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Post by Cara Ferrera on May 19, 2010 14:46:23 GMT -5
Cara had sent Roland an owl earlier that morning, unsure if she would see him at work, or not. he wasn't always there these days, and when he was, he was pretty much inseperable from Riley. Which, while she resented, she could understand.
But she missed him, and she felt like she saw him just about as much as when he was deceased. Merlin knew she wasn't filling up her time by keeping company with Mathieu, and while Jamie and Ama were in school, Cyrus was busy making wedding plans with Lina. She should have turned to Mathieu, and she knew it, but it was hard. The vengeful, angry part of her wanted him to hurt and feel as alone as she had.
But pushing all of those thoughts aside, her owl to Roland just asked him to meet her for a snack, lunch maybe. Just a mother and her son, at her favorite bakery in Hogsmeade. She was at a small table in the corner, watching the door for when Roland would come in.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on May 19, 2010 23:07:22 GMT -5
Roland wasn't surprised to receive the owl from his mother. He knew she would be itching to see him, and he felt badly for not visiting sooner. He was still trying to figure out how to tell her the news of his engagement. Not long ago, she would have been overjoyed at the news that he was getting married. But things were strange now. His faux-death had messed up things that he hadn't even considered at the time, and Roland knew that his mother was angry with Riley for lying to her about his being alive.
He just hoped she would understand when she saw how good they were together. In fact, even when they weren't together, he was a different person. He smiled more, he said hello to people he didn't know, he was just generally more pleasant. And it was obvious that Riley was the reason.
When it was time to meet his mother, he stopped by Riley's desk and gave her a quick, chaste kiss (they were in the office, after all) and made his way over to the apparation area. With a POP, he was gone and had reappeared in Hogsmeade, close to the little bakery.
As he approached the door, he could see her in there, waiting for him, and he felt strangely nervous. He had no idea what the reason for this meeting was, although he just assumed she wanted to make sure he was still really alive. But he had a lot of secrets to keep from her--the fact that he was engaged, and the fact that Jamie was going to be a father--and he couldn't help but feel a little worried. What if she suspected something and was planning to grill him for information?
He took a breath and pushed the door open, then made his way over to her table with a smile on his face. "Hey, Mum."
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Post by Cara Ferrera on May 20, 2010 12:30:40 GMT -5
Cara looked up at the familiar sound of her son's voice. She didn't say it, but if she closed her eyes, he sounded so much like Mathieu. She let a rare smile cross her face (at least, the smiles were rare these days). In seconds, she was on her feet and had her arms around her eldest son. Merlin, she missed him, and she wanted to make him move in again, but he knew that wasn't likely.
"You look so good, Roland."
Luckily for her son, Cara was too preoccupied to really think anything was going on with Roland, and she wasn't about to grill him. She just wanted to see him.
"Have a seat. Do you want anything?"
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Post by Roland Ferrera on May 20, 2010 16:07:05 GMT -5
She looked... tired. Of course he wouldn't say that to her; she would try to cover it and assure him that she was fine. But she wasn't fine, and he was at least partially to blame.
"Thanks," he said. "It's good to see you. How are you?"
It was hard not to start talking about Riley again; it seemed she came up in just about every conversation he had these days. But for now, he wanted this to just be able him spending time with his mother, and seeing if he could help her with anything.
He sat down and glanced up at the counter. "Maybe just a slice of that lemon pound cake," he said.
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Apr 19, 2011 15:43:34 GMT -5
"I'm well. Just happy to see you... I think I'm just going to wilt away when Jamie and Amandine move out." She shrugged a little, and ushered her son to sit down. She remained on her feet though and moved when he mentioned the pound cake.
"Of course. I have just a little left for you... and maybe enough to send you home with a couple pieces."
Age disappeared, and when she returned, she had a tray with a slice of the cake and two cups of coffee. "I thought you might like some coffee as well."
