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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 8, 2009 18:29:55 GMT -5
Geoffrey had actually heard her scream in his own dreams. He was so worried about her and the risk she was taking in trying to find Roland's killer that he found himself in a middle of a dream that was almost as bad as one of hers. Only in his dream, he was watching passively while a faceless man attacked Riley, torturing her brutally. Her scream sounded strangely far away, and he kept trying to get to her, but he couldn't reach her. He called out her name, and that was when she slipped into the room and called his name.
He sat straight up in bed and stared at her for a moment. As realization hit him, he released a long breath. "You had another one, didn't you?" he said softly. He held out his arms to her. "Come here."
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 8, 2009 18:41:06 GMT -5
Riley nodded, feeling so much like a child now. And as always, Geoffrey welcomed her with open arms. Looking at him, she almost would have bet that he'd had a dream, too, but she didn't ask. "I woke you," she observed. "I'm sorry."
She stepped into his room and closed the door behind her, going to his bed and his open arms. She couldn't be alone after a dream like that, and Roland understood. He always understood. She loved him for that.
The potion still had her groggy and she knew she needed to sleep more, but she didn't know that she could. For now, she just let Geoff hold her.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 8, 2009 22:34:58 GMT -5
Geoffrey shook his head. "No... no, don't apologize. I was just waking up, anyway."
It wasn't entirely true, but it didn't matter. He wasn't going to tell her about his dream; it would only worry her. He imagined that her dream was probably something similar anyway, although probably not about her. If she knew that they were both having scary dreams, however, it might be too much for her.
He wrapped his arms around her and lay back down on the bed. This was fairly typical of their younger days, when Riley would stay for summers and holidays. She'd had the nightmares then, and she had always come to him for comfort. And he was happy to give it. But now... it felt different. These weren't just childhood nightmares. They were real.
"Do you dream about him now?" he asked softly.
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 8, 2009 22:46:24 GMT -5
It wasn't in Riley to lie to Geoffrey. Not under normal circumstances. When they were younger, she always told him what her dreams were about. It took him some time to earn her trust that way, but now he had it, unconditionally. More than anyone else in the world.
So when he asked if she was dreaming of Roland, she nodded without hesitation. "I keep seeing him die, only worse, and I can never help him. I keep thinking I should have been able to save him. And now I can't sleep anymore."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 8, 2009 22:58:20 GMT -5
Geoffrey felt a lump in his throat, and he pulled her just a little closer to him. What could he say to that? He couldn't tell her that it was just a dream, or that it wasn't real. He couldn't tell her that it didn't matter or that it didn't mean anything. Those were outright lies, and they both knew it.
"There wasn't anything you could have done," he said softly. "And he wouldn't want you to tear yourself up like this. Not over him."
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 8, 2009 23:25:42 GMT -5
"You weren't there," Riley reminded him gently. It didn't matter how many people told her that she couldn't have done anything different. She wouldn't believe them because they hadn't been there. The guilt was hers to bear alone.
She sighed, letting him hold her. These dreams and the barely there breakdowns had to stop. They both knew it, but he was being supportive enough not to remind her. Right now, she just needed him to be there. And Geoffrey, unfailungly' always was.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 8, 2009 23:51:15 GMT -5
If she couldn't find a way to make peace with what happened, she was never going to be able to move on. And it was killing her. She was falling apart, just like Christine, just like Uncle Mathieu... It wasn't fair. It was like everyone was in a holding pattern, trying to find a way to be OK again and get over their loss, when in a way, they never would.
And there wasn't anything he could say that would help. All he could do was hold her and be there for her. "I'm sure he doesn't blame you, where ever he is now..."
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 8, 2009 23:59:20 GMT -5
That wasn't the point, though. She blamed herself, and it was enough. If it weren't for her, Rolan would still be here.
She took a shallow breath and closed her eyes, the remnants of her dream still there.
"I'm really scared, Geoff. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 9, 2009 0:12:30 GMT -5
He wished he could just take all her pain away. Just wave his wand and vanish it away into the atmosphere somewhere. But that wasn't possible. What else could he do? He just held her tighter and tried to comfort her.
"You don't have to do it alone," he said. "You have me, and my family. And the Ferreras. And probably just about everyone in the auror department. You can lean on us, let us hold you up. You don't have to be strong."
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 9, 2009 0:26:23 GMT -5
She wished she knew how to do that. How could she let go of the pain she was carrying and just move on? How was Cara holding herself together through all of this?
She brought her hands up and rubbed her eyes. "I love you, Geoff," she told him. He was her steady place. "Can you just hold me while I try to sleep again?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 9, 2009 0:36:00 GMT -5
"Of course," Geoffrey replied instantly.
He'd held her like that, on many different occasions, just comforting her after a nightmare. He'd even been with her during some of the nightmares, and he knew how freaked out she would get. Sometimes it would take a while for her to be able to even speak enough to tell him about the dreams.
"Just close your eyes," he said softly. "I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere."
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 9, 2009 0:44:00 GMT -5
Riley nodded. Maybe she could sleep better knowing someone was with her. It was a comforting feeling, and maybe it would transfer to her sleep. Being held always helped a little in the past, but she needed it more than ever.
