Getting Better (Rutger)

[Alana Kalb]

At first, Alana didn’t know where she was. The occasional sound of people walking by and speaking in soft voices made it seem like she was in between sleep and waking, not sure if it was a dream or not. She tried to go back to sleep when she realized she was lying on her back, which she thought was strange; she never slept on her back.

It wasn’t until she opened her eyes and tried to stretch her legs that she realized she was in the hospital, the events of the previous nights coming back to her. She closed her eyes tightly as she felt the pain in her side creep up. It wasn’t as bad as she remembered it being the night before, but it was enough to make her wish she was still sleeping so it wouldn’t bother her. She took a deep breath, feeling sick.

When the feeling had passed slightly, she opened her eyes again slowly, as if that would keep the nauseous feeling away. She remembered the previous night and seeing Rutger once before passing out again, and wondered if he was still there. Becoming aware of a pressure in her hand, she turned her head slowly, having to close her eyes again. It seemed like any movement she made caused her to feel sick again. When she opened her eyes this time, she saw Rutger. Alana tried to smile, but the pain and nausea were making that hard.

[Rutger Kilborn]

It had not been an easy night for Rutger. After the last time he had talked to the healers and made sure Kryshna was secured, he'd spent the rest of the night in the hard little chair by the bed, holding Alana's hand. He'd slept a little, mostly just short little dozes here and there when he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. But he wouldn't leave her side, no matter what anyone said. He just kept watch over her, making sure she was comfortable and that she didn't get any worse.

At the moment, he had his eyes closed. He wasn't asleep, though; he was merely resting his eyes. He felt just a slight movement coming from Alana, and he opened his eyes and looked down at her, so when she opened her eyes and looked at him, he broke into a soft smile.

"You're awake," he said gently. "How do you feel?"

[Alana Kalb]

Alana tried to think of the nicest, least expletive-ridden way to say how she felt. She didn't want to worry him, but she felt horrible. Besides the uneasy sick feeling, she felt a headache starting. She shrugged and tried to smile again. She at least hoped it looked convincing.

"I'm... hurting, kind of sick," She said. "Wish I felt better, honestly." Her smile faded a bit. Seeing Rutger sitting next to her, and seeing him smile, took her mind off of how she felt for a moment; she wished it had lasted longer.

It was then she noticed he was still wearing the clothes she remembered him in the night before. "Were you here all night?"

[Rutger Kilborn]

It actually hurt him to see her in pain. The realization surprised him, as did the thought that he would do just about anything to make it go away for her. He'd been where she was, after all, so he knew exactly what she was going through... although it had taken him three days to be able to speak coherently when it happened to him.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know it doesn't feel like it, but you were actually very lucky. I was much worse than you were when she attacked me."

He actually smiled again when she asked if he'd been there all night. When he'd been poisoned, he had told the Healers that he didn't want her in the room. Maybe it was hypocritical of him, then, to insist on staying... but there was no where else he'd rather be than with her. "Where else would I go?" he answered. "I can call in the Healer, if you want, maybe they can give you something to make you more comfortable..."

[Alana Kalb]

Alana couldn't help but roll her eyes when Rutger said she was lucky. She didn't mean to, but she felt anything but lucky. If she wasn't distracted by how much she hurt, she would have realized that she could have died; she had thought that enough the night before, until she fell asleep.

She also didn't want to think about when Rutger was in the hospital. That was when she began to realize how much she cared about him, and it still bothered her even now to remember when she found him... she couldn't help but smile when he answered her. She could picture him walking around the hotel room aimlessly with her not there, but she wasn't in the mood for a joke now.

"A healer might be good," She said as she tried to readjust how she was lying. She felt stiff from remaining on her back all night; she was used to moving around. "But I'm alright with just you here for now. Just promise me you'll go back to the hotel tonight?" She said. She wanted him to sleep in a bed and not a chair, since that didn't look comfortable at all to Alana, but she also didn't want him to see her like this. She felt weak and she had a hard time smiling through how she felt; she didn't feel at all like her old self and would rather Rutger not be there now.

