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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 20, 2009 16:44:34 GMT -5
It was Riley's fault that Geoffrey was even like this, she reasoned. If she never told him she was in trouble, or if she'd gone to see him sooner in the hospital... Maybe he wouldn't be like this. But no, she'd done everything wrong where her best friend was concerned, and now his life was turned a little upside down. That meant that Riley needed to fix it. She needed to find a way to make things right. She just didn't know how.
Leaving Roland at the apartment with Phoenix, she took a little plate of cookies with her and left for Geoffrey's house. She wasn't going to make him leave the house if he didn't feel like it. He should, but she knew others were trying to get him out, and she always knew how it felt when people tried to push when you weren't ready.
Jensen met her at the door and showed her inside, but she politely refused to wait in the sitting room, and made her way up to Geoff's bedroom, knocking lightly on the door.
For too long, their friendship had been too one-sided. He never needed her the way she needed him... Except now, and come hell or high water, she was going to be there.
"Geoff?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 21, 2009 22:26:51 GMT -5
Although he had yet to leave the house, Geoffrey did seem to be improving... at least on the surface. Anyone who looked really closely would see the cracks in his armor. He was trying too hard. He no longer spent the entire day up in his bedroom, instead taking advantage of the luxurious facilities in the house. He swam laps in the indoor pool, exercised in the mini-gym, and played all sorts of games from pool and ping-pong, to indoor tennis, with anyone who was willing to join him.
But it was all too much. He kept himself active to distract his mind, all the while refusing to talk about what happened to him. Alison visited several nights a week, and he spent as much time as possible with his family. On the rare occasions when he was alone in his room, he read. His uncle had amassed a huge library over the years, and Geoffrey was now working his way through it, reading anything and everything he could get his hands on. Anything to keep his mind from wandering.
As luck would have it, this was what Geoffrey was doing when Riley burst into his room. He was sitting in the large, cushy armchair across from his bed, reading Moby Dick. He looked up as he door opened, and broke into a smile that was a touch too bright.
"Riley, hey," he said. "What are you doing here?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 22, 2009 0:00:16 GMT -5
"Visiting you. What else would I be doing here?" Riley asked, looking at him like he was asking a ridiculous question. "I brought cookies. Not home made because Merlin knows I don't bake, but they're still good."
She came into his room, closing the door behind her and coming towards him, offering him the plate of cookies.
"How are you?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 22, 2009 0:23:31 GMT -5
Geoffrey was just barely able to bite back a snarky remark about why she wasn't home with her boyfriend. Even though he was happy to see her, there was a part of him that still felt that she had chosen Roland over him somehow. And that idea hurt him more than he dared to admit to her.
But he simply took a cookie from the plate and nodded to an empty spot on his desk where she could set the plate. "I'm OK," he replied. "It's good to see you. Have a seat."
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 22, 2009 0:50:57 GMT -5
Riley appraised him, unaware of the abide comments he was holding back. They would have hurt her immensely.
He looked apathetic behind that smile he gave her, and she was a little put off that he didn't get up to hug her like he always did. So she set the plate down and moved to hug him where he sat. She was forcing herself to be happy and bright around him, though it was pretty fake on her end too.
"I'm interrupting a good book," she observed, an eyebrow raised, though she wasn't going to offer to leave. He could tell her if he wanted her gone.
"How's Christine?" she asked, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "I imagine she's glad to have you home."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 22, 2009 1:02:49 GMT -5
He just wanted everything to be back the way it was. But nothing felt right, and having Riley sit here and try to make small talk just felt so... wrong. And yet he didn't know what else to do. He was putting up walls between him and everyone else, instead of reaching out and letting people be there for him. The only person he would let through the walls was Christine.
Glancing down at the book, he shrugged. "Eh, that's OK. I don't mind the distraction. Especially since you brought cookies."
He grinned, again just a little too brightly, and took a bite of the cookie. "Mmm, it's good. You know chocolate chips are my favorite."
His expression became a little more genuine at the mention of Christine. She was his sanity, and he was hers. They'd both been there for each other, and they'd never been closer than they were now. He owed her everything.
"Christine's doing OK. She's better. I don't know what I'd do without her, actually."
