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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on May 12, 2011 23:15:45 GMT -5
Mathieu tensed a little when she said those words. Did she mean that they were done? Or that she was done fighting him?
He had handled things all wrong. He knew that now, and he didn't blame her for thinking that he had abandoned her when she needed him most. Would he even be standing her with her right now if Roland hadn't turned out to be alive? Mathieu wished he could say that he would have, but deep down, he knew the true answer. He'd still be trying to drink away the pain, isolating himself from her and everyone else who needed him. He was supposed to take care of her, of the family... and they of him. And he'd failed.
He held her a little more tightly, unconsciously pleading with her not to give up.
"Cara... I still love you. I want to work through this... Just tell me how."
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Nov 14, 2011 14:01:26 GMT -5
She finally pulled put of his embrace, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. "I don't know," she said. "I don't know how to make This better." She didn't even k ow if she could. She loved Mathieu with all her heart, but Merlin, was he angry.
"Just come home. Your kids need you. It's okay to make me fend for myself, Matthieu, but not them."
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Mar 18, 2012 23:41:57 GMT -5
"I wasn't even sure you'd want me to come home," Mathieu said sadly. "But I'm here. I won't leave again."
Unless, of course, she wanted him to. He wouldn't have blamed her if she never wanted to see him again... but they owed it to the children to at least try and fix this. And he wanted to fix it... not just for them, but for himself and for Cara as well.
But could it really be fixed? They had never really been tested before... everything had always been so easy before. And the first crisis that came along... he bailed on her. He regretted it and wished he could take it back... but he couldn't. They couldn't go backward, only forward. So somehow he had to prove that he wouldn't fail her again.
"We'll figure this out. Somehow. I love you, Cara..."
But was it enough?
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Mar 19, 2012 0:07:06 GMT -5
What could Cara say? This was a worse heartbreak than Roland leaving. At least when they all thought he'd died, Cara couldn't even blame him. It wasn't like he left them by choice. What happened was tragic and and terrible, but it wasn't Roland's fault.
Matthieu, on the other hand, left her by choice. He chose to make her suffer alone. He chose to leave her with the children, whom she loved dearly, but being there for them would have been a lot easier with her husband by her side.
"I love you, too. I just don't like you very much right now." She knew she was saying horrible things to him, but she couldn't stop. She was so angry with him and part of her hated him so much that it was hard to just welcome him home and let him off so easily. She couldn't do it.
She shook her head. "You probably shouldn't try and make amends tonight. Finish your dinner and get some sleep... we can hash this out in the morning. I'm exhausted."
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Mar 24, 2012 14:47:46 GMT -5
Mathieu sighed, looking at her one more time before he sank down into one of the kitchen chairs. He knew he'd made a mistake, and he couldn't change what happened. But Merlin, he wished he could. He would have handled things differently. He would have tried harder to be strong for her, and for the kids, instead of leaving her to carry all the weight on her shoulders alone. He didn't deserve to have her forgive him... he couldn't even forgive himself.
He ate in silence, looking up at her periodically, wishing there was something to say that would erase what happened, or at least make up for it.
When he finished eating, he got up and quickly washed his plate in the sink, aware that she was still standing there, still angry.
Finally he turned to her, his face still filled with regret. "Maybe we should consider... couples therapy," he suggested. "I really do want to make this work... not just for the children, but for us. I made a mistake, and we need to figure out how to get past it together."
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Mar 30, 2012 16:12:36 GMT -5
Cara looked up, eyes steady on her husband. She wanted this to work out, too. She wasn't ready to give up on their lives together. She just didn't know how she could ever rely on him again, or how to stop being angry with him.
She nodded. "Sure, if you think it will help." She didn't want to shut any doors on him. "Why don't we see how things go for a couple of days, and make that decision later? We can bring Ama and Jamie home for the weekend... It will be good for them to see you, too."
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Feb 14, 2013 0:46:20 GMT -5
Mathieu wanted to see the kids, too, so he could reassure them that he was back. He probably needed to apologize to them for not really being there for them as well. But a part of him was tempted to tell Cara that maybe they should try to spend some time togther, just the two of them first. He didn't want this to be about "just staying together for the kids." He still loved Cara.. he had just handled things poorly. The though of losing Roland had sent him over the edge in ways he still couldn't explain. Maybe, he thought to himself, he should just go to therapy on his own first, so he could figure out what caused him to react the way he had.
But despite his reservations, Mathieu found himself saying. "Yes, that might be a good idea. Maybe we could have Cyrus and Lina and Roland and Riley, too. Or do you think that might be too much, too soon?"
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