She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on his breathing and his heart rate. It was only thanks to the potion still in her system that she was able to fall into a light sleep in Geoffrey's arms.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 9, 2009 0:51:51 GMT -5
Geoffrey knew the instant she had drifted into sleep, because her breathing evened out and the stiffness in her back and shoulders seemed to ease. But he didn't let go of her. He didn't even care that they weren't children anymore and that his mother would probably not approve of him lying in bed with Riley, even though they were both fully dressed.
Come to think of it, he wondered what Alison would think of it. She'd been the most understanding and patient girlfriend a guy could ever hope for, but just how understanding was she? He wasn't sure he wanted to test that.
He was a long way from being able to sleep himself, so he just lay there and watched her, silently willing the dreams to leave her alone for once.
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 9, 2009 13:09:04 GMT -5
None of his worries meant anything to Riley. She always went to him when she needed him. Okay, maybe that wasn't true. Riley had a hard time asking for help, but she went to Geoffrey more than anyone else. It never crossed her mind what anyone else would think, and to hell with them if they had a problem with it. Even in these tough times, this small moment while he held her was innocent, even if the reasons surrounding it weren't.
She wasn't even entirely sure she was asleep, since it was so light.
Feeling the bed shift next to her, she opened her eyes. Roland's face filled her gaze, his eyes gentle and loving as he reached out, brushing her hair behind her ear. He just watched her for a moment before he even spoke. "You mean so much to me, Riley... I'd do anything for you. You know that."
Riley sighed, but there was a small smile set to her lips. His fingers brushed over them. "I know," Riley said softly, taking a deep breath. "And you know it kind of terrifies me a little. Right?" He had to know by now. The emotions and letting someone in like she was letting him in... it still made her uneasy most of the time. But she wanted to let him in.
She shifted and settled into him a little more, letting herself relax. As she did this, she closed her eyes.
The bed felt empty next to her all of a sudden, and she opened her eyes again. There were arms around her, and she wondered when she dozed off and when he'd moved behind her. She looked towards the window, confused for a moment and unsure where she was. "Roland?"
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 9, 2009 14:29:26 GMT -5
Geoffrey wasn't sleeping, but he had allowed his mind to drift. He was trying to think of ways he could help Christine and Riley, and he was still coming up blank. It seemed like all he could do was be there for them for support and wait for time to do the rest. But if Riley continued the way she was going, she was going to have a breakdown. And Christine might already be in the middle of one. He couldn't just sit back and hope that they'd come through it on their own.
He was relieved that Riley at last seemed to be sleeping peacefully. In fact, there was such a look of serenity on his face that it was starting to make him feel hopeful again. But then her eyes opened abruptly, and she looked confused and panicked.
"No... Riley, it's me. Geoff."
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 9, 2009 14:49:15 GMT -5
Geoffrey? That didn't make sense. Riley pulled away from him and sat up. "Where's Roland? Where did he go?"
It wasn't the first dream she'd had of Roland like that. At least, she didn't think it was. But it felt so real. She could still feel his fingertips on her lips and his breath on her face.
Looking around, and then back at Geoffrey, she knew he was going to think she was crazy. "He was just here," she insisted.
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 9, 2009 14:59:38 GMT -5
Geoffrey felt like he had a knot in his stomach. He sat up a little too fast and it made his head spin, but he forced himself to focus on Riley. She must have had another dream... but this one had been different. Instead of dreaming of death, she had dreamed of life. Somehow, that seemed sadder.
"Riley... no... Roland's not here. He's... he's gone, remember?" For some reason, he couldn't quite bring himself to say the word.
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 9, 2009 15:16:04 GMT -5
Riley shook her head. "No. Don't look at me like that!" Geoffrey was giving her that face that said his heart was breaking for her. "He was just here. I was talking to him. I was..."
It was setting in what was happening, that she had only dreamt it. She could swear she had touched Roland, just seconds ago. But if Geoffrey was here now, and Roland wasn't.... that meant Roland wasn't here, and she had only dreamt it.
Without saying a word, she laid back down, close to Geoffrey. She had two options now, one was to just break down and sob, and the other was just to nod.
She took a breath. "Okay. I don't think I can sleep anymore."
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Post by Geoffrey Montgomery on Jul 9, 2009 15:32:56 GMT -5
Geoffrey wished she would break down and cry. Maybe it would help. Or maybe it wouldn't, but he was sure that holding it in and trying to be brave wasn't helping, either.
"OK, if that's what you want," he said, although there was definitely an unspoken "but" in there somewhere. He almost wanted to shake her, to force her to snap out of this. She just couldn't go on this way. If it was like this every time she tried to sleep, it wouldn't be long before she just collapsed from exhaustion.
"What do you want to do instead?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Jul 9, 2009 21:03:44 GMT -5
She was slowly killing herself, and she knew it. She just had to be better about not letting anyone else see it. She swallowed the lump in her throat and rested against him. Sleep was what she needed, but she couldn't take the dreams anymore. She was losing her mind, these dreams convincing her that Roland was alive, reality convincing her that he wasn't.
"I just want to forget."
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