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 22, 2009 11:57:52 GMT -5
"Good. I'm glad she's doing better." Riley just nodded. She knew when his smiles were forced, when the good humor that she knew him for was just an act, and not a real part of him right then. It broke her heart, and she wished there was anything she could do to help him. But no, sometime in the last few weeks she had lost that ability. Still, she refused to frown, though she had no doubt it was in her eyes.
And then it struck her how ridiculous this was. They were both hurting, they both knew the other well enough to know the other was hurting... why were they pretending everything was okay?
"Okay. Honestly now, how are you?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 25, 2009 0:25:15 GMT -5
Geoffrey let out a breath and covered his face with his hands for a minute. Of course Riley could see right through him. Of course she wouldn't be fooled by fake smiles. She knew him too well. The worst part of it was that she was the one person he really wanted to convince.
Looking up at her, he allowed the mask to slip away, showing the tired lines on his face and the dark shadows under his eyes. "You really want to know?" he asked. Though his tone was soft, there was a dark edge to his voice.
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 25, 2009 0:40:02 GMT -5
The question alone set butterflies in her stomach, and while she feared that he was about to tell her she had failed him, she did want to know. Before she answered, she regarded him. At least the fake smiles and the idle, meaningless chit chat was over. That wouldn't help either of them. They needed each other though, even if they couldn't see it.
"Yes, Geoffrey. Of course I really want to know. Please talk to me."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 25, 2009 0:49:56 GMT -5
He was secretly relieved to be dropping the act as well. His teeth were starting to hurt from all the fake smiles.
"Well, I'm sleeping better," he said. "I'm still having some nightmares, but not as many as before. I think being in my own bed helps. "I'm just.... I'm tired, Riley. I jump at every loud noise, and... I'm afraid to leave the house. I actually tried to go for a walk in the garden the other day and I had a panic attack. I've never had a panic attack before.... it was terrifying. I thought I was going to die."
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 26, 2009 13:36:04 GMT -5
Riley frowned, listening as he came clean. The nightmares would have to stop for him sooner or later... They were a side effect of something truly terrible happening to him, but as he recovered, the dreams would go away.
So would the fear, in time. "I know you're tired, Geoff. And I know that doesn't go away immediately. But when you're ready, you've got people all around you that want to help you through this. You have your family, your friends... Me. All I'm saying is, you're not alone."
She went over to him, putting her arms around him. For all appearances, Riley seemed fine, like there was nothing in the world that bothered her. But she still had the nightmares, she still woke up, surprised when Roland was in bed next to her. She had no grip on reality, loud noises still scared her, and no matter what she did, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched. The only thing keeping her sane was how happy she was with ROland. So she knew better than anyone what GEoffrey was going through... She Just wished she could make it better for him.
Hugging him, she said, "It's okay. Small steps are good... Next time you go for a walk, it will be a little better. It's a gradual process."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 26, 2009 23:09:51 GMT -5
Geoffrey really didn't want to talk about himself. He was so used to not talking or thinking about himself, so this entire ordeal was putting the focus on someone he'd never really taken the time to figure out. He was generally a selfless person... he cared more for others than for himself. He wasn't comfortable with letting other people take care of him.
He accepted her hug, but the sigh he released indicated that he was still holding back.
"Alison's been spending a lot of time over here," he said, hoping that would ease her mind.
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 27, 2009 1:09:46 GMT -5
"Good," Riley said, pulling back. She made a mental note to get to know Alison better. If she was helping Geoffrey through this, and he liked her like he said he did, then as his best friend, she needed to know the girl.
But she suspected that even Alison wasn't getting through to Geoffrey, and she didn't know how. Pushing him too much would only make him shut down, and too little wouldn't encourage him to get better. It was a fine line that she didn't know how to walk, because no one had ever been able to walk that line with her.
She wanted to suggest going out, but already knew it was too soon for that. That would overwhelm him, especially if he had a panic attack in his own gardens. Her next bet was to invite him over for dinner, but sitting him at the same table as Roland wasn't a great idea either. She could turn down every idea she came up with, and it just left visiting him, letting him know that she wasn't going to abandon him anymore.
"Alison's a sweet girl to come visit. I know she was anxious to see you in the hosiptal."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 27, 2009 14:18:56 GMT -5
"You were right," he said. "I should have let her visit me sooner. She's really been amazing. When she's here, I feel.... normal."
