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Post by Riley Neves on Feb 16, 2009 1:07:13 GMT -5
"You'll pardon me for saying so, but I don't really care about whose angry with you." The words came out a bit harsher than she intended, and she stopped herself from saying more, looking away. Her jaw clenched, and she took a moment.
"I don't get it, Roland." Oh, Merlin. Here it went... she was definitely getting something out of her system now. "I do everything I can to be nice to you. Maybe the words 'I'm sorry' never really came out, but I've never been a fan of words, anyway. I made you dinner, I started letting you do more and more things your way, I stopped arguing with you... and you still don't have the decency to treat me like an equal. So tell me what to do, Roland. You like control so much, here's your chance to control me. Tell me what I'm supposed to do to make things easy for you. I'm done trying to figure it out."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 1:18:31 GMT -5
He stared at her for a long moment, temporarily stunned. He'd asked her to let him have it, and now she was. He just wasn't sure how to answer her. What the hell did he want from her?
There was one thing she had said, however, that troubled him the most, and that was what he decided to focus on first. "I don't treat you like an equal?" he repeated, genuinely shocked. "Merlin... Riley, that was never my intention. If I made you feel that way... I'm sorry. I've never seen myself as being superior to you in any way. And I don't want to control you. You're right, though, control is an issue. But it's not you I want to control, it's myself. I always find myself saying or doing the wrong thing around you, and I'm not used to that. So I tried to just stop talking to you altogether... it seemed safer. But you don't like that, either... so why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to do?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Feb 16, 2009 1:28:48 GMT -5
"No," Riley said, her anger flairing. "No, you're not going to turn this around on me. This is not my issue, Roland. You're the one who can't act like a decent human being. You're the one whose toying with me like a bloody yo yo. I don't care what you do, but pick something and stick to it. You're making me dizzy going back and forth like you are and I don't deserve it. Your intention or not, I don't deserve any of this. I just want you to respect me just a tiny, inconsequential amount."
Her arms were uncrossed by this point, and she held her thumb and forfinger together to emphasize her point.
She sighed loudly. "Forget it. I'll talk to Angelique tomorrow and tell her I tried, but it just isn't working. I'll blame myself and say it's my fault. You probably wouldn't disagree anyway."
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Post by Amandine Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 1:39:46 GMT -5
Ama smiled as she politely was introduced to Riley, Roland's "work partner." She wanted to comment on how tence each of them seemed but didn't and instead skipped off to help her mother in the kitchen until the other guests came.
After a while in the kitchen though, she got bored, and Amandine was walking when she heard Roland and Riley arguing in a room off the hall. So like, any good little sister would, she stood by the doorway to eavesdrop.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 1:51:13 GMT -5
She really had an ability to make him feel like the lowest maggot that ever lived. If he was honest with himself, he would admit that her words had cut him deeply. He knew he'd been an arse, but was he really that horrible? Was it even possible to fix things between them enough to allow them to continue to work together? Or was it better to just let her go? Just call it a loss, and move on?
But he didn't want her to go. It didn't make sense, but he couldn't stand the thought of her walking out, thinking he was the worst human being in the world.
"I do respect you," he said. He leaned back against the door and closed his eyes. "We really don't get each other at all, do we?"
He almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Communication in general had never been his strongest suit, even though he read extensively. But trying to pour out his feelings to anyone was not something he'd ever been good at. And the fact that she'd so completely misread him to the point where she thought that he didn't think of her as an equal, and that he didn't respect her... it bothered him greatly. He most certainly thought of her as an equal. Possibly more than anyone else he knew. She was the only one who'd ever been able to not only hold her own in an argument with him, but actually win.
"Please don't," he said softly. "I'll try to be better."
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Post by Riley Neves on Feb 16, 2009 2:02:20 GMT -5
This frustrated her to no end. Riley didn't know what to do with him, or how to act around him. He obviously wasn't comfortable around her, but he didn't want her to go to Angelique. Or to leave now, and she couldn't imagine why he wanted her to stay.
