can't escape your eyes (Frank)

[Alice Prewett]

Alice waited until just before lights out in the castle where students should have been in bed. Once again she couldn't even think about sleep and she wanted to wait to return to the dorm until after she knew the common room would be empty. She'd been doing it every night since the ceremony she realized but she didn't care. She had even made arangements with her professors to make up homework with her claims of feeling ill, even to the point she'd visited the ward multiple times though what she had they couldn't cure.

She couldn't face Frank since that night, had gone out of her way to avoid him at ever step. A few times she'd caught a glimpse of him and turned the other way before he could see anything besides her back. She was hurt and angry still, the longer she waited the more it festered inside of her thinking of new reasons to be mad at him. Being mad was much easier than crying. Not that she hadn't done enough of that to fill the lake with her tears. She'd even managed to take out part of her anger on Ted between then and now and she was still not satisfied. Still not ready to face Frank.

And the worst part was she knew she still loved him, but her heart ached each time she saw a glimpse of him knowing that he'd not trusted her, not given her a chance and had insinuated she was an easy or even manipulative slag. He had some nerve, and that she had loved him only made that cut deeper, the wound as if doused in salt.

She sat in the kitchen alone, most of the house elves already asleep except for the few roamers that had brought her some hot tea when she came in. It was now past time for her to be going back but she just wanted to lay her head down and cry... so she did. She cried for what seemed like forever until she ran out of tears and her tea gone cold. She wiped them away ragedly on her night robes and stared at the wall across the room.

[Frank Longbottom]

Frank had been skipping meals during the day and then going into the kitchens at night in order to grab something. It didn't matter if it was just a muffin, or cup of pumpkin juice. Those were better than nothing. He was trying to avoid Alice, and it seemed that she was trying to do the same. Frank couldn't blame her, and everytime he thought he had the courage to say something to her, she would walk away.

He didn't think that he could have felt any worse than he already did. After all, he was a git. He should have given her a chance. Frank knew that Alice wouldn't ever do what he accused her of. The words just flowed without a coherent thought. Ever since, Frank had been a zombie. He attended class, but sat in the back and half way paid attention. He hadn't been able to really sleep that well either. The night of the ceremony kept replaying everytime he closed his eyes. Maybe it was a way of his heart telling him to make it up to Alice, but how was he supposed to do that?

Upon entering the kitchen, he didn't notice anyone except a few house elves. However, that changed quickly. His eyes landed on the girl that kept haunting his thoughts. Frank froze as he stared at her. Instant sorrow written across his face.

[Alice Prewett]

Alice hadn't noticed the door since the elves did use it on occasion, but she didn't miss the sound of footsteps. She looked up from her silent contemplation of Franks face swimming hazily before her eyes while she looked at the wall to find Franks face swimming hazily before her eyes in reality. She froze almost instantly, her first instinct had been torn between going to him or runing away but she was frozen in place unable to say anything. Instead she stared at him, unable to move or breathe.

She had missed those eyes, even though they held a haunted look in them now that she'd never seen in them before. Of all the people to come down here and .. what was he doing down here? Surely he was snuggled all happily in his bed dreaming of Sam or something. She wanted to cry, to scream, to throw something, to kiss him. And at the last it only made her eyes turn liquid like fire in anger, the hurt very evident in her eyes.

Finally she managed a terse, "What are you doing here?"

[Frank Longbottom]

Frank's usual blue eyes were dull and gray looking. No happiness filled his eyes, just sadness. He couldn't from his spot as he stared at Alice. His heart was beating faster and he could hear it pounding in his ears. What was she doing down here?

He looked like he hadn't slept in days, which he hadn't really. Underneath his eyes were starting to become dark circles. Frank hadn't done anything except go to class, sometimes eat, and then go to his dorm where he would stay for the rest of the day and wait until the next day started, then repeated.

Frank could see the anger in her eyes, but his sadness didn't leave his. "I couldn't sleep and I haven't eaten," Frank said with his voice evident of sadness. He wasn't sure why he was explaining himself, but he figured that it would be better than just ignoring her. Frank couldn't forgive himself if he did do that.

[Alice Prewett]

Alice saw him, how he looked, and heard his words. But they didn't sink in.. She couldn't quite see reason yet, she was just too hurt to see what was standing there in front of her. She wanted to say something to make him hurt as badly as she was, though she didn't realize he already was.

"Well don't let me spoil your dinner." was all she could manage though. Her mind was still fuzzy from crying and she was angry but she wasn't quite to her senses enough to have a better reply. She pushed away her cold tea, she hadn't managed to eat in a few days herself. Every time she tried she wanted to be sick with her stomach in knots. She stood up in her chair stiffly prepared to leave and avoid him again.

[Frank Longbottom]

Frank knew that they were about to go back to avoiding each other. Even now they were saying minium words. However, the list that Marlene suggested that he do came into mind. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, and he wasn't sure how to say them. At least the list helped clear his mind just a little.