[Rutger Kilborn]

He now knew the difference between her real smiles and the fake ones she wore to hide her real feelings, and it hurt him to see that she felt the need to put on a face for him. It was something he would do, not her. Of course, he didn't really fake smiles, but he did bury his feelings and put on a face for her so she wouldn't worry about him. It had never before occurred to him that it was wrong to hide in this way... but it bothered him to see her doing it.

He squeezed her hand, which he was still holding. He felt so helpless. He wanted to take her pain away; he'd gladly take it on himself to make her better. It should have been him. "Are you sure? I could just go down the hall and find one of the healers... Or, do you want some water? I imagine you probably couldn't eat anything right now..." He remembered how sick he had been when he was attacked, and frowned. All the times she had tried to take care of him, and it was his turn to take care of her... but he was failing miserably.

[Alana Kalb]

Alana closed her eyes again at the mention of food. He was right; there was no way she could possibly eat right now. She wasn’t even sure if water was a good idea, but the last thing she had to drink before going to Hogwarts had been coffee. She knew if she didn’t drink anything she would become dehydrated, and that would only add to her problems right now.

“Water would be nice,” She said, and squeezed his hand back. She liked feeling his hand in hers; ever since the first time she held it, she felt like she was safe, like he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. Even now, as she lied in the hospital, she still believed that. After all, he didn’t know Kryshna would pin her under the divider.

As she was looking at him, trying to maintain her smile, another wave of nausea came over her and she looked away. “A healer might be good, maybe.” She wasn’t too proud to admit when she needed help with anything, but healers always freaked her out, ever since she was a kid. "Please." She added as she turned back to him.

[Rutger Kilborn]

He was reluctant to let go of her hand. There wasn't even a reason why... he just didn't want to break that connection. During the night, he'd sat with her, watched over her, and kept hold of her hand the whole time. It felt like they were one almost, as if she could transfer her pain to him.

"I'm sorry this happened to you," he said softly. "It should have been me."

He sighed, and finally released her hand. When he did, he felt a shiver run through him, emphasizing just how could and empty his own hand felt without hers in it. "I'll be right back, I promise."

With one last look back at her, he hurried down the hall, trying to find one of the healers. The two women who had treated Alana the night before had told him their names, but he couldn't remember them now. Everything had passed in a haze the night before, and he wasn't even sure what had happened now.

He managed to find the receptionist's desk, and he asked the girl there if a healer could be sent to room 115, and if they could send in a pitcher of water as well. Once that was done, he hurried back to the room and took his place back in the chair.

"Someone will be in soon," he said, trying to smile. Merlin, just seeing her in that bed looking so fragile made his chest ache, and he reached out and took her hand again without even thinking about it.

"What do you remember... about last night?" he asked cautiously. She had said a few things to him that he wondered if she would regret now... and he'd said something to her as well. He thought he would regret the words he'd said, but somehow he just couldn't. Maybe she wouldn't understand them or remember them... but he meant what he said.

[Alana Kalb]

Alana felt uncomfortable when he had left. She was always perfectly content with being in a room by herself, even if she knew no one. Every so often, she liked being alone. But this time, it wasn’t the size of the room or the blanks walls that made her uneasy. Knowing that Rutger had been with her all night somehow made his absence now unbearable.

She tried to readjust how she was lying again while he was gone, not having to hide the pained look on her face as she moved. After a moment, she gave up with a sigh, closing her eyes. She was tired still, even with the sleep she had gotten the night before. And how late was it in the day? Alana thought it was odd she didn’t feel rested after sleeping for hours, but she remembered when her aunt had surgery when Alana was a child, and she had said the sleep you get after something like that was never peaceful. Right now, Alana wished it was. In the very least, she wished she didn’t feel like getting sick every time she tried to roll onto her side.

