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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 3, 2009 12:47:29 GMT -5
Riley was sitting up on the couch now, the blanket wrapped almost selfishly around herself. Her eyes were drawn up to his when he leaned in the doorway, and she blushed just slightly, being caught looking places other than his eyes.
"No... no, you're quite right. Semi-nude waiters, yes, but I believe you're the first that's gone all the way. I'll be sure to tip you extra for it," she teased, pulling her legs under herself and making room for him again on the couch as she motioned him over.
"You look really good, by the way," she added, smiling softly as she gave him the compliment. "Have I told you I love you yet tongight?"
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 3, 2009 14:48:35 GMT -5
"Mmmm, extra tips," Roland said, smirking. "I hope your tips are like dessert. I really like dessert."
He winked as he handed her one of the plates, then slipped in next to her, setting his plate down while he got settled. He slipped under a corner of the blanket, strategically arranging it over his lap. He had picked up his plate again when she gave him the compliment, and he smiled almost shyly. Somehow, every time she said those three little words to him, he felt a thrill run through him.
"You can never say it too often," he said, turning to her with a warm gaze. "I love you, too."
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 3, 2009 23:05:02 GMT -5
"Oh, sorry," Riley said, relinquishing some of the blanket so that he could have more than a corner of it. She reached across him and grabbed her wine, leaving his up to him since he was close enough to it.
"This stuff used to be my dad's favorite dinner," she told Roland, nodding to her plate of stirfry. She would never put it in such a way, but she was actually trying to make an effort to share things like that with him. She had never been much for making small talk like that, or saying little, inconsequential things, but she knew Roland wanted to know more about her, so she tried.
"So... you know. I hope you like it. There's no meat," she added with a smile.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 3, 2009 23:22:03 GMT -5
Roland cast a sideways glance at her as she mentioned her father. He understood almost instinctively what she was doing, and it made him ache for her. It couldn't be easy to talk about the father who had abandoned her when she was so young, but it was her way of letting him in just a little more. When it came to family, at least, he was an open book. But she kept that part of herself hidden, only sometimes giving him a tiny glimpse. He couldn't help but love her for it.
He took a few bites of the stir fry, nodding as he did. "It's good. Probably healthier than the takeout food I used to get."
He ate a little more, then gave her another sideways glance. "You know, my parents want us to have dinner over there later in the week. Just the four of us. I wonder how I'm going to break it to my mother that I'm actually a vegetarian. I can't even imagine what she'll say."
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 3, 2009 23:26:44 GMT -5
Riley's mind, when Roland mentioned dinner, was as far from his mother's reaction to his vegetarianism as it could be. In fact, there was almost a look of panic in her eyes.
Somehow, she had avoided his parents since he came back, and she didn't know how she was going to approach them. She'd deliberately lied to them about Roland's death, even seeing their pain, and she wasn't entirely sure they could forgive her for that. Especially Mathieu since they'd had that breakthrough at the hospital.
"Are you sure dinner's a good idea?"
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 3, 2009 23:40:41 GMT -5
Roland set down his fork and reached over to lay one hand against her cheek. "You can't hide from them forever, love," he said gently.
He was not oblivious to the fact that she was nervous about seeing his parents again. And he understood why, at least partially. Although he didn't know about the "breakthrough" she'd had with his father after the Imperius attack, he knew how his mother had reacted to his return, and he knew that Cara, at least, was angry with Riley for keeping that secret, for lying, and for having him all to herself all that time. But he also believed that, once his mother saw how amazing he and Riley were together, she would just be too happy to stay angry.
"Yeah, I know you think they're angry at you... and maybe they are a little bit. But ultimately, they're going to be thrilled. Not only am I alive, I'm also madly in love with you. You make me happier than I've ever been in my life, and once they see that, they won't be able to stay mad."
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 3, 2009 23:47:52 GMT -5
But hiding was easier, and Riley hadn't been doing anything the easy way for a long time. Pushing Roland away was easy, but she'd even stopped doing that. Wasn't she entitled to do something easy after the last two months?
"I don't think it works like that, Roland. Lina obviously makes Cyrus very happy, and they're still angry with her, even if they're trying to get past it. And she was only pregnant. Not only am I pregnant, but I let them hurt and mourn you for two months. Your mother will kill me, and Mathieu... I..." she trailed off, letting it go, and she broke eye contact with him.