"No. You're not going to spoil my dinner," Frank said. He continued to stare at her from where he was. He wanted to move forward and hug her or kiss her, but he couldn't. But he tried to settle for what was about to roll off his tongue. He had to say it before she left.

"I'm sorry Alice. I really am. I wasn't thinking. You're nothing of what I said you where. I know that. I didn't know what I was saying." Frank started to feel a lump in the back of his throat. He wasn't sure of how her reaction was going to be, but it felt a little better to get that much off his chest.

[Alice Prewett]

She didn't move any futher but her eyes lowered to hide the pain in them at his words. "Maybe you should of thought of that before you insinuated that I'm a slag. Or given me a chance to explain what you saw." Her voice was a hoarse deep sound that barely seemed familiar to her own ears. She was hurting.

"You never even gave me a chance before you denied that anything I had yet to say would be anything but a lie." She was on the verge of hot tears but it only made her voice low as she tried to keep them from coming.

[Frank Longbottom]

"I didn't mean to Alice! I didn't mean to insinuate anything! I wasn't thinking! I'm sorry that I never gave you the chance to explain. I couldn't have heard it at the time. My brain wasn't functioning," Frank continued. He wanted Alice to tell him her side of what had been going on before Frank felt like an even bigger git.

"Tell me now. It's better late than never. I'm willing to listen." No matter what was said, every one of her words seemed to hurt him even more. Her tone was a stab to the heart.

[Alice Prewett]

Alice stared at the wall over his shoulder.. she couldn't look at him or she'd start crying and she knew it. And she refused to cry with him watching her if she could help it. Anger was so much easier to deal with than hurt. But she spoke in low even tones.. She had a feeling that the explination he saught might make things worse .. but if he wanted to know now, then she'd tell him. Maybe then he'd let her live in her own sorrow.

"There's something you don't know about Rystain. Something I never told anyone. But my parents had us betrothed before we were even out of the cradle. It was an arranged marriage so that I would be in a rich pureblood family." She waited for it to sink in but didn't watch his reaction.. she couldn't. "Before we came to school we made a pact that if we found someone else that we wanted to be with that we would annul the betrothal vows and go our seperate ways and swore never to tell anyone, because honestly neither of us wanted to marry the other. We are not compatible people, he would never be faithful anyways. Yes, we are close, but we don't love each other like that. We're just old friends. And that night he .. " she took a breath of air, it was ahrd to tell him all this but she wanted to get it over with. "..that night he saw us together at the ceremony and waited for me. He told me that I didn't have to marry him if I had found someone else."

Alice looked at him now as she finished, " yes I kissed him.. on the cheek to thank him, I hugged him because it meant so much that he would do that for me, and yes he made me happy, because i didn't have to.. because... because I could be with you instead."

Alice looked away at that last statement. She was afraid of what she'd see in his face.

"And then you had to ruin everything..."

[Frank Longbottom]

Frank swallowed and forced himself to be open minded. That was going to be the only way that it would have worked, especially when she mentioned Rystain's name. He listened carefully and allowed for everything to sink in. Before she even said it, it hit him that she had chosen him over Rystain. If maybe he would have known that, then things would be different.

"How was I supposed to have known that, and why didn't you ever tell me Alice? You know that you could and still can, tell me everything!" Frank's voice cracked. "I didn't know what to think when I saw you two together! If you were in my position and didn't know what was going on, then you would have been the same way!" The words just rolled off his tongue because his head was slightly clearer than what it had been.

"I didn't mean to ruin it." His voice lowered and he looked to the floor. "I didn't mean to. Like I said I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what was going on, and then what I saw, I just lost it. I thought I had lost you and my brain just shut down."

[Alice Prewett]

"I couldn't tell you, Frank.. would you have had me break a promise to someone? Would have ever allowed yourself to care about me if you thought for one moment that I'd end up with Rystain? No you wouldn't have. For all I know you may never have even become such close friends all these years if you knew I was supposed to marry a slytherin boy. But that doesn't really matter. The point is that I made a promise not to him not to tell anyone and I wasn't going to break that trust." Her eyes flashed again, I'm not that kind of person... and it shouldn't have mattered what my parents had intended for me anyways. How could I have possibly been.. how could i have behaved like I did during that ceremony if I was just going to off and be with someone else. Do I look like Rabastan to you? No... because I'm not."

"You didn't know what to think when you saw us... but you still assumed the worst of me, and that hurt more than anything else. After... " She thought about the kiss they had shared.. in the library.. in the rain outside.... their closeness at dinner that night... and her heart clenched so hard she wanted to be sick. "...after what we shared, that you would even for one moment think I would want anyone but you or that I would just dally in the rain like some hussy and drop you like a bad habit? You should have known me better than that at least."

She took a breath she was hurting so much, so much and she didn't know how to fix it. How to forgive him yet.. would she be able to? he didn't mean to ruin it he said... well he was right about one thing.. he had lost it... and now she was paying the price of his words. "You're right.. you did loose it... and in the process... you pushed me away and now you want me to forgive you just because you're sorry that I'm upset?"