Her eyes opened when she heard Rutger’s voice again, and she returned with her own uneasy smile. Her smile became more genuine when he took her hand again. Alana was torn; she wanted him to leave to get sleep and to not see her like this, but she also wanted him to stay with her until she was allowed to leave the hospital.

Alana remembered what she had said last night; she had just hoped Rutger had forgotten. She was embarrassed she had said it, and while she didn’t regret it, she wished it had been at a better time.

“You were there,” she said, squeezing his hand lightly. “And I said something…” She paused, looking at him. She only heard the end of what he had said to her the night before, but it was enough to let her know he cared for her, too. “And I was… I mean, you know I care about you…” she said quietly. “If it’ll make it better… we can forget I said it.” She hated that she was able to talk her way through anything, but when it came to how she felt, especially around Rutger, she was a mess, stumbling over her words and blushing. She wasn’t sure how much color was actually reaching her face now, with how sick she felt, but she still wanted to turn away from him, but she couldn’t. Her eyes remained on his, adding to her awkward feelings.

[Rutger Kilborn]

Rutger sighed, and when she wouldn't break eye contact with him, he closed his own eyes. She was giving him an out, and he was very tempted to take it. But somehow it hurt to even think of it. She couldn't know what it meant to him to hear her say those words.. how long it had been since anyone had said them to him. He had convinced himself a long time ago that it didn't matter, that he didn't care, that he wanted to be alone.... but it was all a lie, and he knew that now.

"I don't want to forget it," he whispered, his eyes still closed. "Unless, of course, you've changed your mind."

He opened his eyes then and looked at her. Merlin, there were so many things he needed to say to her, but he didn't know how to say them. And now didn't exactly seem like the best time, when she was weak and sick and tired and in pain. But he'd come so close to losing her last night, and the thought terrified him. He had never cared before that his life was empty and lonely... but she had brought warmth and light to him. He couldn't live without her now.

"We shouldn't talk about this now," he said. "You should rest..."

[Danielle Thomas]

Danielle was actually happy to be making her rounds right now. None of the interns were around, and as important as she knew it was for them to accompany the rounds, she liked checking in on her patients alone. They were more likely to be honest about any pains or anything with someone they already knew instead of with a stranger in the room.

When she stepped up to Alana's door, she heard the low rumble of voices, and even picked out a few of the words, but she didn't really register the conversation. Still, not to catch them too offguard, she knocked on the door as she stepped inside. She smiled, looking at Alana. "How are you feeling?" she asked, her gaze then looking over Rutger to assess if he'd gotten any sleep or not. He may not have been her patient, but she wanted to make sure he was well, too.

[Rutger Kilborn]

It was actually a relief to be interrupted at that moment, at least for Rutger. All night he had tried to think about what he was going to say to Alana about what was going on between them. Maybe for some people, this kind of thing came easily, but it didn't for Rutger. But it had reached the point where they really couldn't ignore it much longer. After what she'd said to him... he knew that they were going to have to deal with it.

He knew what he wanted to do, but trying to put his feelings into words wasn't going to be easy. And the thought of doing it here, in the cold, sterile hospital, with so many other people around... it just wasn't the right time. So the distraction was a good thing.

Rutger gave a faint smile at the healer, but sort of turned his head away from her as she gave him that appraising look. He hadn't really slept the night before, and he knew it probably showed on his face.

"Is there anything you can give her to make her more comfortable?" he asked, moving out of the way a little for her to get closer to Alana. "She says she's feeling sick. Maybe an anti-nausea potion?"

[Alana Kalb]

Alana was glad when a healer walked in. She knew Rutger was feeling awkward, since she was feeling the same. This might have been something she was used to dealing with, but she'd rather not confront him about it while she was lying helpless in a bed. She knew once she began talking about how she felt she'd want to either cry or throw her arms around him, one of which was impossible, and the other would only make her look weaker while stuck in the bed.

