Hindsight Is 20/20 (Alana)

[Rutger Kilborn]

Rutger looked up at her, trying to force the memory of their kiss from his head and just focus on her now. Although he had the tendency to treat her almost like a piece of furniture, the truth was, he had somehow come to care about her in spite of himself. He sometimes noticed things about her, like when she did her hair differently, or if she was wearing a particularly flattering color. And right now, she looked pale and tired. He should let her go to bed. They could work on this in the morning... or rather, in the daylight. She wasn't like him... she needed sleep. Well, technically, he did, too, but he seldom got it.

"I'm sorry, Alana. I shouldn't keep you up if you want to go to sleep. I can work on this on my own."

[Alana Kalb]

Alana sighed at his comment. He still wanted to work, despite how late it was? Alana didn't understand how anyone could live off of a couple of hours of sleep every night, if he even got that. Alana worried about him ever since they had started working together. She never knew how bad his sleep patterns were until the third or fourth month, when he would always come into the office looking like he needed to rest for a good week or two to be fully rested. Ever since she noticed that, she always worried about him.

"Why don't you get some sleep too? Honestly, all of this will be here when we wake up tomorrow." She said, waving her hand at the table. She vowed she wouldn't go to sleep until Rutger was in his room; at least that way she could pretend he was sleeping, and that would make Alana feel a little better.

[Rutger Kilborn]

He frowned deeply and looked away from her, so she wouldn't see the sadness in his eyes. He probably should have expected this. It certainly seemed hypocritical of him to tell her to go to bed, when he very obviously needed sleep, too. It was sometime after 4 am, and they'd had a stressful night as it was. He should be about ready to drop.

If he had been a different sort of man, one with a sense of humor, he might have made a joke about how she was always trying to get him into bed. But of course, such a joke would never even occur to Rutger. Instead, he turned to her, a slight grin on his face. "You're going to insist I go to bed, aren't you? And if I refuse, you're going to stay here with me until I do, even though you're about ready to collapse?"

[Alana Kalb]

Alana smiled when she saw Rutger's slight smile. He hardly ever smiled, at least not around Alana, and she liked seeing him do it. She had told him to smile more often a while ago, but she had figured it wouldn't happen, at least not until this case was over.

"Yes, and if I have to, I will fall asleep right here." Alana said, sitting down in a chair next to the sofa. She leaned back and rested her head on the back of the chair, which was a stupid idea. She felt herself drifting off to sleep in the few seconds she sat down. "Now go to bed." She said, pulling her feet up on the chair and throwing a tired smile at him.

[Rutger Kilborn]

Rutger felt an unfamiliar ache in the pit of his stomach. She always seemed so concerned about him; whether he slept or ate or generally took care of himself. And although his first instinct was to assure her that he could take care of himself and that he'd been doing so for a very long time, he had to admit, there was something rather nice about the way she worried about him, simply because no one else had ever done it before.

He sighed softly, looking at her. Earlier in their partnership, he might not have even noticed that she was tired and would have continued on working, with or without her help. Now he did notice, and she was rather sneaky in her attempt to use that to get him to go to bed.

"All right," he said at last. "I'll try to sleep. I'm not really accomplishing anything right now, anyway."

[Alana Kalb]

Alana smiled in his direction, her eyes still closed. She wondered if he would really go to sleep, or if he would just wait until she was asleep, two minutes if that, and sneak back out to work some more. She honestly didn't understand what going through some papers would do, but if it made Rutger happy, Alana would let him do it, just not now. Not when they had an eventful night in a couple different ways, and they were both tired.

"Good. And if I wake up and find you passed out on the couch I won't be very happy with you." She said, opening her eyes and taking her head off of the chair so she would fall asleep. She yawned and she stretched her legs out. "I want to see you get up first before I do." She added.

[Rutger Kilborn]

But for a moment, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. She looked so beautiful and vulnerable that it was hard to breathe, and all he could think about was kissing her again.

