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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 19, 2009 23:56:46 GMT -5
Roland sighed at this, dropping his gaze to stare fixedly at the floor. He'd had similar thoughts before. And worse, he had used dark magic before. He had used two of the three Unforgivables. He would never, never use the Imperius Curse, which actually struck him as the cruelest of the three. And now that he had seen what it had done to Geoffrey, he was convinced that he was right.
He had used the Cruciatus Curse three times. The first time had not been very successful, and the second had been effective but short. Only when he had tortured Jordan in the Hogsmeade attack for trying to hurt Jamie and Ama, had he been really serious in his use of the curse. But he knew enough to know that it had still affected him.
He had also killed people. Jordan, Blake, and three others. All had been in self-defense or the defense of others, but it was still not something he was proud of. He didn't allow himself to dwell on it very often, but when he did think about it, he felt an immense amount of guilt. Even Blake, he had hoped it wouldn't be necessary to kill him. It was only the sight of Riley writhing in pain and the fear for their unborn baby that had given him the motivation to kill Blake.
These things were black marks on his soul; he knew that. And now that he had found love, he felt like a changed man. He was like a reformed criminal who had found religion; Riley was his religion. That meant that he ached for the things he had done and hoped to somehow make up for it. He would never again use an Unforgivable.
Yet Christine was right in a way. He had always felt that the best way to win was to fight the way the death eaters fought. But maybe it wasn't worth it if it cost you your soul.
"Christine..." he began, unsure of what to say to her. "Look.... I've done things I'm not proud of. I killed my Uncle, you know. I had to, to protect Riley and our baby, and the rest of my family. I ultimately had no choice... but that doesn't make it right. His death affected my aunt and my cousins, who loved and depended on them, and I took him away from them. Everything we do has an impact, and there are two sides to every action. On the good side, I saved Riley and my family. On the bad side, I left my aunt a widow and my cousins without a father. Just because he did horrible things... doesn't necessarily mean that it was right to kill him. And as much as I hated him, I wish I hadn't had to. The difference between him and me, though, is that I feel bad about it. Blake... he walked around for months, believing he killed me and he didn't feel guilty at all."
He stopped again and rubbed his head. He felt like he was talking in circles. "The thing is, Christine, if you're not careful, using dark magic could make you.... dark. There's a certain kind of power that using dark magic can give you, and the more you use it, the more you start to crave it. And little by little, the darkness seeps into your soul. I can't endorse using dark magic... not when the cost is your soul. You could become the very thing you're fighting against."
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Christine Montgomery
 
Seventh Year[M:10]
In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.
Posts: 925
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Post by Christine Montgomery on Aug 20, 2009 0:58:21 GMT -5
"Perhaps." she said then shrugged her shoulder non commitedly. She really wished she hadn't said anything, only now it wouldn't leave her alone.
"Still...was he a good influence on his children? Was he good to his wife? Was he breeding his sons to be just like him? If that were the case then y ou have done them more good than bad. What's worse no father or a bad one?" she shook her head, " And perhaps the cost is your soul...perhaps some of us have to make that sacrifice so the others that we love can stay safe..." at her last point she was daring to stare him down. He had done that very thing in protecting Riley and their unborn child, and sure it might eat at him, but she didn't doubt that he would do it again if Riley's life were at stake.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 21, 2009 0:31:26 GMT -5
Roland's frown deepened. While he thought that, ultimately, Aunt Emelia, and Noah and Axel were better off without Blake, did that still justify it? And what comfort was it to them if they missed him? If they loved him, they probably didn't want to hear that they were better off without them.
"I really can't say whether he was a good father," Roland replied. "I suspect that he wasn't good to his wife, but who am I to say? Who am I to judge? She loved him, and she's not going to appreciate anyone telling her that she's better off this way."
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Christine Montgomery
Seventh Year[M:10]
In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.
Posts: 925
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Post by Christine Montgomery on Aug 21, 2009 0:49:32 GMT -5
"Perhaps you think of one family's happiness too much." she said though it was extremely out of character for her, she defended her theory however by her next words, " Their pain now may be significant, that's true, but the pain you prevented that mad man from inflicting to others, even his own family is far more significant. You're an auror, you play the numbers game all the time. You have to. One woman's happiness is not worth the wellbeing of the many he would have destroyed. What you did was right and he made his choice to be the way he was. He enjoyed killing. His family wouldn't have been any happier with him in prison do you think?"
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Aug 22, 2009 22:10:51 GMT -5
Roland stared at her a moment, feeling genuinely frightened for her. He had once thought similarly, and if not for the grounding effect of his family, he might have been swallowed up by darkness. Now he was starting to see that same darkness pulling at Christine, and it scared him.
"Christine," he said again, gripping the edge of his chair convulsively. "It is not our job to play judge, jury, and executioner. The killing curse must only be used as a last resort, and even then, you must never lose sight of the fact that you are taking a human life. When you write it off as a necessary evil and push it out of your mind, it becomes that much easier to do it again and again, in less dire situations. I don't regret what I did to save my family and Riley.... and yes, I would do it again if I had to. That doesn't mean I feel good about it. Do you understand?"
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Christine Montgomery
Seventh Year[M:10]
In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.