Suddenly losing what little appetite she had, she set her plate in her lap and sipped lightly on her wine. Roland had a very optimistic view of how he thought people should act. She wished it was really like that, but anger wasn't logical, and why should Cara stop being angry with her because she made Roland happy? She could have made Roland happy without lying to them.
"I think I'm still getting sick from the baby," she murmured, as if making an excuse.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 4, 2009 0:01:18 GMT -5
Roland watched her, his eyes sad. Instinct told him that allowing her to keep hiding was only going to make the situation worse. His parents meant a lot to him, and Riley meant the world. It was important for them to get along. And if his mother couldn't accept Riley and let her anger get in the way, then he'd keep fighting to make her see how important she was to him. The difference between him and Cyrus was that Roland would never give up.
"But Cyrus has always been a happy person... always laughing and joking. My mother insists that I went two whole years without smiling unironically. And with you... I smile all the time. I used to feel like I was being weighed down by something deep inside of me, and now that I have you, I feel light. If they're going to be mad... isn't it better to let them get it out of their systems?"
He released a sigh, then took a sip of wine. "I can go alone, if you'd prefer. I won't force you to come. But I'll miss you terribly."
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 4, 2009 0:09:45 GMT -5
Riley wouldn't meet his eyes. He was right, and they had a right to be angry with her. She wasn't denying them that. She just felt that she'd already quietly taken so much of Mathieu's anger that she didn't want to take more. And she didn't want to take Cara's either. When would she be able to just hide from these things for a little while? When did things get easier?
But she already knew that she couldn't let Roland go alone. She owed that to him, in her own mind. "I'll go," she said quietly, moving her plate to the coffee table. She was going to stand by Roland and support him no matter what it entailed for her. But Merlin, she just wanted someone to look at her and tell her she could stop fighting, to let go because they were holding on for her. And Roland would, if she would ever tell him that she felt like she was still fighting to keep things together.
The fact was, though he was back, she felt like everything was falling apart. When she did have nightmares, they were worse than usual, and almost always about losing him or the baby, or both. And the reality issues... she just didn't get why it wasn't easier now. When she was with Roland, she was happier than she'd been in a while, but it seemed like she had really high highs, and then would crash to the lows, without any space between.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 4, 2009 0:28:27 GMT -5
Deep down, Roland still sensed a distance between them, something she was holding back. Since he held nothing back and loved her with everything he had, it hurt just a little to feel the slightest hesitation. And yet, it wasn't something he could put his finger on. She had no hesitation physically, and she said all the right words. He knew that she loved him and he knew that she had no doubts about her feelings for him or the baby or any of it. There was just... something. If he had known what it was, it would have worried him, but he would have done whatever it took to fight for her, to build her back up. He would never leave her hanging. He'd hold the world together, if that was what she needed him to do.
"If you're sure," he said. "I'm not going to force you, if you're not up to it. But it is important to me that you all get along. And really, they shouldn't be mad at you, they should be mad at me. It was my plan. You were just helping me, because...."
He stopped and frowned. "Why did you help me? You didn't love me then, so that can't be the reason."
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 4, 2009 0:33:36 GMT -5
"I can't blame them for being angry, Roland," Riley said, looking up at him. "I saw them all the time... I lied to their faces almost every day. I would be angry with me, too."
He was too optimistic sometimes. She adored that about him, but she also almost felt that it was almost a child like innocence in him that she didn't know where it came from. But she didn't want to the person to tell him Santa Claus didn't exist, so to speak.
His question made her eyes finally lift to meet his, and she hesitated for a moment. "I... I don't know," she said. It was an honest answer. "You needed me, and I couldn't say no. Merlin knows I tried to talk you out of it. Maybe I loved you all along after all. But you said you needed help. What else is there?"
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 4, 2009 0:51:07 GMT -5
His smile was sad. "I kind of wish I had let you talk me out of it," he confessed. "I know it hurt a lot of people, mainly the people I was trying to protect. Although, I wonder sometimes... do you think we would be here now... together... if it hadn't been for all that time alone together at the safe house? I loved you before that, but... Well, you were holding back. I guess I just kind of wonder... what made you realize that you loved me?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 4, 2009 0:56:00 GMT -5
Riley shrugged. "I don't think anything made me realize I was in love with you. It just sort of fell into place. And I wasn't holding back." She gave him a look, but dropped her arguement after that. She had been holding back, she supposed.
