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Post by Roland Ferrera on Mar 29, 2010 18:41:26 GMT -5
(Jamie's thread reminded me that I wanted to do this...)
He should have gone to see her right away. The delay only made things worse, and he knew that. But who could blame him for not wanting for face his aunt, to try to put into words how sorry he was and how he regretted everything that had happened.
Blake was a monster, but Roland knew that Emelia couldn't see that. To her, he was her husband, her protector, and the father of her children. And even if he had his doubts about how good Blake had really been for Emelia, she had loved him. Now that he had Riley in his life, he understood just what that meant, and he hated that he had taken that away from his aunt.
He felt decidedly uneasy about going over there. There was a knot in his stomach, but he forced himself to ignore it as he approached the house. He owed her this much.
He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
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Post by Emelia Malfoy on Mar 29, 2010 20:02:58 GMT -5
Emelia was, predictably, a mess. She wasn't blind or stupid, and she understood where the Ferrera side was coming from. But not having seen them in so many years, she had higher priorities than easing their guilt. Her children, for one. Axel seemed quietter, but handling the death of his father better. He'd grown closer to her, and she wasn't sure if that was for his peace of mind or hers.
But Noah... Noah was taking this hard, and she ached to see him suffer. As a mother, it was very hard to see your child in pain and not know how to help him. She tried to be there for him, but he'd always been offstandish and fiercely independent. Too much like Blake for his own good.
And if all of that wasn't enough, she had her own feelings to deal with. She was, in a word, lost with Blake. For so long, he had been the lead she followed. She missed him terribly, and she didn't know that that would ever change.
She heard the knock, but allowed one of the house elves to get it.
When Roland Ferrera was shown into the sitting room where Emelia was, she rose to her feet. She was timid and quiet and a pushover, but she had made it clear that Mathieu was unwelcome here. Why would Roland be any different? The way she heard the story, Roland was the one that killed Noah's father, her husband.
So yes, she could have her moments, and if he was expecting open arms, he was disillusioned.
"I really must teach the house elves better who they should allow in or not."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Mar 29, 2010 20:58:07 GMT -5
He knew better than to expect to be greeted with hugs and kisses. His aunt Emelia was a stranger to him, and he to her. And now all she really knew about him was that he had killed her husband. It didn't matter that he was sorry, or that he had intended to merely stop his uncle and bring him in. None of that mattered, because Blake was dead. Of course she wouldn't be happy to see the person who had killed him. Still, he owed it to her to explain.
"I know you don't want to see me," he said quietly. "You don't even know me, not really. And I know you don't really care what I have to say, but please... hear me out."
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Post by Emelia Malfoy on Mar 30, 2010 17:46:58 GMT -5
Her brows creased at his words. He looked so sincere that she had a hard time blurting out a 'no.' Blake would have just forced him to leave, and she wouldn't have argued. How could he stand here and ask her anything? He didn't have the right to even look at her. He was a murderer and she was letting him stand in her house.
"I don't really care to hear how sorry you are. Or how it wasn't your fault, or whatever else you might have to say. We're working on putting our lives back together without your help, thank you."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Mar 30, 2010 22:45:55 GMT -5
Maybe it had been a mistake. Maybe he shouldn't have come. But his sense of honor had compelled him to come, to try and find some way to explain and make amends. But how could he make amends? Her husband was dead. And it didn't matter that the man had been a monster, not to her. She couldn't see that. All she saw was the man that she loved, and for Roland to stand here and explain himself, he would have to say bad things about that man. Perhaps Blake had really loved Emelia. Or perhaps the most monstrous thing about Blake was his ability to make Emelia think that he loved her and that he was a good husband. But now that he was gone, there was no way of knowing, was there?
So was it fair for him to stand here and justify his own actions by tearing down the illusions she held about him?
He took a breath. "Please. Just let me say what I came to say, and then I'll leave."
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Post by Emelia Malfoy on Apr 2, 2010 14:45:00 GMT -5
"I don't care what you have to say. I'm not here so that you can ease your guilt."
They were cold words from a usually quiet and timid woman. But she was a mother bear, too, and the man- no, boy- in front of her had threatened her family. She didn't want to hear his side of it.
"You can tell one of the house elves, if you like. They'll at least pretend to listen." This is what Blake would have wanted her to do, right? Right. Even if it was very hard for her to get the nerve up to actually say these things to him.
(Sorry she's being so difficult, but really....)
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Apr 2, 2010 15:38:27 GMT -5
(Oh, I understand. And Roland needs to have things not be easy for him once in a while.)
There was a tiny part of him that actually felt a glimmer of pride at the way she was standing up to him. Although to her, he was still just a child, he knew he could be intimidating, and when he'd seen her at Christmas, she had seemed so meek. So it couldn't be easy to stand up to him like this, and he admired her for it.
How different would things have been if she had never married Blake Malfoy? Would they have been close? Would she have been a different person if not for Blake's poisonous influence? Roland rather thought she would have been, because already, without him, she was starting to sound more like a Ferrera.
He sighed softly. If he left now, it would look worse. He just wanted the chance to tell her... what? That he was sorry? He was sorry, but not sorry that Blake was dead. He was only sorry that it had been necessary to kill him. And make no mistake, Roland was still convinced that it had been necessary. Even if the final killing blow had been for the noble reason of protecting Riley and their unborn baby, Roland was still sure that, if allowed to live, Blake would have somehow gotten away with everything that he'd done.
"I know there's nothing I can say that will make this better for you," he said. "But I have to try. I am sorry. And I won't stand here and say bad things about your husband, because I know you don't want to hear it. But I would like to tell you what happened. Please."
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Post by Emelia Malfoy on Dec 30, 2010 4:30:34 GMT -5
Emelia shook her head, losing her resolve. And with her resolve gone, that wall so easily torn down, came nothing but a heartbreaking honesty as tears filled her eyes.
"Please go," she whispered, and then closed her eyes, swallowed, regained her composure. When her eyes met his again, she nodded once. "I don't want to know what happened. What good will it do? My husband will still be gone. My boys will grow up without a father. And what am I supposed to do, Roland? Struggle to figure out how to do this while you get to go home to a family? No, thank you. I want you to feel guilty. Merlin forgive me for it... but I want you to hurt just a little bit at what my children and I are now facing. Now, if you'll please excuse me, Noah and Axel and myself need to try and piece our family back together."
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