Unburden My Soul (Ruecain)

[Heather Louise White]

The quidditch game had helped to soothe Heather, and it hadn't been long before she was laughing and having so much fun that no one would have ever guessed that she had been crying at the beginning.

But after the game, she made a vague excuse to the others about wanting to meet up with Daphne and ran on ahead, pausing only to give a significant glance in Ruecain's direction. She hoped he would hang back a little longer, walk back with the others, before heading up to the Room of Requirement. She needed a little time to gather her thoughts and figure out just how she was going to tell Ruecain her secret.

She actually flew most of the way back to the castle, stopping just before the front door and landing cleanly in the grass. From there, she ran into the castle and up to the seventh floor. She was in good shape, of course, so she wasn't even out of breath when she reached the Room of Requirement.

I need a quiet, soothing room to talk to Ruecain in, she thought to herself as she walked past the wall three times. The door appeared and she let out a breath and she turned the handle and walked inside.

The room was decorated in a soft, soothing blue, with a squashy-looking sofa and gentle lights. She thought she even heard some soft piano music playing somewhere.

Sighing to herself, Heather sank onto the couch and waited for Ruecain to arrive.

[Ruecain White]

Ruecain had seen that expression on Heather and understood what she wanted. He stayed with the guys until they separated to their different houses. He went in to the Ravenclaw room to drop off his bag. He then proceed to the Room of Requirement. It took him a while to figure out how to get in, but in the end he made it in.
'can't believe that took almost twenty minutes.' He thought to himself as he soon found himself in a calming blue room.

"Heather you in here?" He asked unsure if she was in here for all he knew it was some other person in here wanting alone time. So he just stood there like a womping willow and waited until someone came in eye view.

[Heather Louise White]

Heather heard Ruecain enter the room, but she didn't answer right away. She felt like her heart had leapt into her throat and her stomach had dropped down to the floor. It was now or never. She had made a big deal of bringing him here, of asking for his help... but now she wasn't sure she had the courage to go through with it. If he turned against her, Heather thought she might jump from the top of the owlelry.

"I'm here," she said at last, waving at him from the sofa. "Come over and sit down."

[Ruecain White]

Ruecain heard her and let out a breath of relief. "Thank Merlin's beard you answered I thought I was going to have to leave or something." He said as he walked farther from the exit. He walked closer to the center of the room and notice the color. It felt relaxing in there. He then went to sit where she was. He let himself melt into the cushion and he piratically was falling asleep on the couch. "you have to wonder where these comfy couches come from." He said closing his eyes as he was going to sleep. After a few minutes he opened his eyes and looked over to Heather.

[Heather Louise White]

Ruecain might have been comfortable and relaxed, but Heather wasn't. She was breathing rapidly and breaking out in a cold sweat. She felt like a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap at any moment. She didn't know if she could do this... if she could tell him what she had to tell him. If he turned against her, if he condemned her...

"I guess they came from my mind..." Heather said faintly, shrugging her shoulders in a jerky sort of movement. "I asked for something comfortable."

And yet, she couldn't sit still. She got up and began to pace the room, not able to look at him. "Ruecain, you have to swear you won't tell anyone." Yes, she had already made him promise this, but at the moment, she was so panicked that she couldn't remember what she had already said. "And please.... if you don't like what I have to say, please... just walk out, OK? If you're angry or upset by it... I don't know if I can take it right now. I just... I have to tell someone."

[Ruecain White]

Ruecain snapped his eyes open when he heard the panic in her voice. He wanted her to calm down and though she was trying her best she was evidently failing for her rapid breaths. " I could never turn my back on family. You know that Heather. What's eating at you so much that it makes you think I would be angry at you?" He asked softly while he grabbed one of her hands and massaged it. His nanny would always do this whenever he was upset so he hoped it would work for her.