She smiled when Rutger took over for her, asking the healer for a potion. She would have thought it was almost romantic of him, if she didn't feel like getting sick right then. She always hated being sick, the unpredictability of the feelings. Only now it was worse, since it wasn't just a flu. She did, however, frown slightly when Rutger moved away from her. She still wanted him close to her.

"I feel sick when I try to move, and I'm not very comfortable on my back." She complained, letting herself play the part of the whiny patient. In her mind, she had every right to. She could apologize for the tone in her voice later. "Could I lie on my side? The one that's not hurting terribly right now?"

[Danielle Thomas]

Danny almost laughed at the immediate way Rutgers started in. She was used to This and never took it personally. She nodded and glanced at Alana. "I have anti nausea, and I'll give you another painkiller as well as another dose of that antidote."

She set to work, getting the vials And adding each, one at a time, to the magical IV.

When she was done, she helped Alana shift onto her good side. "I'll have one of the orderlies bring you lunch. Call if you need anything, okay?" She smiled softly at both of them, and made her exit.

[Rutger Kilborn]

While Danny was working on Alana, Rutger stood back, looking frustrated. Alana might not have blamed him, but Rutger still rather felt responsible for her injuries, as well as Daniel's. He realized now that he probably should have gone in alone, and had the others act as backup. He didn't know, of course, that Kryshna would refuse to fight him, but maybe if it had just been him, she would have been forced to fight him. Or maybe she would have given up. But having other people in the room only gave her more targets.

As Danny turned to leave, he said a quiet "thank you," to her, realizing too late that he had forgotten to ask her name again. This was the kind of thing Alana always did, and he often forgot about it when left on his own. He thought he remembered it beginning with a D, but the other woman's name had begun with D as well, and he couldn't remember which one was which.

But he quickly turned his attention back to Alana, moving his chair back to its previous position next to the bed. He sat down again and slipped his hand back into hers without comment.

"Is that any better?" he asked, smiling slightly.

[Alana Kalb]

Alana thanked Danny as she was helped onto her side. She immediately felt better being off of her back. She gave Danny a smile as she left, and then looked back to Rutger, who had returned his hand in hers. She smiled at him and gave his hand a small squeeze.

"A bit, yes. Thank you." She said, stretching her legs out. She curled up a little, stopping when it hurt too much. As the anti nausea began to kick in, she thought about the lunch she was promised and realized how hungry she was, having not eaten the night before out of nerves for the mission. "I may be a bit better once I eat something." Alana added, glancing at the clock to try and figure out when the food would be arriving. She was used to eating at one, but it was early yet and she had never been good with eating anything when she first woke up. Between that and the sick feeling still lingering, she'd be lucky if she was able to get a few bites down.

Alana then thought about what her and Rutger were talking about before Danny came in. She wanted to talk about it now, even if he didn't think she should.

"About what you said earlier..." She knew that if Rutger got upset with talking about this now, he could leave; she didn't think he would, but it was always a possibility. "I don't want...I won't make any apologies for anything I said, because I meant it. I'm glad you're still here with me, Rutger." She said, giving his hand another gentle squeeze.

[Rutger Kilborn]

Why did it feel like his heartbeat sped up when she looked at him like that? She didn't realize it, but Rutger was very close to cracking at that moment. He'd had to be strong for so long, to carry on alone all of his life, and he longed to just lay down his burden, even for a little while.

Last night, he had nearly lost her, and he'd been faced with the prospect of a life without her: A bleak, empty existence of words unspoken and stories never told. His life had already been empty, but somehow it seemed worse to imagine it without her, because she was the first person who'd ever come close to reaching him. He didn't know if he'd ever smiled before he met her.

"So you haven't changed your mind, then," he said, trying to smile.

He didn't know how to tell her how much it meant to him to hear her say those words to him. The simple answer might have been to say it back to her, but he didn't think he could. Not yet.

