Devin Davidson

[bbdevin]

Character Name: (Baby) Devin Davidson

Year:2nd

Preferred House:Hufflepuff

Strengths:(in school)potions and charms(other)writing, drawing

Weaknesses:(in school)DADA and history(other)being nice

Personality:likes being around friends at the same time loves being in power

Brief History:Devin, at the age of 6, was left alone, for his parents had been killed in a shotting at a high school reunion. The police came to get him, not really telling him the news til the next morning when they sent him to an orphanage. The orphanage was for boys only.Devin always liked being in power, it was the best thing for him. The only thing, he was the youngest at the orphanage for four (4) years, hence his nickname, Baby Devin.

Description or Celebrity Claim:Devin has tan(light brown/blonde) hair (shoulder length) green eyes, pale white skin, 5'6", average on weight

RP Sample:The boys were full of energy, not taking Jason's warning serious. They were up chatting away while Devin was actually trying to get to sleep. "Baby Devin? Why you going to sleep already?" Devin shifted to his side and ignored the question. "Devin?!" said Tyrell pushing him off the bed. "What do you want!" Devin got up and looked at him, Tyrell just stared at him in disbelief. Reaching forward, Tyrell touched Devin's face. "What happened to you?" he asked pulling his blood covered hand away.

Your Name (or name on the board):Baby Devin

[Riley Neves]

I don't know if you're finished with your app or not (there's no indication in the topic), but I have just a couple of notes:

-I just went through and broke up the sections of the app to make it easier to read.

-See if you can do a little more on the strengths and weaknesses. Think about the things Devin really likes and has a passion for, or the things he fears. 3 or 4 each would be nice.

-Try to develope the personality a little more. One sentence is a little short. Really delve into Devin's head and tell us what makes him tick. How does he act when he's angry? What makes him laugh? How can you tell if he likes you, and how can you tell if he doesn't (how he treats people)? Part of the reason we're asking for more on the personality is because as it stands, Devin sounds a lot more like a Slytherin than he does a Hufflepuff.

-Check your grammar and spelling. If all else fails, copy and past into Word... it has a grammar check.

-The RP sample is pretty confusing, grammar aside. We really have no beackground information to know what's going on. Who is Jason and what were his warnings? Why is Devin's face bloody? Try to add more detail to show that you can post as one person, since all of us will be playing the people responding to him.

-Is Devin European? They sort of do the schooling thing differently and don't have "high school" like Americans have it. They have A levels and I think college (as University is what they call their higher level education) so just keep that in mind about his parents' reunion.

Thanks

PS. On a grammar note, you should start a new paragraph every time someone talks. Otherwise, it gets convoluted and is harder to read. For example:

"This is one person talking," Riley said, writing the same sentence down on the paper while she explained.

"And this would be the second person talking," Ted replied.

Also, "What do you want" is a question (?) not a declaration (!). Mark Twain once said, "Exclaimation points are like laughing at your own joke."

[Albus Dumbledore]

I'd like to second Riley's comments. Please take a look at some of the recent applications for examples of how things should look. Now, a lot of our applications are from existing members (which is why there is no RP sample), but Vanessa's and Rosilee's applications are good examples of what we are looking for.

In particular, I really would like to see a lot more added to the personality (at least 4 lines of text, if you can). Right now, the character seems uneven, and not at all like a Hufflepuff. Keep in mind that the strengths and weaknesses are kind of an extension of the personality, so think carefully about what makes Devin tick.

Also, while we do not expect perfect grammar or spelling, we do like to see you make an effort on that. There is a spell check button, which works very well, and if you are not certain about grammar, do as Riley suggests and copy and paste in Word, which has a grammar check option.

Give the application a little more work, and we'll have a look at it again. Thanks.