[Heather Louise White]

On the Quidditch pitch, Heather was known for being unshakeable--bold, confident, and fearless. At the moment, however, she was none of those things, and the effect was startling. She didn't seem like herself, and for her younger cousin, it was probably a pretty scary sight. Realizing this, Heather let Ruecain take her hand and try to soothe her as she took deep, slow breaths to calm herself down.

After a few minutes of this, Heather did began to relax. She still was far from confident, but a sense of resignation began to set in. If she didn't tell him now, she didn't think she'd ever be able to tell anyone, and she'd live her life in denial, burying the truth deep inside while pretending to be something she wasn't. Surely a lifetime of quiet misery would be worse than getting it out in the open.

She moved to sit next to him again, but not letting go of his hand. She gave him a long, appraising look, then squeezed her eyes shut. Best to do it quickly, like pulling off a bandage...

"Ruecain... did you ever notice how I'm always surrounded by boys, but never have a boyfriend?" she began in a shaky voice. "I... I never was interested in boys... I think I'm a lesbian."

Her eyes were still closed as she said the words... she could almost pretend she was alone. And somehow, just saying the words aloud made her feel better. Even if Ruecain didn't approve, at least she had said them. And maybe it would be easier the next time.

[Ruecain White]

"Yes I have noticed." he said softly. He had always wondered why Heather had more guy friends. He figured it was because she was more comfortable with men. When she had said she was a lesbian. He couldn't deny he was shocked, but he didn't feel angry or embarrassed by it. He look her in the eyes and said," Heather You know me right?" He asked with a small caring smile. He had waited a moment before continuing, "I don't care if you like a girl or a boy as long as you happy. I'm happy for you and who ever you fall in love with." Ruecain gave her a supporting look.

"if any one tries to hurt you let me be there for you okay?" Ruecain said as bravely as he could. He wasn't as brave others but he never abandon someone in need.

[Heather Louise White]

Heather couldn't help what happened next. She burst into tears. She was feeling such a confusing mixture of emotions at that moment that there really wasn't anything else to do. She was happy that Ruecain hadn't abandoned her, that he accepted her and supported her. He wanted her to be happy. The only trouble was, she wasn't happy.

Although most of her friends were boys, it was true, she did have one female friend. But that was the problem. She'd been friends with Daphne since first year, and now to realize that she had feelings for her best friend that were more than friendship was terrifying--especially because Daphne was definitely not gay. She liked guys, she always talked about the guys she thought were cute. And knowing that she had feelings for Daphne while Daphne didn't feel the same way... it hurt. It also made her feel a little creepy, like she was lying to her best friend. And yet, how could she tell her the truth?

She wrapped her arms around Ruecain, holding him to her while she cried into his shoulder. She needed to get the emotions out of her system, so she cried until she didn't have any tears left. Finally, she just let him hold her for a long time. "Thank you," she said at last, pulling away.

[Ruecain White]

He was shocked at her tears he stood there perplexed at the moment as he watch her cry. He didn't know what to do. 'I have comfort girls ,but they were my five year old sisters I don't know how to comfort older women!' He shouted in his mind. While he tried to think of a way to calm Heather down. He found himself wrapped in a hugged and being used as a tissue. He hugged her back and heard her thank you as she pulled away. "Your welcome Heather." He replied softly as he wiped the last of her tears.

" If you ever need me to be your tissue or to talked to you about something just come to me and we will come here." He said giving her a serious look before leading her back to the sofa.

[Heather Louise White]

Heather grabbed a tissue from a box on the table, and used it to dry her eyes and blow her nose. She never cried like that, not ever, and she was pretty sure she had needed it. She already felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

She managed a watery smile, and after a moment, it became a genuine smile. "I'm sorry, Ruecain.... You know I never cry like that. I just... This has been weighing on me for a while, and I needed to get it out. Thank you for listening, and for being so understanding."