She was looking at him and a single tear escaped her control as it fell slowly down her cheek.

[Frank Longbottom]

"I'm sorry Alice! I can't tell you how sorry I am! I never cried in my life until that night. You're not the only one hurting! And I didn't mean to assume anything. I've told you, I wasn't thinking. My thoughts were muddled and I didn't know what I was saying either, until after it came out. I don't think your like Rabastan at all! Honestly I don't. Once I calmed down and got to thinking, I realized that I made a huge mistake. I was so angry and hurt, I was blinded."

Frank tried to reason with her the best he could.

"And no, I'm not just sorry because you're upset. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. I'm sorry for not telling you how I truly felt sooner. Those times when I avoided you, I was scared. I didn't know how you were going to react to my actions, and it scared me. Then those events that happened during the ceremony, and the day before, I'm not sorry for. That was meant to happen. It was no accident."

[Alice Prewett]

Of course he was sorry.. and he should be sorry.. sorry for being an idiot and for not trusting her like he should have. Of course he wasn't sorry when he'd been getting kisses and her touches. Was that all he wanted out of her? When it came down to emotions he shared none.. but he was willing to share a few kisses. And then loose control when she kissed another guy on the cheek?

And what about Samantha, when she found out about his little tutoring session with her, yes she's run off and cried and misunderstood but he'd already been avoiding her by then and ignoring her. She had not been accusing him of being easy. She had only been hurt that he'd been ignoring her and thought it was because of Sam. Even now he was still tutoring her for all she knew. What if maybe this was all some act.. like Ted's act had been to Andromeda. Maybe he was just telling her what she wanted to hear. Just to get her and then leave her like Ted had done.

She wasn't sure what to trust... and that Frank hadn't trusted her, maybe she was better off just forgetting him. Save herself the heartache. Because if this was what love felt like... she never wanted to love again.

She couldn't think straight and she still wanted to lash out.. her heart had been too deeply cut for not once but the second time. Her heart was ripping in two with each word he said.

"Of course you are sorry... sorry you didn't get what you wanted from me first." Her heart felt like ice, heavy and hurting. Her eyes became dangerously icy and her voice was like hurt steel.

"I'm sorry Frank, I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I was easy.. that I'd go around just kissing anyone... I'm sorry that you couldn't trust me... I'm sorry for trying catch a glimpse heaven in your eyes... but at least now I can hold my head up high that I found out sooner. Did you know that people often say things their subconscious thinks when they are under emotional distress that they would normally moderate themselves on. Well at least now I know what you thought I was capable of before you were able to moderate yourself."

And she turned softly and walked out. Tears filling her eyes.

[Frank Longbottom]

"I don't think you're easy Alice, and I'm not that type of guy! I've never been with a girl at all. You're the only one I've ever kissed Alice, and that's the way I like it. You're the only one I've ever cared about." Frank didn't understand why she couldn't grasp that. Alice was the only one he loved and she's the only one that he would risk his life for. In fact, Alice was the only one that he could see himself with.

He wanted to reach out and stop her and kiss her, but he knew that she would more than likely slap him if he tried. Frank wanted Alice to understand, but she didn't want to obviously.

Now she thought that he was wanting something and then he'd leave her afterwords. Frank would never do that. He wanted to be married first, and Alice was the one he only wanted to be with, but she obviously didn't see that.

Frank knocked off a cup from a shelf and it smashed into pieces on the ground. "Damn it Alice! Why can't you understand that I love you!? It's always been you and only you!" He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. She didn't look like she was turning around anytime soon.

[Alice Prewett]

The pounding in her head had already made her think of nothing but getting away where she could be alone and cry in vane. She hadn't really heard his explanation near the end, his words of being with no one but her... the few peices she heard were..

"easy Alice, and I'm ..... been with a girl .... ever kissed .... I like it. .... only ....ever cared about."

Alice's ears were pounding, a headache already well on it's way from clenching her teeth to keep from crying as her eyes had blurred while he spoke. And now that her tears had come she didn't hear anything behind her as she walked out of the kitchens. Her back straight as a board. The moment she closed the door she sank against it for a moment. Her sobs coming as fast as they could... she'd never heard the crash of her cup on the floor... and she never heard the one thing that she'd been waiting for.. she never heard him say he loved her...

She sat up from the door and ran all the way to her dorm and her bed and cried until she finally slept in exhaustion several hours later after the sun was already rising in the sky.

[Frank Longbottom]

Frank sighed why was it that everything never went the way it was supposed to? Marlene's advice was sort of helpful, but it didn't give him any good results. Now he was pretty sure that Alice didn't care about him anymore. He didn't understand. She didn't have any reaction to what he said. The heck with being hungry anymore, Frank left the kitchens and headed towards his dorm, after he given Alice plenty of time to get there.

He sunk into his bed and turned on his side. Now, he wasn't sure if he could sleep at all now.