"You don't have to apologize for it," he added. "I.... I'm glad you said it. It's not like I have people saying that to me every day."

He sighed again, feeling so awkward. The hospital seemed the wrong place to talk about this, but then it never seemed like it was the right time or place. He wouldn't blame her if she felt frustrated with him. But the things he had to tell her... they just couldn't do it here.

The wall seemed to go up again, as he returned to a more comfortable and familiar subject for him--the case. "I haven't even gone in to see Kryshna yet. She's here, you know. In an isolation room. We caught her."

[Alana Kalb]

Alana was glad he didn't stand up and walk away when she brought the topic up again. She was prepared to drop it now until later. She just wanted to see how he'd react to it, get the initial awkwardness out of the way in hope that when she was released and they talked about it more at the hotel, it would be easier on both of them.

She was relieved when he changed the subject, but not about the topic. Alana wanted to yell at him, tell him to go back to the hotel and get some sleep before seeing Kryshna, but she didn't want to risk getting him upset. She wished Kryshna could have been placed somewhere else, but if she were hurt... the more Alana thought about it, the more she wished Kryshna could have been left somewhere, but she knew Rutger needed answers from her. And besides, no matter how many she had killed, it would be barbaric to leave her on a side street somewhere. Alana knew she was just angry towards Kryshna being there because of what had happened the night before.

"Did you want to see her?" Alana asked cautiously, worried he would leave. "This case has had you obsessed for years! Can you just relax today?" she added, and sighed. Of course, it had come out ruder than she meant it.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... that's great you caught her. But she will be there tomorrow, will she not? I don’t think you can question her without any sleep. And the staff is allowing her to remain here? Was she injured at all?” Alana asked, half hoping she was. The more humane half was hoping Kryshna was alright or at least that it was nothing that would kill the creature before they got all the answers they needed.

[Rutger Kilborn]

Rutger sighed. He couldn't blame her for being a little annoyed with him. He was sure Kryshna was the last thing in the world she wanted to talk about right now. But Rutger only ever felt truly comfortable talking about work. He didn't really know what else he was supposed to talk about besides the case.

He shook his head slowly. "No... I don't want to see her right now," he replied. "I'd really rather stay with you. And I don't think I have the energy to deal with her yet."

He was tired, and he knew that he had to be at his best if he wanted to talk to Kryshna. She was not likely to be very cooperative. Right now, his mind was focused on Alana, so he wouldn't be able to concentrate on Kryshna.

"She was hurt, actually. She flew backwards and crashed through the wooden door... She was impaled by a piece of wood, but it didn't pierce her heart. So she's alive. I need to figure out what to do with her, though... She really shouldn't stay here. And she can't go to Azkaban. I just... I really hadn't ever thought of what I would do with her once we caught her."

[Alana Kalb]

Alana smiled gently at Rutger as he said he would rather stay with her. She was relieved to hear that, as she wasn't quite ready to be alone. And if Rutger needed to rest, sitting next to her was the best place Alana could think of, just as long as he didn't get worked up while talking about Kryshna. She knew he was probably excited about catching her, but knew he wouldn't show it outright.

Alana felt terrible for thinking it, but she wished the wood had pierced Kryshna's heart. She knew Kryshna was needed alive to answer whatever questions Rutger was ready to ask her, but Alana wished she would have died and this case would be over. She wanted to be able to talk to Rutger without Kryshna's name coming up every time.

"What if they put her in the cellar? That way they could forget about her until you went down to talk to her." Alana said, a hint of a smile on her face. She was uneasy about having her in the same hospital as her, but knew that guards had to be posted outside her room. In the very least, if Kryshna managed to heal quickly and escape, there would hopefully be some kind of warning.

"Why don't you not think about it right now? I'm sure there will be some sort of meeting about her once everyone has settled down from last night, and you'll talk about her then. Just... please. Last night was stressful; don't wear yourself down by thinking on her."