Maybe he was even more tired than he'd thought. He was thinking such crazy, unfamiliar thoughts. Maybe a couple of hours' sleep would help him get these thoughts out of his head.

"All right, all right," he said, tearing his gaze from hers abruptly. "I'm going." He stood up and took one more look at the papers strewn all over the table. Among them was Kryshna's weapon, which he had pulled out of the wall at the crime scene. Tomorrow he would have to begin researching it, but he didn't have the material here.

He sighed once more and turned back to her. Before he could even think about what he was doing, he walked over to her chair and held out a hand to help her up.

[Alana Kalb]

Alana smiled sleepily up at Rutger, surprised at his actions. If she weren't so tired, she would have made a joke about how chivalrous he was being, but she figured she should at least comment on it.

"So nice guys are still around." She said, and took his hand. Her eyes found his as she did so, and she quickly looked away, her thoughts racing back to the kiss. She wished he would lift her out of the chair and wrap her in a tight hug and kiss her until they couldn't breathe, but she knew that wasn't a possibility. She already knew it was a bit awkward between the two of them and if Rutger kissed her again now, she figured it would make tomorrow ten times worse that it already would be.

[Rutger Kilborn]

But he wasn't feeling like such a nice guy right now. He kept thinking about that kiss, and the air around them felt thick and heavy. He could smell her--was it perfume?--and it had him feeling intoxicated, like the one time he'd got it into his head to drink too much alcohol in the hopes it would help him sleep.

He wasn't completely naive. He had read enough about human behavior and psychology to understand what he was feeling. He was feeling attracted to her. It was odd how it had never happened before, or at least not so acutely, in the five years they had been working together. The kiss must have ignited the chemical reaction in his brain to make him feel this attraction. It probably didn't help that he was still experiencing a rush of adrenaline from their earlier encounter with Kryshna.... not to mention that he was still going on about 3 hours' sleep from the night before.

It wasn't often that he found himself thinking that sleep would actually help him, but this time it was his only hope. He couldn't go on like this, or any hope of a professional working relationship between them would be ruined. Any other kind of relationship was unthinkable to him... to do that, he would actually have to relate-- not his strong point at all.

He was frozen for a moment, thinking of the possibilities of this moment. It was so tempting to kiss her again, and just get lost in that feeling. But he knew he couldn't do that... things were already awkward enough. It was best to put this all behind them.

If only it were that easy.

"You know me," he said, trying to smile. "Always a gentleman."

He helped her to her feet, and made sure she was steady. "Can you make it all right on your own?"

[Alana Kalb]

Alana grinned at his comment about him being a gentleman. He didn't know it, but he was the type Alana always fell for in school, the quiet guys that most girls would overlook. She had dated a couple of guys like her, loud and joking every second they got, but she found because they were so similar she got bored of them quickly.

She had been thinking of what it would be like to date Rutger as her hand was in his. She would have to learn not to talk as much as she did, she knew that for sure. She believed the only reason he put up with it now was because they were partners and no one else knew quite as much as Alana did about Kryshna, so asking the Ministry for a new partner for any reason would be useless and a waste of time.

That worried Alana the more she thought about it, that the last five years would be buried in Rutger's memory and he wouldn't have any use for her anymore. Sure, she would consider them friends, but would Rutger do the same?

"Uhm... could you walk me to the door? I just don't want to pass out in front of my door, that would be a horrible place to sleep." She said with a nervous laugh. She wanted to ask him about what would happen between the two of them when the case was over, since it couldn't last forever, but she was scared to hear what he would say.

[Rutger Kilborn]

It was odd, but somehow Rutger had become accustomed to having her around. He relied on her in so many ways, and many of them had nothing to do with the case at all.

When they had to work with others or if they had to interview witnesses, she did most of the talking. It had to be that way, because he was often brusque and off-putting to others. She was like his interpreter. In addition to that, she made sure he was taking care of himself, she got him to relax sometimes, and even made him smile sometimes. To him, the idea that they would not be working together one day was inconceivable. Somehow, the man who had gone through his life without ever leaning on another person had come to lean on her. He needed her, not that he realized it. But if she had ever mentioned to him that their partnership might end, it would have affected him far worse than he would have imagined.

