Damaged (Open)

[Samantha Montgomery]

"Thank you." she smiled softly toward Justine, willing herself not to take offense, it was easy anyway to put on the face she desired, something calm and accepting, ever gracious. She wasn't really sure why Justine asked what she did, or behaved as she did but she wasn't too concerned with it.

She glanced at Natasha again who was just short of another eyeroll, and then turned her attention back to Justine.

"I'm sorry...I heard you lost someone in the attack."

[Justine Torrance]

Justine shrugged. "Yeah, I guess," she said. "Jason was... well, we had a complicated relationship. We fought all the time, he acted like he didn't know me when my friends were around, he could be kind of a jerk sometimes, and when we broke up, he started following me around. He was following me the day of the attack, and when the death eater tried to kill me, he jumped in front. And it's weird... because I was angry at him at the time of his death, but he saved me anyway. I don't know how to feel about that."

[Samantha Montgomery]

"It sounds like a difficult relationship." she offered in sympathy. She had been in her own difficult relationships since before she could remember but that was besides the point, and she wasn't in the mood for self-pity. Now however she was at a loss for conversation, she certainly didn't want to talk about death anymore, for her it was as if it simply happened, and there was nothing she could do about it, so it was preferable to pretend as if it didn't affect her.

[Justine Torrance]

"It was," Justine agreed. "And now I don't know... what I feel, or what he felt... If he sacrificed himself to save me, that must mean that he loved me, but then why did he treat me the way he did? And I don't know how to feel about that. I need... I wish I could talk to him. To ask him why. It all feels so... unfinished."

She sighed, rubbing her head. It would have been so much easier if she had died in the attack. She wouldn't have to worry about that.

[Samantha Montgomery]

Samantha's thoughts turned to Rafe briefly as some understanding came to her. "People love in different ways. Some are obsessive, they simply don't know any other way. Some are distant they have a hard time letting others into their hearts." she thought about herself, " Some"she began, " ...most" she corrected, " Most are idiots and they don't know what they want. They act like idiots because you do stupid things when you're in love. Some people have incredibly stupid ideas that they use to either protect themselves from love or prove their love. Honestly it's a big mess."

[Justine Torrance]

Justine let out a soft sigh. "It all sounds so hopeless," she said. "Why would anyone want to fall in love?"

She realized in that moment that she had probably never loved Jason. Definitely not the way he had loved her, and maybe not at all. Not really. She had never felt that desperate, urgent sting of love. She had never felt that his life, his comfort, his happiness, were more important than her own. Would she have sacrificed herself for him, had their situations been reversed? No. She would not have. No matter how avidly she claimed to be courting death... she would not have sacrificed himself for Jason.

[Samantha Montgomery]

Samantha, in her heart of hearts, and most secret place within herself imagined love to be something wonderful. In reality she didn't trust it, she would never really be able to let go and trust someone the way you needed to when you were in love, or at least, she didn't think she'd be able to. Somehow some small part of optimism had escaped her mother's cruelty, but she could never let that optimism show otherwise...it too could be destroyed.

"I'm not really sure."

[Justine Torrance]

Justine wasn't entirely sure what kind of answer she had expected or hoped for. But the truth was that, deep down inside, there was a tiny spark of hope, like a single grain of glittering sand, that had not yet been killed by life. She she was cynical and bitter and expected the worst out of every situation. But if she truly had no hope at all, then she wouldn't hesitate to end things. And yet, despite her every insistance, she was still here, still alive. It was that single glittering sand that kept her going when all else seemed lost.

"They're making me see that counselor lady," she said abruptly. "She seems to think that love makes worth life worth living. And I just don't understand how. What's the point, if it only leads to heartache?"

[Samantha Montgomery]

Sam smiled in thought, "I don't know that Erica has ever been in love." she said without really thinking, then to clarify, "The counselor is ...sort of a cousin." she said with a light shrug, "She has upon occasion stayed with my family, I remember shortly after her husband died." she shook her head, "He was elderly, that I remember, wealthy as well, and had a very good name, but I don't imagine someone as vivacious as Erica is could have been too in love with him, at least not romantically."