She shrugged. "I don't know. Was there a definitive moment when you fell in love with me?" She asked this almost to prove the point that he might not have known either. "And for a while, I couldn't even say why I loved you. You were a pain in the arse, stubborn as a mule, hot headed, moody... but I couldn't get enough of you."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 4, 2009 1:05:12 GMT -5
Actually, he could pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with her. It had taken much longer for him to admit those feelings to himself, but he knew the moment he first started to fall. And it was the silliest thing, really. It wasn't earth-shattering or profound... it had started as a tiny spark. Just something that had piqued his interest and made him see her in a new light.
"I fell in love with you when you told me that you liked scary movies," he said simply. "I know that sounds ridiculous, and it's grown into something much more than that. And I fought the feeling for a very long time. But that night... sitting right here on this couch... that was when I fell for you."
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 4, 2009 1:12:55 GMT -5
Riley faltered.
Her fall for Roland had been gradual, and maybe there was a defining moment, but she probably hadn't recognized it at the time, and looking back, she would never know. Just one day, she looked at him and realized she'd fallen in love with him.
"Really? Because I was pretty sure the scary movies were going to run you off. One more thing to mark me as some kind of psycho. Especially when you pretty much told me you weren't into them."
She ran her hand through her hair, sighing long and softly. "Hey... just because I don't have a moment... it doesn't mean that I don't love you."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 4, 2009 1:33:25 GMT -5
"I know you do," he said gently. "And there doesn't have to be a single moment. Love is made up of many moments, I think. There have been a lot of them, and each one has a special meaning. I just know... that was the moment when I first started to fall. I don't know why.... And it doesn't matter. We don't need reasons. And for what it's worth, you made me crazy, too. You still do. I just started to realize that there was no one else I'd rather be driven crazy by than you."
He leaned over and kissed her, tasting the wine on her lips. "And I never said I didn't like scary movies. I've never actually seen any."
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 4, 2009 1:47:09 GMT -5
"Remember when you asked me if no one had ever tried to figure me out before? You listed off a lot of things about me, little details. You terrified me then, and it made me so uneasy that anyone paid enough attention to me to see all those things... but in my head that night, I had a list, too. For instance, I know that you like your coffee black. You eat breakfast more often than I do. You like to know exactly what's going on in any given situation, and surprises are a bad idea around you. You hate to call attention to yourself, but you hate it even worse when someone ignores you while you're trying to make a point. You hated that I wouldn't back down from that stare of yours... and you would have hated that I even had a list of things I knew about you. And all of those things... they were all things you hate. But I knew even then, without a doubt, that you loved me. I wish I'd been brave enough to say it all to you, then."
She sipped on her wine and almost laughed when he told her he'd never seen a scary movie. "Merlin, I wish you could have seen your face when I told you Carnival of Blood was one of my favorites. All I could see was you judging me. I imagined it, I'm sure."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 4, 2009 10:45:50 GMT -5
Some time during her speech, Roland had set his plate down on the coffee table and placed one hand on her knee. When she was done speaking, he delicately slipped the wine glass out of her hand and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close for a kiss.
"I love you," he said, his voice shaking ever so slightly when the kiss broke. "You understand me more than anyone ever has, and I actually don't even mind that you have a list of things that you know about me that I didn't tell you. Before you.... I never would have admitted this, but all my life, I've been lonely. I felt like no one would ever really understand me. And maybe it was my fault, because I shut them out, but I felt like that was how it was supposed to be. But I want you to know me... to know everything. For the first time, I feel like I'm not alone."
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Post by Riley Neves on Aug 4, 2009 12:25:52 GMT -5
Riley smiled, watching as he set her wine glass down, and she wondered how they ever got anything done at all. Honestly though, she loved being in the stage where they still amazed each other sometimes, and they couldn't keep their hands off of each other.
"I don't want you to ever be lonely, Roland," she said softly, not yet admitting to him that despite having Geoffrey, she had always felt terribly lonely and secluded as well. It was also her fault, because she kept everyone at an arm's length. You couldn't get hurt if no one could get close enough to hurt you, right? "I'm always going to be here, okay? You and me, against the world."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 4, 2009 13:14:27 GMT -5
"You and me, against the world," he whispered back, just before their lips met again. Merlin, how was it possible to love someone this much? He felt connected to her in a way he couldn't describe... it was like they were not two people, but one; part of the same whole. He felt like he could breathe in and she would breathe out the same air.
Dinner now forgotten, and their clothes already out of the way, it was really no surprise when slipped the blanket off of her and began to ease her back on the couch. Really, how did they get anything done?
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