Posts: 925
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Post by Christine Montgomery on Aug 31, 2009 6:17:53 GMT -5
"Well of course." she said on the verge of rolling her eyes, " No one expects it to make you feel good, relieved perhaps, but not good. No where in the realm of good, but you sleep a little better at night knowing that he's gone, or perhaps the nightmares of what you did haunt you, but the people you love, they sleep a little easier knowing that at least one threat is gone. I'd never expect that taking a life would make you feel good...that'd be like being one of them...no good isn't the word...safe however...that's a bit better. It's kind of like air, we take it for granted that we inhale and exhale and we do it so often we don't realize how important air is...but if you take it away obviously you realize just how badly you need it... same with safety...it's such a luxury, or so I thought..." she briefly smiled, " Actually to be honest I thought it was kind of a pain, the Montgomery name getting anything and everythign it wants, my father's hired bodyguards everywhere I go, that constant notion that nothing out there could touch me even if I wanted to...and in a few moments all that safety and security was ripped away...I never thought I'd miss it so much."
She grew quiet...she wasn't even aware of how she was reacting to such a loss, but it wasn't good by anymeans.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Sept 2, 2009 15:59:37 GMT -5
"It's a fine line," he said gently. "Yes, of course you want to protect your family and to get back that safety that you used to have... But you do have to remember that dark magic and Unforgiveable curses... they have to be a last resort. Maybe I'm the last person in the world who has a right to say that to you, because I only just started to understand that myself. The truth is, I was in danger of getting drawn into the dark side of magic myself. It was my family that kept me from going over the edge.... and Riley who saved me. So just.... be careful, OK?"
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Christine Montgomery
Seventh Year[M:10]
In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.
Posts: 925
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Post by Christine Montgomery on Sept 2, 2009 18:46:56 GMT -5
She looked up at him a bit quizzically, she wouldn't be taking his advice for quite a while, not when the last time he gave it, he had turned around and died on her. No, this time she was listening to her own thoughts, her own fears and insecurities, she understood sacrifices had to be made, and while she wasn't sure that she was the one to make them, she felt as if she'd only feel safe if she was the one on the line.
In the end she didn't really care what happened to her, as long as the people she loved was alright, perhaps that was a bit like Roland.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Sept 24, 2009 21:16:34 GMT -5
He wasn't getting through to her, he could tell. She had a stubborn streak, just like he did, and she wasn't going to listen to him. And really, he couldn't blame her. He had tried to give her strength with his pep talk over Christmas, and then he'd turned around and "died" on her. How did he expect her to take that? How could he expect her to just get over that and take him at his word?
He sighed and began to scratch the back of his neck. He didn't know what else to say to her. There was only so much he could say before he started repeating himself. "Anyway, er... I should probably be going. I just... I wanted to make sure you were doing OK."
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Christine Montgomery
Seventh Year[M:10]
In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.
Posts: 925
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Post by Christine Montgomery on Oct 9, 2009 16:25:53 GMT -5
Christine let her eyes fall to the floor, a large part of her wanted to close the distance between them and let him hold her, reassuring her that everything was going to be okay, but she just couldn't. Pride perhaps, or just plain stubbornness held her where she was. She nodded her okay but she didn't move otherwise.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Oct 10, 2009 14:55:53 GMT -5
He stood up, looking very uncertain. It was an unusual feeling for him, and yet, since he'd come back, he had spent quite a bit of time feeling this way. It was almost as if he no longer belonged here. They had all mourned for him, buried him, and tried to move on without him, to varying degrees of success. It had to be jarring, to say the least, for him to now be back among them and expecting that nothing would have changed while he was gone. It was funny how he had never realized what that would be like before he had decided to go ahead with his scheme.
He let out a breath and hesitantly moved closer to her. Most of his friends and family seemed to be hugging him a lot more since his return, as if they needed to feel him in their arms to prove that he was really there. He accepted that, but somehow it felt odd that Christine was refusing to do so.
She was sitting and he was standing, and it would have felt awkward to pull her up into a hug. So he reached out and took her hand, squeezing it lightly. "For what it's worth.... I'm sorry."
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Christine Montgomery
Seventh Year[M:10]
In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.
Posts: 925
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Post by Christine Montgomery on Oct 17, 2009 4:28:37 GMT -5
Everybody was so sorry when they screwed up, of course sorry never solved anything so it was easy to stay bitter and hurt. She wanted to squeeze his hand back and found that she couldn't resist doing so, at least to prove to her that he was indeed really alive but she let go quickly and nodded.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Nov 10, 2009 23:01:38 GMT -5
Roland was learning an important lesson; one that he had needed to learn. In his youth and arrogance, he had assumed that the pain caused by his apparent death would all go away once he returned. But you couldn't put people through that kind of pain without leaving some lasting scars. In trying to protect the people he loved from being hurt, he hurt them even worse than Blake could have. He hated that feeling. And even though Christine and the rest of his family didn't know the truth about what had happened, he did, and it was hard to live with.
There was nothing more he could say to Christine to make this any better, so he gave her an awkward sort of bow. "I'll see you again soon," he promised.
He headed for the door, feeling a little sadder but wiser than he had when he first walked through it. He'd made a mess of things... and it was going to take a while to fix them all. If they could ever be fixed completely.
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