Samantha tilted her head slightly in thought, "I'm not sure I understand any of it better than you do."

[Justine Torrance]

Justine thought about that. The woman had mentioned something about a husband, someone who she cared for that had died. She may not have loved him romantically, but she had cared for him in ways that Justine could only imagine. Maybe that was how she was able to believe in love; she’d never really had her heart broken. But then, neither had Justine.

It seemed like the whole world was obsessed with love, but to Justine, she could not see how it wouldn’t end in heartbreak. Something always went wrong, didn’t it?

“Maybe I should just get out of here. I mean, leave Hogwarts. If I’ve been given a chance to live, maybe I should do it. Go to Paris or Italy or something, see the world. I feel like I’m vegetating here… nothing ever changes and nothing ever gets better. Do you ever feel that way?”

[Samantha Montgomery]

"No." she answered simply. Sam enjoyed the calm, or at least she had been enjoying it before Hogsmeade. It was true that given a long enough peace period she would in all likelihood need something to occupy her, but she hadn't reached that point yet, too many things came up and threatened to destroy the peace she had barely managed to grasp on to.

"But I've traveled to many places and I'm not sure if it makes life more or less worthwhile. Misery's everywhere, but at the same time so is happiness."

[Justine Torrance]

Well, of course she wouldn't have that problem. She was impossibly beautiful, rich, popular, the house champion... As far as Justine could see, Samantha Montgomery had the world on a platter. Justine had nothing, and she never had. No family, no friends, no skills, no talents, no beauty, no future. Or at least that was how she felt, anyway. Of course she was not an unattractive girl, but in her eyes, she failed to see the beauty. Especially when she was sitting across from Sam, who looked like the kind of girl who would appear in one of those James Bond films.

And suddenly Justine was angry. Sam had everything and yet here she was, playing the poor little rich girl. She doubted that Sam had any idea what suffering was, or what loneliness meant.

"Oh, sure, I suppose travel doesn't mean much to you, since you can go anywhere you want at any time," she said in a sour tone. "I've only ever been here and that miserable orphanage I grew up in. But, hey, what does it matter? I wasn't meant for more than that, right?"

[Samantha Montgomery]

Samantha leveled Justine with a semi-withering look before sighing. She didn't have much pity for the girl although she supposed that everyone had their own problems that was true, but while people might have thought that Sam's life was a breeze they were wrong. She had her own issues, her own problems to deal with without being concerned about everyone else. Still in the spirit of diplomacy and public relations she calmly replied, " We are the ones who put limitations on ourselves. If you want something you must take it, nothing is given for free."

[Justine Torrance]

Justine glared back. There was nothing she hated more than the poor little rich girl routine. Was she supposed to feel sorry for Samantha Montgomery? The girl looked like a movie star, lived in a mansion, and had one of the richest families around. Yeah, her life was so tough. The truth was, people like Sam always started out ahead of people like Justine. Sam had no limitations; she could do anything or be anything, because she had the means to take whatever she wanted in life. Justine was just a mousy little orphan without two sickles to rub together. At the very least, she had a long uphill battle to fight... and she wasn't sure she had the strength or motivation to do it.

"Yeah, but let's face it, it's a whole lot easier when you have money and looks. If you don't have either, you're prety much screwed, aren't you?"

[Samantha Montgomery]

"Money and looks, two qualities that work in a girl's favor for marriage. In the world of respectability a woman has no value except who she marries and what status she is able to achieve through whatever means necessary. Does it matter if her chosen suitor who she has no control over decides to have affairs, to beat her, to treat her like an ignorant child with no respect? Although marriage is an escape in it's own way from the daily rigors of perfecting decorum and social affairs. They dress us up like little dolls and pat us on the head when we curtsy just right. The rich and pretty you make it sound like a fantasyland. Open your eyes, my gilt prison may be glamorous but at least yours will be one that you choose."

Samantha wasn't sure what made her speak so harshly to the other girl, but in truth she couldn't stand much more of her whining or self pity. Was Justine so blind to everyone else's pain? Did she honestly think she was the only one who suffered?

