Ruby Chargott

[Ruby Chargott]

Character Name: Ruby Chargott

Year: 4th

Description or Celebrity Claim: Dakota Fanning

Preferred House (you may not get it, unless you are a canon character): Ravenclaw

Classes

• Best/Favorite Classes: Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, and Herbology
  
• Worst/Most Hated Classes: Divination, History of Magic, and Muggle Studies
  

Strengths: Being in charge, Keeping friends, and Being Loyal

Weaknesses: Balance, Cooridination, and Being Quite

Personality: Ruby knows how to have fun. She has lots of friends. Ruby is good at keeping friends, but she can be a bit odd. Some people stay away from her. She also, is very dreamy. It is hard to get to know Ruby because sometimes she has her head in the clouds. Overall, Ruby is a very nice person with lots of energy that she uses to be friendly.

History: Ruby was born with wizard parents and two wizard older sisters. They both became prefects and very good wizards and Ruby had a lots of pressure from her family to be good, too. Her parents were also good wizards. It turns out that she turns out to be very good at magic. She had help from her family and she loved to read the spellbooks. Ruby lives in on the outsides of England and she thinks it can get a little boring.

RP Sample: Ruby bustled down the crowded corridor. It was hard to maneuver around so many people. She clutched her books tightly and ran, hoping she wouldn't be late for her next lesson- Herbology. Then, she broke outside, into the fresh air, where she saw a gang of her friends and hurried to join them.
"Hey, Ruby. What's up" they called as they walked down to a different class. But Ruby did not stop to chat. Shewas still going to be late and so she ran the rest of the way to class. All the others students were there in the greenhouse and she settled in just as the teacher came in and started the Herbology lesson.

Your Name (or name on the board): Ruby Chargott

[Gabriella Santino]

Hi. Before your application is accepted, I need to point out a few things.

Grammar is the number one thing. You have short choppy sentences. I would like to see the Personality flow better because the way it is now it just doesn't at all.

Example: Ruby is a very shy girl who has few friends. That example includes two of your choppy sentences and it flows better than what you had.

As for the History, be more elaborate. Where is she from? Does she have any siblings?

Here is an excellent example of an application: uptonogoodrpg.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=accepted&action=display&thread=4358

Your application does not have to be exactly like that but please take note of how well it is written.

If you have any questions, please PM me or one of the admins.

[Riley Neves]

Just in addition to Gabby's comments, I would also like to points in her strengths and weaknesses that differ from each other. "Keeping friends" and "friendly" are kind of the same thing... we want to see a developed character. Surely there is another strength she had that is different. Maybe it's even something like knitting... maybe she makes the best scarves in the school.

Also, her personality classes. You've just spent the whole application telling us how friendly she is and how easily she maintains her friendships, and then suddenly she's anti-social? Try and go more in depth if you can. Thanks!

[Hayden Ferrera]

I appreciate you making some changes, however, there is still a little work that can be done.

I still see a few grammatical errors. First off, lot's is not supposed to have an apostrophe. Secondly, her history is still too short. Where did she come from? Did she come from Ireland? Finland? Iceland? Where? You mention that she has two older siblings. Do they get along or do they hate each other? If she is good in magic, how has she practiced before? Has she just read books about magic?

I know that writing histories can be a pain sometimes but we need to know where the character came from.

I think that you could work out the personality a little more as well as your RP sample.

Work on it a little more and we'll take another look. If you don't really know what to do, look at the character's application I gave. If you still have more questions, just ask.

[Albus Dumbledore]

Thanks, guys.

I do think you're close on this, just a little fine-tuning should do it. My main issue is that I do think it's odd that she's shy, but she has lots of friends. That's really not typical. I can see that she probably would be a good friend, but if she's shy, she'd be more likely to have a few very close friends.

I would also like to see just a little more on the history.

Finally, if you have any problems with spelling, make sure you use the Spell Check button next to the post reply button. It really does work very well.

[Albus Dumbledore]

Thanks for making the changes. You are approved.

I'll send you your Hogwarts Letter.