She didn't think he was the most horrible person alive. She was just frustrated and angry, and when she got angry, she really let loose. But she did feel like he didn't see her as an equal, and that bothered her as much as it bothered him that she thought that way. In fact, there were things about Roland that she even admired. But right now, she was getting everything out of her system, like he told her to. He told her to do this.
She closed her own eyes, her jaw locking again before she spoke. Her words were slow, tight, and controlled. Somehow, in the last thirty seconds, she had switched to business mode.
"Roland, I need you to tell me what you want from me. I'm obviously doing everything as wrong as you are. We were doing so well..."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 2:14:11 GMT -5
He let out a sigh. What did he want from her? Well, for starters, he would love it if she wouldn't act utterly repulsed by him. Things had been so nice between them the night she'd made him dinner. But it had all gone wrong... right around the time he'd kissed her. She hadn't liked it, that much was clear. She hadn't kissed him back, and she'd thrown him out. It sent as clear a message as if she'd slapped him in the face. And even though he had regretted the kiss immediately, her reaction still bothered him.
"OK," he said. "I was trying to forget about it, since it was clearly a mistake, but I think we need to talk about what happened at your apartment that night. When I kissed you."
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Post by Riley Neves on Feb 16, 2009 2:20:05 GMT -5
If only she knew how wrong he was, interpretting her reactions to him. She was far from repulsed.
His words made her fall silent, and she felt like a fool for not seeing it before. That's what all this was about... that kiss. Why he was avoiding her after it, all of it. At least, she thought she understood. She was wrong about that, too.
"Roland... I..." Really? She didn't know what to say. "Honestly, Roland, neither of us meant it. It's fine. I don't feel awkward about it or anything, and I don't think I was acting particularly awkward after the fact, but if I was, it was unintentional."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 2:31:56 GMT -5
She thought he didn't mean it?
That almost annoyed him more than anything else she'd said or done. He had kissed her because... well, he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't meant it. He sure as hell didn't kiss just anyone for no reason. Did she really think he was that loose with his affections?
He was barely able to refrain from banging his head on the door in sheer frustration. He stood there for a minute, his lips pressed into a thin line. Didn't mean it. Was she really that clueless?
"Right, it didn't mean anything," he said at last, his voice sounding very distant. "It was a mistake... I misinterpreted the situation and I apologize. I thought... well, after, I thought... You'd have every right to hate me for that."
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Post by Riley Neves on Feb 16, 2009 2:46:54 GMT -5
Riley sighed and leaned against the edge of the desk. She had said something wrong, she could see that. Did that mean he had meant the kiss?
"I don't hate you Roland. I'm just frustrated because I can't do anything right by you. Why would you think I hated you? I didn't change how I acted after that at all. That was you."
Why wouldn't he let her leave? Was he trying to make amends, yet again? She wished she just knew what to do.
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Post by Amandine Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 2:49:45 GMT -5
Ama was still listening intently by the door. She almost screamed in delight when she overheard the part about the kiss. "Of COURSE he meant it..." Ama whispered. Then she shook her head. "Those two have got some REAL communication issues..."
She wondered how she could fix that.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 2:56:20 GMT -5
He was getting seriously frustrated. He was half-tempted to just let her walk out at this point, but he felt fairly certain that if he did, that would be it for them... and he didn't want that. But what did he want? To kiss her again? To yell at her?
He wasn't even sure why he had acted so differently after kissing her. His logic at the time, which was faulty at best, had been that, since she clearly disliked him, he would keep his distance from her. But now, looking back, it wasn't what he'd been feeling at all.
He sighed. "Can we just start over? Just pretend it never happened... and go back to the way we were before I kissed you? When we were actually getting along?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Feb 16, 2009 3:08:59 GMT -5
Riley let out one short, frustrated laugh at his question. "Yes! That's what I've been trying to do, Roland. Merlin."