[Ariesa d'Veldrin]

At about that moment, the entrance way opened up. A silhouette stepped through the passage into the common room before the light fell on her, revealing her to be the ever-silent Ariesa d'Veldrin. Her dark blue eyes blinked, looking up, first making eye contact with Samantha. Another blink and she looked over at Justine. This time, without blinking, her eyes turned towards the fire in the hearth. It was clear she had interrupted something.

She merely shrugged and moved over to the couch beside the hearth, and sat down. She removed a book from the pouch at her side and flipped it open. She pulled out her wand and spun it between her fingers on her right hand. It was very clear that she didn’t care if she had interrupted or not.

Ariesa had not been at Hogsmeade the day of the attack, so she had none of the nightmarish sleep problems the other two had, thus no true excuse for being up. She just was. She had just decided she didn’t want to be in bed, and thus wasn’t. She had left the room, finally grown bored again outside the Common room and returned.

So, now she just sat as she read through the book in her lap.

[Samantha Montgomery]

Samantha's steely gaze had been directed at Justine almost daring the girl to speak again about pain or suffering or how life was unfair, then the door opened and as if remembering herself she leaned back no longer interested in what she had said or in Justine for that matter. She felt a mild irritation at having lost her composure but shrugged it off gathering her things.

"I think I'm too tired, please excuse me." she said standing and walking back up the stairs to return to her room.

[Justine Torrance]

Maybe it was true that the grass was always greener on the other side... or some other stupid, trite cliche. But Justine didn't really care. She would honestly have given just about anything to have Samantha's "problems" instead of her own. While it was true that the choices Justine made in life were her own, the burdens were also her own, and entirely of her own making. Sure, she could choose to be happy and perky and empty-headed. But it would be a lie. And if there was one thing Justine despised, it was pretense.

If she were in Sam's position, she could let other people run her life for her. And the failures would, therefore, not be her own fault. She was looking to blame other people for the patheticness of her life, and at the moment, there was no one to blame but herself, because she had chosen to alienate herself from everyone else.

Sam got up and walked away, going back to her room after her little tirade. If Justine had cared, even a little bit, she would have yelled after the girl. But honestly, Justine couldn't bring herself to give a damn. Let Sam go off in a huff and think that being a princess was worse than being a pauper. It wasn't like Justine could change her mind.

The new girl who had entered the room caught Justine's attention, and she looked over at the girl with slightly narrowed eyes. A fifth year, she thought. Sam's roommate. She'd probably take Sam's side. But she wasn't as pretty or as perfect-looking as Sam, either, so maybe not.

"See ya," she mumbled to Sam's retreating form. "B*tch."

[Ariesa d'Veldrin]

Ariesa barely even glanced up at the retreating form of Samantha, more because her voice had disturbed her silence and the movement had rustled the page of her book. The look she gave the retreating form was one of mild disdain. Her eyes then rose too look at Justine as she spoke to the girls back. Why not say it to her face? Another rolls of the eyes sent her back to reading her book.

She never did understand the activities and behaviors of many of the other girls in the school. Bickering filled silence that could be better used for other things. Like planning. What is the use in hating someone if all you do is bicker, pointlessly, with them? Let them do what they will do and use the time that you use bickering with planning what to do with them. Eventually, one of two things will happen. They will ruin themselves or they will fall into a trap.

[Natasha Davenport]

Natasha was surprised at Sam's outburst, the girl had described her life so perfectly. She wouldn't be worth anything either in her family's eyes, it was all about who she would marry and what she could bring to the table. Walking away wasn't simple either, it truly was a prison of society's making. From birth they were taught the rules, and what honor was at stake. It would be something if they had the chance to live a normal life, marry who they wanted, work where they wanted. Natasha were she not so vain would trade places with Justine any day, but the grass was always greener on the other side.

No, she would marry and be a pawn the consequences of not doing such a thing were too drastic to consider in many ways.

When Ariesa arrived Natasha's teeth clenched a little, why were so many slytherin's up this late? She would never find any peace and quiet, but then gossip usually made up for it. But Arie didn't say much, she never did, the girl was very solitary yet Natasha could see it in her eyes, she would more often bet that Arie was constantly planning and plotting, it was the silent ones you had to watch out for.