It was true; he felt less like he was pretending when she was there. Sometimes, he was actually able to forget about what happened and relax a little. Of course he was still holding stuff back, but at least when she was there, it didn't hurt so much.
Eager to shift the subject away from himself, he gave her one of his appraising looks. "What about you? How are you?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 27, 2009 15:07:07 GMT -5
"Good," Riley said again. Merlin, was that the only word in her vocabulary? Funny, because nothing was good anymore.
She looked up again in time to see one of his looks leveled on her, and she frowned at him. She wasn't here to have him change the subject or look at her like he was. "I'm doing great," she assured him. "I'm being really good about the baby, and I'm not as stressed anymore. Everything just gets better from here, right?"
She didn't mean to turn it into a question, and maybe nothing got better after this. But whatever happened, this wasn't the end, and she was determined to be there for everyone who had helped her.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 27, 2009 16:38:19 GMT -5
"Yeah, I guess," Geoffrey said unconvincingly.
He had always been an optimist. Things would always get better, and things weren't as bad as they seemed. The future had always held endless possibilities, and in his eyes, most of them were good. He believed that you could choose your own path in life and that, if the path you chose turned out to be wrong, you could always change course.
But now he was seeing things a different way. Yes, you could make your own choices, but sometimes, through no fault of your own, someone else's choice would have a negative impact on you. Which meant that the future was half chance, and by virtue of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, your life could be changed forever. His life would be changed forever. and he wasn't sure anything would ever be OK again.
"So, he's taking good care of you, then?"
There was just the slightest curl of his lip when he alluded to Roland.
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 27, 2009 17:09:30 GMT -5
He made it really hard to be positive. She noticed the curl of his lip and the way they both avoided even mentioning Roland. Roland was her sanity right now, the only thing keeping her from really slipping into a funk. It would be like riley making some remark about Alison everytime she was mentioned.
"Yes," she said simply, forgoing the sarcastic response that she wanted to spit out. Where did he get off making her feel bad about him? For a long time, she just hoped that Geoffrey would accept Roland. Now, it seemed even more clear to her that she was going to have to choose between him and Roland. Roland, on the other hand, wasn't going to make her choose. And that made her choice... Though painful, easy.
"Let's talk about something else," she said, her voice almost in a whisper and her eyes not meeting his.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 27, 2009 17:31:31 GMT -5
Geoffrey released a breath and shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't mean to be a jerk about him. He makes you happy... and you deserve that. I'm just still mad at him, and it's going to take me a while to get over that. We don't have to talk about him."
Even if he hadn't been attacked, he would have felt the same way. The fact that Roland had faked his death, putting his family through all that grief, and putting Riley's life in danger.... that was tough for him to get over. And since he couldn't bring himself to be mad at Riley for her part in it all, Roland was the easiest target for his anger.
The trouble was, if they didn't talk about Roland and he didn't really want to discuss his own problems, what else was there to talk about?
"At least I've been able to catch up on my reading."
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Post by Riley Neves on Sept 27, 2009 18:50:11 GMT -5
He didn't mean to be a jerk about Roland, but he was. Every time his name was mentioned, he turned sour. Riley, at least, had to consider what this meant for her.
The truth of it was, Riley was as much to blame for all of this as Roland was. She put everyone through hell... But Geoffrey still somehow saw her as a victim.
It also bugged her a little that she had forced honesty out of him, he allowed her to lie. She deserved it, she supposed, but when did they come to this?
"I can see that," she said, gesturing to his book. "Halfway through your uncle's library?" she asked, just a touch harshly.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Sept 27, 2009 20:22:48 GMT -5
He recognized the bitterness in her tone, and for a moment, he wanted her to leave. He glared at her as he took a deep breath. He was prepared to yell at her, tell her to leave, tell her not to come back. the anger that surged through him in that moment scared the hell out of him.... and suddenly, his eyes filled with tears. He couldn't do it. He couldn't muster up enough anger to yell at her.
"Merlin.... Riley, I can't do this anymore," he choked out, covering his face. "I can't.... I can't sit here and pretend that I'm the same person anymore. I'm not, and I don't know who I am now..."
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