She was much calmer now, and was starting to resemble her normal self again, and she leaned in to give him another hug. "There's more to it, though," she confessed at last. "I... I actually do have feelings for someone... a girl... but I can't do anything about it. She's not gay. It's kind of been driving me crazy... No one sees how amazing she really is, including herself."

[Ruecain White]

Ruecain smiled and laughed, "that's true you never seemed to cry even when the situation called for it. You are stronger than most people." he spoke with a smile. when she said she like someone he felt unsure if he could help. "Really? What kind of a person is she? " he asked hoping he didn't ask the wrong question. He really didn't want to see her cry or think that he was pretending to accept her.

[Heather Louise White]

Heather was gradually becoming more relaxed. Confession really was good for the soul, and she felt a thousand times lighter than she had when she walked into this room a little over 15 minutes ago. Now she didn't feel that she had to pretend anymore; at least there was one person who knew her secret. She would tell Micah next, but that was it. As much as she wanted to tell her best friend, in this case, she knew that Daphne could never know. At least, not until she was over this hopeless crush on her.

"I... well, actually, I think you've met her before. You must have. It's my friend, Daphne... but I can't tell her. She can never know... She likes guys." She sighed, and though she looked a little sad, she no longer seemed hopeless or desperate as she had at the beginning of the conversation.

"She just... She's so sweet and caring and she wants to help people, and they all just take advantage of her. I don't want to be one of those people... I just try to tell her how she deserves better, and I don't think she really believes me. She just lets people like that Brenda Blair walk all over her."

[Ruecain White]

He had seen Daphne a few times, but never spoke with the girl. She did seem to be nice and she had that innocent nature about her. Everytime Ruecain saw that girl with Heather he did see Her mood go up more. "Then make her believe. Show her that there are better people." he said cracking his muscles. He felt sad to know that the girl his cousin liked may not even be a lesbien. " Why do people always take the kind hearted and use them for all the wrong reasons?" he asked. He hated how strong people used weaker people instead of helping them.

[Heather Louise White]

Maybe it was a sign of just how much she cared about Daphne, but when it came down to it, Heather really just wanted her to be happy. And maybe there was a way she could make Daphne happy, anyway. All through the years, she had tried to help Daphne feel better about herself, to see how smart and pretty and special she really was. It still didn't seem to have sunk in, but Heather was not going to stop trying. It might have hurt, but Heather could love her friend from afar, as long as she was her friend up close. She could deal with just being friends, as long as Daphne believed in herself.

"I'm trying," she replied, smiling sadly. "I've been trying it pretty much since our first year.... I'll keep trying, though. She's the reason I stayed here this last year. I was already drafted by the Harpies last year, and I didn't really need to stay to take my NEWTs. I said I stayed so I'd have something to fall back on in case I get injured while playing... but the truth is, I mostly stayed because I wanted to be here for her, to look out for her. Is that stupid?"

[Ruecain White]

He reflected her smile but turned to shock to find out that she had been already drafted last year for the harpies. " That's not stupid at all! I would do the same thing. It only makes sense to be there for the people you love." he said slouching down more in the couch. He felt pretty impressed by his cousin. She was on her last year of Hogwarts before she would go and join the Harpies and if she were to get injured she had a back up plan. " what would be your back up job if something went wrong?" he asked curious of what she would do besides quidditch. He didn't even know what he would do if his band was the worse band in history. unlike her he didn't have a back up job.

[Heather Louise White]

It was strange how the conversation had turned to something so very... normal. She had told him her greatest secret, and the world didn't end. She wasn't struck down by lightning, and Ruecain was still here, still on her side. It was such a relief that she laughed. It really would be all right.

"Well, I'm not sure. I could just try and coach quidditch. I'm not sure I'd be able to completely give up the game when I couldn't play anymore. I'd miss it too much. But I also sort of thought... I could see myself as a Healer. That was the original plan, actually... I'm taking all the classes for it. If I hadn't been drafted by the Harpies... That's probably what I'd be doing."