Clandestine Rendezvous (Amy)

[Sirius Black]

(Timing Note: This thread takes place on the evening of the first full moon after Kris's kidnapping/rescue.)

Sirius was filled with guilt and confusion as he slipped out of Gryffindor Tower. It was nearly 8:00, and he was planning to meet with Amy for the last time. He had to tell her that he couldn't see her, or talk to her ever again, not if he wanted to stay with Kris.

He'd made a real mess of their relationship, all because he couldn't seem to help himself around other girls! He couldn't seem to stop flirting with girls like Amy and Emmeline. But why? Didn't he love Kris? He'd spent the whole miserable summer thinking about her. But after being back at school for just a couple of months, suddenly he found his eyes wandering.

He thought back to the first kiss with Amy in the back of the library. It had been an almost perfect moment. Thinking about it now, he could still feel his pulse quickening. What was it about her that excited him so? And why couldn't he concentrate on Kris, the girl he supposedly loved?

Ever since Kris's kidnapping, which never would have happened if he hadn't let himself get distracted by Amy once again, he had been thinking about this moment. The moment he would have to go to Amy and tell her that whatever it was between them had to end before it even really began. He knew he loved Kris, and he wanted to be with her, to make it up to her for what had happened. Now he was going to have to be strong and do what he should have done from the beginning.

He walked slowly down the hall and approached the stairs to the Astronomy tower. The halls were deserted tonight, as they should have been. Maybe, he thought hopefully, Amy would forget about their planned meeting, and he wouldn't have to do this.

But as he walked up the stairs, he knew that was unlikely. Furthermore, it would be better to get this over with now, instead of waiting and dragging it out.

The full moon was rising over the top of the tower, filling it with a silvery white light. Sirius sat down at one of the desks and stared up at the silvery globe, wondering if he was about to make a huge mistake.

[Amy Icefire]

Amy worked on some of the homework that she had to finish up. While she was working, her mind began to wonder and settled on Sirius. This was forbidden and she knew it. She couldn't help herself however. Amy knew that she should stay away, but how could she if he was always there? How could she when he seemed inviting at times? Sighing, she put her quill down. This wasn't helping any.

When she came here, she was only wanting to make friends, not stir up trouble. Amy didn't want to be the cause of a break up. She knew Kris didn't like her, and she couldn't blame her. What kind of girl was she? She was going behind Kris' back and meeting with Sirius. No one knew that but her and Sirius, but still it was making her feel guilty. Amy knew that this had to stop. She couldn't do this secret stuff because she knew how wrong it was, but it was exciting all the same.

Noticing the time, Amy ran to the bathroom and combed through her hair. She was just going to keep on her jeans and t-shirt. Maybe she should grab a light jacket. The castle could be drafty. Once she slipped on her jacket, Amy headed down through the common room and towards the Astronomy Tower.

The halls were empty and there were no sounds as she walked. Amy kept glancing behind her to make sure no one was following her while she tugged on her jacket sleeve. Making it to the tower, she walked quietly when she saw Sirius sitting there. Coming to a stop a little distance from him, she placed her left hand on her right wrist. "Hi," she said shyly.

[Sirius Black]

At the sound of her voice, Sirius turned toward her, unable to stop himself from smiling. His heart was pounding so loud that he was sure she could hear it. Taking a deep breath, he let it out, trying to appear calm. "Hey," he said, trying to keep his voice light. He wondered if she could hear the nervous quiver in his voice as he spoke. "So, um... what's up?"

[Amy Icefire]

Amy returned the smile and she felt her stomach get butterflies. This was going to interesting to say the least. She reached up and subconsciously ran a hand through her red hair. "Um, nothing really. I just finished up some homework." Amy gave a small laugh at how geeky that sort of sounded. Shifting her weight to her other foot. "What about you? Haven't blown up the Slytherin common yet I've noticed."

[Sirius Black]

Sirius looked away from her bright green eyes. For some reason, it hurt to look at them. "Oh, yeah... homework. I was gonna see if I could get some first year to do it for me." He laughed slightly. "Nah... I don't do that. They firsties don't know what they're doing, anyway..."

