were bullies, and yes, it bothered him a lot. In every other way, they were great guys.... why did they have to act like such gits?

"I wouldn't," he said seriously. "It's not like I have to do everything with them. They cut this activity and didn't even tell me."

[Severus Snape]

Severus nodded curtly, he was fine with Lupin so long as he understood that Natalie was important to him. She didn't deserve a moment of what he went through. He looked down at his thistle, as it faded from black to grey to whiter than the parchment it was drawn on. He wondered briefly if he actually managed to keep anything from her, or if she was just careful not to graze his deeper feelings.
"That is pretty self centered of them." he said bluntly " Sometimes, I think you all must be attached..." he sat back and looked around the area, hoping not to see either one of the fore mentioned gits in the area.

[Remus Lupin]

For some reason, Remus felt like he needed to defend his friendship with James and Sirius. They really were good guys... most of the time. To their friends, at least, they were loyal and true. But to other people, especially people like Severus, they were, quite frankly, bullies. He didn't deny it, and it made him very uncomfortable. He knew what it was like to be bullied. He'd been run out of neighborhoods because people suspected what he was.

"I never had many friends before Hogwarts," he said in a low voice. "I was like... you." He looked up at Severus, regret in his eyes. "I'll never understand why James and Sirius decided to be my friends, and your enemies. Maybe it's just that I'm in Gryffindor, and you're in Slytherin. But... maybe I can try... to get them to back off."

[Severus Snape]

Severus felt distinctly uncomfortable, He didn't want to be compared to Lupin in such a way. It was true though, he couldn't deny the truth of what was said, loud and clear. There was nothing he could say, It wasn't any of Lupin's business if he went to a muggle school where the muggle brats called him poor and dirty. He looked at his box, fading and brightening letters.
" It's no concern of mine what they do, however, I will not let them stand over me." Severus turned to look at Lupin's face. His mousy hair and his plainer robes, breaking the shells as he had suggested. Maybe Lupin wasn't so bad...at least not as bad as his friends.

[Remus Lupin]

But Remus knew he was really as much to blame as James and Sirius were. He'd read a quote somewhere that said something to the effect of, the person who sits and watches as injustice is done and does nothing was as bad as the ones who committed it. Remus felt like that, and he wished he knew how to stop it. He should stand up to his friends... but he was scared. If James and Sirius and Peter didn't want to be his friends anymore--or worse, spread his secret--he would have to leave school and he'd have no hope of any kind of future. Just more running away and hiding in forests.

"I don't blame you," he said. "But I think it's why they keep doing it... because they know you'll fight back and they like the challenge. Of course, if you didn't fight back, they'd call you a coward. I guess you're doomed either way."

[Severus Snape]

Damned either way, it had to be his luck. Severus shook his head. "I am not a coward!"
Worse than that, he couldn't walk away either. It's a matter of...He couldn't think the word 'pride' that was a Gryffindor thing, Principle. he finished decidedly. "I can't let them have the last word or spell on me. They wouldn't stop even they gained an upper hand..." he could picture the torment, and he thought in that moment he'd rather die.

[Remus Lupin]

That was probably the biggest difference between them. Remus didn't think he was a coward, really... but he hadn't really learned how to stand up for himself the way Severus had. Because of what he was, he was used to people hating him and chasing him out of town. And he--and his father--had let them. What choice did they have? They were all right... he was dangerous in his wolf form. Such was his predicament... He was forever divided. As a boy, he tried to keep his head down, stay out of trouble and under the radar. And as a wolf, he had no such control. Even if he was locked up, the beast was still violent and uncontrollable.

It was, then, a curious twist of fate that had led to Remus Lupin, the quiet boy who had always tried very hard to be invisible, being put in a dorm room with James Potter and Sirius Black. They'd drawn out a part of him that had lain dormant... the part that longed for adventure and freedom and fun and laughter. It was just unfortunate that they had to pick on other students, like Severus.

"I can respect that," Remus said quietly. "And in a weird way, I think they do, too. But if you didn't fight back, I think they'd get bored pretty quickly."

[Severus Snape]

Severus blinked owlishly at Lupin, "You don't really expect me to let them win, do you" he asked letting a small blot of ink drip on an empty space of parchment.
No, a moment of surrender like that would be like crouching in the kitchen, tucking himself into the wall promising never to drop a glass of milk again. Yes, he was as useless as his mother. Can't mend a forsaken glass. His eyes turned a little glassy at the memory, his eyes narrowed as he realized he had begun to stare at the table top. How long had he been silent? Couldn't of been longer an a minute, a long enough pause.
" I can't live with that." he stated simply.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus couldn't blame him for that. In fact, he actually kind of admired him for it. He wished he had been able to stand up for himself like that whenever the locals decided that the strange boy with the scratches on his face needed to get out of town and away from their children and livestock.

He nodded again, staring down at his project as though trying to concentrate deeply on gluing the colored shell fragments on the box's lid. But it all shimmered and swam before his eyes as he felt tears welling up.

"I don't blame you. And you should fight back. It's just... they feel the same way. They aren't going to let you win, either, and something's got to give."

[Severus Snape]

Severus shrugged. He wasn't going to get overly sentimental in front of Lupin...He didn't even do it in front of Natalie and he liked Natalie. Severus steadfastly ignored the shine of tears in Lupin's eyes and he hoped Lupin in turn would ignore the fact that Severus sniffled.
"It won't be me, I'll go as far as I have to to push back harder." It was easy to make that kind of claim, He had so little, what more could he lose?