She crossed her arms over her chest again, hiding her balled fists. She would kiss him again now and proclaim them even if not for Fabian.
Her eyes locked on his, and that intense gaze of his did not deter her. It rarely did. Where were they supposed to go from here? She wished there was an easy solution to all of this. They were going to drive each other crazy before this was all over, and not in the good way.
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 3:24:38 GMT -5
At her laugh, he started to laugh, too. It might have been a touch of insanity, or maybe just the hopelessness of the situation bubbling over, but once he started, he couldn't stop laughing.
"We really are ridiculous, aren't we?" he said when he'd caught his breath. "We can't even have a conversation without biting each other's heads off."
He moved away from the door then, and began to pace the room. "Look... I would like it if you would stay, at least until after dinner. If you won't do it for me, please do it for my mother. And if you still can't stand me by the end of the night, go ahead and talk to Angelique. Does that sound fair?"
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Post by Riley Neves on Feb 16, 2009 3:28:49 GMT -5
Riley shook her head. This whole thing was ridiculous... he was right about that.
"I still don't get it, Roland. Why do you want me to stay? You've already told me that you're going to be miserable either way, so it's not like I'd be helping you out. I don't hate you, I just... you can be so frustrating sometimes. If you want me to stay, I'll stay. I just don't understand why."
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 3:31:11 GMT -5
When Cara came back from the kitchen, she could see clearly down the hall and saw her daughter by one of the doors. Roland and Riley were nowhere around, which meant they were behind that door. One of her eyebrows rose.
"Ama, don't be rude," she said, motioning to her daughter. Then, she looked at Mathieu. "What happened?" She asked, already imagining all sorts of fantastic things that could have happened between them, though she highly doubted that anything inapprorpiate was going on in Mathieu's study.
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Post by Mathieu Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 3:48:26 GMT -5
Mathieu had just finished building the fire, and he closed the grates of the fireplace before standing up carefully. "Riley tried to leave," he said, shrugging. "They seemed tense about something, so he took her off to the study to talk. I heard a little bit of yelling earlier, but they seem quiet now."
He was not about to speculate about what could be going on between his son and Riley, but he knew Cara was having all kinds of hopeful thoughts. He smiled softly, then put his hand on her shoulder. "I know you want him to be happy, but don't push him too much, OK? If it's meant to be, it'll happen."
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Post by Amandine Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 3:54:05 GMT -5
Ama rolled her eyes as her mother scolder her. "Okay Mum," ama said, but as her mother went to talk with her father, Ama decided it was time to slip inside and be heard.
When she first walked in, she was unnoticed. Ama realized that the study was one of the many rooms her father had decorated. Minus the bickering couple in the middle of the room, it was very pretty with all the lights and holly and mistletoe...
Ama grinned, this was TOO perfect. "Hi Roland, hi Riley!" she said sweetly
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Post by Cara Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 3:56:52 GMT -5
But that meant that Roland wanted her to stay. That was probably the best part out of all of this, but she did wonder why Riley tried to leave.
"You know as well as I do, Mathieu, that even if it's meant to be, Roland will never let it happen if left to his own devices. But I won't push too much." A little, but not too much.
She watched her daughter, waiting for her to come back since she had called to her.
"Well, I think everything's set," she said at length. "We just have to wait for everyone to get here."
The next moment, Ama was bursting in on the room.
"I don't think it's me you should have warning, Mathieu."
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Post by Roland Ferrera on Feb 16, 2009 4:01:52 GMT -5
"If you leave--" Roland started to say, but was interrupted by Amandine, who had just burst into the room. "Oh... hey, Ama. Look, we're still kind of in the middle of something, OK? We'll be out in a few minutes, I promise. Have the other guests started arriving?"
He should have guessed by the mischievous grin that she was up to something, but he was still totally fixated on Riley and trying to convince her to stay.
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