She was acting happy, mostly for his sake, but to try and convince herself, too. When she stopped, she just looked at him and reached out, touching his cheek. "I still can't believe you came back to us."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Apr 26, 2011 18:03:10 GMT -5
Merlin, when she did that, he couldn't help but feel guilty again. He deserved it, of course, after what he'd put her through. He honestly wouldn't have blamed her if she made him feel guilty for the rest of his life. Looking back now, he couldn't imagine why he ever would have thought that his mother would just "be OK" with his death. She fussed over him almost more than the other kids, even though he was the oldest. Or maybe because he was the oldest; he wasn't sure.
Yes, their profession was a dangerous one, and there was a certain amount of risk involved in it. That didn't mean his mother would just accept the death of one of her children. Of course it would devastate her, and he'd been a fool to think otherwise.
He reached up and placed his hand on top of hers, holding it there on his cheek. "I'm sorry, Mum. Really... I wasn't thinking. I should have asked you for help, and I'm so sorry I didn't. Faking my death should have been the last resort."
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Nov 14, 2011 0:40:18 GMT -5
Cara paused, which she was sure was the intended affect of him placing his hand over hers. Her gaze moved between both of his eyes, and she just... sat down. The ottoman was right behind her and she sank into it.
Her goal wasn't to make him feel guilty, but Matthieu hadn't been there, and she had to be strong for her remaining kids, so she didn't have anyone to talk this out with. Roland probably deserved to see her sorrow, anyway, so that he wouldn't pull another ridiculous stunt like this again.
"We buried you. Did you know that? We had a funeral for you. That blonde reporter girl was there, and Riley tried to make her leave, she was so angry. And your father and I stood there and buried you. You have no idea what that's like, Roland. I buried part of myself with you, part of marriage with you... it's not that easy to just unearth that with you."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Nov 15, 2011 21:45:17 GMT -5
Of course he'd known about the funeral. Riley had told him all about it, even though it had taken place during the terrible time when they hadn't been able to see each other. In fact, it had been that very day that Riley had found out she was pregnant with his baby and then persuaded Geoffrey to let her see him. He felt guilty about that now, because while he had been celebrating the news of his future child, his parents had been grieving. What right did he have to be happy while his family was suffering?
"I knew about the funeral," he said softly. "Riley told me. She didn't tell me about Paige..." He trailed off and sighed. In a way, that funeral had probably felt as real to Riley as it had to the rest of his family. It was part of the reason that Riley wasn't entirely sure she believed he was really alive.
"I'm sorry, Mum. I was trying to keep everyone from getting hurt... I handled it wrong. Blake... he scared the hell out of me, Mum. I don't know how to make it up to you..."
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Nov 15, 2011 22:03:02 GMT -5
"No, well, she wouldn't have, would she?" Cara, not even knowing about the connection Roland had with either of the blondes sitting together that day, still assumed that Riley had a rough time with at least Paige. She saw her as a reporter... and considering everything the girl had to hide from everyone, Cara wouldn't have been thrilled to see a reporter sitting in the back, either. Still, the girl's sorrow and stress that day had seemed too real. "I won't shun her if you bring her here, you know. I'm angry with her, and I have every right to be. But I learned that lesson with Lina. I won't lose you a second time, Roland."
At his apology, she took a deep breath and nodded. "You're my son... you have nothing to make up to me. I understand the logic... in a weird way. I still think you were wrong, and I hope that you learned your lesson... but don't apologize. It's something I'm working on getting back by myself. But I love you, Roland. So much," she emphasized as she pulled him into a strong hug.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Nov 16, 2011 23:05:03 GMT -5
Roland hugged her back tightly. He had felt fairly certain that she would forgive him, but a part of him wondered if she should. He had, indeed, learned his lesson, and it humbled him. Somehow it had never occurred to him that the rest of the family loved him as much as he loved them. But he realized now that just as he would have been completely devastated if Cyrus or Jamie were to die suddenly, he had been a fool to think they wouldn't feel the same way about him.
"I love you, too, Mum," he said. "You know... I missed you, too. I kept wanting to talk to you... about me and Riley, about Blake... I guess I didn't realize that I'm not too old to need my mother."
He sighed as he sat back down. "I put Riley through hell, too, you know. She spent her days out here pretending I was dead, then spent her nights with me... When she was out here, it got to the point where she didn't feel like she was pretending. I know you're mad at her, but please don't blame her, OK? It was my doing. My mistake."