None of these thoughts were in his head at that moment, however. At that moment, all he was thinking about was the fact that he was holding her hand and she was leaning against him. How could her hand be so soft?

"I can do that," he said, smiling lightly. As long as she didn't want him to actually lead her to the bed, he was fine.

[Alana Kalb]

Alana had to use everything in her power not to put her arm around his waist and pull him close to her for a hug. She really wanted a goodnight hug and kiss, like her aunt used to give to her every night when she was a kid, but she knew with Rutger, that wouldn't happen.

She shook her head as if that would help drive the thoughts away. She was glad the kiss had happened, but now she felt as if their partnership, what Alana counted as friendship, would be tested because of it. Alana felt if it got to the point that working together would be too awkward, she could always blame it on the fact she was tired and it just happened, she had no control over it. She was willing to ignore her feelings if it meant she was able to spend more time with this man, something that she would have scoffed at years ago.

She chuckled at his comment, trying to picture him scooping her up in his arms and leading her to her bed, lying her down and wishing her goodnight before leaving, like the princes would do in the movies. But, this wasn't a movie and Alana didn't want to make him more uncomfortable.

"I should be fine now, my room's only a couple of steps away." She said with a smile, looking up at Rutger.

[Rutger Kilborn]

It was ridiculous, but for some reason, he didn't want to let go of her hand. It was as though some invisible force had drawn them together and was holding them there. And he liked it. He didn't want to break the spell. What would happen if he kissed her again right now? Would they end up in bed together? Would they regret it in the morning?

He took a deep breath and looked down at her for a moment, his eyes glittering with intensity. For a moment, he really seriously considered tossing caution to the wind and kissing her again, just to make sure that what he had felt earlier wasn't just in his imagination.

But reason took over once again. He didn't want to ruin what they had, and he didn't want to get her hopes up that something more than a working relationship could ever happen between them. Still, it took a great effort to release her hand from his grasp and take a few steps back.

"Goodnight," he said softly. "I promise I'll try to get some sleep, too."

[Alana Kalb]

Alana noticed the way Rutger was looking at her, and she found it impossible to look away from him, like she had to keep her eyes glued to his. She wanted him to kiss her again, wanted the relationship she had been wanting for a couple of years now to finally happen. It was selfish and she knew Rutger wasn't that type of man to trust another like that, but for a while Alana had been hoping she'd wake up with him beside her one morning, someone other than herself to care for and cook for and just be there for.

When he let go of her hand, Alana sighed and hoped Rutger hadn't heard it. She was frustrated now and wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him and kiss him until he realized how much he meant to her. And, as if him letting her hand go broke whatever spell she was under, Alana looked away from him, at the door of her room, and turned back to Rutger with a smile that she was sure must have looked a bit forced.

"You better. I want to wake you up for the meeting tomorrow, make sure you slept some." She said.

[Rutger Kilborn]

Something unspoken passed between them in that look. For once, he understood exactly what she was trying to tell him. She wanted him to kiss her again, and she wanted everything else that came after. And if he was completely honest with himself, so did he. He wanted it so badly that it hurt... but he also knew that he wouldn't be good for her. He was damaged, broken, and exhausted. He didn't believe that he had anything to offer her, and would only end up dragging her down. He couldn't do that to her.

But he also knew that, no matter how hard he tried to bury this, to forget it and pretend it had never happened, it would come back to this.

He should tell her that they shouldn't work together anymore. It was for her own good. And yet, the idea that she wouldn't be there, brightening his day with a smile and a joke that he didn't understand, terrified him.

So in the end, he did nothing. He tried to pretend that he didn't hear that sigh and that he didn't notice that her smile was forced and her tone too bright.

"Goodnight, Alana," he said simply, making no more promises that he knew he couldn't keep.

He already knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. He'd be too distracted with thoughts of her.