He was babbling, trying to delay the inevitable. He knew it, and he was pretty sure she did, too. "I'm working on a plan to blow up the Slytherin Common room, but I swear, Filch is onto me. Everytime I get close enough... he shows up..."

[Amy Icefire]

"Yes, I'm sure you don't get first years to do your work for you," she said teasingly. She could never let anyone else do her work for her. The guilt would get to her, and it would be her luck that the professor would call on her to read from her homework and she wouldn't know I think about it.

"Filch thinks he's on to every one," said Amy with a smile. "He thinks every student is up to something or another I believe. You just need to find some kind of distraction for him and his pesky little cat. She followed me all the way up to the common room yesterday, then to the library." She gave her head a slight shake.

[Sirius Black]

Sirius grinned. "Yeah, I'm sure Filch isn't really as smart as he thinks he is. As far as he's concerned, all of the students are involved in some sort of conspiracy or other. Seriously, what's up with that guy? What happened to make him so unpleasant?"

He was still babbling. Barely even making sense. He had to stop this. He was delaying the inevitable. Better to just rip the bandage off, the quicker the better...

"Amy, listen," he said, taking a breath. "We... we need to talk."

[Amy Icefire]

She knew that this was coming. She knew that the secret stuff wasn't going to work, and rightly so. It's not right if someone has to plan times to meet up, just to hide their friendship. Kris and Sirius were together before she started to attend Hogwarts, and she should tell him that she couldn't be friends with him because Kris didn't like her and because of what happened twice already. Just the thought of what happened gave her goosebumps, but she knew that whatever was going between them, friendship or not, was going to have to stop.

Amy nodded. "I know," she responded calmly.

[Sirius Black]

Sirius got up from his seat and began to pace the floor. "After we saw each other in the Three Broomsticks... something happened. I don't know if you heard about it, actually... but while we were.... together... Kris was being kidnapped."

Thinking back on it was like a punch in the gut. All he could think about was that he had been kissing Amy while Kris was being dragged out of the inn kicking and screaming. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head against the wall. "I screwed up, OK? It was my fault she was kidnapped, because I couldn't keep away from you. And... I can't let that happen again."

[Amy Icefire]

Amy had heard word that Kris was kidnapped. She felt bad for it. Sure, she didn't care for Kris that much, but no one deserved to be taken away like that. The more that she thought about it, the more Amy thought it was more her fault than anything.

She remained quiet, not sure of the words that she should say. Thoughts were running through her mind, but once she said it was his fault, she shook her head. "It's not your fault," she said. "It's mine. I let you when I should have been pushing you away. I knew that it was wrong, this is wrong, but I let it happen anyway."

[Sirius Black]

Sirius looked back at her. "Don't blame yourself!" he said. "You didn't know what would happen when this all started, and I was the one who kissed you in the library that day!" he began pacing again. "I just... I don't know what it is, but I can't seem to resist you. Even now.... it's really hard to stay away from you..."

He stopped and ran his hands through his hair, looking at her almost forlornly. "The truth is, things with me and Kris have been different, ever since we got back to school. She's been different. There's a distance between us... something she's been holding back. And she's so depressed all the time... I don't know how to take that, you know? I'm not exactly the angsty type. You like to joke around with me and laugh at my jokes... But the thing is, even if things with me and Kris aren't like they used to be, don't I owe it to her to work on it, and try to fix it? I can't just run off and be with another girl and just give up on her...."

[Amy Icefire]

"So," replied Amy quickly. "That didn't matter! I should have ignored you after that! If so, it wouldn't have edged you on to keep on."

Again, Amy listened to him. "I understand that. That's why I've been thinking that this whole meeting in secret and being friends thing is not going to work. And you do owe it to her, and I owe it to her to just ignore you and pretend that nothing ever happened. I never meant to cause a stir. I'm sorry, for everything," she said shifting her weight again.