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Nov 23, 2011 23:23:28 GMT -5
Cara pursed her lips, but she still smiled, unable to hide the look at what he said. "When you're an old man, I hope you still come to me. I missed you, too. More than you'll ever know."
When they buried Roland that day, they buried such a big part of her, too. And she was never going to get that back, even if Roland was here now. But she was trying to let that go. Godric help her, she was trying to move on.
"She should have told us. We could have helped."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Nov 25, 2011 0:31:54 GMT -5
"I asked her not to," Roland said. "I see now that it was the wrong choice, but I was afraid that if you knew... somehow Blake would find out. I couldn't risk it."
He sighed heavily. It should have been easier now that Blake was dead, but he still had a lot of issues to deal with. His parents' marriage, Riley's troubles with reality, the baby's impending arrival, Geoffrey's issues... the list seemed endless. Even Blake's death, which should have been a good thing, had its negatives.
"Mum... I went to see Aunt Emilia," he said. "She was so angry... Even if he did treat her badly, she still loved him and couldn't see how bad he really was. I feel terrible."
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Mar 30, 2012 14:21:20 GMT -5
Cara sighed. Roland's decision had been the wrong hone, but he'd thought it through, at least. He weighed his goptions, and came to the conclusion that not telling his family was best. It was a bad decision, but Matthiue and Cara always told their children to own their decisions, right or wrong. She couldn't really punish him for that.
"Riley should have told us anyway. But should have wont change anything." It didn't mean that she was forgiving the girl.
"Your aunt Emelia doesn't know any better. She married Blake so young, and according to your father, broke her spirit so quickly, that she doesnt know any other way to live. This is hard on her. I wish she would come stay with us."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Apr 7, 2012 23:41:32 GMT -5
Roland frowned into his coffee. Based on his own visit with Aunt Emelia, he didn't think it very likely that she'd accept help from the family... at least not their side of the family. She didn't believe that her husband was a bad person or that his death had been necessary. Blake would have killed Riley and her unborn child if Roland hadn't killed Blake first, but Aunt Emelia just didn't see it that way.
"I don't know, Mum. Maybe Uncle Judah would have more luck... I don't see her wanting anything to do with us for a while."
The more Roland thought about it, the more depressed he got. He didn't think Blake had treated Aunt Emelia very well, and he couldn't imagine why she had put up with it for so long.
To change the subject, Roland turned the conversation to matters closer to home. "What about Cyrus and Lina? Do you know if they've set a wedding date yet?"
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Sept 7, 2012 2:08:27 GMT -5
"Maybe he would," Cara relented. "I wish I could have known her like your father did. I hear she was a pretty strong woman." Maybe she could be, again, without Blake's influence.
She let Roland change the subject easily. There was too much depression and sadness going on right now, even with the joy that was having her oldest son back.
"I don't know if they've set a date... they have't told me, yet, if they have, but I couldn't blame them, either. You would be proud, though, Roland. I had Lina and Mara over for lunch, just us girls. It was nice." Speaking of girls... as angry as she was with Riley, she couldn't make that mistake again. "How's she doing? Riley, I mean."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Sept 23, 2012 22:40:06 GMT -5
Roland smiled at his mother's news. He'd always known that eventually, his mother would come around. She wouldn't be able to resist little Mara for long once she saw the girl. And hopefully, Cara's new attitude toward Lina and Mara would be encouraging for Jamie as well, and he wouldn't insist on keeping his secret from their parents anymore.
"That's great, Mum. I told you Mara was incredible... it's hard to deny her. I know we haven't exactly done this the way you would have wanted us to... but you raised us all to love deeply and passionately. Cyrus fell in love with Lina and he didn't want to wait. I was the same way with Riley."
He didn't add Jamie to that, of course... but the thought was in his mind. Ultimately, though, it was Jamie's secret to tell, not his.
"She's... well, she's still kind of stressed, to be honest. It was hard for her to live out here with everyone thinking I was dead and then come back to the cabin at night with me. I... I wish I'd realized just what I was putting everyone through. I would have done things differently."
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