[Sirius Black]

Sirius frowned. Why was this so hard? Why did he want to run to her and kiss her again? It was wrong; he knew it and she knew it. This had to end. He just wished he didn't hate the sound of it.

He loved Kris, or at least, he once did. No, he still did, he was sure of it. But he wasn't sure he loved the person she was now, or the person she had been when they met. He didn't know the person she was now... she kept that person locked up inside and away from him. But he owed it to her to try and get to know that person. And all the excitement he had with Amy... maybe it was just the idea of something new and different. Maybe even a touch of the appeal of something forbidden. It would pass eventually, right?

"OK," he said quietly. "Then... we agree. I guess... um... I guess this is goodbye. Or something." He stood rooted to the floor, staring at her, mesmerized by her bright green eyes. Was this similar to the effect Lily and her green eyes had on James?

[Amy Icefire]

"Yes, we agree," said Amy. She hid the fact that this was disappointing to her and she didn't want to ignore him. However, she knew that she must. If things were going to be the way she had planned when she first arrived her, then this was going to be the answer. The way she felt for Sirius was just a stupid little crush, that was it. This was something she was going to get over, right?

"Yeah, I guess this is goodbye," she said somewhat awkwardly and running a hand through her red hair. Amy thought about shaking hands, but knew that that wouldn't be a very good idea. She restrained herself from moving forward and kissing him. "Hope everything between you and Kris works out." She offered him a smile.

[Sirius Black]

Sirius sighed as he looked at her. Why did this hurt so much? He was doing the right thing, and wasn't that a choice he had made when he decided he didn't want to be like his family? Most of the rest of the people in his family, if faced with a situation like this, wouldhave tried to have things both ways. Or just dumped Kris. He knew it wasn't right to do any of those things. But why was it that doing the right thing felt so.... wrong?

"Uh, I'll see you around, I guess," he said. He turned back toward the window so he wouldn't have to watch her leaving.

[Amy Icefire]

Amy was going to say Not if I see you first but she realized it wasn't a time to be joking around. She kept the smile on her face, but as soon as he turned around, she let it disappear. She knew that this was going to hurt, but it took time to get it to go away. Amy figured that if she stayed away and avoided him as much as possible, things would work out like they needed to.

She hesitated to leave, but knew she couldn't just stand there when it was time for her exit. Amy stared at Sirius' back for a moment and felt a lump in her throat start to raise. "OK," she said keeping her voice even. She turned around and started to head for the exit, trying to keep her head up.

[Sirius Black]

What happened next was something Sirius could not explain or justify. Perhaps he was possessed, or maybe just suffering a temporary lack of brain activity. Because now, as Amy was walking away, as she should have been, instead of feeling good about himself for having done the right thing, he found himself turning around and running after her, blocking her way to the door. Then, without thinking, just like he had done in the library, he kissed her.

[Amy Icefire]

Amy knew that this was for the best, even though the right thing felt wrong. She swallowed the lump in her throat that continued to threaten to rise. Amy hadn't being paying attention to Sirius' movement, until he rushed past her. She looked at him like he had two heads. "Sirius, what are you-," but she was cut off by his lips on hers. A shiver went up her spine as she kissed him back. Amy pulled away and looked at him with her cheeks flushed. "We shouldn't," she said in a whisper.

[Sirius Black]

Sirius pulled away and stared at her. He was still feeling fuzzy from the kiss, but reality soon came crashing down on him. Why did he keep doing this? How was he supposed to stop? "I know," he said quietly. "I know... this has to stop. I know that, and yet.... I can't stay away from you. What are we supposed to do?"

[Amy Icefire]

"I-I don't know," she sighed. "I'll admit, I don't want to stay away from you, but I'm going to have to. You have a girlfriend, and it's not fair to her." Amy bit her bottom lip. "But I'll tell you what. For right now, we'll stay away from each other and later this week or next we'll meet or something once we've had time to think about it. OK? I mean, plus the time we stay away from each other, we'll realize how easy it will be to not do this anymore."